The lesbian spy network that never existed

March 23, 2023 8:15 AM

In 1918, there was a lesbian spy network working to "exterminate the manhood of Britain" called The Cult of The Clitoris... Except actually, there wasn't. It was a fake news scandal that somehow won a libel trial. This is the story of the sapphic cult that wasn't.
posted by chariot pulled by cassowaries (14 comments total)

“47,000 highly placed British perverts"

I saw them open for 1000 Homo DJs. Good band.
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:24 AM on March 23, 2023 [35 favorites]

"Billings, by the way, also claimed he had no idea what a clitoris was, since he wasn't a lesbian spy and only lesbian spies knew about clitorises."

Oh dear, he said it in public!

I keep being surprised how much money and attention you can earn based on the fear of ladybits.
posted by Freecola at 9:21 AM on March 23, 2023 [7 favorites]

If there's ever been a more obviously made-up-by-clueless-men title than 'Cult of the Clitoris', I haven't heard it. Like women would ever have called it a cult. 'Worship at the Altar of the Clitoris', maybe, or 'Come with Us', or... the possibilities are endless.
posted by widdershins at 9:34 AM on March 23, 2023 [5 favorites]

I saw them open for 1000 Homo DJs. Good band.

My solicitor will be in contact shortly for your theft of this joke from my future self.
posted by suetanvil at 9:48 AM on March 23, 2023 [2 favorites]

Why am I now thinking of “Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back”?
posted by Insert Clever Name Here at 9:50 AM on March 23, 2023 [4 favorites]

Also in 1918, WW1 ended.

A war in which the UK lost close to a million men in the prime of life — 6% of the adult male population:

The military casualties incurred by the UK during the World Wars dwarf anything that has occurred since.

Three times as many British forces died on the first day of the Battle of the Somme (19,240) than have been killed in every combat operation since the end of WWII. Had the Prime Minister read out their names in the House of Commons, as has been done since 2003, it would have taken at least 11 hours. Over the course of the war, 880,000 British forces died, 6% of the adult male population and 12.5% of those serving. The toll on the adult male population meant that the 1921 Census recorded 109 women for every hundred men.

So there was indeed "a network working to 'exterminate the manhood of Britain'" but it consisted of politically powerful old white men, not lesbians.

Though considering the sex ratio the Great War left in its wake, not to mention the large population of men who had such severe PTSD from their war experiences (then called 'shell shock') that they were unable to lead productive lives, I would be surprised if lesbianism did not flourish in post war Britain as it never had before.
posted by jamjam at 9:56 AM on March 23, 2023 [13 favorites]

jamjam: another side-effect of WW1 was that "single mother" was not seen as a negative, because it was more or less synonymous with "war widow". Somewhat less so after WW2, but it wasn't until the 1970s that conservative politicians really began to vilify single mothers as a drain on the social security system.
posted by cstross at 10:25 AM on March 23, 2023 [13 favorites]

I'm sold on Cult of the Clitoris knowing nothing but the name. Where do I sign up? There are male initiates who can help celebrate the rites, surely?
posted by Aardvark Cheeselog at 10:43 AM on March 23, 2023 [3 favorites]

cstross: Because those 1920s-1950s single moms were deserving, while the single moms of later eras are casualties of the War on (Some People Who Use Some) Drugs (which takes a significant fraction of the young males of certain demographic groups out of circulation, making them unavailable to be married), and of welfare policies that discourage family formation. Which latter gets fed into by a consequence of the former, namely the reduced employability of the men who have done time.

Thanks how it works on this side of the pond anyway.
posted by Aardvark Cheeselog at 10:49 AM on March 23, 2023 [3 favorites]

there is a movie waiting to happen, here

do it in the style of Lair of the White Worm
posted by elkevelvet at 11:41 AM on March 23, 2023 [2 favorites]

I demand to know why this cult was erased from Cultist Simulator!!!
posted by praemunire at 11:53 AM on March 23, 2023 [2 favorites]

I'm a doctor and a pervert* and I do not approve this message denying the existence of the clitoris.

*: consent is important and I don't consent to sharing my perversion here.
posted by k3ninho at 12:25 PM on March 23, 2023

I demand to know why this cult was erased from Cultist Simulator!!!

That's not really hard to understand.
posted by Quonab at 7:47 PM on March 23, 2023

There are male initiates who can help celebrate the rites, surely?

They always seem to get lost on the way.
posted by srboisvert at 4:44 AM on March 25, 2023