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June 16, 2003 8:28 AM   Subscribe

Matrix: Reloaded Abridged Script.. Something to brighten up the Mondays of those a little dissapointed with The Matrix: Reloaded. The Editing Room is also host to other humorous abridged "scripts" by Rod Hilton.
posted by shadow45 (29 comments total)
And before the Speeling Natzis get me, I do notice my error above.

a little too late to fix it. :)
posted by shadow45 at 8:30 AM on June 16, 2003

I continue to be mystified by the constant whining about people not liking the sequel. I've seen it twice and I thought it was great. I'll probably see it again in the theatre and then buy the DVD. What would have made the detractors happy? Seriously. Or, as I suspect, do they just like whining? The movie was as good as the first one on all counts.
posted by y6y6y6 at 8:33 AM on June 16, 2003

Speaking personally, I just like whining.

And laughing at things. This was good for a couple chuckles.
posted by soyjoy at 8:34 AM on June 16, 2003

Yep, good for some laughs, but y6y6y6 has a point: All of the nitpicking is rehashed here, and all of it remains at that level, albeit with some good humor thrown in. I doubt that there will ever be a movie that geeks will enjoy. There's always going to be some guy in the rafters, picking apart each and every scene until they've squeezed every ounce of joy out of the film.

Or, if I could be so bold as to quote The Simpsons:

Frink: Yes, over here, m-hay, m-haven... in episode BF12, you were battling Barbarians while riding a winged Apalousa yet in the very next scene my dear, you're clearly atop a winged arabian! Please do explain it!
Lucy Lawless: Uh, yeah, well whenever you notice something like that.. a wizard did it!
Frink: Yes, all-right, yes, in episode AG04..
Lucy Lawless: Wizard!
Frink: Oh for glaven out loud..

posted by thanotopsis at 8:46 AM on June 16, 2003

y6y6y6: What did I want? Better music, better editing, a feeling of actual peril for any of the main characters, better dialogue. Better CG.

I loved the first movie, and I fully expected to love the second. Instead, I thought it was sloppy.
posted by blissbat at 8:49 AM on June 16, 2003

its not constant whining.. least not from me. but when i got sent this url earlier, i laughed my ass off. i felt empathy with the author, much like I do when I agree with what Big Filthy has to say about movies.

It was an OK script (espec. the technical experts they had on set for that powergrid shutdown scene! woot) which I feel was an empty carrier for an orgy of special effects. Rod Hilton does a good job of bringing inconsistencies in the story up.. in a humorous way.

Oh, and I'm not one of these hard-ass Adbuster subscribers, but do we really need Matrix drinks? give the merchandising a fucking rest, talk about diluting the quality of a decent product.
posted by shadow45 at 8:51 AM on June 16, 2003

That was excellent, shadow45. Thanks. Summed up my complaints better than I could.
posted by gramcracker at 8:55 AM on June 16, 2003

oh and Keanu Reeves -STILL- couldn't act his way out of a paper bag.

I'm cynical because the movies made me this way.. hrmf.
posted by shadow45 at 8:56 AM on June 16, 2003

And just to clarify, the problems with the second movie had nothing to do with geeky continuity and everything to do with fundamentally bad storytelling. The first movie was good at this. The second fell apart. You wanted a slick, flashy action movie with no solid structure and no real emotional weight? You got it. I was hoping for a slick, flashy action movie with precision and build and the ability to surprise.

Also, the link is funny.
posted by blissbat at 8:57 AM on June 16, 2003

I would have enjoyed a plot of some sort, myself.
posted by Acetylene at 9:00 AM on June 16, 2003

THE EXPLAINER: You must begin by asking your own questions then gradually switch to asking those of the audience, in order to not make this scene any more awkward than it already is. Comedy Gold.
posted by seanyboy at 9:29 AM on June 16, 2003

That was kinda funny; what's wrong with a little good-hearted dick-twisting? Basically, the second movie was just as crummy and dumb as the first one: fantastic action sequences periodically interrupted by interminable, dormy fake philosophizing and rock-stupid dialogue. I'll be getting the DVD and using it just like the first one: to jump from one cool action scene to another. I think it's perfectly okay to love a movie while also recognizing that it is, at heart, perhaps deeply silly.
posted by Skot at 9:48 AM on June 16, 2003

I finally saw it the other day. It's a glorified special effects demo.
posted by cell at 9:51 AM on June 16, 2003

Thanks for the link, shadow45. I think I've found a new site to frequent.

I'm kinda with y6^3 on wondering why people complain so much. I thought the movie was cool for what it was worth. After I watched it, I considered it to be filler between the first movie and November's release. I don't recall expecting more than that beforehand, either. Since my expectations were low, I enjoyed it as much as the producers wanted me to.
posted by lnicole at 9:53 AM on June 16, 2003

The Matrix Reloaded was better than I expected, but if you review my comments in previous threads, I think you will see that my predictions almost all came out true.

The Wachowski Brothers did return to their lame superhero roots, and the "philosophy" did feel tacked on. All their ideas are still derivative, and the ones ripped-off for this movie are not nearly as fresh. Worst part, for me, was the sever overabundance of superheroes. I already saw one X-Men movie this Summer, and did not need to see another one.

