Farewelll to MJ
May 16, 2003 8:07 AM   Subscribe

Michael Jordan Tried to Steal My Date is just one of a number of stories in the Washington CityPaper this week, looking back at the good and bad of having 'MJ' in our city... even if it wasn't meant to last.
posted by GriffX (23 comments total)
Haha. What an awesome story. I feel for the guy. If I was him, I'd have left my date the instant she made it clear that she wanted to fuck the guy at the other table. Can't let Jordan play you out like that, yo.
posted by vito90 at 8:19 AM on May 16, 2003

I've only been in DC a year, so this may not be the most informed opinion, but I've always thought that Jordan was a bad fit for this city because he could never be the biggest name in town, or even in his zip code. In a city where powerful people (not just famous people; they're two different things) are thick on the ground, Jordan never seemed to "stick out" they way he did other places, even in Chicago. If you walk into a bar in Charlotte or Cleveland and see Jordan and his henchmen living it up, it's a big deal ("Guess who's here!" calls on the cell phone). But when you see senators in the supermarket and pass by Alan Greenspan coming out of church, Jordan's "just another celebrity." I don't think he liked that.

Besides, this just isn't a basketball city. Jordan lent a certain novelty status to the Wizards, but without him they're just one of the other non-football teams around here.
posted by arco at 8:28 AM on May 16, 2003

No doubt, Vito. I wouldn't be happy about losing my date, but hanging around like a little boy was not a good option. Once she said no to going to another restaurant, he should have called it off and gone home himself.
posted by monkeyman at 8:32 AM on May 16, 2003

Excellent link and a hilarious story... Well, probably not so much for him.
posted by xmutex at 8:35 AM on May 16, 2003

I also like the way he called the story, "Michael Jordan tried to steal my date." Homey, I believe Mr. Jordan and co. did steal your date without trying very hard at all.
posted by monkeyman at 8:38 AM on May 16, 2003

Excellent link. All of the articles are worth reading, by the way. There's a lot of good writing on offer here:

Washington has an advantage in having had only the geriatric Jordan. Just as a weakened virus doesn't sicken you, but rather acts as a vaccine, so getting the tertiary Jordan will make his vanishing much more tolerable[.]
posted by Prospero at 9:12 AM on May 16, 2003

But was Jordan "not right"? Is hitting on someone else's date bad *if* the person being hit on is up for it? Is there a rule about it that I had no clue about?

That's not to say that you can't be gracious to the soon-to-be-ditched fellow, but in many cases the chemistry is definitely confrontational ... and if you get the jackpot, it feels extra good just because of that. Not to mention the fact that the other guy could very well be a complete retard in the first place. You reap what you sow, etc.

And if the point is that MJ played unfairly because he used *materialistic* resources not available to the other dude, then the woman is not worth the trouble in the first place. As Groucho Marx once said about the matter, we now know what she is - all is left to determine is her exact price.

Anyway, I'd be bitter about it, no doubt.
posted by magullo at 9:35 AM on May 16, 2003

Not the first guy to bust in on someone else's good time.
Does sound like MJ was a goon about it though.
posted by Yossarian at 10:29 AM on May 16, 2003

The person who behaved most poorly was the woman. She was trying to spare her date's feelings when she clearly wanted to hang out with the playas. All MJ (it's not clear whether MJ was the player she actually hooked up with either) did was pick up a girl. If she had cared about her "friend," Greg, she would have said no to the the initial advances or left the restaurant with him when it was clear the ball players weren't going away. I think MJ and posse were probably goonish, but who knows. The author may have just been trying to explain away his lack of balls.
posted by monkeyman at 11:07 AM on May 16, 2003

But how much of an ass is MJ for trying to hit on someone the night that his wife files for divorce?

