How do you make a decision? (Weekly Free Thread)
March 3, 2025 10:48 AM Subscribe
How to master decision making in a world of uncertainty What kinds of decisions are you trying to make lately and you don't know what to do about them? Commiserate, ask for advice, or just talk about whatever else is going on for you in this week's free thread.
Oh boy, decisions! That's where I'm a Viking!
One of my grand axioms of life is that if you do or say anything decisively enough, everyone else will follow you. It's horrifyingly true (politics, the oligarchy) but also a cause for optimism for the little guys like us. You really can confidently swagger your way through a LOT of life's problems, you just have to trick yourself into believing it first.
posted by phunniemee at 11:02 AM on March 3 [25 favorites]
One of my grand axioms of life is that if you do or say anything decisively enough, everyone else will follow you. It's horrifyingly true (politics, the oligarchy) but also a cause for optimism for the little guys like us. You really can confidently swagger your way through a LOT of life's problems, you just have to trick yourself into believing it first.
posted by phunniemee at 11:02 AM on March 3 [25 favorites]
I am having a terrible time just now with making decisions about what to do with the rest of my life -- when to retire, where to live, with whom to live, etc. I can't even decide if it's time to decide.
Meanwhile people were yelling outside my workplace on Saturday, and more is planned for tomorrow.
posted by JanetLand at 11:29 AM on March 3 [11 favorites]
Meanwhile people were yelling outside my workplace on Saturday, and more is planned for tomorrow.
posted by JanetLand at 11:29 AM on March 3 [11 favorites]
At my midlife juncture where the matrix of family and career decisions is massive, I sometimes get anxious when I try to control it. In these moments I reconnect with my younger self and make decisions in the manner I always have: stay true to myself, and follow my heart. It has yet to fail.
It probably helps that I'm an applied mathematician who specializes in probability theory, so my heart has a razor sharp grasp of uncertainty, and highly tuned priors.
posted by Alex404 at 11:32 AM on March 3 [5 favorites]
It probably helps that I'm an applied mathematician who specializes in probability theory, so my heart has a razor sharp grasp of uncertainty, and highly tuned priors.
posted by Alex404 at 11:32 AM on March 3 [5 favorites]
I recently had to apply for a position I mistakenly thought I could be promoted to. If I don't get it, I have to decide if I want to stay in a place that doesn't believe in me or move on. It's really weighing heavily upon my mood.
posted by tommasz at 11:33 AM on March 3 [4 favorites]
posted by tommasz at 11:33 AM on March 3 [4 favorites]
How do you make a decision?
My handy-dandy Jump To Conclusions mat!
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:48 AM on March 3 [4 favorites]
My handy-dandy Jump To Conclusions mat!
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:48 AM on March 3 [4 favorites]
I think a key to making good decisions is to not lie to yourself. Last week I forced myself to confront the fact that, despite my best efforts to support them, my old strawberries had failed to winter over. They were dying, and I was just fooling myself by refusing to accept this, thinking I saw "new growth" where there was none. So I "retired" the old plants and put in new young ones.
The old strawberries made me sad, but the sight of the new ones cheer me greatly. It was the right decision.
posted by SPrintF at 11:51 AM on March 3 [10 favorites]
The old strawberries made me sad, but the sight of the new ones cheer me greatly. It was the right decision.
posted by SPrintF at 11:51 AM on March 3 [10 favorites]
I'm currently in the sort of life rut where it seems that I'm mainly just reacting to one demand after another - some planned, most popups. So not too many decisions to be made, other than to just keep on keepin' on.
OK, one good decision; on Wednesday, after hearing an interview with her on the radio, we decided to grab tickets to go see Jane Bunnett and Maqueque and friends "Warm Winds of Cuba" show on Saturday. And it was great. So... good decision.
posted by Artful Codger at 11:53 AM on March 3 [3 favorites]
OK, one good decision; on Wednesday, after hearing an interview with her on the radio, we decided to grab tickets to go see Jane Bunnett and Maqueque and friends "Warm Winds of Cuba" show on Saturday. And it was great. So... good decision.
posted by Artful Codger at 11:53 AM on March 3 [3 favorites]
Hamlet had 40 people in the audience on Sunday, closing day. We filmed it, but we shall see if we actually receive a film of it (I've been burned on that before). The cast party went well. I am happy to report that our crankiest cast member elected to not go to the cast party, which was probably a relief for everyone. I like her, but the sheer amount of PISSED OFF and FED UP she had going on with the director was quite a lot. Some people cannot put on a fake face or even a neutral one, what can you do. (The bitch face she was making was actually kind of hilarious after awhile :) The cast photo when the director got up to stand by her, OH MY!)
My mom and her boyfriend came and Mom, who is not into my acting, actually complimented me. Her boyfriend said this was the happiest he'd ever seen me and I need to stop mucking around with being in the background. I agree, it's just getting others to see me that way. I wish more people had seen that show, but almost all of my friends are not into seeing me in shows these days...oh well. But I did an excellent job and I can act, thank you very much. Even the costume designer told my mom I was a very good actress!
My two issues for prompting this idea:
(a) My cousin's wedding is on a PRIME theater show night in mid-May. I have no choice but to go, my mom will scream forever if I do not and it's also very close to where I live. However, you cannot miss a show night and thus I am screwed out of auditioning for a lot of shows. I REALLY wanted to do one that finished before the wedding, but they extended the show date by a week and thus I can't do it now *cry.*
The alternate show I was going to audition for if I didn't get into the one I wanted (call it Show A) is still available, but they moved it to mid-June. I want to audition for another play in mid-May post-wedding, but unfortunately alternate show and new play overlap by three weeks and that is also a no-go. I know very little about the alternative show--it's a home-grown--but they are probably easier to get into/have more parts than the one I like better. I've seen Show B, I'm show friends with the director of Show B and he said "you'd better!" go to the audition, but there's not as many parts for women, I dunno if I'd get one, no guarantees. It's a gamble to turn down a more "sure thing" to wait around for a less sure thing, and I do not like it.
There are no other shows available to audition for right now given the time constraints, so if I don't do Show A, it means I have months of boring break and I have no idea if I could even get into Show B in the first place. I don't want to not be doing anything for 3-6 months and I dislike gambling. Even my online theater group is taking a break this spring. FOO ON BREAK, I DON'T WANT A BREAK for longer than oh, a week. I want to work on getting better parts, not sitting on my butt/stalling on cleaning my house.
(b) I have confirmed that a theater acquaintance has a crush on me and I am still trying to figure out that situation. I don't know him very well, he seems nice, very complimentary, went to my show twice. He was a bit overenthusiastic in texting at first, then has dialed it way down, so I dunno if he's just theater tired or has lost interest or is trying not to be annoying (probably the latter?). He's having tech week this week so that's a factor. I'm debating whether or not to just ask him out and see how this goes after tech week--try a show that runs on a Thursday--but I'm not sure how this goes since I haven't had anyone like me back in literal decades, he doesn't know my actual ancient age, etc. If it doesn't work out, eh, I'll be fine since this hasn't gone too far on an attachment level, and I have low expectations. Just not sure how to manage something like that, is all.
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:57 AM on March 3 [10 favorites]
My mom and her boyfriend came and Mom, who is not into my acting, actually complimented me. Her boyfriend said this was the happiest he'd ever seen me and I need to stop mucking around with being in the background. I agree, it's just getting others to see me that way. I wish more people had seen that show, but almost all of my friends are not into seeing me in shows these days...oh well. But I did an excellent job and I can act, thank you very much. Even the costume designer told my mom I was a very good actress!
My two issues for prompting this idea:
(a) My cousin's wedding is on a PRIME theater show night in mid-May. I have no choice but to go, my mom will scream forever if I do not and it's also very close to where I live. However, you cannot miss a show night and thus I am screwed out of auditioning for a lot of shows. I REALLY wanted to do one that finished before the wedding, but they extended the show date by a week and thus I can't do it now *cry.*
The alternate show I was going to audition for if I didn't get into the one I wanted (call it Show A) is still available, but they moved it to mid-June. I want to audition for another play in mid-May post-wedding, but unfortunately alternate show and new play overlap by three weeks and that is also a no-go. I know very little about the alternative show--it's a home-grown--but they are probably easier to get into/have more parts than the one I like better. I've seen Show B, I'm show friends with the director of Show B and he said "you'd better!" go to the audition, but there's not as many parts for women, I dunno if I'd get one, no guarantees. It's a gamble to turn down a more "sure thing" to wait around for a less sure thing, and I do not like it.
There are no other shows available to audition for right now given the time constraints, so if I don't do Show A, it means I have months of boring break and I have no idea if I could even get into Show B in the first place. I don't want to not be doing anything for 3-6 months and I dislike gambling. Even my online theater group is taking a break this spring. FOO ON BREAK, I DON'T WANT A BREAK for longer than oh, a week. I want to work on getting better parts, not sitting on my butt/stalling on cleaning my house.
