Ugly Dress
April 4, 2003 8:41 AM   Subscribe

Friday Fun: Heinous bridesmaid dresses. I haven't laughed this hard since the Weight Watchers cards. Make sure to peruse the Pucker contest roundup.
posted by MikeB (15 comments total)
Heh. I'm standing up in a wedding in November, and we have yet to decide on a dress. I'm going to have nightmares after looking at this site now. Thanks.
posted by greengrl at 9:00 AM on April 4, 2003

I laughed! I cried! I reminiced about the "Bridesmaid of Frankenstein" party my friends used to have. Everyone brought the ugliest bm dress they could find. The BEST part was voting on the worst dress and having the male participants wear those. Goot times....
posted by answergrape at 9:02 AM on April 4, 2003

Hilarious! I attended a Wiccan wedding a few years back, and this looks pretty classy in comparison to some of the ensembles I saw.
posted by MrBaliHai at 9:03 AM on April 4, 2003

I've only had to be a bridesmaid once so far (knock on wood), but had to wear a dress that only Olive Oyl could love.

This makes me feel a lot better about that dress.
posted by Salmonberry at 9:19 AM on April 4, 2003

Fact: The bride's overriding motivation in choosing the bridesmaids' dresses is to make the bridesmaids' asses look fat.

It's true.
posted by Dunvegan at 9:44 AM on April 4, 2003

What gets me is this: these are their friends they're doing this to! Wouldn't it be better to select people they didn't like and torture them as mercilessly? Is this some kind of twisted loyalty test?

Aside: I must ask, does the same horribleness happen at gay weddings? None of my friends are really up for the whole "god and everybody" thing, but now I really want to know....
posted by answergrape at 9:58 AM on April 4, 2003

Great link. But my all time favorite worst bridesmaid dresses can be found here. The site I've linked is a favorite of mine, Lots of wedding disaster stories and fun reading in a train wreck kind of way.
posted by orange swan at 9:58 AM on April 4, 2003

I actually had to wear a hot pink version of the "green pair" dress - thankfully, I do not have any pictures of me in that dress, nor do I speak to the girl whose wedding it was for (that'll teach her to put her friends in ugly dresses). Last I heard was that they had split up and hopefully she trashed the pictures.
But on the flip side, just last night I went bridesmaid dress shopping for my friends wedding in June and her other attendant and I are complete opposites body type wise, and she was cool enough to let us pretty much pick out our dresses, and we ended up with complimentary two pieces, with diff style tops that flattered each of us - well, as much as BM dresses can, that is. So not all brides are evil.
posted by thatothrgirl at 10:10 AM on April 4, 2003

I was in my aunt and uncle's wedding. I wore a Pepto-Bismol pink crepe dress with a ruffle at the bottom and white satin ribbons.

I was five, and I thought it was the most beautiful dress in the world. I think the bridesmaids had to wear dresses that were pretty much the same. But if we could only get rid of the constraint that bridesmaids are supposed to be relatively close in age to the bride, there would be a lot of bridesmaids thrilled with the bride's fashion sense. As long as they got to bring their My Little Ponys to the rehearsal dinner.
posted by transona5 at 10:30 AM on April 4, 2003

One time a friend and I had the greatest idea for Hallowe'en costumes: The Bride and Bridesmaid from Hell. We thought we'd hit Goodwill for our costumes (where all the worst dresses go to die). L. was going to wear a poufy white dress with blood (ketchup) spattered all over it and carry an axe. I was going to wear a poufy taffeta pastel dress with matching butt and hair bows and white sequined stockings, and spike heeled shoes with bows on the toes. I would have carried dead flowers, or maybe worn a wreath of them on my hair. We both planned to rat and tease our hair and wear huge amounts of bad makeup (blue eye shadow, frosted pink lipstick, etc.). I was also planning to write some slogans on the hem of my dress, things like, "The bride and I are no longer speaking", "I give the marriage six weeks" and "I hate the groom and I hate this dress". But alas, we never did it.
posted by orange swan at 10:38 AM on April 4, 2003

These are my favorites:

"The color was "Shrimp". I'm 5' 2" tall, I am embarrassed enough looking for the Petite section, now I have to order a dress in "Shrimp".
She is divorced now."


"I don't want to generalize about the bride but I am guessing that she owns more than 5 lawn ornaments.

I have nothing against lawn ornaments, it is just when we got our third one, a reclining from that has a jovial expression on his face I knew that 3 was enough. Actually, I thought 3 was too many but I didn't feel like returning the frog to the store. 5 is way, way, way too many."

I am in a wedding in october. I haven't seen the dress, but it's "beautiful" (So I'm told by the bride) but it's also $300!!! It better be frickin ravishing.
posted by aacheson at 11:24 AM on April 4, 2003

I was in a wedding last August and the bride let us pick out our own dresses as long as they were black, floor length, and didn't show too much cleavage. I found one on eBay for $40 and bought shoes on sale at JC Penny for $15. So aside from travel and lodging expenses (we live multiple states apart), the "free" manicure and pedicure that I had to pay for, the rehersal dinner dress, the wedding gift, the group gift from the bridesmaids, the shower gift, lost time at work, and booze (cash bar at the reception), I got off pretty cheaply.

Good deal, too, since they separated three months after the wedding. Oy.

Pigeon Hat is a really good name for it.
posted by jennyb at 1:39 PM on April 4, 2003

I've been in two weddings in my life, both with hideous dresses. One was bright red and tea length with a deep v-back and the biggest bow in the universe on the ass. (Ahh, 1985. What a fine year for bridesmaids dresses.)

The other wedding was my brother's, just a few years ago. His wife picked out dresses with roughly the color and shine of duct tape, but with only a little of duct tape's class.

I, on the other hand, like my friends so if/when I ever get married, there will be no attendants. I won't force anyone to spend a couple hundred bucks on something they'll just hate me for.
posted by aine42 at 1:55 PM on April 4, 2003

I'm going to be the maid of honour at my sister's wedding in October. Dresses were recently decided on and I received a picture of it in the mail yesterday and I'm okay with it (fortunately it looks NOTHING like any of the ones I see on this site). The three people in her party are all of different sizes (one is a body-builder type with big shoulders, one is tall and skinny and one is me and my body is in flux right now).

My only requests were "no taffeta and no bow on the ass" (Two qualification for dresses on this site it seems) and my sister was okay with that and the other reqeusts from the other bridesmaids. My sister is cool like that (thank goodness!)

I asked my mom if she was going to wear a pillbox hat with a dead bird and a veil on it (similar to the pillbox hat listed above. My sister then blurted that she remembered that a mother of a semi-distant cousin "wore a hat. it was really ugly. please don't wear a hat." she said it so seriously (like is was a PSA) that it was one of the funniest things that was said during the "looking for ideas" trip we took to check things out.

I think I'll send her this link and say thank you for not doing this stuff.

Orange swan, that is hysterical! Too bad you didn't go through with it
posted by melissa at 7:12 PM on April 4, 2003

One was bright red and tea length with a deep v-back and the biggest bow in the universe on the ass.

OMG, I had that same dress! In metallic green lame'. Sad, but true.

I'm in a wedding in 2 weeks, where I'm one of the bridesmaids, but I think because we're all over 30, there was virtually no chance of talking us into poofy, ugly dresses that cost hundreds of dollars and couldn't be worn again. We went with black velvet...they'll make fabulous cocktail dresses after the wedding.
posted by dejah420 at 7:27 PM on April 4, 2003

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