Which Contemporary Film Snob Director Are You? a handy flowchart

November 11, 2024 2:15 AM

It's dark, it's late, you're drunk, and you're ready to admit to MetaFilter that you're really a famous cult filmmaker. But if you're not sure, follow this handy flowchart by Adam Fromm: Which Contemporary Film Snob Director Are You? It's funny, it's clever, it's easy to navigate, it's a giant JPG image.

Here's a discussion on the Criterion Collection subreddit about an earlier version of this flowchart.

P. S. I am Agnès Varda.

posted by Harvey Kilobit (41 comments total)

Also by the same author: A supercut of one-second clips from every Criterion Collection DVD ever made. Recommended if you're the kind of person who likes to watch TV with the channel change button pressed down on the remote control like my college roommate.
posted by Harvey Kilobit at 2:30 AM on November 11 [4 favorites]

Incredible. A+ dunk after A+ dunk.
posted by slimepuppy at 2:44 AM on November 11 [7 favorites]

This is funny and fun (I’m Michael Winterbottom and I’m more than okay with that) but I really wanted to know what path would take me to Julia Ducornou. Probably a question path along the lines of “what do you think of cars” or “you’re hungry and want a snack”.
posted by Kattullus at 3:14 AM on November 11 [2 favorites]

I got Harmony Korine. It's the visuals...
posted by chavenet at 3:21 AM on November 11 [1 favorite]

There were a few decision points where I could have flipped a coin and gone either way, so I tried them all. I’m either Wes Anderson, Spike Jonze, David Lynch, or Harmony Korine.
posted by Thorzdad at 3:23 AM on November 11

lol... amazing

missing Céline Sciamma tho (Portrait of a Lady on Fire)
posted by kokaku at 3:32 AM on November 11 [2 favorites]

Come for the Christopher Nolan joke, stay past the credits for the Uwe Boll gag. Glad to have seen this.
posted by Ghidorah at 3:48 AM on November 11 [2 favorites]

As a fan of Hedwig and the Angry Inch it seems appropriate that I would get John Cameron Mitchell.
posted by grmpyprogrammer at 4:10 AM on November 11 [4 favorites]

As a weirdo Canadian I was immediately shunted to Guy Maddin and I feel OK about that.
posted by Johnny Assay at 4:19 AM on November 11 [1 favorite]

That was some grade A snark, but they misspelled Lanthimos.
posted by Termite at 4:58 AM on November 11

I am Richard Linklater and I couldn't be more proud. Time to play again...
posted by CookTing at 5:20 AM on November 11

I chortled at the Hitchcock section.
posted by Jessica Savitch's Coke Spoon at 5:37 AM on November 11 [1 favorite]

Funny. But I counted 5 (?) female directors.
posted by adamrice at 5:38 AM on November 11 [3 favorites]

Are you on this list? -> No -> { Michel Gondry }
posted by grumpybear69 at 5:54 AM on November 11

I love the Canadian branch of this.
posted by thecjm at 6:08 AM on November 11 [3 favorites]

I was expecting Panos Cosmatos over in the "so what's your vision gonna cost us" part. My snarky answer would be "plot", but I do enjoy his work.
posted by edward_5000 at 6:16 AM on November 11 [1 favorite]

I ended up very early in the flowchart as Michael Winterbottom because :D (and being OK with NC17)

But then I chuckled a lot at the rest of the decisions.
posted by AzraelBrown at 6:18 AM on November 11 [1 favorite]

adamrice: Funny. But I counted 5 (?) female directors.

Unless I missed someone, there are 12. Which isn’t good. Alongside the ones already mentioned as missing, I want to add Andrea Arnold, Jane Campion, Kathryn Bigelow, Mia Hansen-Løve and Chloé Zhao as directors that I expected to find when looking through the list.
posted by Kattullus at 7:09 AM on November 11 [3 favorites]

Well, scratch my earlier commnet, Gondry is there. That's just a hard image to parse in its entirety.
posted by grumpybear69 at 7:39 AM on November 11 [1 favorite]

I am Gaspar Noe, which I have to admit I am not remotely surprised to learn.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 7:52 AM on November 11 [2 favorites]

I got Richard Linklater, then I found Whit Stillman and worked backwards, and then I just started scrolling around and got to the “stop being mean to Noah Baumbach” bit and actually laughed out loud.
posted by fedward at 8:30 AM on November 11 [6 favorites]

This is fabulous.