(b) I have confirmed that a theater acquaintance has a crush on me and I am still trying to figure out that situation. I don't know him very well, he seems nice, very complimentary, went to my show twice. He was a bit overenthusiastic in texting at first, then has dialed it way down, so I dunno if he's just theater tired or has lost interest or is trying not to be annoying (probably the latter?). He's having tech week this week so that's a factor. I'm debating whether or not to just ask him out and see how this goes after tech week--try a show that runs on a Thursday--but I'm not sure how this goes since I haven't had anyone like me back in literal decades, he doesn't know my actual ancient age, etc. If it doesn't work out, eh, I'll be fine since this hasn't gone too far on an attachment level, and I have low expectations. Just not sure how to manage something like that, is all.
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:57 AM on March 3 [10 favorites]
In all seriousness, I've found that surprisingly many (though certainly not all) decisions can be postponed indefinitely; usually with the result that the issue gets worked out on its own, or the decision is made for you by circumstances that were beyond your control to begin with. Sometimes the issue is actually so insignificant that postponing the decision results in absolutely no consequences whatsoever.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:11 PM on March 3 [15 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:11 PM on March 3 [15 favorites]
I recently got engaged which means the start of wedding planning and all the decisions that go into that. I saw someone somewhere say you should choose two or three parts of the wedding to really care about, so mine are food anddddd I guess getting as much extended family there as possible. My mom is ten steps ahead of me and is already thinking about the logistics of getting an airbnb since they're not nearby. We don't even have a date yet! I'm hoping I can delegate some things that aren't super important to me to my mom, since her instinct is going to be to take charge. With any luck this means we will stress each other out less. Whew! So much to think about!
posted by extramachine at 12:14 PM on March 3 [5 favorites]
posted by extramachine at 12:14 PM on March 3 [5 favorites]
Y’all it is a very bizarre time to be trying to have a (second) baby with our surrogate. My anxiety brain is like “Really? REALLY? New person in THIS world??????” But the process began long before *waves hands around* all this. There’s no new decision to be made until if/after she’s born, and boy howdy is it gonna be one doozy after another in a two-dad household.
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 12:20 PM on March 3 [6 favorites]
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 12:20 PM on March 3 [6 favorites]
Ask a Dog!
posted by ginger.beef at 12:21 PM on March 3 [3 favorites]
posted by ginger.beef at 12:21 PM on March 3 [3 favorites]
My wife and I made a (fairly) major decision this morning. As of today, we are putting all significant expenditures on hold. We need to understand how the changes in Washington are going to affect us here. We were in the process of buying a new car; that is now canceled. We don't watch the news or listen to politics but enough filters through to make us very concerned. I predict this decision will be in effect for a very long time. Uncertain times indeed!!
posted by Rivvo at 12:29 PM on March 3 [10 favorites]
posted by Rivvo at 12:29 PM on March 3 [10 favorites]
FWIW about a month back I made a decision on the spot to walk out of a "dream" job.
It was dramatic, but I worked some rationalization into that moment. I realized this producer is yelling at me... *again*. Tired of getting yelled at, I simply walked up to the other producer, extended a firm handshake saying 'goodbye', and I walked out, revealing not much more than something along the lines of: 'I need to cool down'.
To prevent this from being an impulsive on the spot decision I rationalized that I could reflect the next day and negotiate, not showing my cards. As in - I did not say anything precise on that spot, in that moment, I just needed these people realize that I *can* walk out. But the next day the decision felt good, and the negotiation with them only revealed how cynical it all is - I realized they're never going to treat me with respect, and that I lose more staying and putting up with it and having a job, than I do not having one at all and seeking better opportunities.
Month and a half later - I *am* still in a difficult situation and yet a twice-as-good opportunity (if not more) has popped up. Absolutely everyone around me (except parents) congratulated me on the decision. This confirmed that it was the best job ever but that it was also the worst job ever.
And that's the thing: before this I messed around with a six months notice and all the anxious psychological damage that all of that entails. This time it was instant - right here, right now. Next time? Even faster.
Life. Is. Too. Short. Whatever you're dealing with - do it now. Your loved ones will support you far more for it, and you'll be a far more interesting, mysterious, fascinating human being by grabbing your genitals and facing the unknown. Change your patterns, do the wedding, do the baby, spend the money, save the money, go to school, quit school - you'll figure out a great explanation later.
posted by mit5urugi at 12:32 PM on March 3 [11 favorites]
It was dramatic, but I worked some rationalization into that moment. I realized this producer is yelling at me... *again*. Tired of getting yelled at, I simply walked up to the other producer, extended a firm handshake saying 'goodbye', and I walked out, revealing not much more than something along the lines of: 'I need to cool down'.
To prevent this from being an impulsive on the spot decision I rationalized that I could reflect the next day and negotiate, not showing my cards. As in - I did not say anything precise on that spot, in that moment, I just needed these people realize that I *can* walk out. But the next day the decision felt good, and the negotiation with them only revealed how cynical it all is - I realized they're never going to treat me with respect, and that I lose more staying and putting up with it and having a job, than I do not having one at all and seeking better opportunities.
Month and a half later - I *am* still in a difficult situation and yet a twice-as-good opportunity (if not more) has popped up. Absolutely everyone around me (except parents) congratulated me on the decision. This confirmed that it was the best job ever but that it was also the worst job ever.
And that's the thing: before this I messed around with a six months notice and all the anxious psychological damage that all of that entails. This time it was instant - right here, right now. Next time? Even faster.
Life. Is. Too. Short. Whatever you're dealing with - do it now. Your loved ones will support you far more for it, and you'll be a far more interesting, mysterious, fascinating human being by grabbing your genitals and facing the unknown. Change your patterns, do the wedding, do the baby, spend the money, save the money, go to school, quit school - you'll figure out a great explanation later.
posted by mit5urugi at 12:32 PM on March 3 [11 favorites]
I have hated this winter more than any other since 2009.
Saturday was the first of March and the weather finally became amenable to doing a spot of hillwalking. After a winter of eight funerals/cremations, several friends and former work colleagues becoming ill with conditions of varying severity, and weather which seemed relentlessly cold, grey and damp, it was uplifting to stride to the Worcestershire beacon and enjoy the view towards Wales in one direction, and eastern England in the other. Also, the occasional tree.
I still can't see Titterstone Clee, though.
posted by Wordshore at 12:35 PM on March 3 [12 favorites]
Saturday was the first of March and the weather finally became amenable to doing a spot of hillwalking. After a winter of eight funerals/cremations, several friends and former work colleagues becoming ill with conditions of varying severity, and weather which seemed relentlessly cold, grey and damp, it was uplifting to stride to the Worcestershire beacon and enjoy the view towards Wales in one direction, and eastern England in the other. Also, the occasional tree.
I still can't see Titterstone Clee, though.
posted by Wordshore at 12:35 PM on March 3 [12 favorites]
We saw Moonlight on the IMAX re-release thing last week, and man that movie is breathtaking.
posted by Gorgik at 12:37 PM on March 3 [1 favorite]
posted by Gorgik at 12:37 PM on March 3 [1 favorite]
Pretty much most of my decisions revolve around "how much money will this cost", and secondary "how much time will this take away from other things". Otherwise, I'm pretty impulsive and it's worked well for me, when people start asking about my life they eventually get to a "you've led a very interesting life" territory. Most of it isn't that interesting, just weird and creative and I don't do the same thing forever ever (is that ADD? I'm not sure). My wife is an equal impulsive-decision-maker and she frequently says "do it" to anything I say I'm thinking of doing, and vice versa (but always conditional on the money thing).
Film student update: The first weekend of filming the independent romance film is almost in the can (a couple hours tonight) which is about half of the film, all at the main characters' home, then we move to other locations. I kept to my lighting plans as best I could, keeping an eye on where highlights fall on everyone's faces so I'm pretty confident it will look good. The "dad" is an extremely black man, and they put him in a black afro wig, so I'm a little worried about how we're going to pick him up or if he's going to look like a Sideshow Bob silhouette, but I think we got him pretty good. I'm noticing a "slash of light" -- a line of highlight on the face from forehead to nose to chin, with some cheekbone -- that seems to be the key thing I'm striving for in giving a dark-skinned face some shape.
I got to use my steadicam with mixed results, due to cramped quarters and fast movement; the cramped house also involved script changes and different blocking to fit the filming location (an AirBnB with cranky duplex neighbors), so a lot of camera positioning was completely on the fly, just get it as good as possible. One scene ended up just the main 5 characters standing in a row, saying their lines with no blocking, and while none of that is anything I could control -- that's on the screenwriter and director -- it's the part I'm least happy with so far. The first day we were about one scene and an hour behind; we ended the second day back on schedule (the aforementioned all-in-a-row scene probably sacrificed some time that could have been used to make it better). Makeup and hair seemed to eat up the most time; we shot some scenes doing individual closeups with the AD reading lines for the actors who were in the makeup chair.
Overall, I think we've got a good thing going, the crew appears to be on the ball and the actors are having way too much fun. One the cast members is a precocious 4th grader who wants to participate in everything the production crew is doing.
