Peach of a Speech
November 28, 2024 1:38 PM   Subscribe

Brother of Bride Wedding Speech (standing ovation) [June 2023] In which a very good and charming speech is given in a room full of friends and family, all of whom are quite attractive and wealthy, at an extremely gorgeous wedding. It is a mesmerizing nine minutes. Opinions may vary.

[I hope you'll pardon the editorializing,] but as a person who is unlikely to be either wealthy or surrounded by a large extended family in this way again (although I did attend large family gatherings up until about age 12 and we moved away - Do not recommend), I can't decide if I enjoy watching this video or if it just making me envious. I guess it felt a bit like watching the end of a romantic comedy, same idea? I thought other people might have an interesting opinion on some of that.
posted by Glinn (39 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
 
Haven't watched the video yet, but I have witnessed myself, a few times, what a supportive, positive family situation looks like (whether well-off, genetically-blessed, or not)... and it underscores the fact that the family I grew up in fell short of that mark. Not cruel, not broken, but not fully-functioning either, despite our pretenses to the contrary. And the family cracks are harder to paper over as my Mom ages into dependence.

(sorry, just came back from a visit and it's fresh on my mind)
posted by Artful Codger at 2:38 PM on November 28 [7 favorites]


Those people are laughing waaay more than his speech deserves. It felt too weird, I quit out of bafflement after about two minutes.
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:54 PM on November 28 [5 favorites]


The groom is a major player in international commercial real estate. Bride has a high powered job too. Which explains the gorgeous wedding venue in Italy, the top-notch videography (got all the reaction shots from the family including a perfect rack focus to another relative, to hit the best punchline in the speech!, that is VERY good visual storytelling and unheard of for a wedding video). And all the jokes about wealth (first class seats on the flight, gifting tennis tickets to the mom, fancy restaurants etc). In fact, there's so much money at this wedding there actually MAY have been a teleprompter in there somewhere.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 3:16 PM on November 28 [7 favorites]


Did he do that without cards or a teleprompter? Pretty good.
posted by Czjewel at 3:18 PM on November 28 [1 favorite]


This cements my studied opinion that weddings are soooo boring, regardless of how much money people spend on them.
In fact, they seem to be more boring when they're more expensive.
posted by signal at 3:54 PM on November 28 [8 favorites]


How kind of Glinn to post something so you could drop by to let us know that

I often wonder why people bother posting FPPs. I mean, it's a good speech for what it is. If weddings bore a person, there's no need to engage. And I'm with Czjewel, good delivery.
posted by ginger.beef at 6:07 PM on November 28 [4 favorites]


I thought he was a professional comedian at first. Way better delivery than I've heard before at a wedding (not that I have ton of examples to compare to). Wealthy or not, it was a good speech.
posted by JustSayNoDawg at 6:39 PM on November 28 [2 favorites]


but as a person who is unlikely to be either wealthy or surrounded by a large extended family in this way again

You and me both.
I'm not envious, because to be envious, I would have to truly believe there's a version of my life in which those circumstances could have been mine, and no, when reflecting on my life, I don't I ever have decisions that would have me end up in that room in Italy.
They seem to be enjoying themselves, and I find myself fascinated, like I'm watching a documentary about a remote exotic culture.
posted by otherchaz at 6:49 PM on November 28 [2 favorites]


It was a great speech, no doubt about it. It was hard to ignore the obvious wealth in the room, though and think about the benefits wealth brings. One of those is growing up in an environment where speeches like this at events as fancy as this one are the norm and where nobody is fazed about flying to Italy to attend a wedding. For the rest of us, learning how to speak well in public is a hard journey and one with very few experiences or examples to base that journey on.

A great speech, yes, good pacing, great content and the perfect length. But a standing ovation? That's a bit much.
posted by dg at 7:35 PM on November 28 [3 favorites]


My band has played some over-the-top weddings over the years, including one where we weren't even the only band booked for the reception — a different one was booked just for the seated dinner, and when we rolled up for loading in to see the other musicians and vendors loading in, our manager sheepishly confessed that he had probably quoted too low for that client.

