My roof, my rules!

January 8, 2003 1:08 PM

Do you dread bringing your S.O. home for the holidays? Maybe next year I'll host the festivities and make mom and dad sleep in separate rooms. Nah, they don't have sex anyway.
posted by vito90 (21 comments total)

When I first started dating my (now) wife, we visited my parents about a week after we started having sex. We slept in separate rooms without my parents requesting it because my wife didn't want to cause any trouble.

The next visit (about 2 months later) we slept in separate rooms again, but managed to get a little fun in anyways.

All of the visits after that we slept in the same bed (about 6 months into the relationship and beyond) because it just seemed silly to pretend "it" wasn't happening.

I'm glad my parents never made a big deal about it.

Her parents, on the other hand...
posted by grum@work at 1:15 PM on January 8, 2003

On the upside, it adds spice to screwing on the family dining table.

not that I ever did that, of course
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 1:16 PM on January 8, 2003

Can't hold off for a couple days?

then again, what else is there to do . . .
posted by cinderful at 1:20 PM on January 8, 2003

My mom threw me out when she found out I was having sex under her roof.

Course she never liked the fact that I do it with more guys than she does, so I guess that explains it.
posted by WolfDaddy at 1:23 PM on January 8, 2003

As my boyfriend and I sat on the plane, flying down to Florida to visit his grandmother for Christmas, he turned to me and said, "I wonder if Grandma's going to give us a room together or give us separate rooms." Somehow the idea that a Catholic, Kansas-raised 70-year-old woman would arrange for her grandson and his girlfriend to share a bed had not even crossed my mind.

After spending all day crammed against him in an airplane, I didn't so much mind having a whole bed to myself to spread out in.
posted by katieinshoes at 1:29 PM on January 8, 2003

I met my S.O.'s family this past Christmas '02. Sleeping with former S.O.s under my 'rents' roof has never ever been a problem. My Mom and Dad just sort of shrugged it off and let me do my own thing as long as I was respectful of others in the house. My beau's family is far more conservative and his father is quite religious. I felt naughty when we (two divorced thirty-somethings) sat in my S.O.'s childhood room on his bed watching TV with the door open while his mother quietly shuffled around doing laundry. I truly hope that his family loosens up a bit during my next visit, but while under someone else's roof I was raised to respect the house rules. Sigh.
posted by VelvetHellvis at 1:35 PM on January 8, 2003

and then there is the guy who brought his girlfriend home for two weeks and discovered his dad having sex with his girlfriend. Tit for tat, so to speak.
posted by Postroad at 1:41 PM on January 8, 2003

"...while under someone else's roof I was raised to respect the house rules."

Bravo. I think that bears repeating:

"...while under someone else's roof I was raised to respect the house rules."

If it's a problem following the house rules, maybe a motel room is in order.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 1:42 PM on January 8, 2003

During my freshman year of college, I went home with my girlfriend to meet her very conservative family. That night, we fell asleep together, to be awoken in the early morning by her mom. It was not pretty.

I probably shouldn't have given her father a wink over breakfast, either.
posted by Ty Webb at 1:44 PM on January 8, 2003

When the mother of my child and I were still dating we spent a Christmas with my folks. My mom wouldn't allow us to sleep in the same room in her house, even though my SO was pregnant with our child, which my mother knew. I was a bit upset but respected my mother's dominion over her own home, so we spent Christmas eve at our place and went over on Christmas morning.
posted by botono9 at 1:48 PM on January 8, 2003

Holiday sex stories from the columnist with the coolest name, Dan Savage
posted by monkeyman at 1:51 PM on January 8, 2003

Well, just imagine being gay and bringing your same-sex partner home for the holidays! You can't get married even if you want to, unless you live in a few liberal countries. Thanks, WolfDaddy for your story!
posted by PigAlien at 1:59 PM on January 8, 2003

Maybe next year I'll host the festivities and make mom and dad sleep in separate rooms. Nah, they don't have sex anyway.

