please take me home with you and brush my tear away

December 11, 2024 11:48 AM

"Once upon a time in the whimsical world of toys, Hasbro introduced an unconventional doll named Little Miss No Name in 1965. This eerie creation, inspired by the paintings of Margaret Keane and designed by Deet D’Andrade, was intended to be the antithesis of the glamorous Barbie, embodying a stark departure from the glitz and fashion. With its haunting features, Little Miss No Name quickly became a toy anomaly of the 1960s." She doesn’t have a pretty dress. She doesn’t have any shoes. She doesn’t even have a home. All she has is love.

(h/t to the fantastic psychotronica on X!)

posted by mittens (24 comments total)

Oh shit. I totally had a friend that had this doll ( I think it was a hand-me-down from a cousin) and she used to keep in the top of the hall closet because she was so scared of it. I believe her older sister told her that at night the tear would come alive and poison you.
posted by thivaia at 11:51 AM on December 11, 2024 [10 favorites]

"Mattel is eating our lunch in the doll market, guys. Let's hear your pitches. No bad ideas."
"Hmm. Actually..."
"Let's hear it, Deet."
"Well, you know how Barbie has kind of become all about consumerism and blithe acceptance of the status quo? What if we went the other way? A doll that's, like, impoverished. She's wearing some patched-up sackcloth, maybe, I dunno, she's missing an eye or something. Now we put it right up on the shelf next to Barbie. What better fuck you to Mattel, right? Who's going to want to get their kid some Malibu beach bullshit when there's this poor, crying doll right next to it on the shelf, begging for just a little love? No one wants to be an asshole. So we show people how hollow Mattel is, and we make bank doing it."
"Jesus, Deet, that's bleak."
"Life is bleak."
"Let's do it."
posted by phooky at 12:26 PM on December 11, 2024 [32 favorites]

Step 4: PROFIT!
posted by davidmsc at 12:51 PM on December 11, 2024 [3 favorites]

but what is stronger than love if not guilt !
posted by St. Peepsburg at 12:53 PM on December 11, 2024 [7 favorites]

ONLY YOU CAN FIX HER
posted by gottabefunky at 12:58 PM on December 11, 2024 [8 favorites]

What The Actual Fuck?

I'm a doll collector and I recoiled in horror at that ad.

That's .. some Black Mirror-eque bullshit right there.
posted by Faintdreams at 1:33 PM on December 11, 2024 [8 favorites]

Oh, this was a whole thing. There's also Susie Sad Eyes and Poor Pitiful Pearl.

I actually love the concept of Poor Pitiful Pearl because she comes as a set with a party dress so you can "rescue" her and put her in pretty clothes. Which is pretty genius from a marketing concept. Kids love a dramatic rescue story, you know?
posted by blnkfrnk at 1:43 PM on December 11, 2024 [15 favorites]

Wait, this is a better link for Pearl (includes a cameo from Little Miss Stares Into Your Soul)
posted by blnkfrnk at 1:46 PM on December 11, 2024 [4 favorites]

Poor Pitiful Pearl was created by William Steig?!
posted by mittens at 1:48 PM on December 11, 2024 [3 favorites]

That's creepy. And I can only imagine how poorly that was responded to when it came out.
Now, however? There'd probably be a market for it.
posted by stormyteal at 1:53 PM on December 11, 2024 [1 favorite]

they should have waited 30 years and called her little miss goth - they'd have cleaned up
posted by pyramid termite at 1:54 PM on December 11, 2024 [4 favorites]

Poor Pitiful Pearl can be made happy, anyway. Little Miss No-one keeps her tear and her giant fire-starting stare.
posted by Countess Elena at 2:46 PM on December 11, 2024 [1 favorite]

No-name, I mean. The name had me thinking of Little Miss Nobody and Little Miss 1565—children who died and could not be identified before DNA analysis. Again, not what I would call marketable in the 60s!
posted by Countess Elena at 2:48 PM on December 11, 2024 [3 favorites]

William Steig's children's books run pretty dark, man. Have you read The Bad Island (non-revised version)?

"Much as they had all loathed and abominated one another before, it was nothing compared to the way they loathed and abominated now. But now loathing and abominating no longer have them enjoyment.

Every rotten one was equally upset and equally outraged and uncontrollable, and every rotten one bit, clawed, snorted fire, spat poison, threw rocks and buried hot lava and exploding rivers, and shrieked and barked and screamed; and flung themselves ferociously, one rotten one at another, inflicting awful damage with every move."

Still, it's nothing without his illustrations.
posted by away for regrooving at 2:55 PM on December 11, 2024 [5 favorites]

(revised edition titled "MetaTalk" ofc)
posted by away for regrooving at 2:55 PM on December 11, 2024 [3 favorites]

I’m aware of Ms. Keane’s paintings, I’ve even written a bit on the topic, but even I was not prepared for the the image in the first link.

I recoiled so hard that folks at the bar I’m currently sitting in asked “what did you just see?”
posted by turbowombat at 4:21 PM on December 11, 2024 [2 favorites]

I bet Little Miss No-Name would have been better received if there had been some way to make her smile, as well as remove the tear, after she was bought/gifted. Otherwise it's a case of: doll is sad because no little girl wants her; little girl wants her; doll is still sad; doll never cheers up; little girl doubts own parenting/friendship skills and ends up stuffing doll in a cupboard so she never has to see that reproachful, miserable face ever again.
posted by andraste at 4:25 PM on December 11, 2024 [9 favorites]

Oh, one of those dolls that wanders at night and eats souls. So surprising it wasn't more successful, who doesn't want to be consumed by a void wrapped in plastic.
posted by betweenthebars at 4:33 PM on December 11, 2024 [2 favorites]

who doesn't want to be consumed by a void wrapped in plastic

Who hasn't been at this point?
posted by mollweide at 5:25 PM on December 11, 2024 [5 favorites]

Barbie Movie sequel material? Maybe get David Lynch involved?
posted by mrjohnmuller at 5:32 PM on December 11, 2024 [2 favorites]

There’s still a market for sad dolls.
posted by waving at 1:21 AM on December 12, 2024

There’s still a market for sad dolls.

Some of these read not so much "sad" to me as "Fucking hell. I cannot believe you are still talking about your podcast As soon as you take a breath, I'm going to fake a stomach cramp, sneak out of the back of the restaurant and block your number. Oh Christ, you're on to Andrew Huberman now. I'm done. I 'm hard done. Being single is absolutely fine. Check please."
posted by thivaia at 8:33 AM on December 12, 2024 [2 favorites]

You guys, I had one of these! I imagine my parents, who were not always very good with the concepts of being parents, thought me and my twin sister would be less likely to savage her like we did with Barbies and any other dolls they got us.

I can’t remember if they were right, though, and there’s no one left to ask. But we were incapable of not ganging up on dolls (and other toys) together and destroying them.

Honestly, they didn’t feel all that different from other weird shit of the era.
posted by kitten kaboodle at 11:03 AM on December 12, 2024 [2 favorites]

They may as well have called this doll "The Omelas Kid."
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:55 PM on December 12, 2024 [2 favorites]