15 million years ago, Australia had large tree climbing carnivores

May 20, 2023 12:44 AM

Today, "drop bears" are just an urban myth made up by Australians to tease overseas tourists. But 15 million years ago, there really were carnivorous tree climbing koala-like marsupials that weighed up to 70 kilograms (154 pounds).
posted by chariot pulled by cassowaries (21 comments total)

Today, "drop bears" are just an urban myth made up by Australians to tease overseas tourists.

You're not fooling me, Australian Tourist Board..
posted by Nerd of the North at 1:20 AM on May 20, 2023 [16 favorites]

The tree-climbing crocodile was where they really got me. I wonder about the “they feel out of trees into holes” hypothesis, though.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:32 AM on May 20, 2023 [2 favorites]

Yes, I began to wonder if Australia wasn't just taking the piss when I got to the drop crocodiles. Just dropping out of trees onto your prey doesn't seem like an especially good predation method to me. Certainly 70 kg of koala/wombat falling on you would probably be lethal to the prey, but also to the predator if they missed, even if they didn't fall into a hole.

The Jurassic Park film franchise may get a new lease of life from this though. Middle Miocene Australia sounds absolutely terrifying. "Flesh-eating kangaroos, tree-climbing crocodiles, lions, and giant-toothed platypuses", oh my.
posted by Fuchsoid at 2:41 AM on May 20, 2023 [3 favorites]

Miocene Park! “We were so busy seeing if we could inject ancient wombat DNA into modern wombat fetuses that we didn’t stop to ask if we should! And the kangaroos, Lord, the kangaroos!”
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:04 AM on May 20, 2023 [4 favorites]

Drop bears! Drop crocs! And they haven't even started to find the animals that preyed on drop animals by dropping on them from even higher in the canopies, the dropdrop bears and dropdropdrop lions and suchlike.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 3:39 AM on May 20, 2023 [14 favorites]

Good thing Australia burned all their trees down right before the Pandemicene.
posted by srboisvert at 3:52 AM on May 20, 2023 [6 favorites]

Maybe those aren’t caves, but a gigantic sedentary species that evolved to catch the more uncoordinated arboreal fauna….
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:54 AM on May 20, 2023 [3 favorites]

You're not fooling me, Australian Tourist Board.

Damn straight. Pay no attention to those drop bear deniers. Stick with reputable sources.
posted by flabdablet at 4:56 AM on May 20, 2023 [3 favorites]

Maybe those aren’t caves, but a gigantic sedentary species that evolved to catch the more uncoordinated arboreal fauna….

Or perhaps they were what drove such huge species to take to the trees in the first place. The floor was lava! (And by lava I mean carnivorous earth.)
posted by Pryde at 7:38 AM on May 20, 2023 [1 favorite]

Wondering if this post was inspired by this comment over in the Mortal Kombat 1 thread? If not, well then we have another unintended synchronicity of posts and comments on MetaFilter. :-D
posted by Fizz at 8:38 AM on May 20, 2023 [1 favorite]

Could a typical young man, armed only with a knife, (say, six or eight inches long) be trained to consistently "win" fights with a carnivorous tree climbing koala-like marsupial?
posted by horsewithnoname at 11:30 AM on May 20, 2023 [1 favorite]

Great bears have little bears drop on their backs to eat 'em
And little bears have lesser bears, and so ad infinitum.
posted by away for regrooving at 12:51 PM on May 20, 2023 [3 favorites]

@flabdablet: I and colleague were responsible for that drop bear page on the Australian Museum site, many years ago. I did that distribution map as a joke because some people above us were worried that people would think it was too real. The amount of push back at the time was intense. And yet, the page is still there many years later... (quite different page layout and template, but still the same basic content)
posted by greenhornet at 1:10 PM on May 20, 2023 [14 favorites]

Thank you! Long may it remain.

Bit disappointing that the AM is still unwilling to warn unwary visitors about the dangers of hoop snakes but I'm sure that will happen once the funding is sorted.
posted by flabdablet at 1:21 PM on May 20, 2023 [4 favorites]

Carnivorous tree climbing koala-like marsupials that weighed up to 70 kilograms (154 pounds). It me. Nom.
posted by chekhov's sock at 1:45 PM on May 20, 2023 [1 favorite]

life achievement unlocked, greenhornet.
posted by theora55 at 1:45 PM on May 20, 2023 [3 favorites]

"Drop croc." What a great phrase. Even in the past, Australia was trying to kill us.
posted by doctornemo at 2:33 PM on May 20, 2023 [1 favorite]

How many five-year olds can a drop bear beat up?
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 2:36 PM on May 20, 2023

Regular toddlers or drop toddlers?
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 3:09 PM on May 20, 2023 [1 favorite]

Appears koalas are more droppings bears than drop bears. At 200 poops per day you've good odds of being hit if you go under their toilet tree.
posted by jeffburdges at 5:23 PM on May 20, 2023

What's with the illustrations? They seem weirdly crappy for such a big source.
posted by lkc at 6:54 PM on May 20, 2023