"You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!"
March 12, 2003 11:26 AM   Subscribe

"You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!" Readers of the London Daily Telegraph have voiced their opinion and have decided that Michael Caine's exasperated exclamation from The Italian Job is the greatest one-liner in the history of film. But that can't be entirely right, can it? Surely the MeFi collective can come up with better.
posted by grabbingsand (322 comments total)
Wow, I've never seen that movie, but as soon as I read that line I heard Michael Caine's voice saying it in my head. I'll have to think of my favorite one-liners.
posted by starvingartist at 11:30 AM on March 12, 2003

My favorite has always been from Miller's Crossing, Gabriel Byrne throwing open the door to the women's powder room, drink in hand, and warning: "Close your eyes, ladies, I'm coming through."
posted by uhnyuftz at 11:30 AM on March 12, 2003

Oh man

"This is my BOOM Stick!"
- Bruce Campbell Evil Dead 2

"I came here to kick ass and chew bubble gum and I'm all out of bubble gum"
- Roddy Piper They Live
posted by bitdamaged at 11:31 AM on March 12, 2003

"This one goes to eleven."
posted by mr_crash_davis at 11:32 AM on March 12, 2003

(A frivolous post, perhaps... but you needed a break from pondering the fate of the free world, didn't you?)
posted by grabbingsand at 11:32 AM on March 12, 2003

"Leave the gun, take the cannoli."
posted by machaus at 11:33 AM on March 12, 2003

"Those aren't pillows!"
posted by PrinceValium at 11:35 AM on March 12, 2003

"Get away from her, you bitch." --Aliens, in which virtually every line is a good one-liner

"I don't mind if you don't like my manners. I don't like them myself. They're pretty bad. I grieve over them on long winter evenings." --The Big Sleep
posted by Prospero at 11:36 AM on March 12, 2003

"Back off, man. I'm a scientist." Pete Venkman, Ghostbusters.
posted by Wulfgar! at 11:40 AM on March 12, 2003

ah'll be bahk - Terminator
posted by msacheson at 11:45 AM on March 12, 2003

I want more life, fucker.
posted by Ty Webb at 11:46 AM on March 12, 2003

"I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists!"
- Blazing Saddles

so many favorites... i can't just choose one.
posted by grabbingsand at 11:49 AM on March 12, 2003

Oh, and a collective thank you to grabbingsand for this relief valve of a thread. Metafilter does one-liners very well.
posted by machaus at 11:49 AM on March 12, 2003

The Dude abides.

- one of about a hundred priceless lines from The Big Lebowski
posted by gompa at 11:53 AM on March 12, 2003

"anytime annie. she only once said no, and then she didn't understand the question" - andy 42nd street
posted by t r a c y at 11:53 AM on March 12, 2003



posted by yhbc at 11:54 AM on March 12, 2003

And like that... he's gone
posted by thewittyname at 11:57 AM on March 12, 2003

I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that.

From a movie full of 'em.
posted by Skot at 11:58 AM on March 12, 2003

"I'm not the heroic type. Really, I was beaten up by Quakers!" - Sleeper
posted by picea at 11:59 AM on March 12, 2003

A brit? From a movie nobody's seen? And a generation of frat boys quoting Fletch cry quietly in their beers...
posted by jalexei at 12:00 PM on March 12, 2003

"My God. I haven't been fucked like that since grade school. "
- Helena Bonham Carter, Fight Club
posted by psmealey at 12:00 PM on March 12, 2003

"You talkin' to me?"
posted by CoolHandPuke at 12:00 PM on March 12, 2003

Bob Slydell: Looks like you've been missing quite a bit of work lately.

Peter Gibbons: Well, I wouldn't say I've been MISSING it, Bob.

(Office Space)
posted by _sirmissalot_ at 12:01 PM on March 12, 2003

"...we are the romans"


for movies...

"But he will see the big board"

-from 'Dr. Strangelove'
posted by clavdivs at 12:03 PM on March 12, 2003

"I don't read novels. I prefer good literary criticism."

- Tom Townsend, Metropolitan
posted by halleck23 at 12:04 PM on March 12, 2003

Son, you got a panty on your head.
posted by vraxoin at 12:05 PM on March 12, 2003

It's the one with "bad motherfucker" written on it.

And there are about a hundred others from Pulp Fiction, like the oft quoted: "I'm gonna get medieval on your ass."
posted by eyeballkid at 12:07 PM on March 12, 2003

"The more you drive, the less intelligent you are"

-- Repo Man
posted by bondcliff at 12:07 PM on March 12, 2003

Two of my favorites, much as it shames me to admit it, are from the masterpiece known as Roadhouse:

"Hurts, don't it?"


"You're my new Saturday night thing."

And from another Patrick Swayze movie:

"Nobody puts Baby in a corner."
posted by eilatan at 12:09 PM on March 12, 2003

"...There will be no tip, but on your deathbed you will receive complete enlightenment. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice."
posted by me3dia at 12:09 PM on March 12, 2003

Brian: You are all individuals!

Crowd (together): We are all individuals!

Life of Brian.
posted by carter at 12:10 PM on March 12, 2003

"Damn the man!"

--Empire Records
posted by dazed_one at 12:10 PM on March 12, 2003

The Black Knight: "Just a flesh wound."

--Monty Python and The Holy Grail
posted by mfoight at 12:10 PM on March 12, 2003

"Shut up and deal" -- Shirley Maclaine in The Apartment

"This is L.A. This is my town. Out here you're a trespasser. Out here I can pick you up, burn your home, fuck your wife, and kill your dog. And the only thing that'll protect you is if I can't find you. And I already found you. " -- Nick Nolte in Mulholland Falls (shite movie, but Nolte is badass)

Pretty much the entire script of Miller's Crossing:

Verna: Shouldn't you be doing your job?
Tom Reagan: Intimidating helpless women is my job.
Verna: Then go find one, and intimidate her.
posted by kirkaracha at 12:12 PM on March 12, 2003

Carter, you forgot the kicker line!
Brian: You are all individuals!
Crowd (together): We are all individuals!
Man in Crowd (sotto voce): I'm not.
posted by notsnot at 12:15 PM on March 12, 2003

The best bit of that is the bit you missed out...

Brian: You are all individuals!

Crowd (together): We are all individuals!

Man (alone) : I'm not!
posted by twine42 at 12:15 PM on March 12, 2003

"By choice, man. By choice."
posted by widdershins at 12:16 PM on March 12, 2003

You sure it's Bernie, selling you out?
It ain't elves.

Damn, why isn't Miller's Crossing on DVD?
posted by CunningLinguist at 12:18 PM on March 12, 2003

notsnot Can I just say 'I hate you'?

Thank you. I hate you.

posted by twine42 at 12:18 PM on March 12, 2003

Pretty_Generic, those Marx brothers quotes really are fantastic.
'Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.'
"You're a mind reader? I'm surprised you're still speaking to me."

Yeah jonmc, all Kevin Smith films are a rich quote supply, just too many for me to pick from.

'I'll be back' is a part of the mainstream conciousness now, just like 'play it again Sam' (sic) and '...with a fine chianti'. But we are supposed to be supplying the greatest one liners, not the best known, so I'll have to think again.

