Rude words
July 16, 2003 1:04 PM   Subscribe

Improve your profanity with the aid of the guides and dictionaries in this Guardian compendium. As item 10 notes, the term zuffle is too crude to be described up front (and possibly NSFW, if your boss is looking over your shoulder), but it's a fascinating concept nonetheless.
posted by SealWyf (17 comments total)

I think these need to be said with an English accent to pull them off right proper.
posted by graventy at 1:08 PM on July 16, 2003

You mean to tell me that enough men are zuffling for it to be an actual word? You mean to tell me that men actually do that? What's wrong with bed sheets? What if the curtains are actually wooden venetian blinds? What do zufflers use then? Is there a word for the splinters you can get while zuffling on wooden venetian blinds?
posted by iconomy at 1:23 PM on July 16, 2003

A fine resource, but the Profanisaurus is not up to date. It doesn't even have 'santorum'.
posted by homunculus at 1:35 PM on July 16, 2003

To answer my own question, I guess the word would be "splinters", wouldn't it. Fun link, SealWyf ;)
posted by iconomy at 1:40 PM on July 16, 2003

Ahhh, the Profanisaurus. My personal favorite was always "mumblers," more for the definition than anything else.
posted by lowlife at 1:50 PM on July 16, 2003

Huh. Zuffle. Changes the punchline to an old joke I heard.
posted by Ogre Lawless at 1:51 PM on July 16, 2003

My f***ing employer blocks access to all the interesting sites. Would someone please cut/paste the definition of zuffle? I must know.
posted by widdershins at 2:01 PM on July 16, 2003

zuffle v. To wipe your cock on the curtain after having sex, usually in a posh bird’s house.

I'm very pleased to say the people who thought that up thought the name vbfg up too.
posted by vbfg at 2:14 PM on July 16, 2003

widdershins: try this, TriumphPC proxy server.

If that doesn't work, I can help you out with some akamai proxies, more information is on
posted by insomnyuk at 2:25 PM on July 16, 2003

In Greece, for instance, male friends almost always greet each other as "Malaka", meaning w***er

Interesting. I wonder if this is really best rendered "wanker," or if it has the same connotations of effeminacy and homosexuality as the ancient malakos, "soft."
posted by Zurishaddai at 4:31 PM on July 16, 2003

i got enough profanity practice in when i clicked this link and a huge friggin popup obliterated everything on my monitor. i know, i know, i should get [insert pre-release beta browser of choice here]
posted by quonsar at 5:16 PM on July 16, 2003

I don't know what the actual origins of the word might be, but my boss is Greek, and uses the word malaka quite frequently. He says it means "a man who can't get a woman, and plays with himself a lot."
posted by Miss Beth at 5:56 PM on July 16, 2003

he's trying to tell you something, miss beth...
posted by quonsar at 6:50 PM on July 16, 2003

The BBC article reminded me of a Monty Python scene which spent all too long building up to the final line, "Oh what a silly bunt." Radical stuff in its day; perhaps with that word just as or even more so today.

vbfg: Imagine my surprise when I finally read the zuffles link and found out that your post was not a joke on widdershins.
posted by caddis at 7:12 PM on July 16, 2003

Aah, the old 'zuffle' - I was wondering if there was a word for that. [ hee hee ]
posted by troutfishing at 8:38 PM on July 16, 2003

I love the BBC language link, where they "hide" every swear word when the meaning directly relates to the profanity (the c-word, for instance), and then follow it up with legitimate uses/versions of the exact same word ("kunta", "Kunte", "Kotze", "kunton", "Kuntus", and the wonderful "Gropecunte Lane").

(apologies to the female population - I know it's perhaps the most offensive word possible, but this was the most, um, graphic example I could find.)
posted by GhostintheMachine at 7:45 AM on July 17, 2003

Confessions of a Zuffler, by Z.

In the summer of 96 it was fucking and zuffling, fucking and zuffling. I was more like some sloppy halfwit painter these ladies' decorators had hired on than friend, companion, or the other euphemisms. But I remember the first one—blue chintz with embroidered golden flowers...
posted by Zurishaddai at 11:01 AM on July 17, 2003

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