Napkins, get your napkins

February 10, 2003 8:16 AM

Oklahoma's state senator has made a prolific move for all of humanity He wants to require Oklahoma barbacue restaurants to offer napkins. Yes, seriously.

No confirmation if he was paid off by the napkin lobby.
posted by RobbieFal (23 comments total)

This is a joyous day for progressives everywhere. Vive la Viva! Next step: Moist Towlettes!
posted by psmealey at 8:25 AM on February 10, 2003

Cloth napkins are good, but moist towelettes are the best.

On preview, psmealey beat me to it.
posted by Frank Grimes at 8:27 AM on February 10, 2003

mmmm. barbeque.
mmmm. cloth napkins that some fat slobby guy with ass for breath used to wipe his hands filled with grease and probly fecal whatever from wherever. mmmm. that same napkin getting bleached white and given to you for a meal that requires more face and hand cleaning than pretty much anything. mmmm....!!!! something makes me think this germ-swapping could bring about an accidental new incurable virus.
posted by Peter H at 8:41 AM on February 10, 2003

I agree. This measure doesn't go far enough. Moist towelletes at least, but a handtowel dipped in warm water would be nice, too. And a nap.
posted by adampsyche at 8:44 AM on February 10, 2003

And their theme song would be blues harp-player James Harman's Mo' Na'kins Please!, eh?
posted by SealWyf at 8:49 AM on February 10, 2003

Is there any corner of contemporary American life that isn't befouled by the corrupt influence of big napkin?
posted by monkey.pie.baker at 8:52 AM on February 10, 2003

You all don't already get moist towelettes?
posted by konolia at 8:53 AM on February 10, 2003

Peter H: you're being paranoid about the wrong thing - there aren't (m)any bacteria which aren't killed, or viruses which aren't inactivated, by bleaching and laundering. Don't worry, you're far more likely to catch something from a doorknob than from a laundered napkin, no matter how fat and slobby the people who used it before it was washed were.
posted by biscotti at 9:12 AM on February 10, 2003

Moist towlettes! I judge a barbecue restaurant by whether they give me a warshrag. Yes = good restaurant. No = go elsewhere. Moist towlettes = amateurs. Paper napkins = probably add the barbecue sauce after they cook the meat, rather than before and during.
posted by Mo Nickels at 9:16 AM on February 10, 2003

This and additional, low cost parking is the true call of every American in the service of her country.
posted by The Jesse Helms at 9:23 AM on February 10, 2003

Will they be serving barbecue at the cock fights in Oklahoma? Ummmm.. bar-b-q chicken!

Will the stars and bars be the required emblem on these napkins? Or how about higher chairs and lower tables to better serve those evolutionary challenged patrons (k-drag)?

Wanna know why it's so windy in Oklahoma?

Texas sucks and Kansas blows.
posted by nofundy at 9:27 AM on February 10, 2003

biscotti - true. i was bein funny. that said, this trouble raisin senator fella's only trying to get napkins in the joints, i read no provision of laundering them. now, as someone who loves the south and has visited a lot of it - the mind immediately swims into thoughts of being handed a once or twice used napkin with a few sauce stains, some faded some fresh. usually the less sanitized the place the better the bbq. and the outdoor spot off the highway, often the best. mmmm. hungry!
posted by Peter H at 9:27 AM on February 10, 2003

Is there any corner of contemporary American life that isn't befouled by the corrupt influence of big napkin?

[dies]
posted by lazaruslong at 9:31 AM on February 10, 2003

I definately agree that this legislation is misguided. Moist towlettes are disposable and much more sanitary. If they're good enough for Yasser Arafat, they're good enough for me.

Also, is "prolific" the right word?
posted by gsteff at 9:44 AM on February 10, 2003

> This is a joyous day for progressives everywhere. Vive la
> Viva! Next step: Moist Towlettes!

Real progressives choose Maoist towelettes.

OTOH, real rednecks know that wiping up is what the white bread is for.
posted by jfuller at 10:10 AM on February 10, 2003

most towelettes for everyone
posted by toothgnip at 1:01 PM on February 10, 2003

I'm thinking "profligate" may have been the intended word.

But maybe not.

I would like a law that diners be required to cook hash browns all the way through.
posted by obfusciatrist at 2:00 PM on February 10, 2003

I've been pushing for years now that "free refills" on soft drinks be required by law in all restaurants.
posted by jpoulos at 2:42 PM on February 10, 2003

"While he doesn't expect the bill to survive, Robinson says he'l bring in barbecue and cloth napkins if the bill gets out of the Senate."

that's enough reason to vote for his bill. :)
posted by RobbieFal at 2:47 PM on February 10, 2003

you're far more likely to catch something from a doorknob than from a laundered napkin

Oh God! I touch doorknobs everyday! I'm doooooooooooooooooooomed!
posted by DyRE at 3:23 PM on February 10, 2003

I'm always interested in how bills like this are actually written. The text of the bill is here. Scroll down a page to the little bit of underlined text; they're just adding one tiny thing to what licensed restaurants are already required to do. It's really a funny place to put this, because everything else mentioned is very general, and then we get to this one very specific thing. The process of changing statutes is quite fascinating.
posted by JanetLand at 6:40 PM on February 10, 2003

Metafilter - you're far more likely to catch something from a doorknob.
posted by Wet Spot at 7:00 PM on February 10, 2003

DyRE, if you think too much about the doorknobs you touch everyday, you might get a bit obsessive.
posted by madamjujujive at 7:50 PM on February 10, 2003