Good for everyday use:
'I know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone neither.'
posted by asok at 12:19 PM on March 12, 2003

On review, Bondcliff takes the trophy. Favourite film ever.
posted by Dan Brilliant at 12:20 PM on March 12, 2003

On review, bondcliff takes the trophy. Favourite film ever.
posted by Dan Brilliant at 12:20 PM on March 12, 2003

From Rashomon:
Commoner: Well, men are only men. That's why they lie. They can't tell the truth, even to themselves.

This is supposed to be one-liners, but the conversation continues:
Priest: That may be true. Because men are weak, they lie to deceive themselves.
Commoner: Not another sermon! I don't mind a lie if it's interesting.
posted by CrunchyFrog at 12:20 PM on March 12, 2003

To be honest my favorite line is the Butch Cassidy quote that kafkaesque beat me to, but a close second is "dying ain't much of a living, boy."
posted by cyclopz at 12:21 PM on March 12, 2003

Gompa's right: The Big Lebowski is filled with great quotes. It's difficult to choose a favorite, but...

Jesus Quintana (after Walter has had a bowling match postponed because he won't bowl on the Sabbath): What's this day of rest shit? What's this bullshit? I don't fuckin' care! It don't matter to Jesus. But you're not foolin' me, man. You might fool the fucks in the league office, but you don't fool Jesus. This bush league psyche-out stuff. Laughable, man - ha ha! I was gonna fuck you in the ass Saturday. I fuck you in the ass next Wednesday instead. Wooo! You got a date Wednesday, baby!
posted by jdroth at 12:21 PM on March 12, 2003

When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, looks you crooked in the eye and asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol' Jack Burton always says at a time like that: "Have ya paid your dues, Jack?" "Yessir, the check is in the mail."
posted by mookieproof at 12:22 PM on March 12, 2003

I'm surrounded by assholes!
posted by Nauip at 12:26 PM on March 12, 2003

Are you talkin' to me? ah?
posted by notsnot at 12:27 PM on March 12, 2003

"We've gone on holiday by mistake!"... and nearly every other line in the entire blessed flick.
posted by scody at 12:27 PM on March 12, 2003

"Okay guys, one more thing: This summer, when you're being inundated with all this American bicentennial Fourth Of July brouhaha, don't forget what you're celebrating. And that's the fact that a bunch of slave-owning, aristocratic, white males didn't want to pay their taxes."
posted by *burp* at 12:27 PM on March 12, 2003

Double Indemnity is such a great movie full of great lines. I prefer 'That guy knows more tricks than a car load of monkeys'
posted by kookywon at 12:29 PM on March 12, 2003

Ok, I know this isn't really a one-liner, but I love this quote:

How do you know when you've had a good time? When you throw your knickers up against the wall, and they stick there. [Dogs in Space -- horrible film, but great quotable lines]
posted by greengrl at 12:31 PM on March 12, 2003

notsnot/twine42: Dang! In that case, how about (also from LoB):

Blind man: I used to be blind, but now I can see!

(Blind man falls in pit).
posted by carter at 12:31 PM on March 12, 2003

Come and see the violence inherent in the system!
  -Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail
posted by Mick at 12:32 PM on March 12, 2003

So that happened.
posted by subgenius at 12:34 PM on March 12, 2003

Most of these are humorous one-liners, much like most of the ones in the London Daily Telegraph's rankings were from Brit-centric movies. To balance both trends, here's three all-American ones:

"Thirty years from now, when you're sitting around your fireside with your grandson on your knee and he asks you, "What did you do in the great World War II," you won't have to say, "Well... I shoveled shit in Louisiana."

"The needs of the many outweigh ... the needs of the few."

And this classic exchange:

"I call that bold talk for a one-eyed fat man."
"Fill your hand, you son of a bitch!"

posted by yhbc at 12:37 PM on March 12, 2003

"I spit in your general direction!"

"Fetchez le vache!"

"But I'm not dead yet!"

"Help! Help! I'm being repressed!"

and pretty much everything else from Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail.
posted by dazed_one at 12:37 PM on March 12, 2003

Lighten up, Francis!
posted by Samsonov14 at 12:38 PM on March 12, 2003

"I am choking the alligator"
- Stranger than Paradise
posted by soplerfo at 12:40 PM on March 12, 2003

"Well, I just hate you, and I hate your ASS FACE!" You can even listen to the sound clip if you don't believe me.
posted by argybarg at 12:43 PM on March 12, 2003

Damn, why isn't Miller's Crossing on DVD?

It's being released on May 20, along with Barton Fink.

And here's the script (HTML, 112KB).
posted by kirkaracha at 12:45 PM on March 12, 2003

"She's a witch!" - Monty Python.

And for the longest one liner award, I present...

"Look maybe you don't understand, I'm Mr. Juntao's lawyer, legal advisor, he got into some shit again and he told me to come down here and I'm a very busy man, ain't got time to be down here this late but I'm down here, my wife want me to come home, my baby is shittin' all over the house, he needs diapers, would you please go get Mr. Juntao? "
posted by twine42 at 12:46 PM on March 12, 2003

Into the mud, Scum Queen!
posted by trigfunctions at 12:51 PM on March 12, 2003

From one of the best movies ever:

I do, I offer a complete and utter retraction. The imputation was totally without basis in fact, and was in no way fair comment, and was motivated purely by malice, and I deeply regret any distress that my comments may have caused you, or your family, and I hereby undertake not to repeat any such slander at any time in the future.
posted by widdershins at 12:54 PM on March 12, 2003

"What's that got to do with my knob?"
- Bedknobs & Broomsticks
posted by thekorruptor at 12:54 PM on March 12, 2003

Captain Oever: Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?
- from Airplane!
posted by birdsong at 12:56 PM on March 12, 2003

I can't believe this one has been neglected:

Rick: I came here for the waters.
Fat German Officer: But there are no waters in Casablanca
Rick: I was misinformed.

and from the same exchange:

Are my eyes really brown?
posted by trox at 12:57 PM on March 12, 2003

Annoying customer: "It says one hundred percent guaranteed, you moron!"
Judge Reinhold as Brad Hamilton: "Mister, if you don't shut up, I'm going to kick one hundred percent of your ass!"

Jeff Spicoli: "This is U.S. History, I see the globe right there. "

Jeff Spicoli: [driving and stoned] "People on 'ludes should not drive. "

Stacy Hamilton: "When a guy has an orgasm, how much comes out? "Linda Barrett: "A quart or so."

And too many others to list.
posted by justgary at 12:57 PM on March 12, 2003

"Gentlemen. You can't fight in here. This is the War Room!"

--Dr. Strangelove
posted by thelahungingeet at 12:58 PM on March 12, 2003

"May I please use the restroom? ... thank you."
posted by GeekAnimator at 12:58 PM on March 12, 2003

"I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that." HAL, 2001. I just found a page of HAL wavs here. (Another one of them, "Everything is going extremely well," I seem to recognise as a sample from British musician Juno Reactor.)
posted by carter at 1:00 PM on March 12, 2003

Too many to list, but since no one seems to have mentioned Animal House I will add (in no particular order):

"Every Halloween, the trees are filled with underwear... every spring, the toilets explode."

"What?! Over? Did you say over? NOTHING is over until WE decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? HELL, NO!"

"Thank you sir -- may I have another?"

"Is that a pledge pin on your uniform!?!?!"

"Well, what the hell we 'sposed to do ya mo-ron?"

"They took the bar! The whole fucking BAR!!"

