Whoa! Human-Equine Transformation

March 2, 2003 11:50 AM

If Wishes Were Horses - "the site dedicated to human-equine transformation." If you ever had a secret desire to be a horse, this site explains the reasons for becoming a horse and offers helpful advice on topics like building your own hooves. Oh, and don't miss the artwork. Not interested in equine transformation? Well which animal would you like to be?
posted by madamjujujive (37 comments total)

Nobody ever suspects... the BUTTERFLY!!
posted by Space Coyote at 11:55 AM on March 2, 2003

These guys are the creepy furries of the "I want to be a horse" scene. The people who really know where it's at (and won't take no for an answer) are already transforming themselves. (NSFW)
posted by Officeslacker at 12:12 PM on March 2, 2003

Tom Leppard, the 'Leopard Man', formerly Tom Woolridge, is covered from head to toe in big cat tattoos.
He lives as a hermit in a remote part of the Scottish island of Skye.
Picture here.

Erik Sprague, the 'Lizard Man' is a performance artist who
has undergone body modification to give himself some lizard-like characteristics, such
as a forked tongue and ridges on his head.
More here.
posted by plep at 12:14 PM on March 2, 2003

Everyone wants to be a stallion, no one wants to be a gelding.
posted by Nelson at 12:19 PM on March 2, 2003

Of all the wierd human affectations, this is about the strangest, I think (except maybe scat fetishes).

Well which animal would you like to be?

A pig, so I could tell you all to eat me?
A fat pampered housecat?
A Jack Russell Terrier, so I could actually be more annoying than I currently am?
A Yellowstone Wolf, so I could really piss the Rednecks off?
How 'bout a Chimera? Clever like a fox, lazy as a dog, as wise as an Owl, as mean as a junkyard dog, cute as a kitten and hung like a horse?

No thanks. I think I'll just concentrate on being a human being, (though it would be just too cool to have adamantine claws...)
posted by Wulfgar! at 12:46 PM on March 2, 2003

Makes fucking sheep on the farm seem not so bad. . .
posted by the fire you left me at 12:54 PM on March 2, 2003

Let's not forget Cat Man.
posted by samuelad at 1:00 PM on March 2, 2003

thanks for the links, plep. fascinating stuff...
posted by erebora at 1:57 PM on March 2, 2003

Can I be a pony?
posted by Orange Goblin at 2:06 PM on March 2, 2003

There's no limit to how weird people can get.

There's a guy in Britain who's gone and "accidently" lost his limbs. He says he feels complete now!
posted by five fresh fish at 2:11 PM on March 2, 2003

Wulfgar- I vote for fat house cat. What a friggin' life.
posted by oflinkey at 2:21 PM on March 2, 2003

Gah! There's nothing about this that isn't creepy.
posted by Hildago at 2:37 PM on March 2, 2003

Q: What kind of animal would you be, if you could be an animal?
A: You already ARE an animal.
posted by wilberforce at 2:39 PM on March 2, 2003

wilberforce, you promised you wouldn't talk about that.

But beyond all the weird body morphing and the kink of the furry culture, there is another level of human-to-animal and animal-to-human transformation that is rooted in native spirituality and creation stories. Not to mention evolution.

Many native cultures have spirit creatures, totems, fetishes, or use animal masks or costumes for ritual, personal power or prayer. Some either emulate, draw power from, shape shift, or in some case become, the animal. Then there's the whole mermaid and centaur thing, the half human - half animal theme that's recurrent throughout civilization. So this furry fetish may be a bizarre contemporary pop manifestation, but it is not without a pedigree.
posted by madamjujujive at 3:17 PM on March 2, 2003

Here are is a friend of mine being a Zebra on brighton beach - and some reasons.
posted by Spoon at 3:18 PM on March 2, 2003

I've always wanted to be a cat. Never done any dressing up or painting or anything, but I just wanted to be a cat. Probably never will, I like being a human now. Had a really good imagination as a kid, and a good imagination never leaves you.
posted by stoneegg21 at 4:39 PM on March 2, 2003

I think I'll become a waterbear. They're just so... cute!
posted by five fresh fish at 5:30 PM on March 2, 2003

if i could be anything in the world that flew i would be a bat and come swooping after you.
posted by goddam at 5:31 PM on March 2, 2003

I'd be a bear so that I could give everybody hugs!!!!!!
posted by Hildago at 5:32 PM on March 2, 2003

For a cause: PETA tiger woman.
posted by homunculus at 5:34 PM on March 2, 2003

Many native cultures have spirit creatures, totems, fetishes, or use animal masks or costumes for ritual, personal power or prayer. Some either emulate, draw power from, shape shift, or in some case become, the animal.