I can only imagine there was a band waiting in the wings for all the speeches to end so they could start the show. The speech was a nice one. Apart from the Italian venue, nothing on display seemed too ostentatious based on my experience, but most of my wedding attendance has been as a well-paid performer, not a guest. My wife and I got married 11 years ago in front of about 70 friends and family in an old schoolhouse.
posted by emelenjr at 8:31 PM on November 28 [2 favorites]


That was some expensively filmed expensive schmaltz. Nice of them to let the rest of us proles see how they live.
posted by Reverend John at 9:15 PM on November 28 [3 favorites]


About the "knows how to have fun" bit with bringing loud music to a restaurant. "The crowd loved it" he says. He probably didn't notice the people (like me) who left early because we don't know how to have fun and hate people who have fun.
posted by Nancy Lebovitz at 2:20 AM on November 29 [10 favorites]


OK, so, I watched the whole speech and I skimmed the YouTube comments, and here are some interesting things:
  • what are the circumstances of the upload of this video? The YouTube user Nelencwe has zero other videos. They have a "Summer 2018" playlist that includes a bunch of music videos, but also several others that seem less related, such as "Most Watched Roast Moments of 2022" and a politics video from 9 months ago. There's no video description on the YouTube detail page. We don't know what year this was filmed. The abrupt start implies this was clipped out of a longer video, perhaps a recording meant for a privately distributed DVD for the family and friends, or just for the couple's own memories. How did Nelencwe gain access to it and why did they choose to upload it? How does the couple feel and how do the other family and guests feel about it being public?
  • This is a celebration of a Muslim man marrying a Jewish woman, and a bunch of the guests are of Asian descent -- several of the YouTube comments find this heartwarming and/or are confused about the relationship between the Asian mom and the white-looking bride.
  • Commenters are appreciating the oratory ("dear brother can you please run for president to give us hope for this country...") partly because it's so different from what they're used to ("I can't utter 10 words to my family, to display my affection, without craying my eyes out, where they wouldn't get a word of what I say 😅" and "Wow all my brother did was farted in the microphone. twice" and "Imagine having a brother like him? I can’t - I have 5, not a single kind word from any of them. What a beautiful family ❤").
posted by brainwane at 3:33 AM on November 29 [4 favorites]


Aha -- I'm not going to share the actual names of the people in this video here on public MetaFilter, but after websearching for "Nelencwe" I was able to make some deductions that pretty indubitably lead to a conclusion about who posted this video. It's the speaker himself.
posted by brainwane at 3:46 AM on November 29 [4 favorites]


My first intention was to stew with the other haters here, but then I watched it, and it's a great speech.

I feel like people are treating this as if it was a movie filmed for their entertainment. It wasn't. Are these well off people in a fancy environment? Sure. Guessing there is a teleprompter because the speech has some polish? Get outta here. If this was a less fancy wedding we'd be saying he must have practiced a lot because he loves his sister so much. That's probably still exactly the case.
posted by jellywerker at 5:12 AM on November 29 [4 favorites]


Sometimes the MF comments aspire to be worse than the YT comments, only we use bigger words and like to flex our class consciousness
posted by ginger.beef at 5:44 AM on November 29 [15 favorites]


I feel like people are treating this as if it was a movie filmed for their entertainment.

I gave a speech at a wedding. It was a great speech. Lots of people told me so. I had probably spent about 30 hours or so on it.

I haven't watched the video of it. I'd instantly start tearing it apart, noticing all the off timing for the jokes, the parts I rushed, the parts I should have cut. I'd focus in on the one or two people in the crowd who weren't into it, and then I'd obsess about how I could have capture their attention.

It was a great speech, but it was in a time and place. I don't want people to remember what I said, I want them to remember how I made them feel. If someone posted it online, I'd vomit.
posted by AlSweigart at 6:41 AM on November 29 [6 favorites]


Those people are laughing waaay more than his speech deserves.

Alcohol will do that.
Family or social involvement will do that.
Social expectations will do that.
posted by BlueHorse at 8:49 AM on November 29 [6 favorites]


And I'd eat your vomit. As Lyle Lovett sang, the world is full of creeps like me
posted by ginger.beef at 8:49 AM on November 29


So I just rewatched this video trying to figure out what people who think this was a great speech are seeing in it. The bride’s brother basically spends a few minutes recounting how the groom had the good sense to successfully charm the bride’s family, and how much her family appreciated it, with a side helping of grace notes flattering and charming the groom, and defusing potential friction around the difference between their families’ respective ethnic and religious backgrounds. Then he tells a few mildly humorous and sentimental anecdotes about growing up with his sister and wraps up by describing his and his family’s love and affection for her.