To name a few :)
posted by terrapin at 1:01 PM on March 12, 2003

posted by dash_slot- at 1:03 PM on March 12, 2003

Wise Words by Cool Men website is LOADED with these.

(Go to the 'Site Index', under 'movie index')
posted by kablam at 1:06 PM on March 12, 2003

"Ray, if somebody asks you if you're a god, you say YES!"

or maybe

"Let off some steam, Bennett."
posted by kaibutsu at 1:07 PM on March 12, 2003

my favorite from the shining is:

See, it's OK. He saw it on the television.
posted by poopy at 1:07 PM on March 12, 2003

"Dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick."
"How many dicks is that?"
"A lot"

"I'm hungry. Let's get a taco."

Reservoir Dogs
posted by vito90 at 1:09 PM on March 12, 2003

"To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women!" -- Conan, describing what he thinks is the best thing in life.
posted by freakystyley at 1:12 PM on March 12, 2003

"You can turn your back on a person, but never turn your back on a drug. Especially when it's waving a razor-sharp hunting knife in your eye. " - Raoul Duke
posted by brand-gnu at 1:12 PM on March 12, 2003

I want my two dollars!

amidst hundreds of others.
posted by dragstroke at 1:14 PM on March 12, 2003

Fabian does climb on. Butch STARTS her up.

Whose motorcycle is this?

It's a chopper, baby.

Whose chopper is this?


Who's Zed?

Zed's dead, baby, Zed's dead.

And with that, the two lovebirds PEEL AWAY on Grace, as the

thanks to http://pages.tca.net/nathan/pulp/lyrics-zedsdead.html
posted by stormy at 1:14 PM on March 12, 2003

From "Play it Again, Sam":

Allan: If that plane leaves the ground, and you're not on it with him, you'll regret it - maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life.
Linda: That's beautiful!
Allan: It's from Casablanca; I waited my whole life to say it.
posted by jann at 1:16 PM on March 12, 2003

"I asked for a car, I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign?"
posted by kaibutsu at 1:16 PM on March 12, 2003

Fuck him right in the ear!

Here I come, god. Here I come, you fucking rat!

- and many many others from southpark, the movie.
posted by poopy at 1:19 PM on March 12, 2003

"What does this mean, integrity?"

"A pocketful of firecrackers waiting for a match."

Damn, why isn't Miller's Crossing on DVD?

It's being released on May 20, along with Barton Fink.

BF is already available in France
posted by matteo at 1:20 PM on March 12, 2003

my 4 faves from o brother where art thou:

well ain't this place a geographical oddity! two weeks from everywhere" - ulysess

pete the personal rancor reflected in that remark i don't intend to dignify with comment, but i would like to address your general attitude of hopeless negativism. consider the lilies of the goddamned field or hell take a look at delmar here as your paradigm of hope - ulysess

he's a suitor! - wharvey gal

you two are just dumber than a bag of hammers. - ulysess
posted by t r a c y at 1:21 PM on March 12, 2003

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It's been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game, is a part of our past, Ray. It reminds us of all that once was good, and that could be again. Oh people will come, Ray. People will most definitely come".

-Field of Dreams
posted by birdsong at 1:22 PM on March 12, 2003

"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!"
posted by nofundy at 1:24 PM on March 12, 2003

jesus, people. ONE-LINER. stop quoting entire damned scenes and complete monologues.

posted by xmutex at 1:30 PM on March 12, 2003

posted by tommasz at 1:31 PM on March 12, 2003

Luke, I am your father. Come with me and join the dark side of The Force, you knob.
He saw "Jedi" nineteen times, eh.


"This is a FUCK!!!"
posted by *burp* at 1:34 PM on March 12, 2003

It's supposed to be hard! If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it.

There's no crying in baseball!

I love the first quote and refer to it often.
posted by CoolHandPuke at 1:37 PM on March 12, 2003

"We use a large vibrating egg."
posted by Gilbert at 1:37 PM on March 12, 2003

"I want to buy your women. The little girl, your daughters. Sell them to me! Sell me your children!" - Blues Brothers
posted by y6y6y6 at 1:38 PM on March 12, 2003

"I don't hate women, but I do deny them my essence."
posted by Ignatius J. Reilly at 1:39 PM on March 12, 2003

I'm a huge fan of a couple I can't believe nobody quoted!
"Hey Dr Jones, no time for love. We got company!"
"I've got a bad feeling about this..."

And doesn't "Bond...James Bond" count for anything? Or perhaps "Can I borrow your underpants for ten minutes?" or the ominous "twoooooo dollarrrrrss..." or "Up there, it's their time! It's their time up there. Down here it's our time. It's our time down here!"

One of my very favorites, though..."I hate the way she LICKS STAMPS!!!!!" That always struck me as the deepest hate imaginable.
From: Temple of Doom, Star Wars 4-6, Bond movies, 16 Candles, Better Off Dead, Goonies, and Ruthless People.
posted by verso at 1:40 PM on March 12, 2003

you mean we've gotten this far in the thread with no sign of preston sturges in sight? for shame, people.

"you ought to put handles on that skull. you could grow geraniums in it!"

"positively the same dame."

"...but with a little sex in it!"

"here's for your swimming pools and your fancy clothes and your motion pictures, and for the little girl who only tried to help you!"


and my favourite hal hartley quotes:

"young, middle class, white, college educated, unskilled, broke, drunk."

"listen pal: you can't just come in here, spout universal truths and use my toaster without proper justification!"

"do you trust me?" "if you trust me first."

and one from stranger than paradise:
"this is the way we eat in america. see? i got my meat, i got my potatoes, i got my vegetables, i got my dessert, and i don't even have to do the dishes."

okay, and one from harold and maude:
posted by pxe2000 at 1:42 PM on March 12, 2003

posted by Ignatius J. Reilly at 1:42 PM on March 12, 2003

jesus, people. ONE-LINER. stop quoting entire damned scenes and complete monologues.

"You have no call to get snippy with me; I'm just trying to do my job here."
posted by Ljubljana at 1:42 PM on March 12, 2003

Tyrell: The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long - and you have burned so very, very brightly, Roy.
posted by gen at 1:43 PM on March 12, 2003

"He hates these cans!"

"Wow, you're really trying to be accurate!"

Two, of many too many to mention, from the second funniest film ever made.
posted by baltimore at 1:48 PM on March 12, 2003

Roy Batty: I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.
Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion.
I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate.
All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.
Time to die.

posted by gen at 1:48 PM on March 12, 2003

"Fuck you, you fucking fuck!" - Get Shorty

"...be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm." - Snatch
posted by vito90 at 1:48 PM on March 12, 2003

Say it! I lost the nest egg. I lost the nest egg.
- Albert Brooks / Lost in America
posted by davebush at 1:48 PM on March 12, 2003

OK, one more, then I'll stop obsessing. "We want the finest wines available to humanity. We want them here, and we want them now.
posted by Gilbert at 1:49 PM on March 12, 2003

Hello, Peter. We need to talk about your TPS reports.

