Who stole all the cheese?

April 13, 2025 9:44 AM

The inside story of the boom in luxury food heists. Guardian article by Will Coldwell.
posted by paduasoy (11 comments total)

Anybody got eyes on Wordshore?
posted by phunniemee at 9:59 AM on April 13 [18 favorites]

It wasn't me.

I can eat a lot of cheese. But not that much cheese. Or smoked salmon.
And no place to put it while I eat my way through it...

Feel bad for these businesses.
posted by Windopaene at 10:57 AM on April 13 [3 favorites]

I have not yet attempted to figure how much smoked salmon I can eat...I mean, it wasn't me!!! it was a bear, probably.

also, cheese.
posted by supermedusa at 11:41 AM on April 13 [2 favorites]

I can eat a lot of cheese. But not that much cheese.

I believe in you.
posted by biffa at 11:46 AM on April 13 [6 favorites]

A lot of it seems to be going to sanctions-hit Russia.

With how much willful tolerance by customs officials, I wonder.
posted by jamjam at 12:05 PM on April 13 [1 favorite]

A few rubles under the table can get things done...

And I think bears prefer them fresh, and wriggling.

When I was a kid, one of the companies that were clients of the corporation my dad was CEO of, would send gifts. Once, a giant crate of fresh asparagus, (which I put on the cool danish modern teak table, and the nails at the bottom tore it up, still have that table, still has the scratches), but for a couple of years, we got a box of smoked salmon. Being in Kansas, any kind for salmon was, unusual. Like, 15-18 tuna can sized cans. It was really tasty. But so much salt. You just couldn't eat much of it without your body saying, "yeah, lay off, that's enough".

Was hard to make it through those cans...

And appreciate the confidence biffa. Trying.
posted by Windopaene at 12:37 PM on April 13

I always had the dream of having a big wheel of cheese my own but I wouldn't go this far.
posted by donio at 1:19 PM on April 13 [1 favorite]

donio: "I always had the dream of having a big wheel of cheese my own but I wouldn't go this far."

Would you risk life and limb chasing one down a steep hill? How far would donio go for a wheel of cheese.. I feel like we have lightning in a bottle here

Let's start with.. shave your head?
posted by ginger.beef at 2:11 PM on April 13 [2 favorites]

How can this be the only post tagged smokedsalmon? There are 208 posts tagged cheese! And Sorry, no matches for the tag arbroathsmokies across MetaFilter. It's a travesty.
posted by paduasoy at 2:39 PM on April 13

I'll send Lemkin a crate of Arbroath Smokies, give it 20 years until they become nostalgic about the topic and we'll have a post, paduasoy. :-P

(The Wordshore user gave Metafilter this, previously, "22 tonnes of stolen cheese" and this, previouslier: "Friend acquires a lot of cheese. What to do with it?")
posted by k3ninho at 2:47 PM on April 13 [1 favorite]

Be on the lookout for a chicken with an especially malevolent aura.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 3:01 PM on April 13 [2 favorites]