"The road outside is near."

March 24, 2023 1:00 PM

The Never Ending Property (slYT)

People stunned, internet cringes, agent speaks out. £700,000.

posted by box (25 comments total)

"Ahhhhhh!"
posted by flamk at 1:14 PM on March 24, 2023 [4 favorites]

Aw, nice little vocal effort. I appreciate it.

The house is horrible though, low ceilings and that traffic oh my god.
posted by seanmpuckett at 1:28 PM on March 24, 2023 [5 favorites]

I've been living in Adeptopia for fifteen years and it doesn't have a song yet! Maybe the Beatles?

We all live in a city apartment.
posted by adept256 at 1:44 PM on March 24, 2023 [1 favorite]

Not bad considering some of the other never ending options out there
posted by echo target at 1:46 PM on March 24, 2023

It's not the best, not much curb appeal etc, but if it were to come down to a coin toss between this place and another I'd keep the coin in my pocket and go with this one, just for the hell of it.
posted by dancestoblue at 2:40 PM on March 24, 2023

The house is horrible though, low ceilings and that traffic oh my god.

Yeah, the line about growing children - not sure about that. It's a great home for small children, and fine as long as you are not like average height. Don't get excited watching sports or you'll accidentally punch a hole in the ceiling - ahhhhh ahaaa!
posted by The_Vegetables at 2:51 PM on March 24, 2023

Also that home is 2700 sq ft, or about the average size of new home constructed in the US. I actually dig the business attached though, and the small front yard.
posted by The_Vegetables at 2:53 PM on March 24, 2023

This house is in Leighton Buzzard, which is between Milton Keynes and Luton, which are two places often used as a byword for boring place in the UK. The very visible road outside is the A5, with the A designation meaning it’s one of the most important roads in the UK.

I’ve spent some time in and around this area, and it was unrepentantly dull. I was involved in a few arts projects that tried to build community in the region and it was a huge uphill struggle. If it was a choice between living in Leighton Buzzard and anywhere else in the UK, I would choose anywhere else.
posted by The River Ivel at 3:04 PM on March 24, 2023 [5 favorites]

The house is horrible though

Could be worse.
posted by flabdablet at 3:04 PM on March 24, 2023 [4 favorites]

The very visible road outside is the A5

I'd pass on it for that reason alone - I've lived on busy roads before and hated it. No Jedi mind trick I could play on myself ever let me imagine it as "surf noise".
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:10 PM on March 24, 2023 [3 favorites]

That was delightful, although she missed the perfect opportunity to sub in that little white dog for a luck dragon.
posted by mochapickle at 3:22 PM on March 24, 2023 [1 favorite]

Hilarious.

Good luck with that.
posted by freakazoid at 4:49 PM on March 24, 2023

pool table...against a wall?
posted by Reasonably Everything Happens at 4:50 PM on March 24, 2023 [4 favorites]

The TV tied to two pieces of wood nailed to the end of the bed, for some reason, just sent me.
posted by running order squabble fest at 5:34 PM on March 24, 2023 [6 favorites]

Yeah, your front door opening right on a busy road is no fun. Did that for a year at an old apartment. I suppose if the walls and windows are soundproofed that would make a big difference, though.
posted by zardoz at 6:07 PM on March 24, 2023

It really nails a certain aesthetic that only British people will feel. The main appeal (not intentional, but driven by ironic likes) is part old-fashioned snobbery about the nouveau riche, but also a commentary on the numbing of our expectations in these somewhat constrained times. It's almost an unintentional Cold War Steve in a way.
posted by pipeski at 6:10 PM on March 24, 2023 [3 favorites]

OH GODDAMNIT METAFILTER YOU BROKE MY SENSES AGAIN
posted by not_on_display at 8:12 PM on March 24, 2023

No Jedi mind trick I could play on myself ever let me imagine it as "surf noise".

But what if you had a heavy stone wall with a mechanism that would drop it by abruptly into a trench, then host it back up gradually, repeated at surf intervals?
posted by away for regrooving at 8:16 PM on March 24, 2023 [2 favorites]

I think the sound of the massive diesel motor needed to power it might negate any pleasant effects.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:22 PM on March 24, 2023 [1 favorite]

I would not buy the house, but I have to say the song is a vast improvement on the original.
posted by ocschwar at 9:30 PM on March 24, 2023

Could be worse.

Thanks flabdablet. That Youtube channel was exactly what I’ve been looking for.
posted by bendy at 3:50 AM on March 25, 2023

How utterly depressing that, even in a character cottage, they've managed to decorate it in that awful grey/silver colour palette that seems to be the 'on trend' thing right now, including grey laminate flooring and grey carpet, with mirrored or sequinned accessories.
posted by essexjan at 6:22 AM on March 26, 2023 [1 favorite]

I am not at all up on home decorating trends by any means, and I live in a house that would probably best be characterized in its exquisite custom architecture as "fucking awesome in 1984," but I believe this massive wall of grey that's been going on all over the place for the last 5 or 6 years everywhere is Millennial Grey. I was seeing a ton of the silvery version of it when we were shopping around in 2018, and now it has a name.
posted by majick at 6:23 PM on March 26, 2023

I painted the living room walls of our condo medium grey so that the vibrant abstract art would pop more.
posted by seanmpuckett at 6:34 AM on March 27, 2023

As a kid I remember being really annoyed by the title of The Neverending Story, because it was just a book and therefore it clearly did end. Soured me on the whole thing from the very beginning, and although I gave it every chance by taking it home and reading it, it never really regained that lost ground.

There are parts of us that just don't change, not really. The Neverending Property brought on an instantly recognizable burst of childish pedantry that just set my teeth on edge straight away. Not even the arterial road outside the front door nor the claustrophobic ceilings nor the Millennial Grey colour treatment were enough to overcome it.
posted by flabdablet at 1:48 AM on March 28, 2023 [2 favorites]