Office Space, 1999
posted by CrazyJub at 1:49 PM on March 12, 2003

Oh, Stifler's Mom, whoa!
- american pie
posted by poopy at 1:50 PM on March 12, 2003

...gin, I simply adore gin!
posted by jaz at 1:53 PM on March 12, 2003

"I thought you said "Earn more sessions by sleeving."
posted by *burp* at 1:56 PM on March 12, 2003

"I am Spartacus"
posted by stbalbach at 1:56 PM on March 12, 2003

"Yeah! Let's go get sushi and not pay."
posted by oninochuck at 1:58 PM on March 12, 2003

Let's get out of here before one of those things kills Guy!
- galaxy quest
posted by poopy at 1:59 PM on March 12, 2003

We're gonna need a bigger boat.
posted by Guy Smiley at 2:00 PM on March 12, 2003

Gilbert, you missed: "I feel like a pig shat in my head."

also ...

"This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time."

"Learned a new word today. Atom Bomb. It was like God taking a photograph."

and the last one I say to myself often, though it's difficult to understand without context. (TE Lawrence, off to rescue a man stranded in the desert, whose death is considered written in fate)

"Nothing is written."
posted by bl1nk at 2:06 PM on March 12, 2003

People, people! It's obvious:

"My name is Pussy Galore."
"I must be dreaming."


Either of these qualifies - together, they're off the scale.

[gripe] (And I hate having to click the IMDB link each time to find out which movie - what is this, mahjong?) [/gripe]
posted by gottabefunky at 2:09 PM on March 12, 2003

Curse my metal body!
posted by scarabic at 2:11 PM on March 12, 2003

[gripe] (And I hate having to click the IMDB link each time to find out which movie - what is this, mahjong?) [/gripe]

Yaaas, this is what the title attribute is for, no? As in

<A href="www.imdb.com/Title?123345" title="Little Barry and the Foamy Demons">"My favorite quote evah!!!"<a/>.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 2:18 PM on March 12, 2003

Fassbinder is dead!

Every single word from Holy Grail.

We're the People's Democratic Front for the Liberation of Palestine and all further variations thereof

Get off the fucking stage! for various reasons.

And of course the immortal Keanu-ism, "I know kung-fu!"
posted by jokeefe at 2:18 PM on March 12, 2003

She makes me feel kinda funny, like when we used to climb the rope in gym-class.
-garth from wayne's world
posted by poopy at 2:18 PM on March 12, 2003

Big Trouble In Little China is chock full of one-liners that I probably use too often. Notable among them:

"Like I tell my wife, I never drive faster than i can see, and besides, it's all in the reflexes"

"Now this really pisses me off to no end!"

"Are you crazy? Is that your problem?"

And my personal fave:

"Sonnuva Bitch must pay!"
posted by Wulfgar! at 2:20 PM on March 12, 2003

I agree with Liam's nomination.
"You don't understand, Osgood. I'm a man!"
Well, nobody's perfect!"
Has there been a better closing line?

And this exchange:
"Abby someone! Abby who?"
"Abby Normal."

posted by Holden at 2:21 PM on March 12, 2003

Also, bitdamaged left out another great one from They Live:

"Life's a bitch and the bitch is in heat!"
posted by Wulfgar! at 2:22 PM on March 12, 2003

We grow copious amounts of ganja here, and you're carrying a wasted girl and a bag of fertilizer. You don't look like your average horti-fucking-culturalist.

- Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
posted by antimony at 2:23 PM on March 12, 2003

"He is nothing! The well is everything!"

-- Laurence of Arabia

"A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti"

-- The Silence of the Lambs

"He disagreed with something that ate him"

-- Alien
posted by tomcosgrave at 2:25 PM on March 12, 2003

Okay, one more: the horrific.

What... have you done... with his body? (from Brazil)
posted by jokeefe at 2:27 PM on March 12, 2003

One of my favorite set-piece rants from one of my favorite movies, Network (1976):

...I want you to get mad. I don't want you to protest, I don't want you to riot, I don't want you to write to your congress man, because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression, the inflation, the Russians, or the crime in the streets. All I know is that first...You've got to get mad!

...You've got to say, "I'm a human being, goddamn it! My life has value!"

... I want you to get up right now, and go to the window, open it, and stick your head out, and yell: "I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!"
posted by alumshubby at 2:31 PM on March 12, 2003

Yes, yes. All very good. But not one of them compares to Michael Caine in The Italian Job.
posted by salmacis at 2:33 PM on March 12, 2003

another one:

"I don't want to know who you use, as long as they're not complete muppets. "

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
posted by grabbingsand at 2:33 PM on March 12, 2003

"Heineken? F... that s...! Pabst Bue Ribbon!" and several others courtesy Mr. Frank Booth (ignore Jeffrey and Sandy)

"Who's being naive, Kay?"-- too obvious

"I coulda been a contender." as said by the best of all (also too obvious)

"I never did stop loving you, by the way" (Royal to Etheline)
posted by 111 at 2:34 PM on March 12, 2003

I need guns. Lots of guns. .
posted by aznblader at 2:35 PM on March 12, 2003

Nora Charles: "Waiter, would you serve the nuts? I mean, serve the guests the nuts." (The Thin Man)
posted by nicwolff at 2:38 PM on March 12, 2003

"Shit salad?"

"Me so HORNY! Me love you LONG time!"
posted by gsalad at 2:44 PM on March 12, 2003

"Shit salad?"

"Sucky sucky, two dolla!"
posted by gsalad at 2:45 PM on March 12, 2003

"Pooberty hit her real hard" (Support Your Local Sheriff)
posted by joaquim at 2:47 PM on March 12, 2003

"We're only interested in one thing, Bart. Can you tell a story? Can you make us laugh? Can you make us cry? Can you make us want to break out in joyous song? Is that more than one thing? Okay!"

(Barton Fink)
posted by _sirmissalot_ at 2:49 PM on March 12, 2003

Holden, your Young Frankenstein link reminded me of my pick for the funniest single word ever in a movie, also from Young Frankenstein:

posted by Ty Webb at 2:49 PM on March 12, 2003

posted by WolfDaddy at 2:54 PM on March 12, 2003

Flamee away but I think Zoolander is one of the more quotable movies of late:

Rufus, Brint, and Meekus were like brothers to me. And when I say brother, I don't mean, like, an actual brother, but I mean it like the way black people use it. Which is more meaningful I think.

There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought, "Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman"

Oh, I'm sorry, did my pin get in the way of your ass? Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately or get out of my building now!
posted by neilkod at 2:59 PM on March 12, 2003

oninochuck: oh yes, yes, yes!

"Well, Otto... all the lights are going dim.... I know a life of crime led me to this sorry fate. And yet I.... I blame society. Society made me what I am---"
"Bullshit. You're a white suburban punk just like me."
"Yeah.... But it still hurts."

Repo Man is always intense!
posted by jokeefe at 3:02 PM on March 12, 2003

The ashtray and the paddle game and the remote control, that's all I need... and these matches...the ashtray and these matches and the remote control and the paddle-ball... and this lamp...

from The Jerk
posted by amberglow at 3:09 PM on March 12, 2003

"my cat can eat a whole watermelon"
"don't touch my cat"
Ruben and Ed
posted by maceo at 3:09 PM on March 12, 2003

"Give me an H--give me a U--give me a giant pussy-licking ass-fucker cock shit!"

The only thing ever said in a movie that caused me to have a spit take. Otherwise awful movie, but close to my heart because of this one line.
posted by WolfDaddy at 3:16 PM on March 12, 2003

From Lawrence of Arabia:

No, I can't make out whether you're
bloody bad-mannered, or just half-witted.