As far as actual school stuff, my Film Theory class has me watching a bunch of interesting films; my SMPTE class is teaching me a lot of different ways of thinking about how the end result is produced, which is good to know from a camera standpoint. My homework time is suffering, though, with all the filmmaking I'm doing, which goes back to that impulsivity and weighing how much time I can devote to things. The latest thing is I've been asked to act in a student film, shooting starts at 9pm Tuesday night. How else will I get to BE the Most Interesting Man In The World if I don't keep doing interesting things?
posted by AzraelBrown at 12:44 PM on March 3 [9 favorites]
Film student update: The first weekend of filming the independent romance film is almost in the can (a couple hours tonight) which is about half of the film, all at the main characters' home, then we move to other locations. I kept to my lighting plans as best I could, keeping an eye on where highlights fall on everyone's faces so I'm pretty confident it will look good. The "dad" is an extremely black man, and they put him in a black afro wig, so I'm a little worried about how we're going to pick him up or if he's going to look like a Sideshow Bob silhouette, but I think we got him pretty good. I'm noticing a "slash of light" -- a line of highlight on the face from forehead to nose to chin, with some cheekbone -- that seems to be the key thing I'm striving for in giving a dark-skinned face some shape.
I got to use my steadicam with mixed results, due to cramped quarters and fast movement; the cramped house also involved script changes and different blocking to fit the filming location (an AirBnB with cranky duplex neighbors), so a lot of camera positioning was completely on the fly, just get it as good as possible. One scene ended up just the main 5 characters standing in a row, saying their lines with no blocking, and while none of that is anything I could control -- that's on the screenwriter and director -- it's the part I'm least happy with so far. The first day we were about one scene and an hour behind; we ended the second day back on schedule (the aforementioned all-in-a-row scene probably sacrificed some time that could have been used to make it better). Makeup and hair seemed to eat up the most time; we shot some scenes doing individual closeups with the AD reading lines for the actors who were in the makeup chair.
Overall, I think we've got a good thing going, the crew appears to be on the ball and the actors are having way too much fun. One the cast members is a precocious 4th grader who wants to participate in everything the production crew is doing.
As far as actual school stuff, my Film Theory class has me watching a bunch of interesting films; my SMPTE class is teaching me a lot of different ways of thinking about how the end result is produced, which is good to know from a camera standpoint. My homework time is suffering, though, with all the filmmaking I'm doing, which goes back to that impulsivity and weighing how much time I can devote to things. The latest thing is I've been asked to act in a student film, shooting starts at 9pm Tuesday night. How else will I get to BE the Most Interesting Man In The World if I don't keep doing interesting things?
posted by AzraelBrown at 12:44 PM on March 3 [9 favorites]
daddy what does regret mean
WELL SON, A FUNNY THING ABOUT REGRET IS, IT'S BETTER TO REGRET SOMETHING YOU HAVE DONE THAN SOMETHING YOU HAVEN'T DONE
posted by Sebmojo at 12:45 PM on March 3 [12 favorites]
WELL SON, A FUNNY THING ABOUT REGRET IS, IT'S BETTER TO REGRET SOMETHING YOU HAVE DONE THAN SOMETHING YOU HAVEN'T DONE
posted by Sebmojo at 12:45 PM on March 3 [12 favorites]
i've lived by that advice, can testify it's not wrong. you always know what inaction will result in, action is uncertain, and therefore holds the potential for glory
posted by Sebmojo at 12:46 PM on March 3 [4 favorites]
posted by Sebmojo at 12:46 PM on March 3 [4 favorites]
I dither as long as possible while subconsciously burning bridges to every alternative but the one I assume I want.
It’s Tiny Monster’s fourth birthday. He’s officially no longer a toddler, and I think he is also officially graduating from speech delayed to nonverbal, which is hard for me to stop thinking about. The former term had some hope attached to it, but the latter sounds pretty damned permanent.
posted by The Monster at the End of this Thread at 12:47 PM on March 3 [8 favorites]
It’s Tiny Monster’s fourth birthday. He’s officially no longer a toddler, and I think he is also officially graduating from speech delayed to nonverbal, which is hard for me to stop thinking about. The former term had some hope attached to it, but the latter sounds pretty damned permanent.
posted by The Monster at the End of this Thread at 12:47 PM on March 3 [8 favorites]
I'm trying to decide if there is a secret cabal who organizes the free threads
posted by Rumple at 12:49 PM on March 3 [6 favorites]
posted by Rumple at 12:49 PM on March 3 [6 favorites]
Just finished telling a friend (she asked me for my advice) that our decisions don't matter all that much. What matters is how we live with them afterwards. Sometimes I flip a coin.
I just finished a two-and-a-half-year process of clearing out my house (the third floor is now empty; the basement contains only tools, a clothesline, and off-season things; I have nothing I don't use in the house) and am vaguely trying to make the decision about what my next project will look like. I keep thinking I'm going to learn to cook nice meals for one, but I can't summon up the enthusiasm for it.
One thing I know for sure, and that is (for me) that I have never gone wrong avoiding debt. I bought myself a new computer, tablet, and phone soon after the presidential elections because I knew I would need them and tariffs would raise the price. I also did my taxes way early, before people started messing with the IRS, and have already received my refund, which I used to pay off the electronics. I figure I have lived on next to nothing before in my life, and if I have to, I will again, but at least I'll have functioning electronics.
posted by Peach at 12:53 PM on March 3 [7 favorites]
I just finished a two-and-a-half-year process of clearing out my house (the third floor is now empty; the basement contains only tools, a clothesline, and off-season things; I have nothing I don't use in the house) and am vaguely trying to make the decision about what my next project will look like. I keep thinking I'm going to learn to cook nice meals for one, but I can't summon up the enthusiasm for it.
One thing I know for sure, and that is (for me) that I have never gone wrong avoiding debt. I bought myself a new computer, tablet, and phone soon after the presidential elections because I knew I would need them and tariffs would raise the price. I also did my taxes way early, before people started messing with the IRS, and have already received my refund, which I used to pay off the electronics. I figure I have lived on next to nothing before in my life, and if I have to, I will again, but at least I'll have functioning electronics.
posted by Peach at 12:53 PM on March 3 [7 favorites]
I'm trying to decide if there is a secret cabal who organizes the free threads
It's a group of people who all wait each Monday to see if someone else will post one, until one of them randomly decides what the hell and does it. Anyone is welcome to join the cult group.
one-of-us, one-of-us, one-of-us ...
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:24 PM on March 3 [10 favorites]
It's a group of people who all wait each Monday to see if someone else will post one, until one of them randomly decides what the hell and does it. Anyone is welcome to join the
one-of-us, one-of-us, one-of-us ...
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:24 PM on March 3 [10 favorites]
daddy what does regret mean
WELL SON, A FUNNY THING ABOUT REGRET IS, IT'S BETTER TO REGRET SOMETHING YOU HAVE DONE THAN SOMETHING YOU HAVEN'T DONE
SATAN SATAN SATAN SATAN
I've started some Daily Habits to ground myself. I feel better having done them and it gives me more headspace to determine what's important and what's possible. From there, I can plan.
1. Go outside (antidote to feeling of listlessness).
2. Call a politician (antidote to feeling of powerlessness).
3. Read a book (antidote to doomscrolling).
It's working for me so far.
posted by pianoblack at 1:36 PM on March 3 [8 favorites]
WELL SON, A FUNNY THING ABOUT REGRET IS, IT'S BETTER TO REGRET SOMETHING YOU HAVE DONE THAN SOMETHING YOU HAVEN'T DONE
SATAN SATAN SATAN SATAN
I've started some Daily Habits to ground myself. I feel better having done them and it gives me more headspace to determine what's important and what's possible. From there, I can plan.
1. Go outside (antidote to feeling of listlessness).
2. Call a politician (antidote to feeling of powerlessness).
3. Read a book (antidote to doomscrolling).
It's working for me so far.
posted by pianoblack at 1:36 PM on March 3 [8 favorites]
"If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice" - Rush
posted by Artful Codger at 1:48 PM on March 3 [4 favorites]
posted by Artful Codger at 1:48 PM on March 3 [4 favorites]
Yeah, I try not to ever make decisions...
Especially if they impact other people, (like "what do you want to have for dinner tonight?" type nonsense).
I do have some big ones to make soon. But just keep delaying...
posted by Windopaene at 1:52 PM on March 3 [2 favorites]
Especially if they impact other people, (like "what do you want to have for dinner tonight?" type nonsense).
I do have some big ones to make soon. But just keep delaying...
posted by Windopaene at 1:52 PM on March 3 [2 favorites]
I have a lot of anxiety when I’m thinking about something that I have to decide. The amount of anxiety is more or less a function of whether I think I know what to do yet. But when the time comes that a decision is needed, even if it’s before I feel like I’m ready, the way my brain works is that if the answer is needed Right Now, it spits out the current best effort, and Off We Go.
I just took a professional exam today, the first real sit-down test I have had to do in many years. I was full of anxiety. I ground through the prep materials, and while still anxious, this afternoon I was as ready as I was going to get. I blazed through the actual test taking, because as I describe above, in the moment I either know it or I don’t, and I check it off and move on. I was done in about half of the allotted time, and yes, I passed.