All pretty much what you’d expect from an acceptable wedding speech, delivered well. I suppose it highlights how often these things are done poorly, as others mentioned above, that this is what some people would consider a “great” wedding speech.

But none of that really is enough for me to overlook the opulence on display here. Both the groom and the brother’s respective complaints about their dissatisfaction with their airline flight to Italy from the bachelor party to the wedding. The multiple cameras filming the affair and later edited skillfully for *somebody’s* entertainment, if not ours. The clearly expensive venue filled with affluent friends and family. I’d like to know what somone like Patrick Fealey would have thought of this event and how long he could have found housing for just the videography budget alone for this event. What could ProPublica have done with the money?

This probably doesn’t even crack the top one thousand events wasting piles of money on the entertainment of the rich in the time period from whenever this wedding actually happened up to now. Hell, it wouldn’t surprise me (much) to find out that the bride and groom and their families are mostly decent stewards of their wealth and supportive of good social and political causes, but seeing it here and being described as a some kind of great speech worthy of our attention and appreciation is kinda jarring.
posted by Reverend John at 9:15 AM on November 29 [6 favorites]


I couldn't finish it. Have no idea why it's popular. The groom sounds like an asshole. The speaker's "delivery" was a monotone and his anecdotes were flat, overlong, and vaguely smug. This high praise for a speech at a destination wedding of wealthy strangers is baffling.
posted by mygraycatbongo at 10:11 AM on November 29 [3 favorites]


Hey critics, feel free to post your Excellent Speech (wedding or otherwise)
posted by ginger.beef at 11:45 AM on November 29 [3 favorites]


"Hey critics, feel free to post your Excellent Speech (wedding or otherwise)"

My speech yesterday at Thanksgiving dinner:

"Family and friends together, what could be worse? (loud laughter) But wait, some of you come from far away and what a hassle that must have been, you shouldn't have bothered! Did I ever tell you about the time I had to fly economy? But I love my meemaw so much I would crawl over corpses to ingratiate myself with her money, and from the looks of some of you, I'll be doing that before we finish the first course. (guffaws)Just kidding, your plastic surgery is exquisite, I hardly recognize anyone."

At this point people were laughing so hard I had to stop. Then I found out the people who were supposed to be filming me messed up the lighting so we had to start over. I still killed.
posted by mygraycatbongo at 12:30 PM on November 29 [6 favorites]


All pretty much what you’d expect from an acceptable wedding speech, delivered well.

Admittedly I haven’t been to more than a few weddings, but I don’t think a good speech is easy to do. I thought it was structured well, clever with pauses, benign enough for a large crowd, funny in parts - if not to me, then to the people who are part of the anecdotes. I’d call this a skill, and he has experience. And good stories and a close family. Yeah, I’m probably envious. Of the family thing more than the wealth thing. Both would be nice.

Like I said, it seemed like a good speech from a romantic comedy? Inoffensive, charming (your mileage may vary). I’m sure we’re all shaped by our pasts. When I was much younger, I attended many large family gatherings, which is a particular kind of community you either have or you don’t. But then I lost it, probably because I didn’t have kids of my own. Nor did two of my three siblings.

I can see how it would annoy people, and how he may seem smug. How they all seemingly take their privilege for granted. But I still think it’s a well-crafted speech. My mom passed last week and I didn’t prepare anything beforehand, but I did get up to speak. I don’t remember what I said, only all the things I forgot to say. If I could do it again, I would write it down. I’m still glad I did it.