You never know. If you're lucky. Because sometimes you can happen to walk in on/overhear things....

A friend of a friend has parents who are in their eighties. Her mother has recently recovered from a heart attack. One night Sara heard them arguing (loudly, because they're rather deaf), and the fight was playing out something like:

Mum: I just had a heart attack! I do NOT want to have sex with you!"

Dad: Well, I'm a man, and a man has needs...
posted by orange swan at 2:09 PM on January 8, 2003

Nah, they don't have sex anyway.

How gallant of you to tell us so. They must be very proud of you.
posted by timeistight at 2:41 PM on January 8, 2003

as a parent (step father) I was surprised to find my step daughter and one of her female friends and one of her male friends asleep in her bed one morning. They said that they had fallen asleep watching TV on the bed.

I believed them, but thought that they didn't a reason.
posted by DBAPaul at 2:50 PM on January 8, 2003

I've always chosen to sleep in a separate room when staying at my wife's parents' house...I mean, if they found out that I was sleeping with their daughter who knows what they would do to me?

P.S. I think they're beginning to suspect
posted by filmgoerjuan at 3:23 PM on January 8, 2003

I got to stay in the same room and same bed with my [somewhat younger] boyfriend this Thanksgiving. The nookie idea went straight out the window when I realized that his parents are those knock-and-come-in types, not the knock-then-wait-for-answer-then-come-in types. They would also roll their eyes and make wiseass remarks if they walked into a room and we were kissing [not big tonguey kissing, just pecks]. Otherwise they are super nice people, but this was the first real family holiday together. I slept with all my pj's on and begged off from Christmas.
posted by jessamyn at 3:29 PM on January 8, 2003

I guess it's different when you WANT to say a virgin until you're married. I realize that very few people ascribe to that way of thinking anymore, but my wife and I were both virgins, and in fact had never kissed (my parents had no direct involvement in either of those decisions) until our wedding day. I'm telling you, that kiss was wonderful. We've both been very open and honest with each other and have a very healthy sex life--with no games and all the commitment in the world. Anyone else out there lose their virginity on their wedding night? I say I'm GLAD that we stayed in separate rooms, voluntarily.
posted by psychotic_venom at 3:50 PM on January 8, 2003

filmgoerjuan, the kids are probably a giveaway.

Thank you, I'm here all week.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 3:51 PM on January 8, 2003

psychotic_venom, I've heard that story a lot. But think about this: while that one kiss may have been wonderful, think of all that time you wasted not kissing. I'm not saying you're wrong, just showing the other side.
posted by callmejay at 12:29 PM on January 9, 2003

from the title I expected this to be about people feeling like they couldn't have sex because of the lotsa family in close quarters "shaking the ceiling while grandma's having breakfast" scenario. So I was kinda surprised to see the suggestion that parents would split the kid from their SO - seems to me that by the time you're ready to bring someone home for the holidays, you're getting kinda serious. But that's me; some people would bring home someone at an earlier stage than i would, and some people would put off sex for longer than I would, so...

all in all it comes down to a kind of interesting modern problem, which is that the world's larger and more complex these days, so people don't usually feel ready to marry & have a family a few years post puberty, and don't usually feel ready to marry a particular person after a few tribal, or town, dances & some gift exchanging with the parents... So by the time we get around to the communal ritual of exchanging vows, the relationship is usually pretty deep, whereas in the past, the marriage would happen first, and then the relationship would be explored. Courtship was often just to make sure everyone (in-laws used to have a lot more to do with it...) got along okay and there was some kind of attraction between the couple. These days people are willing to spend lots of time seeking out that one perfect match...

all of which means it's much more personal and less family oriented, and there aren't big rituals to celebrate it all until after things are pretty well cemented between the couple. In the end it seems perfectly within the parent's rights to refuse to recognize the relationship until it has been thus publicly proclaimed, but it also seems quite detached and dull.
posted by mdn at 1:14 PM on January 9, 2003