Also, I mentioned this in the new IRL GSD thread, but I know that the Burt fans here will be happy to hear that he got adopted on Sunday! He is such a happy confident charmer. By the end of the adoption interview, he was crawling all over the prospective adopters. They stood no chance against the charm onslaught!
posted by notoriety public at 1:54 PM on March 3 [8 favorites]
I just took a professional exam today, the first real sit-down test I have had to do in many years. I was full of anxiety. I ground through the prep materials, and while still anxious, this afternoon I was as ready as I was going to get. I blazed through the actual test taking, because as I describe above, in the moment I either know it or I don’t, and I check it off and move on. I was done in about half of the allotted time, and yes, I passed.
Also, I mentioned this in the new IRL GSD thread, but I know that the Burt fans here will be happy to hear that he got adopted on Sunday! He is such a happy confident charmer. By the end of the adoption interview, he was crawling all over the prospective adopters. They stood no chance against the charm onslaught!
posted by notoriety public at 1:54 PM on March 3 [8 favorites]
Greg_Ace nailed it. I sat around going, "Um, I want to say some stuff, nobody's posted anything yet, I don't know how to decide on these things...maybe that's a post idea...."
posted by jenfullmoon at 2:00 PM on March 3 [5 favorites]
posted by jenfullmoon at 2:00 PM on March 3 [5 favorites]
We have been looking for months to buy a house after YEARS of renting and finally found a place we like (in HCOL known overpriced area) and now we’re like well is this like buying a ticket on the titanic or what.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 2:59 PM on March 3 [4 favorites]
posted by St. Peepsburg at 2:59 PM on March 3 [4 favorites]
And I don’t want to postpone that any longer, it’s been a thorn in my side for almost a decade but I hate having to take world politics into account to just buy a home.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 3:01 PM on March 3 [7 favorites]
posted by St. Peepsburg at 3:01 PM on March 3 [7 favorites]
I gave notice a week ago to a grant-funded university job I’ve loved for many years, exchanging it for a centrally-funded university job that seemed to be advertising for exactly me. Lots of uncertainty everywhere: am I moving from one NIH-meltdown-mediated source of uncertainty (soft money) to another (indirects)? I’m in that difficult period where all the sad loss feelings are happening and none of the exciting new work feelings have really gotten rolling yet. I guess I need to take a page from Peach’s book here and decide that how I roll with the outcome is where the meaning lives.
posted by eirias at 3:10 PM on March 3 [4 favorites]
posted by eirias at 3:10 PM on March 3 [4 favorites]
We have been looking for months to buy a house after YEARS of renting and finally found a place we like
The way I bought my house is I was standing alone in the basement of a house I had just lost out on, on the phone with my agent, when this one went on the market and I said "fuck it, put an offer on it" sight unseen. (It was May 2020 and everything was absolutely bananas. It all worked out!)
posted by phunniemee at 3:13 PM on March 3 [5 favorites]
The way I bought my house is I was standing alone in the basement of a house I had just lost out on, on the phone with my agent, when this one went on the market and I said "fuck it, put an offer on it" sight unseen. (It was May 2020 and everything was absolutely bananas. It all worked out!)
posted by phunniemee at 3:13 PM on March 3 [5 favorites]
Regarding our current [gesturing around vaguely at everything], one technique that I'm trying out is imagining what the "best" version of myself would/should be doing. I'm thinking of this less for specific, tactical decisions (e.g.: should I replace my 15-year-old car?) and more for overall life direction-type strategic decisions (e.g.: should I flee the US now or wait until the camps open?). For now, the best version of myself I have in my head says "you're not currently in active danger, so stay and try to help whoever you can until it is no longer tenable to do so".
It's unclear if this technique will lead to good results. But it seems to be (barely) keeping me from straight up losing my shit right now.
posted by mhum at 4:12 PM on March 3 [8 favorites]
It's unclear if this technique will lead to good results. But it seems to be (barely) keeping me from straight up losing my shit right now.
posted by mhum at 4:12 PM on March 3 [8 favorites]
The most recent big decision I made was jumping into graduate school (at MY advanced age?!?!) and it has easily become one of the top five best decisions of my life. I made the decision out of a combination of rage, despair, and FUCKIT-edness.
posted by cooker girl at 5:09 PM on March 3 [11 favorites]
posted by cooker girl at 5:09 PM on March 3 [11 favorites]
Well, my company's buyout by private investors into a much larger company was finally announced today, something I never imagined from my boss of 15 years whose dad started the place. He has and makes a lot of money, but he needs more I guess. Anyway, my job is much less secure than it was (despite the boss's assurances that my job is secure, because it will not be his decision anymore). So that's coming at just you know, just a swimmingly great time in the world.
I guess my decision is whether to start looking for a job immediately or see what happens for a bit. I'm only in this state because of this job so that is another decision. At least it's very blue (IL). I quit Amazon cold - better late than never. I was on an extended stress-purchasing binge from that place so it was a double positive.
Finally, the texting for money is so out of hand I am marking it all to spam now. I even considered for a few moments, whether this hasn't worked out well for the Democratic old school who are surely making a lot of money on current events. It's not like any of them will be rounded up. Well. They may be starting to worry. (Possibly too cynical.)
posted by Glinn at 5:18 PM on March 3 [3 favorites]
I guess my decision is whether to start looking for a job immediately or see what happens for a bit. I'm only in this state because of this job so that is another decision. At least it's very blue (IL). I quit Amazon cold - better late than never. I was on an extended stress-purchasing binge from that place so it was a double positive.
Finally, the texting for money is so out of hand I am marking it all to spam now. I even considered for a few moments, whether this hasn't worked out well for the Democratic old school who are surely making a lot of money on current events. It's not like any of them will be rounded up. Well. They may be starting to worry. (Possibly too cynical.)
posted by Glinn at 5:18 PM on March 3 [3 favorites]
"if you do or say anything decisively enough, everyone else will follow you... I have found that to be very true, too!
And really reinforces to me that we're all just making it up as we go along. For most decisions, I find it easier nowadays to simply accept that X was not meant to be, and if it were, it'll return. No need for me to do any work! That gives me an incredible amount of peace and grace.
posted by honey badger at 6:27 PM on March 3 [4 favorites]
And really reinforces to me that we're all just making it up as we go along. For most decisions, I find it easier nowadays to simply accept that X was not meant to be, and if it were, it'll return. No need for me to do any work! That gives me an incredible amount of peace and grace.
posted by honey badger at 6:27 PM on March 3 [4 favorites]
i just wait for the mania to come around and then all the decisions make themselves
posted by seanmpuckett at 6:45 PM on March 3 [7 favorites]
posted by seanmpuckett at 6:45 PM on March 3 [7 favorites]
In all seriousness, I've found that surprisingly many (though certainly not all) decisions can be postponed indefinitely; usually with the result that the issue gets worked out on its own, or the decision is made for you by circumstances that were beyond your control to begin with. Sometimes the issue is actually so insignificant that postponing the decision results in absolutely no consequences whatsoever.
I've been musing on this for most of my career. The thing that everyone is freaked out about on Monday is often forgotten by Friday -- and that's usually not because the situation has been solved, it's more typically because everyone realizes they were framing it in an unproductive way or that shifting priorities has suddenly made it no big deal. You can throw yourself into the Monday crisis or you can sit back a little and see how it starts to play out -- and then jump in if it seems actually, persistently dire. The problem is optics -- if you don't seem panicked like everyone else, people might think you really don't care (which isn't the case, at least for me -- I do usually care, I just don't want to be exhausted by the time I can actually meaningful contribute to something)
posted by treepour at 9:32 PM on March 3 [3 favorites]
I've been musing on this for most of my career. The thing that everyone is freaked out about on Monday is often forgotten by Friday -- and that's usually not because the situation has been solved, it's more typically because everyone realizes they were framing it in an unproductive way or that shifting priorities has suddenly made it no big deal. You can throw yourself into the Monday crisis or you can sit back a little and see how it starts to play out -- and then jump in if it seems actually, persistently dire. The problem is optics -- if you don't seem panicked like everyone else, people might think you really don't care (which isn't the case, at least for me -- I do usually care, I just don't want to be exhausted by the time I can actually meaningful contribute to something)
posted by treepour at 9:32 PM on March 3 [3 favorites]
> I guess my decision is whether to start looking for a job immediately or see what happens for a bit.
Do some interviews. It'll give you information about what's out there and what they expect of you.
You want to interview at a half dozen places before you start interviewing places you like.
posted by constraint at 9:43 PM on March 3 [3 favorites]
Do some interviews. It'll give you information about what's out there and what they expect of you.
You want to interview at a half dozen places before you start interviewing places you like.
posted by constraint at 9:43 PM on March 3 [3 favorites]
Sebmojo ain't that the truth!
I used to be really averse to decisions, just go with the flow, job hopping through the 80's, very little structure from 82 to 90 really no trade, no profession, no education - all seemed random at the time; steel, boats, plastics, cars, fibreglass, cranes, towers, yardman, concrete, bit of rigging ...
