July 22, 2003 11:01 PM   Subscribe

I'll say it: It's time someone did something about the Monkeys. Over the last two years they have established a clear cut pattern of terror & harassment in countries ranging from Eastern India, Jakarta, Tokyo, Sri Lanka or New Dehli, and the fact remains that it's only a matter of time before these crazed foreign monkeys make their way to places I could actually find on a map, or possibly even America, (possibly in this guy's pants). When they come, and they will, will our leaders protect us from their savage rampage? Or is it too late - are they already among us?!?
posted by jonson (18 comments total)
They are already among us.
posted by Slithy_Tove at 11:15 PM on July 22, 2003

I like the Japanese solution. They've turned a nuisance into opportunity. I would be proud to have "monkey chaser" on my resume.
posted by homunculus at 11:36 PM on July 22, 2003

I know how this ends. Those damn dirty apes better keep their filthy paws off the Statue of Liberty or there'll be hell to pay.
posted by fatbobsmith at 11:40 PM on July 22, 2003

posted by salmacis at 1:04 AM on July 23, 2003

*whistles innocently as she sidles out towards the door*

shit! they're on to us! run!
posted by Katemonkey at 1:20 AM on July 23, 2003

In my country, we elect monkeys to public office.
posted by Bixby23 at 2:24 AM on July 23, 2003

Robert Brady, now there's a guy with monkey problems.

Scroll down to July 12 on his main page. "This morning I was up when it was still dark, and just in the first predawn light was making tea when I glanced out the window and saw a young simian strolling into my garden as though he owned the place, pointedly avoiding the Thai Dragons, jalapenos and tabascos and heading straight for the green beans..."
posted by planetkyoto at 2:30 AM on July 23, 2003

posted by cohappy at 5:19 AM on July 23, 2003

In Bali, my tour guide said he'd been attacked by a monkey, which explained why he appeared to be in mortal fear as we walked (in his case, quickly) through the "Monkey Forest..."

Perhaps the monkeys hate freedom, too.
posted by drstrangelove at 6:59 AM on July 23, 2003

You'll never take us alive!
posted by jpoulos at 7:12 AM on July 23, 2003

I'm left absolutely speechless. I can't find the words to express my feelings about this terrible threat, and my worries about what it's limits might be. This lurking, curly tailed menace: who knows when it will strike next? Can we even conceive of the next development in their fiendish scheme? I think not. Yes, it's all horrifyingly true:

I don't know what to say the monkeys won't do.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 7:13 AM on July 23, 2003

Well, I for one...

*Sprints for the door*
posted by KnitWit at 7:14 AM on July 23, 2003

It's spelt "New Delhi."

Sorry, it might have been a genuine typo, but when you see most of the West spell Gandhi as Ghandi, it gets on your nerves a bit.

Look, I'm smiling again. :)
posted by madman at 8:43 AM on July 23, 2003

Over the last two years

Two years? Bah. Meanwhile, here in the United States we enter our ninth year of low-level monkey skirmishes. Once the Florida escapees reach a self-sustaining critical mass... no, it's too horrible for words!
posted by tyro urge at 8:46 AM on July 23, 2003

They must be stopped.
posted by kablam at 9:14 AM on July 23, 2003

You cannot defeat the monkey king.
posted by wobh at 9:27 AM on July 23, 2003

Monkey Defeats Death
posted by nickmark at 10:08 AM on July 23, 2003

Oh yes, I must say, "Word"
posted by dirtylittlemonkey at 11:55 AM on July 23, 2003

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