The Home Despot
January 28, 2003 8:40 PM   Subscribe

Shop. Destroy. Rule. "We sell. You conquer."
posted by quonsar (29 comments total)
I bet a certain feller in a big White House is an investor!
posted by amberglow at 8:42 PM on January 28, 2003

I love that in books he has Election Fixing.
posted by riffola at 8:42 PM on January 28, 2003

A solar powered submarine! Just what I always wanted! Where's my credit card?
posted by dg at 8:45 PM on January 28, 2003

it doesn't look like they have enough in terms of style on that site - what's a good coup d'etat without the right wardrobe?
posted by madamjujujive at 9:06 PM on January 28, 2003

Nifty link.
posted by Cyrano at 9:38 PM on January 28, 2003

(I realize that's not the best comment in the world, but I just wanted to shout out for one of the better remember-why-I-came-here-in-the-first-place links I've seen in a while...)
posted by Cyrano at 9:40 PM on January 28, 2003

About five years ago I thought about creating a Forbes-like magazine I would call Autocrat. It would have a very small but very influencial target audience. The big conceit was to really skate as thin a line of satire and sedition as possible. I had all kinds of borderline treasonous ideas for articles for the struggling despot for how to deal with western democracies whose foriegn policies and attitudes toward you can be schizophrenic at best.

But I had and have absolutely no idea about how to launch a magazine. At the time I had only dim ideas about how to use the web and they didn't involve me publishing anything. Alas and alack. I suppose I could dust the idea off and make a front page for it that would be mildly amusing still.
posted by wobh at 9:45 PM on January 28, 2003

I don't get it. Is it just the cover page? I clicked on the various links (I'm actually trying to get a nice regime going, funnily enough), and didn't get very far. Where's the beef?
posted by oissubke at 9:45 PM on January 28, 2003

Autocrat sounds a winner, wobh. Perhaps the concept would support a whole stable of magazines:

Bendic - the magazine for benevolent dictators;

Zurpy! - a comic book for electoral usurpers;

Tin Pot Deluxe (incorporating Pol Pot) - tropical real estate for amateur tyrants.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 12:08 AM on January 29, 2003

I'm not getting this one either. Nothing works.

I'm guessing that the header: "Shop. Destroy. Rule." by "Home Despot" is the essence of the psuedo-seditious hilarity. How rich.
posted by hama7 at 3:39 AM on January 29, 2003

like the submarine!
posted by sgt.serenity at 4:52 AM on January 29, 2003

Sorry Miguel, but I believe Autocrat addresses the needs of those audiences as well, or better than those cheap knock-offs.

Bendic: Autocrat assumes that it's target audience is ultimately wise and benevolent.

Zurpy!: Autocrat recognizes that historical and political accidents happen and that one must sometimes suffer the pretense of democracy. We will write at length on how to make sure it remains a pretense and how to keep power out of the hands of the mob.

Tin Pot Deluxe: I ask you, who would take this seriously? Autocrat is a serious magazine.

We do not tolerate redundancy, waste and foolishness, real or perceived. They would have to be eliminated.

(It's the "feel-good-about-yourself" editorials that I wanted to write most.)
posted by wobh at 6:21 AM on January 29, 2003

I love that after Bullets, Artillery Shells, Mortar Shells, Surface-to- Air Missiles, Surface-to- Surface Missiles, Air-to- Surface Missiles, Torpedoes, Depth Charges, Rocks, etc...

...they still have a "Kitchen and Bath" section. Truly One Stop Shopping!
posted by Shane at 6:23 AM on January 29, 2003

There's no there, there.
posted by gottabefunky at 6:36 AM on January 29, 2003

I clicked on the various links ....and didn't get very far.

Me neither oissubke. This is obviously an imperialist plot. Let's go to the radical supply shop, and get some Che-style berets and storm the palace. Then we can set up a new regime with supplies purchased at Home Despot's competition--OpressorMax.
posted by jonmc at 6:47 AM on January 29, 2003

There's no there, there.

What are you talking about? I just put a half-dozen SCUDs and a new shower-curtain on my Mastercard.
posted by Shane at 6:51 AM on January 29, 2003


Ha ha! How about Wal-Marx?
posted by hama7 at 6:53 AM on January 29, 2003

I just go to the real Home Depot, buy castor bean plants, and harvest the ricin. Instant WMDs! It's fun!
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 6:56 AM on January 29, 2003

This would be a nice companion resource to the ever-popular "So You've Decided to be Evil" site.
posted by yhbc at 6:57 AM on January 29, 2003

In Toronto, Home Despot does the conquering itself! Wheeee!
posted by stonerose at 7:15 AM on January 29, 2003

Sorry, this is a better link.
posted by stonerose at 7:18 AM on January 29, 2003

perhaps people better not visit that home despot site, since the fbi now has a way to monitor every click you make.
posted by quonsar at 7:35 AM on January 29, 2003

Cute. It reminds me of another well-done parody where, much to my dismay, none of the links acutally work.
posted by iconomy at 8:36 AM on January 29, 2003

iconomy: Wow. That was the laugh that made my day week. Why haven't I seen that before?
posted by Shane at 9:11 AM on January 29, 2003

In Toronto, Home Despot does the conquering itself!

ITYM "In Soviet Russia..." HTH. HAND.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:10 AM on January 29, 2003

Shane, it used to get a lot of play around here, but I think it's in need of some updating - some of those users are no longer active. We have a lot more new people here than quonsar could be (and should be) making fun of. I volunteer to help make fun of them, if quonsar wants me to.

Tangentially related - I was very tempted to do a MetaFilter version of this site, with all of my favorite posters answering the question. I still may. I'm always taking notes...
posted by iconomy at 10:23 AM on January 29, 2003

Miguel, anyone who's ever been to Rhode Island knows that Autocrat makes a damn fine Coffee Cabinet
posted by briank at 10:41 AM on January 29, 2003

a MetaFilter version of this site3

Heh! Go for it, iconomy--sounds fun!
posted by Shane at 11:15 AM on January 29, 2003

*sits down and waits for iconomy to post URL of the "Why did the MeFi chicken cross the road?" page*
posted by dg at 1:38 PM on January 29, 2003

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