I have the same problem, sir.

But, I can't believe there are no quotes from Glengarry Glen Ross.

posted by zanpo at 3:18 PM on March 12, 2003

Another classic:

Bad dates.
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:19 PM on March 12, 2003

Nicholson's much quoted:
"You can't handle the truth".

From the Devil's Advocate:
Reeves: "What are you? The Devil? Satan?"
Pacino: "Call me dad."

From Head Office, and little known Judge Reinhold flick:
He: "You're just fucking your way to the top, aren't you?"
She: "Well I wouldn't be much of a businesswoman if I fucked my way to the bottom, now would I."

Or finally, from Lake Placid (that has several good ones):
Sheriff Hank Keough: I...I...I never heard of a crocodile crossing an ocean.
Hector Cyr: Well, they conceal information like that in books.
posted by MidasMulligan at 3:20 PM on March 12, 2003

Everyone I know has a big but.


I say...we let him go!
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:27 PM on March 12, 2003

And from the incomparable Bill Murray, in Ghostbusters:

"Great, somebody blows their nose and you wanna keep it."

"If I'm wrong we go to jail; peacefully, quietly, we'll enjoy it. But if I'm right, and we can stop this thing, then you, Mr. mayor, will have saved the lives of millions of registered voters.
posted by Yelling At Nothing at 3:28 PM on March 12, 2003

Barton Fink:

I'll show you the life of the mind!
posted by jann at 3:29 PM on March 12, 2003

So many from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas:

With a bit of luck, his life was ruined forever. Always thinking that just behind some narrow door in all of his favorite bars, men in red woolen shirts are getting incredible kicks from things he'll never know.

Bazooko's Circus is what the world would be doing every Saturday night if the Nazis had won the war.

How long could we maintain? I wondered. How long until one of us starts raving and jabbering at this boy? What will he think then? This same lonely desert was the last known home of the Manson family; will he make that grim connection when my attorney starts screaming about bats and huge manta rays coming down on the car? If so, well, we'll just have to cut his head off and bury him somewhere, 'cause it goes without saying that we can't turn him loose. He'd report us at once to some kind of outback Nazi law enforcement agency and they'll run us down like dogs. Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?

You better take care of me, Lord. If you don't you're gonna have me on your hands.

Acosta: Let's take the elevator, man.
Raoul Duke: No, that's just what they want us to do. Cram us into a little metal box and drag us down to the basement.

But our trip was different. It was to be a classic affirmation of everything right and true in the national character. A gross physical salute to the fantastic possibilities of life in this country. But only for those with true grit.

Last name? I'd rather not say. My brother's in politics.

Are you ready for that? Checking into a Las Vegas hotel under a phony name with intent to commit capital fraud on a head full of acid? I sure hope so.
posted by will at 3:44 PM on March 12, 2003

Another fine Lebowski moment:

"Say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos."

And by the way, that classic Carl-the-groundskeeper moment in Caddyshack should read:

"Oh, there won't be any money. But when you die, on your death bed, you will receive total consciousness. So I got that goin' for me. Which is nice."
posted by gompa at 3:46 PM on March 12, 2003

"You wanna fight, old man? Is that what you want? I'll hit you so hard, I'll kill your whole family."
posted by jaronson at 3:49 PM on March 12, 2003

"I want to suck his cock."
posted by xowie at 3:52 PM on March 12, 2003

"Somebody say 1-2-3-Go" "123Go" Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

"And ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the prosecution is not going to get that man today, no, because I'm gonna get him! My client, the honorable Henry T. Fleming, should go right to fucking jail!" ...And Justice for All

"My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face, maneuver her next to the bed, marry her, and start the whoopee machine." Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

"Is it safe?" Marathon Man
posted by kirkaracha at 3:52 PM on March 12, 2003

Roger Murdock: We have clearance Clarence.
Captain Oveur: Roger, Roger. What's our vector Victor?


First Jive Dude and Second Jive Dude: Leg 'er down 'n smack 'em yak 'em
posted by maniactown at 3:53 PM on March 12, 2003

or even

Stupid fucking white man.
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:00 PM on March 12, 2003

I'm shakin' the bushes boss, I'm shakin' the bushes...

From Cool Hand Luke
posted by SweetIceT at 4:04 PM on March 12, 2003

"This your place, Carl? It's really...awful."

"Last time I saw a body like that was when I solved the case of the murdered girl with the big tits."
-Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid
posted by Ty Webb at 4:04 PM on March 12, 2003

"Hail to the king, baby!" - Army of Darkness
"You know, I could have been king, but in a way, I already am." - Army of Darkness
"Come get some." - Army of Darkness
"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned by Sega." - Mallrats

and, one of the greatest lines ever:

"Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!
" - Planet of the Apes (the one that didn't suck)
posted by insomnyuk at 4:18 PM on March 12, 2003

Rocko: "Fucking... What the fucking fuck! Who the fuck fucked this fucking... How did you two fucking fucks... FUCK!"
Conner MacManus: Well it... certainly illustrates the diversity of the word.

-- The Boondock Saints, aka one of the most quotable movies of all time.

"I lie to myself. I'm a really great liar. And I'm very gullible."

-- Hurlyburly, same as above
posted by blindcarboncopy at 4:23 PM on March 12, 2003

"Generally, you don't see that kind of behavior in a major appliance."

"'Get her!' That was your whole plan, 'Get her!'. You were scientific."

"Yes, it's true. This man has no dick."

"Why worry? Each one of us is carrying an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on his back."
posted by y6y6y6 at 4:25 PM on March 12, 2003

"I coulda been a contender"
posted by daveg at 4:33 PM on March 12, 2003

Here's a list:
"You don't want to get mixed up with a guy like me. I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel."
--Pee Wee Herman from Pee Wee's Big Adventure

Probably the king of one liner movies is Real Genius with Val Kilmer. Here's a few of my favorites from there:

"Don't eat that. Eating that can cause very large breasts. Oh my God, I'm too late!"

"Was it a dream where you were where you see yourself standing in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid, with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you? Why, am I the only one who has that dream?"

"Do you mind if I name my first child after you? "Dipshit Knight" has a nice ring to it."

And the famous "girls gotta have her standards" question:
"Can you hammer a six-inch spike through a board with your penis?"
posted by aaronscool at 4:34 PM on March 12, 2003

"Are you trying to seduce me Mrs Robinson?"
posted by daveg at 4:35 PM on March 12, 2003

"i've always been big , it was just the pictures that got small"
posted by sgt.serenity at 4:39 PM on March 12, 2003

Yet another Glengarry Glen Ross line that probably should be put on a plaque as the most repeated line in Sales and Marketing Departments everywere:

"A-B-C. A-Always, B-Be, C-Closing. Always be closing, always be closing."
posted by aaronscool at 4:43 PM on March 12, 2003

I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave.
posted by muckster at 4:48 PM on March 12, 2003

Make that "I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that." I apologize for the misquote, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal.
posted by muckster at 4:54 PM on March 12, 2003

"I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle in your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. "

posted by feelinglistless at 4:54 PM on March 12, 2003

"You know how to whistle don't you, Steve? You just put your lips together and blow" - Lauren Bacall in To Have and Have Not (1944)
posted by cbrody at 5:01 PM on March 12, 2003

"How's that working out for you? Being clever."
--Tyler Durden, Fight Club

"Can the freak be any more vague?"