Anyway, I suppose a video can strike you as particularly interesting depending on your current life circumstances. I did not think it would be everyone’s taste. In fact, I think I saw a few eye rolls that I posted it here at all. I was expecting someone in this thread to bemoan the loss of decent content on MeFi. But that’s ok. I’ve been here a while. lol
posted by Glinn at 2:15 PM on November 29 [5 favorites]


Mod note: One comment removed for condoning violence. Let's stick to the Content Policy and avoid doing that, thanks
posted by Brandon Blatcher (staff) at 3:58 PM on November 29 [1 favorite]


I'm one to talk, but we can, most of us, heed a reminder not to lurch into a thread just to shit on the topic. For this one thing, I too am fresh from a wedding (this past Sunday) so I'm quite open to this post. Yes the people in the video are wealthier than I'll ever be, but I'm picking up things like: maybe this is not a (culturally) obvious pair? The speaker achieves a tone that--I think--rather effectively delivers, for the occasion and for those assembled. I am impressed with a delivery that seems awfully natural and as others have observed noteless. In summary, for what this is the speaker nailed it, I appreciate the fittedness of content, performance and execution, it's more or less what those assembled expected but in fairness more
posted by ginger.beef at 4:42 PM on November 29 [1 favorite]


I don't understand the hate for a happy, loving family simply because they're wealthy. It makes me sad.
posted by Dolley at 6:37 PM on November 29 [5 favorites]


I thought this was lovely, charming, and normal. It sounded like every brother of the bride (or groom) speech I have heard at every Jewish wedding, and mostly every wedding, that I have been to. Which is to say, it poked gentle fun, but was never mean, and was full of love.

There hasn’t been a wedding in my family since 1964, but my circle of friends are all people who come from well-spoken, loving, mildly neurotic folks who know how to give good wedding speeches and eulogies. So for me, this was nothing extraordinary, in that family kindness should not be extraordinary.

I don’t understand how anyone could call the brother monotone, nor how anyone could say something negative about the groom based on the content of the speech. I’m not a fan of billionaires who use their money to oppress, but I have nothing against wealthy people merely because they are wealthy. Any family such as theirs that made it to the 21st-century is more than aware of their privilege, of having survived to create future generations, and then of having thrived. I detected no smugness. And to bring in an entire speech in nine minutes that all of the attendees obviously found relevant and moving? Not easy.

This was a simcha, a happy family celebration. My stomach turns at the thought that anyone can roll their eyes or find distasteful a celebration of love and family kindness. Was it remarkable? Perhaps only to the people in attendance. And that’s what a wedding speech is supposed to be. Others of us — strangers —also felt joy as a result? Now that’s a blessing.
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 9:30 PM on November 29 [5 favorites]


My sister-in-law comes from a family that is better-off than ours financially. So the wedding probably looked lavish.

But she and her family are not assholes, so it instead felt like an abundant celebration and not an ostentatious display. Yeah, things looked lavish, but the high points for everyone were more about my mother and the father of the bride having a super-kick-ass dance off during the reception (seriously, it was one of those moments when everyone else stops to watch the one couple dance because they're that good). Or our musician cousin sitting in with the band for a rendition of the DUKES OF HAZARD theme song (an old injoke between him and my brother). Or the grin on my brother's face because he UTTERLY LOVES his wife.

Weddings are (ideally) about the genuine sentiment and celebration and joy between and for the couple. If that's not there, then money won't make up for it. But if it IS there, people are going to want to pull put the stops for it - and it is the love and celebration people will truly remember.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:32 AM on November 30 [3 favorites]


"My stomach turns at the thought that anyone can roll their eyes or find distasteful a celebration of love and family kindness".

I see what you did there. The eye rolls were the response from a few posters (me) to the extravagant praise of a quite anodyne and performative wedding SPEECH. Those of us who were unimpressed are not monsters sneering at "love and family kindness". That your "stomach turns" because you have no idea how someone could interpret a random youtube video differently than you do strikes ME as distasteful. Oh, and if some clown started playing music in a dinner restaurant (and brother just HAD to mention its name) you can bet there were people who didn't "love it". Many people would not think that's a charming story.

I can't believe I'm writing on this topic again but that's how my eye rolls. My favorite wedding speech was from my daughter's maid of honor. Shortly after beginning she was overcome with emotion and had to stop for a few moments, choked up, wiping her wet eyes. Afterwards she was actually apologizing for the tears. She was really upset with herself. I grabbed her in a hug told her how beautiful it was to see her love expressed so genuinely, more beautiful than words. This isn't the Elks club you have to win over. You're not singing for your supper.

