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June 26, 2003 10:37 AM   Subscribe

You too can discover the wonders of Scientology. Please take with you this educational material straight from the 70's. [via Daypop]
posted by Dr_Octavius (27 comments total)
Oh boy; I sure hope that material isn't being posted in violation of any Scientology copyrights...
posted by mr_roboto at 10:46 AM on June 26, 2003

Bwahaha! Did they recruit those strapping Norsemen from a Minnesota Vikings game? Thanks for posting this.
posted by MrBaliHai at 10:51 AM on June 26, 2003

I love the restaurant scene, with a chef pouring stuff from a skull-and-crossbones-labelled bottle into the food. These are the kinds of subtleties that Scientology will open your eyes to.
posted by dougb at 11:05 AM on June 26, 2003

Oh, come fuck on.
posted by mikrophon at 11:12 AM on June 26, 2003

This is begging to be satirized...
posted by eustacescrubb at 11:16 AM on June 26, 2003

Wait, oh adversary in crushed velvet! Og has spilled red food coloring on his shaven chest! He will get these plastic bones dirty and the anthropology department will be pissing mad!
posted by eustacescrubb at 11:20 AM on June 26, 2003

My favorite is the rusty filing cabinet that they try to pass off as a minicomputer. Also note the guy's k-rad "COMPUTER OPERATOR" badge.
posted by tss at 11:23 AM on June 26, 2003

eustacescrubb: I think you could call this "found satire". I can think of no way to top it.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 11:29 AM on June 26, 2003

I'm fairly certain everything from the 70s can be considered 'found satire'.
posted by graventy at 11:34 AM on June 26, 2003

Someone just emailed me this interesting image of a Volunteer Minister from 1996.
posted by mathowie at 11:51 AM on June 26, 2003

Matt, you link should have read:

Wow. Xemu's boobs.
posted by yhbc at 11:54 AM on June 26, 2003

wonders of Scientology

The only wonder I can think of regarding Scientology is the wonder that anyone would actually take this crap seriously.
Especially since Uncle L.Ron actually said that the way to get rich was to start a new religion.

What Barnum said.
posted by konolia at 11:58 AM on June 26, 2003

mathowie: I'd hit it. But that would make Xenu cry.
posted by TreeHugger at 12:15 PM on June 26, 2003

argh. I have a bunch of mormon paraphernalia in my "to be scanned" folder from this same era. Would that I had the time to scan the photo of the smiling 70s era mormon family sitting in the front row at sunday temple. The clothing is magnificent--the daughters have matching red gingham dresses and shiny-as-you-please patent leather mary janes.

My favorite part of these scientology photos is the obviously outdoor photos staged to look like they were taken indoors. And the fake blood. And the pasty, slender Buddha. Aw hell, it's all priceless.
posted by whatnot at 12:26 PM on June 26, 2003

Aw hell, it's all priceless.

Yeah, I was going through it saying "holy christ! I gotta highlight this gem! It's unbelievable!" But by the end, it's just... what can you say? Wow. Good find, Dr_Octaviu... er, daypop.
posted by soyjoy at 12:57 PM on June 26, 2003

Whatnot, please scan that shit!
posted by Keyser Soze at 1:03 PM on June 26, 2003

"Nobody expects the hostile Viking bands!"

The Mongol hordes are great too. Hell, it's all great. Many thanks.
posted by languagehat at 1:10 PM on June 26, 2003

Yeah, the Mongol hordes - featuring five Mongols - is my favorite.
posted by kgasmart at 1:29 PM on June 26, 2003

To summarize. By becoming a volunteer minister, you can:
  • become one of the most popular people in your community
  • remove any and all barriers to communication
  • reconcile marriages (apparently by removing a third party to the marriage that the other two were somehow not aware of)
  • heal the injured
  • sober up drunks by showing them pictures of sheep
  • solve mysteries
  • teach acting classes
  • fight crime
  • influence business leaders and be repaid with scrumptious boardroom meals
  • conduct man-in-the-street interviews
  • reconcile all religious faiths
  • cure heroin addiction with vitamins, then share a nice glass of wine with the recovered addicts, and
  • perform weddings and funerals
My only question, is: dude, where do I sign up?posted by vraxoin at 1:34 PM on June 26, 2003

here Keyser: The Lord's Day
and 30 Minutes With Your Family
both printed in 1974. Sorry for the moire!
posted by whatnot at 1:57 PM on June 26, 2003

I'm convinced by this intriguing propaganda, and wish to transform my meaningless, friendless life and through scientology become the most popular member of my community by brainwashing my family and neighbours, in exchange for a little power and influence, that otherwise I could only dream of.

Thank you, scientology, for helping me see that by converting my community into your mindless comliant minions, I can gain some small societal advantage for myself and a niche in the world dominion of L Ron Hubbard.
posted by Blue Stone at 2:18 PM on June 26, 2003

Oh, those funny mormons... (NSFW)
posted by schlaager at 5:27 PM on June 26, 2003

schlaager, too damn funny. and subtle.
posted by moonbird at 7:56 PM on June 26, 2003

It is likely that you could have a similar encounter to this one--finding a young woman who has just caught and hurt her hand when slamming the door of her car. This is where you will use the precise technique of a Contact Assist.

So, if I sign up, will I be pulling people's hands out of their car doors continually? And do you really need a manual to tell you to do so? Will they be standing around, waiting, as this gal obviously was?

I love the fake wood panelling in the sets, btw.
posted by jokeefe at 11:11 PM on June 26, 2003

[via Daypop] indeed.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 11:48 PM on June 26, 2003

Reminds me o some deleted scences from Repo Man.
posted by Dagobert at 12:49 AM on June 27, 2003

Whatnot, that mormon mom in the church picture looks like she could use a Prozac.
posted by konolia at 6:19 AM on June 27, 2003

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