"You're not a messiah, you're a fucking t-shirt."

[And yes, I realize Brad Pitt said them all. I don't know what that means...]
posted by ltracey at 5:02 PM on March 12, 2003

"Wanted in fourteen counties of this state, the condemned is found guilty of the crimes of murder, armed robbery of citizens, state banks and post offices, the theft of sacred objects, arson in a state prison, perjury, bigamy, deserting his wife and children, inciting prostitution, kidnapping, extortion, receiving stolen goods, passing counterfeit money, and contrary to the laws of this state, the condemned is guilty of using marked cards in poker. Therefore, according to the powers vested in us, we sentence the accused here before us, Tuco Benedicto Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez, known as 'the rider', or any other aliases he might go by to hang by the neck until dead. May god have mercy on his soul, Proceed"

From "The Good, The Bad and The Ugly" (One liner italicized)
posted by Joey Michaels at 5:27 PM on March 12, 2003

it's something i do... professionally.
posted by quin at 5:32 PM on March 12, 2003

Wake up! Time to die.
posted by scottfree at 5:35 PM on March 12, 2003

We-lease Wodderwick!
posted by twine42 at 5:38 PM on March 12, 2003

"Well, I've been to one world fair, a picnic, and a rodeo, and that's the stupidest thing I ever heard come over a set of earphones."


"Your Commie has no regard for human life."


"I don't think it's quite fair to condemn a whole program because of a single slip-up."


"You're gonna have to answer to the Coca-Cola company."


"Mein Furher! I Can walk!"

All from the flawless Dr. Strangelove. (And, yes, I realize the last one wasn't a one-liner...)
posted by mrbula at 5:42 PM on March 12, 2003

Be honest; how many of you have used this:

And then, depression set in.
posted by Wulfgar! at 5:45 PM on March 12, 2003

And because i love it so...

It's just a conspiracy of cartographers then?
posted by quin at 5:50 PM on March 12, 2003

Just so that this thread will end up well rounded in the cultured aspects:

My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.

(Am I the only one here who's noticed that a lot of these humorous quotes come from Harold Ramis authored movies?)
posted by Wulfgar! at 5:51 PM on March 12, 2003

One of Clint's best:

Hell of a thing, killin' a man. Take away all he's got and all he's ever gonna have.
Unforgiven (1992)i>
posted by Richat at 5:52 PM on March 12, 2003

"And what charming underclothes you both have."

"How forceful you are, Brad. Such a perfect specimen of manhood. So... dominant."

"A mental mind fuck can be nice. "

(From the Rocky Horror Picture Show)
posted by katherine at 5:59 PM on March 12, 2003

y6y6y6, you forgot this:

"Nimble little minx, idn't she?"
posted by Wulfgar! at 6:06 PM on March 12, 2003

"Kick his ass, Seabass!"

- Dumb and Dumber
posted by kelrae3 at 6:10 PM on March 12, 2003

Wow. Most of my favorites have already been named. I'll just chunk this one on the pile:

All I know is...I finally get to kill somebody.--Francis Sawyer in "Stripes"

Oh, wait. His name is Psycho, Psycho! (You call him "Francis"...he'll kill you)
posted by ColdChef at 6:10 PM on March 12, 2003

(we need a thread like this every now and then)
posted by ColdChef at 6:11 PM on March 12, 2003

Unforgiven, the whole damn movie.

I've killed women and children. I've killed everything that walks or crawls at one time or another. And I'm here to kill you, Little Bill, for what you done to Ned.
-- William Munny

Anybody that doesn't want to get killed best clear on out the back.
posted by dcodea at 6:17 PM on March 12, 2003

Continuation of Richat's Unforgiven quote:

Kid : Yeah, well, I guess he had it comin'.
Bill Munny: We all got it comin', kid.
posted by chris24 at 6:22 PM on March 12, 2003

Not that it's a memorable quote, but it _is_ a good one and it's from a movie that every sci-fi geek should make an effort to see:

"Do you have any matches?"

"No. but i _do_ have a thermic detonator"

[quoting from memory, but i think that's right]
posted by quin at 6:29 PM on March 12, 2003

We all got it comin', Kid.
-- David Peoples, Unforgiven

I love this dirty town.
-- Ernie Lehman's Sweet Smell of Success (and a thousand other lines from that great film)

Angelique: Do you believe in love?
Joe: I believe in saying "I love you."


The blonde with the television show in Philadelphia? I remember that girl's name. I remember that girl's name because that girl meant something to me. The blonde with the television show -- her name was Sweetheart!

-- Both from Robert Alan Arthur and Bob Fosse's All That Jazz

Top of the world, ma!
-- Virginia Kellogg, White Heat

Martha Stewart's polishing the brass on the Titanic.
-- Palahniuk/Uhls/Walker's Fight Club

Susan: What does your father do?
Jonathan: He fails.


I'm taken, by me!


Leave me, Bobby, leave me. I'd almost marry you if you'd only leave me.


There's always got to be poison.
-- Jules Feiffer, Carnal Knowledge

She's my sister and my daughter. Do you understand, or is that too tough for you?
-- Robert Towne, Chinatown

I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore.
-- Chayefsky's Network

1. Need is the ultimate monkey.

2. Fifteen million dollars is not money. It's a motive with a universal adaptor on it.

3. Karma's justice without the satisfaction. I don't believe in justice.

4. The only thing you can guess about a broken down old man is that he is a survivor.

5. You know what I'm gonna tell God when I see him? I'm gonna tell him I was framed.

6. The longest distance between two points is a kidnapper and his money.

-- all from Way of the Gun by Chris McQuarrie

If they move, kill 'em.
-- Green and Peckinpah, The Wild Bunch

'Cause only one thing counts in this world: get them to sign on the line which is dotted.


All train compartments smell vaguely of shit.

-- Mamet, Glengarry Glen Ross

Rayette: You love me, Bobby?
Bobby: What do you think?
-- Carole Eastman, Five Easy Pieces

And, my favorite line of dialogue is the one that's not spoken. The last shot of The Third Man says more than any dialogue ever could.
posted by dobbs at 6:42 PM on March 12, 2003

From SarahHepola.com:

Friday, February 21, 2003

This week my interview with John Cusack ran in The Austin Chronicle. The interview was to promote Cusack's latest film Max, which he also co-produced, about a Jewish art dealer in Post-World War I Germany who befriends a young Adolf Hitler (Noah Taylor).