I've only gotten about halfway down the left side so far but it's awesome. And I'm discovering directors I didn't know - like, I have been intrigued by all of Steve James's films and been meaning to watch Hoop Dreams since it came out, but I didn't realize they were all by the same guy.

I am so glad I got to see this. Thank you for sharing it with us, Harvey Kilobit!
posted by kristi at 8:56 AM on November 11 [2 favorites]

I'm Steve McQueen. I have no idea the ramifications of said designation...
posted by supermedusa at 9:17 AM on November 11

No Hal Hartley?
posted by cadmus at 9:20 AM on November 11 [5 favorites]

having labored through the entire maze now LOL lots of great slaps and snark right outta the gate. take that Lars Von Trier!
posted by supermedusa at 9:37 AM on November 11

The list does need Julia Ducournau, Brandon Cronenberg and Jeremy Saulnier added under the heading of

"What content warnings do your films need?" -> "Yes."
posted by slimepuppy at 10:31 AM on November 11 [4 favorites]

Straight to Gaspar Noé.

Fair nuff.
posted by Phobos the Space Potato at 10:48 AM on November 11

I sort of forced my very reluctant spouse to play this and he got Larry Clark (had to look that up). serves you right, loser!
posted by supermedusa at 11:29 AM on November 11 [2 favorites]

Yikes - Miike. Fair enough.
posted by Ashwagandha at 11:46 AM on November 11

I guess my only complaint is that there are Canadian directors younger than Michael J. Fox (I guess Panos Cosmatos is Italian Canadian but needs Brandon Cronenberg or Matthew Rankin at least).
posted by Ashwagandha at 11:49 AM on November 11 [1 favorite]

I'd probably put Peter Strickland and Osgoode Perkins on there too.
posted by Ashwagandha at 11:55 AM on November 11

Depending on which visuals path I take I'm either Spike Jonze or Michel Gondry. I can live with that.
posted by ApathyGirl at 1:32 PM on November 11

I guess my only complaint is that there are Canadian directors younger than Michael J. Fox (I guess Panos Cosmatos is Italian Canadian but needs Brandon Cronenberg or Matthew Rankin at least

Denis Villeneuve is right there in the Dune cul-de-sac
posted by thecjm at 7:32 PM on November 11 [1 favorite]

I got Catherine Breillat, who I'm not familiar with, but since she's on a branch with John Cameron Mitchell and John Waters, I guess I should check her out.
posted by EvaDestruction at 8:02 PM on November 11 [1 favorite]

I guess my only complaint is that there are Canadian directors younger than Michael J. Fox (I guess Panos Cosmatos is Italian Canadian but needs Brandon Cronenberg or Matthew Rankin at least).
posted by Ashwagandha

Sarah Polley!
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 9:08 PM on November 11 [4 favorites]

Godfrey Reggio. Mostly on documentaries about everything.
posted by gentlyepigrams at 9:58 PM on November 11 [1 favorite]

Catherine Breillat, as well. hmm. maybe i will finally watch something of hers.
this is a fun distraction, i look forward to exploring the chart.
posted by lapolla at 10:02 PM on November 11

The first time I did this, I went out of my way to get Guy Maddin. Then I figured I would see how far I got into this chart…and I got Edgar Wright.

Does this mean I’ll be BFFs with Sparks soon
posted by pxe2000 at 4:53 AM on November 12

I'm trying to fit George Miller in there somewhere. Given what I've heard about the lack of an actual screenplay for Mad Max Fury Road, I'm inclined to put him in the Script Schmipt group, but I don't think that extends to his other movies.
posted by Hactar at 6:44 AM on November 12

I wonder what the Bingo rate is for the actual directors taking on this flow chart. Some may aspire to be others.
posted by waving at 10:05 AM on November 12

Turns out, I'm Edgar Wright.

I can live with that. :)
posted by grubi at 10:41 AM on November 12