Assuming, of course, that this is a true story.
posted by Ufez Jones at 11:18 AM on May 16, 2003

C'mon, MJ has 2514 career steals.
posted by Frank Grimes at 11:22 AM on May 16, 2003

As long as we're playing judge--I say everyone's in the wrong. Jordan and company are in the wrong for sticking the author of the article with the bill for the woman's food. The woman is in the wrong for the reason monkeyman lists above. The author of the article is in the wrong for breaking basic dating etiquette by not showing up at the restaurant at the same time or earlier than the woman--if he'd done that, none of this probably would have happened. Granted, he tries to defend himself on this point:

I'm busy writing a story for a news service, but it's hard to resist. She's famished, so we agree she'll go ahead to Cafe Milano and I'll meet her there in a half-hour.

Ah, yes, the old "too-busy-because-of-work" excuse. Poor priorities, Greg--if the woman is as attractive as you say she is, it seems like you'd manage to make time for her. I'll bet that a half-hour didn't make much of a difference in that article you were writing, did it?

Moral of the story--if you're a guy and you make a date, agree to meet at the venue at the same time, and show up five to ten minutes before the appointment.
[/Dear Abby]
posted by Prospero at 11:26 AM on May 16, 2003

Feh. Good riddance. He never even bothered to get DC plates for his car. They out to retroactively ticket him for every day he spent "living" in the city without paying registration fees.
posted by JoanArkham at 11:40 AM on May 16, 2003

Sour grapes.
posted by monkeymike at 12:11 PM on May 16, 2003

Prospero, he says she called him out of the blue: "I'm in town, want to get a bite?" I think a half an hour is certainly not out of line under those circumstances.

Great horror story, I can commiserate the way you do with horrific "groin" injuries. Nothing that bad has happened to me, but only by the grace of God.
posted by Wood at 3:03 PM on May 16, 2003

The author may have just been trying to explain away his lack of balls.

if your definition of balls is 'ready to kick Michael Jordan's and five other big guys ass any given moment", well, there's not that many ballsy people around.
posted by matteo at 3:22 PM on May 16, 2003

I feel sorry for that Greg guy. Here's a girl he's totally hot for, and he has to compete with MJ. Greg should have ditched her and cut his losses. However I don't know if that's realistic, since it sounds like she led him on. She sounds like a real prize.
posted by Akuinnen at 4:07 PM on May 16, 2003

You guys are frickin hilarious. I love the guy "rules" that are coming out in this post. And I thought only women had such stringent "rules." I'm learning more things every minute....
posted by aacheson at 4:50 PM on May 16, 2003

Okay guys, here's the other side...

You and your date are going to meet for dinner. You get there early and you meet Anna Kornikova (however you spell her name) there. She begins hitting on you before your date arrives. You're basically a nice guy and don't want to stiff your date and make her feel bad, but COME ON, it's Anna. What would you do differently?
posted by aacheson at 4:51 PM on May 16, 2003

aacheson, shit man, the girls that I try to date would probably make a move on anna before I could, and I have to say I'd be alright with that.

But if not, I would honestly stay with my date, anna be damned.

Reminds me of the time I swiped Raghib "The Rocket" Ishmael's girl right out from under him...
posted by vito90 at 8:27 AM on May 17, 2003

and I have to say I'd be alright with that.

I'd be alright, too. but only if they let me watch
posted by matteo at 8:31 AM on May 17, 2003

You get there early and you meet Anna Kornikova (however you spell her name) there. She begins hitting on you before your date arrives.

I can't imagine that our hypothetical Anna would be sitting alone in a restaurant, looking for love. Or even if she were accompanied, as MJ was, that she'd go up to men she didn't know and start hitting on them. Gender politics just don't work that way, especially in American restaurants and bars.

But supposing it did happen, I'd stay with the date. Though I'll admit that there'd be a twinge of regret if the other woman was Venus Williams.
posted by Prospero at 9:07 AM on May 17, 2003

I'd be too humiliated to submit this article to my editor. And if this woman ever called me again, I'd hang up on her.
posted by alumshubby at 9:15 AM on May 18, 2003

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