Discovered landscape and hort. travelling in the US and been pretty self directed ever since, always precarious but that seems to be the nature of it. Funny thing is all those 'random' senseless jobs were all about shaping materials ... and now I shape space.
posted by unearthed at 12:48 AM on March 4 [2 favorites]
I used to be really averse to decisions, just go with the flow, job hopping through the 80's, very little structure from 82 to 90 really no trade, no profession, no education - all seemed random at the time; steel, boats, plastics, cars, fibreglass, cranes, towers, yardman, concrete, bit of rigging ...
Discovered landscape and hort. travelling in the US and been pretty self directed ever since, always precarious but that seems to be the nature of it. Funny thing is all those 'random' senseless jobs were all about shaping materials ... and now I shape space.
posted by unearthed at 12:48 AM on March 4 [2 favorites]
I am sick with the flu. Fever topped at 39.2 yesterday. Aches and hot and cold shivers. I haven't been this sick in at least a couple of years. Also have some nausea, which I usually don't get from a flu, but then again who knows. Last week I worked wednesday, thursday and friday at client's, probably got it from there. I still mask at buses and stores even though pretty much no-one else does, but of course it didn't save me this time, they had people on sick leave and a person was saying they were probably coming down with something as well. Got a delivery of some food, juice, vitamins and vodka coming from my neighbour friend whom I've mentioned here a couple of times before. My fwb also texted that she has a car until thursday night and would be more than happy to pick up something if I need. This is not much fun but what can you do. I slept for maybe 15 hours last night and the throat and lungs feel already a bit better from yesterday.
posted by fridgebuzz at 2:50 AM on March 4 [1 favorite]
posted by fridgebuzz at 2:50 AM on March 4 [1 favorite]
Will someone tell me why Rick Astley's cover of Pink Pony Club made me cry?
posted by seanmpuckett at 5:17 AM on March 4 [8 favorites]
posted by seanmpuckett at 5:17 AM on March 4 [8 favorites]
seanmpuckett that is way better than it aught to be
posted by AzraelBrown at 5:30 AM on March 4 [1 favorite]
posted by AzraelBrown at 5:30 AM on March 4 [1 favorite]
Extramachine: Wedding.Planner. save you and your mom's sanity, invest in one, especially if you are having a larger wedding. Don't be exhausted on your wedding day.
posted by emjaybee at 6:54 AM on March 4 [1 favorite]
posted by emjaybee at 6:54 AM on March 4 [1 favorite]
We have a decent amount of money in savings. In SEP IRAs, Roth IRAs, etc. Very, very little debt. Our mortgage will even be paid off within 10 years, maybe sooner. No credit card debt. This is me and my partner over the last 30 years. Oh yeah, in the USA.
With these maniacs in the Federal Government, it's making me wonder if having money tied up this way is the best idea anymore. Not sure what else we would do with it. Partner owns a business so we work with an accountant. Going to be asking questions very soon. Decisions!
Anyone have thoughts on this?
posted by SoberHighland at 7:17 AM on March 4 [2 favorites]
With these maniacs in the Federal Government, it's making me wonder if having money tied up this way is the best idea anymore. Not sure what else we would do with it. Partner owns a business so we work with an accountant. Going to be asking questions very soon. Decisions!
Anyone have thoughts on this?
posted by SoberHighland at 7:17 AM on March 4 [2 favorites]
We may need to go back to stuffing money in our mattresses, or putting it in a coffee can and burying it in the yard.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:07 AM on March 4 [3 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:07 AM on March 4 [3 favorites]
The richest people in the world, the ones who are trying their best to ruin it, all require ✨the market✨ to continue to function. Diverse index investments are probably the safest place to have your money right now. After that, high yield accounts at FDIC insured banks. (Not credit unions. Credit unions are not FDIC insured.) You think the banking lobby is going to let the government do anything that requires banks to take responsibility for themselves? Hell no, they're quite comfortable to let the federal government (i.e. we, the people) bail them out of any trouble they may cause.
The worst thing you can do with your money right now is panic it into non growth cash.
posted by phunniemee at 8:08 AM on March 4 [6 favorites]
The worst thing you can do with your money right now is panic it into non growth cash.
posted by phunniemee at 8:08 AM on March 4 [6 favorites]
Gin and Broadband gave me this one years ago: Three marginal conditions = No
I've used it often as a rule of thumb, and it has not steered me wrong.
posted by MonkeyToes at 8:14 AM on March 4
I've used it often as a rule of thumb, and it has not steered me wrong.
posted by MonkeyToes at 8:14 AM on March 4
phunniemee: Thanks for talking me down!
Your answer was my gut feeling. I certainly wasn't going to do anything rash. I assume the Big Bank Boys will figure out a way to stay wealthy, just asking.
Decisions!
posted by SoberHighland at 8:21 AM on March 4 [1 favorite]
Your answer was my gut feeling. I certainly wasn't going to do anything rash. I assume the Big Bank Boys will figure out a way to stay wealthy, just asking.
Decisions!
posted by SoberHighland at 8:21 AM on March 4 [1 favorite]
Diverse index investments are probably the safest place to have your money right now.
I'll add a corollary here that index investments are the safest place to be over the long term. We've got DJIA history all the way back pre-1900. There hasn't been any market tragedy, even world wars, that hasn't recovered and then earned on a ten year time frame. Even if Trump II does usher in literal World War 3, the market will recover. It always has. Money always wins.
The trouble as always is that the people who have the least today will be worst off, especially in the short term. Those of us with even a little capital to invest are going to be best positioned to help our friends and neighbors by not panicking, by playing the big man's money game to the best ability we can, and enabling ourselves to give more when it's needed most. Money = power, I'm not letting the worst people scare me out of it.
posted by phunniemee at 8:28 AM on March 4 [3 favorites]
I'll add a corollary here that index investments are the safest place to be over the long term. We've got DJIA history all the way back pre-1900. There hasn't been any market tragedy, even world wars, that hasn't recovered and then earned on a ten year time frame. Even if Trump II does usher in literal World War 3, the market will recover. It always has. Money always wins.
The trouble as always is that the people who have the least today will be worst off, especially in the short term. Those of us with even a little capital to invest are going to be best positioned to help our friends and neighbors by not panicking, by playing the big man's money game to the best ability we can, and enabling ourselves to give more when it's needed most. Money = power, I'm not letting the worst people scare me out of it.
posted by phunniemee at 8:28 AM on March 4 [3 favorites]
I just had to make the bad decision and scheduled an in home vet visit for Friday for Osiris. The cancer moved way faster than it should have and now the only thing I get him to reliably eat are churus. Stupid cat getting the stupid cancer. :(
One of the signs I took was that his sister, Isis, whose attitude is usually that of a marshmallow, has taken to sniffing him and then hissing.
Yesterday at the store the cheap eggs were running $10/dozen. I've stopped eating breakfast just to avoid eating too many eggs!
posted by drewbage1847 at 8:30 AM on March 4 [5 favorites]
One of the signs I took was that his sister, Isis, whose attitude is usually that of a marshmallow, has taken to sniffing him and then hissing.
Yesterday at the store the cheap eggs were running $10/dozen. I've stopped eating breakfast just to avoid eating too many eggs!
posted by drewbage1847 at 8:30 AM on March 4 [5 favorites]
Yeah, by "we have a decent amount saved," I mean: we are not in horrible shape. My partner will likely be partially retiring next year, and fully retiring in 5 or 7 years. I'm seven years younger so I have a way to go. But I work for a nonprofit that helps low-income (predominantly Hispanic) families. I'm certain there are some undocumented participants, or undocumented family members of participants. So who knows what's gonna happen to my workplace!
EDIT: I'm in the north side of Chicago and usually buy eggs at Whole Foods (I know...). They have had very low inventory of eggs these past few months, and few choices regarding brands and types of eggs. But I haven't seen a price above ~$6.50 - maybe $7.00 for a dozen.
posted by SoberHighland at 8:34 AM on March 4
EDIT: I'm in the north side of Chicago and usually buy eggs at Whole Foods (I know...). They have had very low inventory of eggs these past few months, and few choices regarding brands and types of eggs. But I haven't seen a price above ~$6.50 - maybe $7.00 for a dozen.
posted by SoberHighland at 8:34 AM on March 4
I have been dizzy with a headache for days. I went to the doctor yesterday but it's luck of the draw when you call up sick to go in that day and of course I got Doc Dismisso. He's a really nice guy but he pretty much ignores everything I say in favor of "well, this is probably your anxiety." This is the guy who diagnosed me with bursitis in the shoulder when the actual problem was severe osteoarthritis in the neck. He has not apologized but hey, presto: he now thinks the headaches and dizziness are because of the arthritis, not the anxiety. So he's got me back on meloxicam, which is by way of being a wonder drug and I talked him into trying to get me some kind of ozempic spinoff drug, so maybe I will lose some weight. Who knows, though, because that is in the hands of insurance, who will probably say no and meanwhile the pharmacy hasn't even gotten the meloxicam in. I also need to get them to give me meclizine that apparently is available in a sort of gray area neither over nor under the counter but through. In the meantime, I came to work. I took yesterday off.
