Suffer the Little Children: the Mullet
April 29, 2003 7:29 PM   Subscribe

Still legal after all these years and slowly but surely taking over the Internet: The Mullet. Why?
posted by Carlos Quevedo (16 comments total)
It's the hair style for all life styles! Short at the front, for that important meeting. Long at the back, ready for a weekend rampage! Easy maintenance, stands out in a crowd, protects you from sunstroke but keeps the hair out of your eyes.
posted by Jimbob at 7:53 PM on April 29, 2003

Mullet Haiku:

O! Squirrel brother,
Your tail, my hair... We are one
Yet I must eat you
posted by dejah420 at 7:57 PM on April 29, 2003

Man, dissing/discussing/worshiping mullets is sooooooooo late 1990s.
posted by afx114 at 8:03 PM on April 29, 2003

I dunno, afx, I don't think the impact of interracial gay mullet porn (NSFW, ya think?) from the 1980s on today's society has been dissed/discussed/worshiped nearly enough. The world moves quickly. Mullets keep up.
posted by WolfDaddy at 8:10 PM on April 29, 2003

For the sake of being complete: The Official Guide.
posted by thebigpoop at 8:14 PM on April 29, 2003

C'mon now, how many Metafilterers currently possess mullets? How many have had one in the past? Are you ashamed? This photo bears a creepy resemblance to a photograph of myself, at 8 years old, that still graces my father's mantlepiece. Show your cards now, folks. You're either with us, or against us.
posted by Jimbob at 8:23 PM on April 29, 2003

The long and the short of it is that some of us, if we want long hair, have no real choice. My hair is enthusiastically wavy and bear-pelt thick. If I let all of it grow long, I would look like a neo Captain Caveman. I've considered dreads, but I already get arrested with alarming regularity. So, retro-narc it is. With prowling beads for city nights.
posted by Opus Dark at 8:35 PM on April 29, 2003

I want a certain MeFite who I've had drinks and quirky foodstuffs with to post his old driver's license photo in this thread...
posted by Vidiot at 8:47 PM on April 29, 2003

Next up: goatees.
posted by delapohl at 8:57 PM on April 29, 2003

Personally, I've never understood why some bald men go full-blown with the mullet look (visual reference: Dermot Mulroney close-mullet in About Schmidt). Even in San Francisco, this type often crops up in dives. These often friendless men, who often roar drunkenly at television sets which display anything approximating sports coverage, seem to view the dive as their own private church. They are harmless enough, but their hair, even in dingy red light, demands that you pour yourself another drink.
posted by ed at 10:49 PM on April 29, 2003

I had a mullet once, but it was nothing remarkable in 1992. If they had a name at all, they were called "duck's tails", I don't remember seeing the word "mullet" until 1998 or so, and it has always had a sarcastic tone to it.

Over the years I let my hair grow out to the point that it wasn't, strictly speaking, a mullet, but more like "longish hair". Eventually I got a short haircut in 1996 that I instantly regretted, and nowadays my hair is shoulder-length all over. Which is a style I like, the women I associate with like, and looks good on me. I have a somewhat elfish, bony, even gaunt face, and long hair makes for a gentler look (Kevin Bacon, Flatliners).

A bald top with long white hair (the orchestra conductor or mad scientist cut) doesn't look too bad, in my opinion, but balding is really difficult, all but impossible, to make look good with long hair. Talk to a good hairstylist, but honestly, until it's all gone down to an inch or so above your ears, a balding man should consider having his hair fairly short (John Malkovich, Ripley's Game).

Wavy hair will look good long (Brad Pitt, Legends of the Fall), straight hair can look good long (Orlando Bloom, Lord of the Rings), but for curly hair, if an Afro doesn't look good on you, go short.
posted by aeschenkarnos at 11:17 PM on April 29, 2003

I was ashamed of my mother when she had an affair. She finally left my father for the guy. It wasn't the affair that I was ashamed of. It was that the guy had a Ned Flanders moustache AND a mullet.

He was short as well.
posted by chrisgregory at 11:32 PM on April 29, 2003

The long and the short of it is

Nice. Score two points for Opus Dark.
posted by billder at 11:34 PM on April 29, 2003

With all this self-describing aeschenkarnos I must see what you look like. Do you have a pic posted somewhere. Got to see if that image that you have now put in my mind matches.
posted by SweetIceT at 11:34 PM on April 29, 2003

Business in the front, party in the back.
posted by tr33hggr at 6:38 AM on April 30, 2003

I dunno... ominous signs point to the end of the mullet's golden age.

Maybe it's time for the internet to get with the future?
posted by tyro urge at 7:03 PM on April 30, 2003

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