Here is a part I did not include:

Austin Chronicle: So you're in a lot of movies that people quote. Are there any movies that you quote?
John Cusack: There's this one wild movie that I quote called "The Sweet Smell of Success" with Burt Lancaster and Tony Curtis. That has a lot of good lines.
Austin Chronicle: Do you have a favorite?
John Cusack: [wiseguy voice] "You're dead, son. Get yourself buried."
posted by ColdChef at 6:45 PM on March 12, 2003

"Leathermen don't get nervous."
posted by eilatan at 6:47 PM on March 12, 2003

PUT THAT COFFEE DOWN. Coffee is for closers. I don't see any closers here. - Glengarry Glen Ross

Now that's a real shame when folks be throwin' away a perfectly good white boy like that. - Better Off Dead

You ski the K-12 dude, and girls will go sterile just looking at you! - Better Off Dead

Dyin' ain't much of a living boy! - Outlaw Josey Wales

That's it man, game over man, game over, man! - Aliens

Tell ya the truth, I don't think this is a brains kind of operation. - The Way of the Gun
posted by MikeMc at 6:49 PM on March 12, 2003

How could I have forgotten this little gem:

Shut that cunts mouth or I'll come over there and fuck start her head. - The Way of the Gun
posted by MikeMc at 6:53 PM on March 12, 2003

"You know, sometimes I like to sing and dance around the house in my underwear. Doesn't make me Madonna. Never will."-Working Girl

"You love the little birdies so much, you give them this to perch on."-Roxanne

and anything from the last ten minutes of the Maltese Falcon
posted by miss-lapin at 6:55 PM on March 12, 2003 [1 favorite]

"Excuse me while I whip this out."
posted by chris24 at 7:09 PM on March 12, 2003

Good snappy Mel Brooks comebacks:

Frankenstein: "Igor, can you help me with these bags?"
Igor: "Sure, you take the blonde, and I'll take the one in the turban."
-Young Frankenstein

Count de Monet: "It is said the peasants are revolting!"
King: "You said it. They stink on ice!"
-History of the World, Part I

And the best line from any Mel Brooks film:

"Mongo only pawn . . . in game of life."
'Blazing Saddles
posted by vraxoin at 7:12 PM on March 12, 2003

also from the dark and wonderful Sweet Smell of Success:

"The cat's in the bag and the bag's in the river."


"Maybe I left my sense of humor in my other suit."

thanks for reminding me, ColdChef
posted by grabbingsand at 7:17 PM on March 12, 2003

"Incontinentia Buttocks."
posted by Zonker at 7:24 PM on March 12, 2003

"Nobody ever beat Mongo before. Mongo impressed!" (Blazing Saddles)

"I LIKE IT!" (RoboCop I -- the delivery is everything)

"Call the police!"
"He owns the police!" (Chinatown)
posted by tspae at 7:25 PM on March 12, 2003

"I don't hate cops. I just feel better when they're not around."

and many others from the glorious Bukowski-scripted Barfly.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 7:54 PM on March 12, 2003

"Five foot nine? I didn't know they stacked shit that high!"

Drill instructor to Cowboy, in Full Metal Jacket
posted by SilentSalamander at 7:58 PM on March 12, 2003

But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?
posted by hockeyman at 8:16 PM on March 12, 2003

"I don't hate cops. I just feel better when they're not around."

Actually, the line is "I don't hate people. I just feel better when they're not around."
posted by dobbs at 8:36 PM on March 12, 2003

We'd be remiss if we neglected this gem from Repo Man:

"Let's get sushi and not pay!"
posted by ed at 9:06 PM on March 12, 2003

It's not how far you go, it's how go you far. - Ski School
posted by eyeballkid at 9:15 PM on March 12, 2003

E V E R Y O N E !
posted by coolgeek at 9:17 PM on March 12, 2003

Laureen: "You can blow the seminal prisoner-class infrastructure out your ass! I'm not knocking down my goddam distribution charges!"

From Network. There's a lot more to this brilliantly, blackly funny film than "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it any longer!".
posted by Slithy_Tove at 9:28 PM on March 12, 2003

From a movie I thought was hilarious

"I'll busit ina damn head!"


"Send more paramedics!"
posted by SweetIceT at 10:04 PM on March 12, 2003

I'm surprised no-one's thought of this one:

I've said it before and I'll say it again- life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

And Swingers had some really funny quotes.

I'll have the pancakes in the age of enlightenment, please.
Everyday you wake up the pain is a little less. Then one day you wake up and the pain is gone. But its like you almost miss that pain because, you know, you lived with it for so long.
posted by shadow45 at 10:13 PM on March 12, 2003

Look, mister, we serve hard drinks in here for men who want to get drunk fast and we don't need any characters around to give the joint atmosphere.

And more from the oh-so-quotable Sweet Smell of Success:

I'd hate to take a bite outta you. You're a cookie filled with arsenic.

I love this dirty town.

I often wish I wore a hearing aid. With a simple flick of the switch, I could shut out the greedy murmur of little men.
posted by CunningLinguist at 10:13 PM on March 12, 2003

Actually, the line is "I don't hate people. I just feel better when they're not around."

You may well be right there - it's been far too long since I drained a bottle of cheap scotch while watching that movie. In fact, our Barfly Drinking Game of yore probably had a lot to do with me misremembering the quote.

Time for some new taglines on my webflog!
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 10:16 PM on March 12, 2003

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I break your concentration?" is just one of the many memorable quotes in Pulp Fiction.

Not forgetting the classic "I'll get you, my pretty,... and your little dog too! Ah ha ha ha ha ha!" from the Wizard of Oz.
posted by Tarrama at 10:46 PM on March 12, 2003

And doesn't "Bond...James Bond" count for anything?

That came in first in an earlier vote from 1998, a much better one than the list supposedly under discussion here.

Many classics in this thread, but the line that always cracks me up is Robert DeNiro, in Midnight Run: Now here come two words for you: Shut the fuck up.

Alternately, from an endlessly quotable movie, Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
posted by LeLiLo at 10:53 PM on March 12, 2003

What route are you taking Baz?

Nah I'm goin wif me aunty
posted by johnny7 at 10:53 PM on March 12, 2003

Wait a minute, wait a minute -- you ain't heard nothing yet!"

special props for first one-liner?
posted by Guy Smiley at 11:40 PM on March 12, 2003

My cheezy fave is from Superman, the first one and is delivered by the immutable Terence Stamp:


Delivery, like so many listed here is everything.
posted by Dagobert at 11:43 PM on March 12, 2003

"At least... we got... Terra Haute!"
-dead men don't wear plaid. (this had me laughing for a good five minutes straight.)

Also from a Steve Martin film:

"I was born a poor black child in Mississippi..."
posted by kaibutsu at 12:08 AM on March 13, 2003

Fav short quote:

"Nice night for walk"
- Arnold in The Terminator

Fav long quote:

"Greetings and Salutations! Welcome to the Emergency line of the San Angeles Police Department. If you would prefer an automated response please press one now!"
- Erwin (Rob Schnider), Demolition Man.
posted by krisjohn at 12:57 AM on March 13, 2003

"You know, the first man that can think up a good explanation how he can be in love with his wife and another woman is going to win that prize they're always giving out in Sweden."
--"The Women"

"I like my convictions undiluted, same as I do my bourbon."

"Im a man of one word: Scram!"
--Groucho Marx in "Duck Soup"

"Nature, Mr. Allnut, is what we are put into this world to rise above."
--"The African Queen"

"You drank everything in this state. Try Nevada."
--"California Suite"

"You're good. You're very good."
--"The Maltese Falcon

"You can always put that award where your heart ought to be."
--"All About Eve"

"If I hold you any closer, I'll be in back of you."
--"A Day at the Races"
posted by Kato at 1:56 AM on March 13, 2003 [1 favorite]

I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it.

--Spike on Buffy
posted by divrsional at 2:54 AM on March 13, 2003

"We can't stop here - This is Bat Country!"
-- Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas
posted by PeteTheHair at 3:13 AM on March 13, 2003

Best Canadian-cult-comedy-named-after-a-Bob-Dylan-song one liner:
Mr. Skin (A.K.A. Satan): Lady, you can't cheat at bingo. If you could, I would, but you can't. I won because I was lucky - lucky to wind up in a town full of losers!
- Highway 61

(Sadly, I was unable to google the quote from the border guard played by Jello Biafra, to the effect of "America is like my home. Would you want someone guilty of indecent exposure and posession of marijuana in your home?")