Couldn't agree with this more! (Wulfgar is not an accidental name.) But I think the line between spiritual understanding and erotic satisfaction has been crossed so often, that many people put their desires into an affectation, a fetish, a will to be what you're not.

I would love it if we could totemise our relationships rather than animalize our desires.
posted by Wulfgar! at 5:42 PM on March 2, 2003

homunculus, let's try this PETA tiger women link - looks like yours got hijacked by a banner ad.

Wulfgar!, excellent point, and very well stated.
posted by madamjujujive at 5:49 PM on March 2, 2003

I would love it if we could totemise our relationships rather than animalize our desires.

Care to expound? This is an interesting statement, I'm just not perfectly clear on it.
posted by Hildago at 6:02 PM on March 2, 2003

"It's not a matter of wanting to be a mouse..."

-Monty Python
posted by clevershark at 6:11 PM on March 2, 2003

Thanks for the rescue, madam.

Another way to become a horse, or at least a part of a horse, is through a ballot initiative.
posted by homunculus at 6:30 PM on March 2, 2003

Humanimals! (NSFW - I had to link to the google cache because the original page has been removed.) via tranceformator
posted by snez at 7:49 PM on March 2, 2003

Fabulous find, snez! As are many of the links contributed in this thread - it's certainly turning into a catch-all for some bizarre stuff.

snez, your find reminded me to look for another NSFW page that I had come across last year -
boytaur, which bills itself as an "online resources for boytaurs, multilimbers, shapeshifters, and their friends." A boytaur is - what else? - a guy with four legs.
posted by madamjujujive at 8:06 PM on March 2, 2003

skallas: from the Reasons for Becoming link: "The Dangers of Shape Loss: A well documented danger, particularly in magical transformations, is that of Shape Loss. While some spells instantly impose an equine level of intelligence, others are more insidious. Following the physical transformation, the mind changes much more slowly, and often engenders a false sense of security in the unwary. Thinking themselves to be still human at heart, they are unaware of the equine behavioural patterns that slowly creep in, until quite without realising or intending it, they become fully equine both mentally and physically."

So apparently these people don't actually want a horse mentality, although they risk it...
posted by five fresh fish at 9:25 PM on March 2, 2003

I recall reading an NYT article shortly after the Columbia breakup about psychological evaluations of (prospective?) astronauts. The article is surely in the pay archives now. Anyway, if I recall correctly, "what kind of animal would you be?" is a question they ask.

There are certain types of duck (genus aythya?) that can briefly swim underwater in addition to flying, floating, and walking. Seems like a nice deal to me--you experience many environments! But then again, in a very real sense humans can do all of these things too.
posted by tss at 10:12 PM on March 2, 2003

Thinking themselves to be still human at heart, they are unaware of the [x] behavioural patterns that slowly creep in, until quite without realising or intending it, they become fully [x] both mentally and physically.

Happens to the best of us.
posted by homunculus at 10:23 PM on March 2, 2003

Elephantoplasty.
posted by mcwetboy at 4:18 AM on March 3, 2003

Boytaur is one of those sites that has me exclaiming "This is the crappest picture EVER! Quick, show me another."
posted by hot soup girl at 6:44 AM on March 3, 2003

Holy shit, my eyes! My stomach. And I was gonna pop in this thread and say how I wanted to be a domestic cat because they have such an easy time.

Now I want to be something green and sick, like a bullfrog with dysentery.
posted by furiousthought at 7:25 AM on March 3, 2003

And then there's the picture of Boytaurs Mating. Apparently they reproduce via the anal tract.

What a mildly horrifying site. Horrifying, in that the photoshopping is just *so* poorly done.
posted by five fresh fish at 7:51 AM on March 3, 2003

DUDE'S SCHLONG!
posted by Orange Goblin at 8:27 AM on March 3, 2003

Worst. Porn. Ever.

My god. It's like some traffic accident. I can't stop looking and exclaiming in horror. Hell, I've even called my wife over to witness it all. She's equally aghast.

I think Boytaur.net should be shared with everyone. It's just so... normalizing.
posted by five fresh fish at 11:32 PM on March 3, 2003

It is pretty hilariously horrifying, isn't if fff? I was mesmerized when I found the site - it's just so ghastly. I don't know how found it. I blame quonsar.
posted by madamjujujive at 3:49 PM on March 4, 2003