Flat Earth Society
July 5, 2003 8:02 PM   Subscribe

THIS OBJECT DOES NOT EXIST
so the world is flat and five-pointed, there is only one Springfield, and there will soon be fake fossils on Mars. and don't let any of these so-called "scientists" tell you something different.
posted by magikeye (32 comments total)
 
This is not real.
posted by Keyser Soze at 8:26 PM on July 5, 2003


And here is an interview with the recently deceased Charles K. Johnson, president of the International Flat Earth Research Society.

I'm not sure if this is hilarious, deeply tragic or just a testament to the fact that some people are simply unable to change their minds, no matter what the evidence is.
posted by spazzm at 8:26 PM on July 5, 2003


Dont mean that in some existential way, im saying that the website is a parody. The people involved do not believe it.
posted by Keyser Soze at 8:26 PM on July 5, 2003


The Springfield idea reminds me of a conclusion that I came to about airports, to wit: commercial air travel is a hoax. All airports are connected by corridors, slidewalks and concourses. You actually walk pretty much the entire distance to your destination. The so-called flying part is just a like an amusement park ride where they show movies of landscapes going by outside the windows while automated systems make a few superficial changes just outside the aircraft door.
posted by George_Spiggott at 8:28 PM on July 5, 2003


The Springfield effect would hold that this hypersurface is not straight, and is in fact very bent. Springfield is a point where it touches itself several times. Thus, at certain angles from Springfield are the contact points with the observable universe, the springfields. At other angles is just empty n- dimensional hyperspace; if one was to enter that, one would fall through space not comprehensible and probably wreck one's nervous system, albeit enjoying a very interesting trip whilst doing so.

Well, I'm convinced.
posted by slipperywhenwet at 8:28 PM on July 5, 2003


No, no, no, he got it all wrong. There are not only multiple Springfields, but they exist in multiple dimensions. Is there any other way to explain that you've never seen a character from The Simpsons show up on Guiding Light?

Now, the city there is only one of is LAKEWOOD. California, Colorado, New Jersey, Ohio, Washington... there is no difference, man! (And anytime places in California and New Jersey can look so much alike, you know that all is not well in the universe...)
posted by wendell at 8:28 PM on July 5, 2003


Hail Eris!

(fnord)
posted by krinklyfig at 8:31 PM on July 5, 2003


I lived in Springfield, MI for half my life and I never noticed a thing. Pity - it would have livened the place up considerably.
posted by pyramid termite at 8:32 PM on July 5, 2003


There are many people and groups claiming a flat earth philosophy (and similarly minded but strangely discordant groups pimping the hollow earth theory), but this site is not one of them. REAL flat earth proponents have no problem with the existence of Idaho.
posted by kozad at 8:45 PM on July 5, 2003


The Springfield effect would hold that this hypersurface is not straight, and is in fact very bent. Springfield is a point where it touches itself several times. Thus, at certain angles from Springfield are the contact points with the observable universe, the springfields. At other angles is just empty n- dimensional hyperspace; if one was to enter that, one would fall through space not comprehensible and probably wreck one's nervous system, albeit enjoying a very interesting trip whilst doing so.

This remind anybody else of Amber?
posted by jmd82 at 8:51 PM on July 5, 2003


All roads lead to Springfield.
posted by Hildago at 8:56 PM on July 5, 2003


...except for those that fall off the edge of the earth.
posted by wendell at 9:00 PM on July 5, 2003


lie, lie, lie...
the full moon is rising over dark water
and the fools below are picking up sticks
and the man in the gallows lies permanently
waiting for the doctors to come back and tend to him,
the flat earth society is meeting here today,
singing happy little lies
and the bright ship humana is sent far away
with grave determination...
and no destination, lie, lie, lie
yeah, nothing feels better than a spray of clean water
and the whistling wind on a calm summer night,
but you'd better believe that down in their quarters
the men are holding in for their dear lives,
the flat earth society is somewhere far away,
with their candlesticks and compasses
and the bright ship humana is well on its way
with grave determination...
and no destination, lie, lie, lie, ad infinitum

-Bad Religion, Against The Grain
posted by Keyser Soze at 9:04 PM on July 5, 2003


Guerilla ontology, baby!
posted by cohappy at 9:07 PM on July 5, 2003


There's a whole directory related to flat earth stuff here, including this online book that claims belief in a flat earth was not as widespread in medieval times as we may have been led to believe.
posted by spazzm at 9:20 PM on July 5, 2003


Gotcher new map right here.
posted by SPrintF at 10:07 PM on July 5, 2003


Back in college, I went through a contrarian phase (like krinklyfig said, "hail eris"), and I contacted one of the flat earth societies (this one, I think) for some literature. This was pre-widespread-web (late '93), so we're talking SASE...