How do I make decisions? Badly. I sort of dither and freak out for a while then plunge madly ahead in the wrong direction. I just bought a new to me car. I wasn't even looking for one but a colleague mentioned she was selling hers and lo, I bit. Was it smart? I don't know. I probably could have gotten another year or two out of the truck but I feel like gas prices are just going to increase and used cars are about to go through the roof again, so I did it now. It's a 2016 Acura. It's fancier than any car I've ever had. I don't think I'm worthy. My family are like, hoo boy this is a Grandma Mobile if ever there was one. Well, and I am a grandma, so I guess it was time. But can I afford it? FUCK NO. Am I going to destroy the white leather upholstery? FUCK YEAH. See? I just charge ahead and hope things sort themselves out. Mostly, they kind of do. If you keep your definition of working out flexible.
posted by mygothlaundry at 9:27 AM on March 4 [2 favorites]
How do I make decisions? Badly. I sort of dither and freak out for a while then plunge madly ahead in the wrong direction. I just bought a new to me car. I wasn't even looking for one but a colleague mentioned she was selling hers and lo, I bit. Was it smart? I don't know. I probably could have gotten another year or two out of the truck but I feel like gas prices are just going to increase and used cars are about to go through the roof again, so I did it now. It's a 2016 Acura. It's fancier than any car I've ever had. I don't think I'm worthy. My family are like, hoo boy this is a Grandma Mobile if ever there was one. Well, and I am a grandma, so I guess it was time. But can I afford it? FUCK NO. Am I going to destroy the white leather upholstery? FUCK YEAH. See? I just charge ahead and hope things sort themselves out. Mostly, they kind of do. If you keep your definition of working out flexible.
posted by mygothlaundry at 9:27 AM on March 4 [2 favorites]
Eggs were $9-10 at Grocery Outlet and I managed to find some for $7.99 at Safeway. Usually that would be the other way around...
I have such a case of the blahs, which is legit under all circumstances.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:28 AM on March 4
I have such a case of the blahs, which is legit under all circumstances.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:28 AM on March 4
Natural Grocers is still selling eggs for $5.99 to $7.99 but they're disappearing very quickly. I've been a convert to organic free range happy chicken eggs for a long time so I admit to feeling a sort of mild schadenfreude here.
posted by mygothlaundry at 9:32 AM on March 4
posted by mygothlaundry at 9:32 AM on March 4
I can usually get local eggs for $5 to $6 per dozen. If I get eggs at the supermarket, I usually go for organic free range (we luckily don't eat a lot of eggs). The price of those has barely budged, but the price of regular old eggs has skyrocketed, and they're now considerably more expensive than organic free range eggs. And yet people still seem to be buying them. I wonder if they don't even look at the price of the organic ones.
posted by mollweide at 9:45 AM on March 4 [1 favorite]
posted by mollweide at 9:45 AM on March 4 [1 favorite]
yeah but those chickens who laid them are woke liberal communists and they'll turn you gay (so I've heard)
posted by phunniemee at 10:08 AM on March 4 [8 favorites]
posted by phunniemee at 10:08 AM on March 4 [8 favorites]
The easiest decision I made this weekend was at the theater where my kid and I went to see The Monkey a second time. You know those stupidly overpriced, weirdly elaborate collector's popcorn buckets? They had one that was a shockingly decent representation of the titular monkey and it was way, way too easy to hand my credit card over so that I could bring that little guy home.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 10:18 AM on March 4 [2 favorites]
posted by DirtyOldTown at 10:18 AM on March 4 [2 favorites]
Finally, the texting for money is so out of hand I am marking it all to spam now This. I'm spending too much time deleting and blocking Dem texts asking for money and it makes me ill. The collapse of the USA is not a fundraising opportunity, people. No wonder everything is crashing down so easily.
posted by mygothlaundry at 10:20 AM on March 4 [1 favorite]
posted by mygothlaundry at 10:20 AM on March 4 [1 favorite]
I'm trying to decide if there is a secret cabal who organizes the free threads
There is no cabal.
posted by Gorgik at 11:08 AM on March 4 [1 favorite]
There is no cabal.
posted by Gorgik at 11:08 AM on March 4 [1 favorite]
I got to spend some time with my sibling yesterday and one thing we discussed was how, when our mom finally hit bottom and we had to dig her out, we discovered just exactly how long a person can go without making decisions or, really, doing much of anything, while still living a life that to all outward appearances was basically fine. It's like, a really long time, y'all! Probably would have been longer without the booze.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 11:39 AM on March 4 [5 favorites]
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 11:39 AM on March 4 [5 favorites]
Just made myself a really delicious toast sandwich, using rye bread (lightly toasted then quickly covered with a thin layer of Lurpak on one side, and HP brown sauce on the other) as the filling.
Both marvellous and splendid. Tonight, I feast as the ancient Gods do.
posted by Wordshore at 1:16 PM on March 4 [1 favorite]
Both marvellous and splendid. Tonight, I feast as the ancient Gods do.
posted by Wordshore at 1:16 PM on March 4 [1 favorite]
Thanks for the investment talk. We did an asset review of our various retirement accounts in December and were (are???) in really good shape and both of us have 10-15 years until retirement. I was musing over this today and having a mini meltdown over the potential losses and what decisions I needed to make to mitigate. Hearing others say “stay the course” is incredibly helpful.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 1:17 PM on March 4 [1 favorite]
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 1:17 PM on March 4 [1 favorite]
Dr. Dismisso just messaged me to say I should go on a diet and exercise more, then check back in 3 - 6 months. He didn't mention the low potassium level that I can see right there in the lab results. So I have messaged back to say, um, hello? Low potassium? And maybe he will get back to me but honestly this is ridiculous and why, why, why do I have to "advocate for your own health!" by doing all the legwork when, look, I have a BA in studio art and art history and we did not cover low potassium. ARGH.
posted by mygothlaundry at 2:18 PM on March 4 [3 favorites]
posted by mygothlaundry at 2:18 PM on March 4 [3 favorites]
That is somewhat incoherent. What I mean is, he is vastly more qualified, theoretically, than I am to address this stuff. Yet instead, he dismisses even the labwork or glides right over it or, entirely possible I guess, did not even look at it.
posted by mygothlaundry at 2:22 PM on March 4 [3 favorites]
posted by mygothlaundry at 2:22 PM on March 4 [3 favorites]
The standard thing the tiktok girlies are saying to do these days is ask the doctor to "please enter a written statement into my medical record that you are refusing to address or treat the results of my March 4 bloodwork."
posted by phunniemee at 2:28 PM on March 4 [5 favorites]
posted by phunniemee at 2:28 PM on March 4 [5 favorites]
Low potassium can kill you. I've taken a (prescribed) supplement 2x a day for 20 years so I don't accidentally Terri Schiavo myself from a side effect of another drug I'm on. Don't let these fuckers ignore you.
posted by phunniemee at 2:31 PM on March 4 [3 favorites]
posted by phunniemee at 2:31 PM on March 4 [3 favorites]
My friend with all the heart problems can confirm as well.
posted by jenfullmoon at 2:42 PM on March 4
posted by jenfullmoon at 2:42 PM on March 4
Yes, always ask about unusual lab results. "What does this mean?"
Good luck mygothlaundry. Sorry you have to keep seeing Dr. Dismisso.
Tell the appointment booker you will not accept an appointment with them? We did some of that with pediatricians back in the day.
posted by Windopaene at 4:56 PM on March 4 [1 favorite]
Good luck mygothlaundry. Sorry you have to keep seeing Dr. Dismisso.
Tell the appointment booker you will not accept an appointment with them? We did some of that with pediatricians back in the day.
posted by Windopaene at 4:56 PM on March 4 [1 favorite]
I just want to remind people of the Jason Mendoza method of solving problems. Or having a different problem, specifically.
My therapist asked me today how I was going to make the theater decision. Me: "I don't know. I can't get any more information to make the decision. It's a gamble. All I've got is that I'm so-so on the first show so if forced to choose, I'd pick the second, but don't want to sit around idle for months."
Meanwhile I think theater crush guy has done the "man suddenly loses interest" thing because he's gone from lots of texting to complete fizzle and "all right, I guess" kinda responding when I last tried. Trying to chat on text was just like trying to light a match and not being able to get a fire going. My therapist said to listen to my gut and maybe it's best to leave things alone. I was considering asking him out because he's nice and sweet, and if we ever have more than like 5 minutes of conversation in person, see how it goes. But maybe I should just leave it be, it did seem a bit...love-bomb-y last week and my therapist said I'm right to be confused. I don't want to encourage attachment if I don't end up with any myself. Sigh.
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:36 PM on March 4 [3 favorites]
My therapist asked me today how I was going to make the theater decision. Me: "I don't know. I can't get any more information to make the decision. It's a gamble. All I've got is that I'm so-so on the first show so if forced to choose, I'd pick the second, but don't want to sit around idle for months."