Are we all good now?
posted by mygraycatbongo at 7:35 AM on November 30 [3 favorites]


Maybe I was a little too harsh in my own criticisms. As I did say above, this was definitely an acceptable speech, delivered well, in a category of speeches that are often done poorly. This could actually serve as a decent example and template for others to follow. Say nice things about the in-law, tell sentimental stories about your kin, express a bit of love and affection, and remember that brevity is the soul of wit. I don't know if its exactly rocket science or that this a example of a "great" speech, but its not bad for what it is.

I can also see that it would resonate with some people. I have to imagine that the happiness and pleasure that these well heeled people are experiencing is genuine, both at a material level enjoying the benefits of their wealth but also at an emotional level in their love for the couple. If someone gets some vicarious pleasure out of watching this who am I to say they're wrong?

So, sorry for being such a curmudgeon. But a spoonful of class consciousness makes the ... you know what, never mind, I don't want to get my comment deleted now.
posted by Reverend John at 8:09 AM on November 30 [1 favorite]


the extravagant praise
Refers to sentiment not in evidence. I think it’s a well done speech. I did not say, and nobody else said, it was the best speech in the world or even the best one in English.

I’m just saying if you have to reach for hyperbole in your reply maybe you are spending too much energy on something that does not interest you. It doesn’t have to interest you. Probably some things that would strike you as interesting would be totally boring to me. But I probably wouldn’t tell you that.
posted by Glinn at 10:25 AM on November 30 [2 favorites]


How kind of Glinn to post something so you could drop by to let us know that

Sometimes the MF comments aspire to be worse than the YT comments, only we use bigger words and like to flex our class consciousness

Hey critics, feel free to post your Excellent Speech (wedding or otherwise)


3/4ths of your comments are criticizing other posters, yet people who have a differing opinion than you about this video are the problem here? Who made you the arbiter of what opinion is worthy to post?
posted by oneirodynia at 3:43 PM on November 30 [4 favorites]


It was mesmerizing to me, but I was trying to figure out the reason for that. That doesn’t mean I think it’s the greatest ever, only that I was trying to figure out why I had a strong reaction to it. That is why I posted it. People who think it is a bad speech or a dumb thing to post, are very welcome to think so. But wouldn’t it be more fun to find a different post that interests you more?
posted by Glinn at 4:18 PM on November 30 [3 favorites]


I often wonder why people bother posting FPPs.

but I repeat myself
posted by ginger.beef at 5:24 PM on November 30


(gawd, I can't believe I'm old enough to legit call myself a curmudgeon. How the hell did this happen? I'd be grumpy about it but I'm too tired. Ah to be young, beautiful, and rich...)
posted by Reverend John at 7:36 PM on November 30


Mod note: A couple removed. Yes, please do go check out some posts you enjoy more rather than repeatedly commenting that you don't like this one. We encourage people to post what interests them, and probably some other people will be interested, too; that doesn't mean it's going to satisfy every single person. That's okay. Because there are other posts to explore.
posted by taz (staff) at 9:10 PM on November 30 [1 favorite]


"that doesn't mean it's going to satisfy every single person. That's okay. Because there are other posts to explore."

Actually you make it clear it's NOT okay in a condescending, oblique way. The posters who "weren't satisfied" were called haters, were making people sad, they turned stomachs, unbelievable, and told to go "find something more interesting" (after repeatedly engaging them.) If you only want people who enjoy a post then don't ask for opinions and don't engage the unsatisfied and don't attack them so they feel the need to respond. Find something more interesting.
posted by mygraycatbongo at 9:47 AM on December 1 [1 favorite]


> About the "knows how to have fun" bit with bringing loud music to a restaurant. "The crowd loved it" he says. He probably didn't notice the people (like me) who left early

That's where I left the speech. I was impressed with the delivery but the thought of being in a restaurant where that happened was too painful to put up with.

> It was mesmerizing to me, but I was trying to figure out the reason for that.

Maybe because everyone looks movie-star attractive? (Lighting, filming, professional hair and makeup, a lifetime of good medical care, or maybe they just got lucky with the genes.) Gorgeous set, too.
posted by The corpse in the library at 11:45 AM on December 1 [2 favorites]


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