Anyway, the literature they sent me had a pretty disturbing racist bent to it. The whole tower of babel, no miscegenation of the races thing, you know. The incident turned me off to wacky fringe groups for good.
posted by mr_roboto at 12:02 AM on July 6, 2003


Just a thought: if the "Men In Black" urban legend could end up becoming a series of comic books and over-produced movies, isn't there a serious chance to get a screenplay out of "the Flat Earth Society"?

Oh? You say it was already done? And it starred Adam Sandler, so I missed it? Oh.
posted by wendell at 12:42 AM on July 6, 2003


Don't let them immanentize the Eschaton!

f.n.o.r.d.
posted by djeo at 1:01 AM on July 6, 2003


The Society was founded in 1993 by Lee H? O? Smith, EMF KYTP.

Credi-fuckin'-ble!
posted by Ignatius J. Reilly at 1:30 AM on July 6, 2003


"...that claims belief in a flat earth was not as widespread in medieval times as we may have been led to believe."

The ancient Greeks and Romans believed the earth was spherical. The idea of the earth being flat only really appeared during the middle ages, and even then was more or less limited to the christians who had a nasty habit of locking up anyone who disagreed with them.

(but then I suppose if I took the time to read the link it would have said exactly that in about three times the space)
posted by Dillonlikescookies at 3:25 AM on July 6, 2003


Heh.
posted by GrahamVM at 5:26 AM on July 6, 2003


The ancient Greeks and Romans believed the earth was spherical. The idea of the earth being flat only really appeared during the middle ages, and even then was more or less limited to the christians who had a nasty habit of locking up anyone who disagreed with them.

Which is ironic, since the ancient Hebrews also believed the earth was spherical, which is why the prophet Isaiah described Jehovah thusly (in 40:22):

"It is he that sitteth upon the globe of the earth, and the inhabitants thereof are as locusts: he that stretcheth out the heavens as nothing, and spreadeth them out as a tent to dwell in."

Them crazy Christians. So busy enforcing the word of God with the sword, they ain't got no time fer reading the word of God...
posted by eustacescrubb at 5:40 AM on July 6, 2003


the horizon and eclipses pretty much give away the spherical earth, so any culture that traveled by sea or got into astronomy figured out the shape of the planet. The hebrews may or may not have believed the earth was spherical - I've seen that translated as the "circle" of the earth, as in, disc, and there are places that refer to the four corners of the earth and the pillars and other stuff like that - the bible isn't a scientific document.

The greeks specifically laid out the shape of the earth (Aristotle says that the southern hemisphere is the "top" because of the direction we spin, eg) as a scientific / philosophical conclusion; it isn't just inferred from passing references using certain words.
posted by mdn at 8:00 AM on July 6, 2003


The Discordians would be so proud of this thread...
posted by ook at 8:02 AM on July 6, 2003


I vote joke. From the FAQ: Beneath the Earth, or hanging off the edges, is a land populated by either green-skinned women or Nazis.

I went to high school in Springfield, VA, and often visited relatives in Springfield, MO. If they had really been the same place, it would've saved us a lot of two-day drives.

The Springfield Effect and George_Spiggott's airport theory are similar to my Bebe Theory. My apartment's above a Bebe store, and my theory is that it's above all Bebe stores. So I should be able to travel to New York by walking out my apartment door onto Third Avenue, but it's not working out so far.
posted by kirkaracha at 8:11 AM on July 6, 2003


O.M.

fnord
posted by solistrato at 10:18 PM on July 6, 2003


Whew.. for a second there, I thought someone was actually serious about believing all that stuff. but the FAQs are so tongue in cheek.. I mean "What about Idaho?" Ha!

No, really. It's all just some people with too much time on their hands, right?

(looks warily around)
posted by rich at 11:15 AM on July 7, 2003


I grew up in Springfield, OR. The entire town uses these yellow energy saving streetlights that gives the place this quite spooky glow at night. This theory seems to fit in quite nicely.
posted by woil at 11:19 AM on July 7, 2003


Yes, it's clearly a joke (I'm surprised anyone would hesitate to conclude that). A few years ago I remember there being a flat earth page that was more believable - either it was real or it was just trying to actually pass itself as real. I think the guy behind it died, though. I remember some sort of interview with his wife or something... anyone else remember that?

aha. here he is. Looks like he was sincere. And he did die, and it doesn't look like anyone took up his battle for him...
posted by mdn at 11:24 AM on July 7, 2003


oh my god spazzm, I'm such a dork. sorry.
posted by mdn at 11:26 AM on July 7, 2003


In case anyone finds this stuff as interesting as I do, here are some more flat earth links, with examples of their literature etc.
posted by mdn at 2:01 PM on July 7, 2003


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