Meanwhile I think theater crush guy has done the "man suddenly loses interest" thing because he's gone from lots of texting to complete fizzle and "all right, I guess" kinda responding when I last tried. Trying to chat on text was just like trying to light a match and not being able to get a fire going. My therapist said to listen to my gut and maybe it's best to leave things alone. I was considering asking him out because he's nice and sweet, and if we ever have more than like 5 minutes of conversation in person, see how it goes. But maybe I should just leave it be, it did seem a bit...love-bomb-y last week and my therapist said I'm right to be confused. I don't want to encourage attachment if I don't end up with any myself. Sigh.
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:36 PM on March 4 [3 favorites]
Yeah, tough call on the shows.
Have enjoyed reading all of your "behind-the-scenes backstage" posts. Can't imagine having to try to make a living in the "small" arts these days, (Don't recall seeing you were on Broadway, hence the "small", don't take offence!).
All I ever wanted to do was sing. But realized that wasn't going to happen, and decided to grow up and get a real job, and build a life and family. Which I did beyond my wildest expectations. But, maybe I should have tried harder...
So I am very envious of your being able to work at something you so clearly love jenfullmoon If one show is better, or a better part, but starts paying you later, then the question is can you afford to not take the less good first gig. Monetarily and Boredom wise.
posted by Windopaene at 7:22 PM on March 4 [1 favorite]
Have enjoyed reading all of your "behind-the-scenes backstage" posts. Can't imagine having to try to make a living in the "small" arts these days, (Don't recall seeing you were on Broadway, hence the "small", don't take offence!).
All I ever wanted to do was sing. But realized that wasn't going to happen, and decided to grow up and get a real job, and build a life and family. Which I did beyond my wildest expectations. But, maybe I should have tried harder...
So I am very envious of your being able to work at something you so clearly love jenfullmoon If one show is better, or a better part, but starts paying you later, then the question is can you afford to not take the less good first gig. Monetarily and Boredom wise.
posted by Windopaene at 7:22 PM on March 4 [1 favorite]
All I ever wanted to do was ... sing
Stop that, stop that! You're not goin' into a song while I'm here!
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:11 PM on March 4 [3 favorites]
Stop that, stop that! You're not goin' into a song while I'm here!
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:11 PM on March 4 [3 favorites]
I am the smallest of the small fish actors! It's a hobby career/volunteer job. I've only gotten paid at one theater and most of them cannot afford that sort of thing. I'm pretty dedicated to doing my hobbies (frequently theater and yarn), and I'm never going to try to make a living off either and I am a big fan of Boring Day Job That Supports You With Health Insurance, so don't judge yourself on that.
It's a question of what do I find more interesting, how likely am I to get in, etc. Snooty Theater is also having an audition for a show I've already done, but that's so "never in a billion years" that it's not even a factor. I put in a request to St. Genesius tonight to see if there is a show I can fit into the schedule, perhaps? I did see an improv class taught by someone I like I could do instead, but since improv has turned out to not be a viable volunteer job/hobby career, not sure if I want to pay $150 for that in the year 2025. Who knows. I have another week to decide something, more or less.
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:25 PM on March 4
It's a question of what do I find more interesting, how likely am I to get in, etc. Snooty Theater is also having an audition for a show I've already done, but that's so "never in a billion years" that it's not even a factor. I put in a request to St. Genesius tonight to see if there is a show I can fit into the schedule, perhaps? I did see an improv class taught by someone I like I could do instead, but since improv has turned out to not be a viable volunteer job/hobby career, not sure if I want to pay $150 for that in the year 2025. Who knows. I have another week to decide something, more or less.
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:25 PM on March 4
Well you are certainly dedicated in that hobby. Apologies I thought you did that as a "job".
Good improv can be really good. Bad improv is just, cringe.
posted by Windopaene at 9:01 PM on March 4 [1 favorite]
Good improv can be really good. Bad improv is just, cringe.
posted by Windopaene at 9:01 PM on March 4 [1 favorite]
I took an improv class right before the pandemic hit, it was an absolute blast and I learned a lot. But yeah, it's not even remotely a paying prospect for those of us who aren't the breakout darlings of like the Groundlings or Second City or whatever.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:10 PM on March 4
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:10 PM on March 4
I loved improv when I went to improv school, but could never get on a team. I gave up after...I forget, six, eight auditions? So it's not a factor (though I note the school I went to did pay some people) "careerwise" for me.
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:37 AM on March 5
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:37 AM on March 5
I have to make a major decision in the near future. I really don't want to stay in Knoxville. It's like being behind enemy lines.
Every day I have to listen to one of my shelter-mates or an Uber driver spout some conspiracy theories about something. Even the people I support or work together with are telling me how the hurricane that displaced me was created to drive people off the land so the vast amounts of lithium we were sitting on this whole time could be exploited. These people are becoming my new normal and I don't like it.
How I've always made big decisions in the past was to keep a goal in mind and stew on that until an idea really grabbed me by the lapels. So I'm waiting.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 9:21 AM on March 5 [3 favorites]
Every day I have to listen to one of my shelter-mates or an Uber driver spout some conspiracy theories about something. Even the people I support or work together with are telling me how the hurricane that displaced me was created to drive people off the land so the vast amounts of lithium we were sitting on this whole time could be exploited. These people are becoming my new normal and I don't like it.
How I've always made big decisions in the past was to keep a goal in mind and stew on that until an idea really grabbed me by the lapels. So I'm waiting.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 9:21 AM on March 5 [3 favorites]
Man, it's so hard making decisions like that when you are in a pinch point and all your existing support systems are disrupted.
What are the options open to you that you're considering if you don't stay in Knoxville?
posted by sciatrix at 10:14 AM on March 5 [2 favorites]
What are the options open to you that you're considering if you don't stay in Knoxville?
posted by sciatrix at 10:14 AM on March 5 [2 favorites]
I slept like a log last night.
This morning I found bark in the bed.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:54 AM on March 5 [2 favorites]
This morning I found bark in the bed.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:54 AM on March 5 [2 favorites]
That's terrible Greg.
What are the options open to you that you're considering if you don't stay in Knoxville?
I am keeping my expenses really low and saving the bulk of my pay so I can leave. I can find work almost anywhere with my skill sets. My friend groups got really scattered during the last five years so there is no single place I could move and have an automatic support system. I have a son in college but he is very independent and I don't need to be around. I don't have any other family left. I could go anywhere.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 11:06 AM on March 5 [2 favorites]
What are the options open to you that you're considering if you don't stay in Knoxville?
I am keeping my expenses really low and saving the bulk of my pay so I can leave. I can find work almost anywhere with my skill sets. My friend groups got really scattered during the last five years so there is no single place I could move and have an automatic support system. I have a son in college but he is very independent and I don't need to be around. I don't have any other family left. I could go anywhere.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 11:06 AM on March 5 [2 favorites]
I would say come to Seattle, but, housing is ridiculous here.
I'd like to send you to some Red State to do some good, but, that seems mean.
If I had to move, I think Missoula MT would be a solid choice. Or just living in Summit County CO, and becoming a ski bum.
Really depends on how you want to spend your time, and what weather you can tolerate. Good luck finding a good place to flee to.
posted by Windopaene at 11:47 AM on March 5
I'd like to send you to some Red State to do some good, but, that seems mean.
If I had to move, I think Missoula MT would be a solid choice. Or just living in Summit County CO, and becoming a ski bum.
Really depends on how you want to spend your time, and what weather you can tolerate. Good luck finding a good place to flee to.
posted by Windopaene at 11:47 AM on March 5
How I've always made big decisions in the past was to keep a goal in mind and stew on that until an idea really grabbed me by the lapels. So I'm waiting
Yup. As long as I've put in an honest effort to frame a problem, to do some research, and to list out possible options with their pros and cons, I've found that time does usually lead to decisions becoming clear. So I've learned when to back off on the stewing and ruminating, and to literally sleep on a problem.
I also try to set up timelines so I can see that if a decision is required by a certain date/time, I set up milestones and allow for that "decision" time.
...and Good Luck, Mr Yuck.
posted by Artful Codger at 11:55 AM on March 5 [2 favorites]
Yup. As long as I've put in an honest effort to frame a problem, to do some research, and to list out possible options with their pros and cons, I've found that time does usually lead to decisions becoming clear. So I've learned when to back off on the stewing and ruminating, and to literally sleep on a problem.
I also try to set up timelines so I can see that if a decision is required by a certain date/time, I set up milestones and allow for that "decision" time.
...and Good Luck, Mr Yuck.
posted by Artful Codger at 11:55 AM on March 5 [2 favorites]
I'd like to send you to some Red State to do some good, but, that seems mean.
I spent my government career in explosive ordnance so there's that.
My divorce lawyer was from Montana. We got along well but I could never quite believe she came from Montana. The people I knew in the army who were from Montana were circumspect. I could fit in with them.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 12:24 PM on March 5 [1 favorite]
I spent my government career in explosive ordnance so there's that.