Best so-bad-it's-good one liner:
"Time to take out the trash!"
- Cobra (or possibly some other '80s Stallone flick.) For maximum ironic effect, say whilst actually taking out the trash.

Most gratuitous use of the word Belgium in a serious screenplay:
"My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery."
- Austin Powers

Best funny-accented quote regarding the inability of chicks to hold smoke:
"The thing is--the chicks can't hold the smoke."
- The Breakfast Club
posted by arto at 3:13 AM on March 13, 2003

'No, don't tell her yet. Let her finish her orgasm'.

'You can't talk like that to me. I'm beautiful. I MARRIED'.

Muriel's Wedding
posted by Summer at 3:50 AM on March 13, 2003


- Harpo Marx (in all the Brothers' better movies)
posted by wendellseviltwin at 3:53 AM on March 13, 2003

"Your job is unfair to you? Grow up, way it goes. People use you? Life's unfair? Grow up, way it goes. Your girlfriend doesn't love you? Tough shit, way it goes. Your wife gets raped and shot, and they leave their unfinished beers... stinking longnecks just lying there on the... So be it, way it goes."...

which is from 'Swimming With Sharks' is one of the most powerful lines I've ever heard.

For one liners, you can't beat Scarface... you shtoopid fock!
posted by boney at 4:11 AM on March 13, 2003

"IN MY HOME! In my bedroom where my wife sleeps... where my children come and play with their toys. In my home." Pacino, Godfather Part II.

Poetry and rhythm. No one can do that line justice but Pacino.
posted by humuhumu at 4:48 AM on March 13, 2003

'I'll buy that for a dollar!'

posted by asok at 5:15 AM on March 13, 2003

Although it didn't make IMDB's list of Full Monty quotes ("He's fat, you're thin, and you're both fucking ugly." is a pretty good one), there's one line that had me laughing a full ten minutes after I first heard it, and five minutes before I saw it the second time... I can't explain why:

"It's... it's for the gnomes."
posted by GhostintheMachine at 5:57 AM on March 13, 2003

My nominee for the greatest one-liner in the history of film comes from Joel Schumacher's 1999 film, "Flawless."

Cha-Cha: "I shot my best friend in the tit with my cufflink!"

Other memorable quotes from "Flawless" here:
posted by rwkenyon at 6:05 AM on March 13, 2003

From Brain Donors:

Roland T. Flakfizer: And that spells cash with a capital--
Jacques: K!
Roland T. Flakfizer: You should go back to school.
Jacques: I hated teaching.


Roland T. Flakfizer: "No?" Flakfizer doesn't know the MEANING of the word "No!" We're also a little fuzzy on "panaglutin" and "viscosity.
posted by quibx at 6:21 AM on March 13, 2003

We're on a mission from God
posted by jontyjago at 6:53 AM on March 13, 2003

"You guys wanna smoke a bowl?"
True Romance

"Learnin' about Cuba, and havin' some food!"
Fast Times at Ridgemont High

"Look out! Muppets."
posted by reidfleming at 7:07 AM on March 13, 2003

"I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille." Sunset Boulevard

"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." The Princess Bride

"And that's how you play 'Get the Guests'" Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf

"I swear to God, George, if you even existed I'd divorce you." Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 7:22 AM on March 13, 2003

"I'm not a witch, I'm your wife! And after what you just said, I'm not even sure I want to be that anymore!"

"Have you ever heard of Plato? Aristotle? Socrates? MORONS!"

"You fell victim to one of the clasic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this - never go in against a Sicilian when DEATH is on the line! hahaha! hahaha! haha--"

- Princess Bride
posted by wells at 7:58 AM on March 13, 2003

"I'll have what she's having."
From When Harry Met Sally
posted by Holden at 8:39 AM on March 13, 2003

how about a few hopelessly obscure quotes from C-list movies/ media?

"They're Puppets powered by magic... Muppets!"
-Ruin Explorers

"Ah, enough of this cameraderie stuff... Let's go bust some skulls!"
-TMNT3 - Turtles in Time

"Oh! He who chips the shell must pay!"
posted by kaibutsu at 9:55 AM on March 13, 2003

"I thought you was a toad!" Tim Blake Nelson, O Brother, Where Art Thou?

"I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore!" Peter Finch, Network

"All I want out of life is a 30 share and a 20 rating." Faye Dunaway, Network

"Round up the usual suspects." Claude Rains, Casablanca

"Whoa." Keanu Reeves, Matrix

"Pussy." Sean Connery, Goldfinger

"I like to watch." Peter Sellers, Being There

And two lines: "I heard you had some talent."
"That was last year; this year I'm trying to make a living."
Gloria Swanson and William Holden, Sunset Boulevard

"The suspense is terrible . . . I hope it'll last." Gene Wilder, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
posted by readymade at 11:33 AM on March 13, 2003

"If pissing your pants is cool, then consider me Miles Davis!"

- Billy Madison

"Oh George, not the livestock!"

- O Brother Where Art Thou?
posted by bullitt 5 at 1:01 PM on March 13, 2003

I can't believe we got so far without "San Dimas High School football rules!"
posted by krakedhalo at 1:39 PM on March 13, 2003

The Big Lebowski's been done here, but...

Walter: Look, Larry. . . Have you ever heard of Vietnam?
posted by angry modem at 4:39 PM on March 13, 2003

"Faith is a torment. It is like loving someone who is out there in the darkness but never appears, no matter how loudly you call." -Antonius Bloc from The Seventh Seal

"No! I mean black blood of the earth."

"The Chinese have a lot of hell."

"I don't think he's gonna stop!"

-Big Trouble In little China (yeah, I could quote most of that movie)

"If it's not In frame, it doesn't exist." -Shadow of the Vampire

"Long live the New Flesh!" -Videodrome

"We're jolly green giants walking the Earth, with Guns!"-Full Metal Jacket

"You'll have to answer to the Cocoa Cola company."-Dr. Strangelove

"You're only in trouble if you get caught."-Alladin

"But, I'm a day person." -Once Bitten

"There's a disturbance in Piccadilly Circus involving some sort of mad dog."- The ultimate understatement by Doctor Hirsh in An American Werewolf in London

"I kick ass for the lord!" -Dead-Alive
posted by john at 8:24 PM on March 13, 2003

There's that shit-box Dodge again!
posted by Vidiot at 11:37 PM on March 13, 2003

Jeez, am I late to the party.

Anyhow, from Scarface,

"Look at the pelican, FLY PELICAN!"
posted by adampsyche at 6:16 AM on March 14, 2003

"This snakeskin jacket symbolizes my individuality and belief in personal freedom." --Sailor Ripley
posted by oh posey at 12:32 PM on March 14, 2003

I like you Sully, I'll kill you last. - John Matrix "Commando"
posted by Snyder at 8:11 PM on March 14, 2003

"Sometimes nothing can be a real cool hand."
posted by ifjuly at 10:46 PM on March 14, 2003

Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has left to hold onto.

--Kathy Bates, Dolores Claiborne
posted by witchstone at 1:28 PM on March 19, 2003

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