Where they surprised me: They ripped off Asian cinema even more in this one. While it is pretty lame on the WB's part, it made the movie better.
posted by son_of_minya at 9:58 AM on June 16, 2003

Plot. splot.
posted by cx at 10:21 AM on June 16, 2003

Great link, perfectly summed up my problems with the film. I loved the first film, but actually fell asleep during one of the long exposition scenes. Terrible storytelling, and as has been noted above, the fact that Keaaaarnu never appeared to be in danger just made the fight scenes pointless. And when you've seen him fight 100 agents once, what's the point of having it happen again?

Editing room link doesn't seem to be working for me, I want to see more abridged screenplays.

Anyway, who cares about the Matrix when the life of the director is so much more interesting.
posted by ciderwoman at 10:26 AM on June 16, 2003

The "Dreamcatcher" review also roared out of the gate:




Everyone LEAVES.
posted by kurumi at 10:40 AM on June 16, 2003

Fantastic link shadow45! I finally watched it yesterday and was duly disappointed. I had a mini argument with a friend who loved it and in the end he couldn't provide a coherent argument in defence of Reloaded and finally exasperated that it was a matter of taste. The abridged script neatly sums up my qualms about the movie.
posted by lunadust at 11:48 AM on June 16, 2003

Basically, the second movie was just as crummy and dumb as the first one

Exactly, Skot. I still maintain that people who bitch about Reloaded just haven't watched the first movie recently.

Also see: Star Wars, Terminator, etc.
posted by majcher at 12:54 PM on June 16, 2003

I enjoyed Reloaded in as much as it entertained me and really that's all I ever ask of a movie. Though, I wish as much work was put into writing/creating the movie as was put into the Animatrix and the Enter the Matrix game.
posted by nemesis at 1:07 PM on June 16, 2003

nemesis, you give the Enter the Matrix game way too much credit. It's passable, and playable by actual fans of the movie(s). By itself, however, it is a weak game.
posted by graventy at 1:26 PM on June 16, 2003

That was hilarious. And so, so true.

I think comparing all the Big Name Trilogies a lttle silly, but least Lucasfilm knows they're making cheese... Reloaded took itself (and the far too many fight scenes) way too seriously.
posted by fujikosmurf at 1:34 PM on June 16, 2003

The first movie was on thin ice with regards to plot/story, but outlined an interesting Universe with a fair bit of potential for some cool storytelling, as well as more cool special effects.

Unfortunately, Reloaded pushed it in a direction I really didn't like; out of sci-fa-cyberpunk-noir-excuse-for-special-effects and into to pulp-fantasy-superhero-pseudo-religious-poor-excuse-for-special-effects.

As far as comic bool style was concerned, I was expecting Unbreakable, and got The Even Newer And More Unlikely Adventures of Superman (And His Raver Buddies).

*grumble*, where's all the damn sci-fi gone.
posted by Freaky at 2:08 PM on June 16, 2003

You people griping about all the griping gripe too much (griped ook, gripingly.) This link made me laugh so hard I scared the dog. He's sitting over there thinking, that's it, he's finally lost his mind; now who's going to feed me?
posted by ook at 3:08 PM on June 16, 2003

The weakest stuff in the first Matrix were the bits where they let characters (particularly Morpheus) act all self-important and pompous. Reloaded felt like it had ten times more of that crap. More speeches, more inane pondering, more idle chit-chat, more council meetings. That's really the number one problem with the movie as far as I'm concerned. Though there are many more complaints.

Most of the characters seemed like annoying philosophy majors that I wanted to slap the shit out of. I was pretty much looking forward to the machines destroying Zion.

I think the most puzzling thing is that people who like Matrix Reloaded will basically agree with every negative point critics can make about the movie and then say "But it was still a great movie".
posted by frenetic at 3:10 PM on June 16, 2003

I liked the first movie, despite a few flaws, because it was a slick, action packed movie that came out of nowhere. I like the plot and the characters. I really loved the scene where Neo and Trinity attack the building in order to rescue Morpheus. I loved the little pling-pling-pling of ammo cases hitting the floor - it was, well, pretty.

The second movie wasn't as thoughtful or well paced, as the abridged script notes. Reloaded also seemed to suffer from the marketing around the video game, the Animatrix and poweraid. It felt forced and alot of action seemed quite pointless.

On the other hand here is an interesting, yet apologist, take on the movie that made me think. It's worth a quick read and answers some of the objections I hear about the movie.
posted by elwoodwiles at 3:17 PM on June 16, 2003

I loved Reloaded, but I also loved Hilton's parody script!

I do recommend seeing Reloaded twice, and seeing the Animatrix in between. You definitely get more out of the second movie that way.
posted by anser at 5:25 PM on June 16, 2003

From the abridged script of AI

Hello. I am Robocock. Dead or
alive, you're cumming with me.

You're a sex robot?

Yeah, I enjoy a little bit of the
old in-out, in-out. Often
accompanied by some of the good ol'

posted by delmoi at 7:24 PM on June 16, 2003

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