My divorce lawyer was from Montana. We got along well but I could never quite believe she came from Montana. The people I knew in the army who were from Montana were circumspect. I could fit in with them.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 12:24 PM on March 5 [1 favorite]
Greg Ace and I are both Asheville expatriates who ended up in Oregon. There are a lot of us! It's good here. I have no regrets. I mean, its expensive, its not perfect, etc, etc, it is not exactly the communist workers paradise I was hoping for, but I really love it here. And having politicians who actually do their jobs and listen to their constituents is priceless. Theres still Trumper and conspiracy dingbats and weird ass cultists but its not the norm, really? Even out here in the sticks. The city is probably even better. And there's less jesus and it is the most beautiful place on the planet, I swear.
posted by mygothlaundry at 3:17 PM on March 5 [5 favorites]
posted by mygothlaundry at 3:17 PM on March 5 [5 favorites]
and it is the most beautiful place on the planet, I swear.
okay but have you been to a crusty alley in the industrial corridor of Chicago's southwest side
posted by phunniemee at 3:22 PM on March 5 [3 favorites]
okay but have you been to a crusty alley in the industrial corridor of Chicago's southwest side
posted by phunniemee at 3:22 PM on March 5 [3 favorites]
I lived in Chicago until I was twelve. My dad was always going to and from the deep South because he was a civil rights investigator and when we'd pick him up at the airport there was this Italian restaurant we'd go to and one night it was blocked off and on fire and my parents shrugged and we went to the Czech place. I had a route delivering the Tribune and the next morning I learned that we'd missed a bomb by 30 minutes. I loved Chicago, but that was a long time ago.
My half brother settled in Seattle after lots of roaming. His French mother died of an infection while the two of them were crossing the Atlantic. The crew quarantined him for 5 days with his mother's corpse and he was never the same. He came into some money on that side when he was fresh home from Vietnam and used his French and Vietnamese contacts to set up a drug distribution network in Seattle. It was exclusive and very profitable but he had to disappear from our lives and died young and alone. Family tasked me with figuring out what happened so I spent a good chunk of 1991 in Seattle.
I hadn't really considered going back to either of those places, but I will now.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 5:20 PM on March 5 [4 favorites]
My half brother settled in Seattle after lots of roaming. His French mother died of an infection while the two of them were crossing the Atlantic. The crew quarantined him for 5 days with his mother's corpse and he was never the same. He came into some money on that side when he was fresh home from Vietnam and used his French and Vietnamese contacts to set up a drug distribution network in Seattle. It was exclusive and very profitable but he had to disappear from our lives and died young and alone. Family tasked me with figuring out what happened so I spent a good chunk of 1991 in Seattle.
I hadn't really considered going back to either of those places, but I will now.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 5:20 PM on March 5 [4 favorites]
It took me years to notice that I have a decision making mode, one so deeply rooted in my personality that I learnt to be sceptical of any ostensible goals of mine and suspicious about lists of pros and cons as likely post hoc rationalisations of decisions taken elsewhere in pursuit of concealed goals.
Truth is, it is always about keeping options open and creating new possibilities. Anything new that seemed exciting, engaging, offered a lot to learn and which was likely to take me to places geographical, intellectual and experiential that I had not yet been was a yes.... no matter what the cost in terms of upheaval, unpreparedness and the brute challenge to be met.
At the same time, I've been extremely reluctant to let go of anything I had already; change countries yes, switch languages yes, develop completely new areas of expertise yes, learn how to function effectively in new cultures yes, cut ties, sell up anywhere? Nope. Never. Add always, subtract only if unavoidable.
The upside? Life has been off the scale fun and exciting, rich, stimulating and conducive to my number one delight - learning.
The downside? I have crashed and burnt countless times, done a lot but taken on too much and promised more than I ever delivered (I no longer spend half the night squirming with shame at technicolour remembrance of past failings but that bit of learning took time and hard work), friendships have suffered, (where being nearby and available over the years is key) and career wise spread myself too thinly.
The miracle? Our family. We survived. We're close and loving. There's a few scars to be sure (certain personalities don't do well in some cultures). But lots of riches. And that's not an accident. Family was always central, still is, more imperative than optional. What's good for the family is good for me. We're shameless huggers and lovers!
posted by dutchrick at 3:39 AM on March 6 [6 favorites]
Truth is, it is always about keeping options open and creating new possibilities. Anything new that seemed exciting, engaging, offered a lot to learn and which was likely to take me to places geographical, intellectual and experiential that I had not yet been was a yes.... no matter what the cost in terms of upheaval, unpreparedness and the brute challenge to be met.
At the same time, I've been extremely reluctant to let go of anything I had already; change countries yes, switch languages yes, develop completely new areas of expertise yes, learn how to function effectively in new cultures yes, cut ties, sell up anywhere? Nope. Never. Add always, subtract only if unavoidable.
The upside? Life has been off the scale fun and exciting, rich, stimulating and conducive to my number one delight - learning.
The downside? I have crashed and burnt countless times, done a lot but taken on too much and promised more than I ever delivered (I no longer spend half the night squirming with shame at technicolour remembrance of past failings but that bit of learning took time and hard work), friendships have suffered, (where being nearby and available over the years is key) and career wise spread myself too thinly.
The miracle? Our family. We survived. We're close and loving. There's a few scars to be sure (certain personalities don't do well in some cultures). But lots of riches. And that's not an accident. Family was always central, still is, more imperative than optional. What's good for the family is good for me. We're shameless huggers and lovers!
posted by dutchrick at 3:39 AM on March 6 [6 favorites]
Making a decision involves a balance of logic, intuition, and clarity. First, I define the problem and gather relevant information. Then, I analyze the possible options, weighing the pros and cons carefully. I trust my instincts while also considering long-term consequences. If needed, I seek advice from trusted sources. Finally, I make a firm choice and take responsibility for the outcome, staying open to learning from the experience.
posted by shivaram at 10:11 AM on March 6 [1 favorite]
posted by shivaram at 10:11 AM on March 6 [1 favorite]
Whoa...my tax refund was deposited in my account only FIVE DAYS after I filed, both state and federal! I'm amazed and delighted. I may spring for a really good single-malt scotch in celebration this weekend.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:45 AM on March 7 [1 favorite]
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:45 AM on March 7 [1 favorite]
Some of my decisions are made when I finally hit a “fuck it” point and realize that I can no longer deal with whatever drove me to that point.
This morning I decided it was time to dump my current Kindle Paperwhite, which became a pain to deal with beginning around the time that I cancelled Prime (and I don’t think that is coincidental). I sent my previous Paperwhite to my cousin, who is very much enjoying it, and I’ll probably wipe one and donate it to someone else as well. I may even sell it as it is one of the older, in demand models.
So a Kobo or Nook it is. I’m leaning towards Kobo. I know all about sideloading, I have the software and I’m a freaking software tester, I can figure this out.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 4:26 AM on March 8
This morning I decided it was time to dump my current Kindle Paperwhite, which became a pain to deal with beginning around the time that I cancelled Prime (and I don’t think that is coincidental). I sent my previous Paperwhite to my cousin, who is very much enjoying it, and I’ll probably wipe one and donate it to someone else as well. I may even sell it as it is one of the older, in demand models.
So a Kobo or Nook it is. I’m leaning towards Kobo. I know all about sideloading, I have the software and I’m a freaking software tester, I can figure this out.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 4:26 AM on March 8
In honor of Daylight Savings, and the unseasonably warm day we are having today in Chicago (nearly 60 degrees!), I have opened up the house a bit. Not really warm enough for open windows, but it's been a long winter. A little bit of fresh air will be worth it.
posted by notoriety public at 12:27 PM on March 9 [1 favorite]
posted by notoriety public at 12:27 PM on March 9 [1 favorite]
I've had a little Kobo reader for about 10 years, it's been OK. I also put the Kobo app on my cheap Android tablet when we went travelling. I resent the high price of e-books in general, but it's sometimes convenient, and it's still less expensive than a new dead-tree book.
posted by Artful Codger at 12:40 PM on March 9 [1 favorite]
posted by Artful Codger at 12:40 PM on March 9 [1 favorite]
I taught spouse the “Hertz Donut” joke this evening. My day is complete.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 2:55 PM on March 9 [2 favorites]
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 2:55 PM on March 9 [2 favorites]
After a day like that, I bet you'd enjoy a nice Hawaiian Punch!
(reference for the youths)
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:23 PM on March 9 [2 favorites]
(reference for the youths)
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:23 PM on March 9 [2 favorites]
okay but have you been to a crusty alley in the industrial corridor of Chicago's southwest side
vindication
posted by phunniemee at 7:21 PM on March 20 [1 favorite]
vindication
posted by phunniemee at 7:21 PM on March 20 [1 favorite]
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This past weekend was great! It was KCFF (Kingston Canadian Film Festival) time in the city; Shepherd and I went to a Q&A with actor Jay Baruchel. It was hosted by Elamin Abdulmahmoud, who was delightfully charming. The next day we went to the premiere screening of Still Alive in Kingston, directed by Jay Middaugh, local filmmaker and neighbour. (I was delighted when there was a series of shots of our street! I had no idea!) Shepherd and I tend to be pretty much hermits so getting out and seeing familiar faces and supporting a local festival felt good.
posted by Kitteh at 11:02 AM on March 3 [6 favorites]