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July 24, 2003 5:47 PM   Subscribe

Mark Twain on evolution: It now seems plain to me that that theory ought to be vacated in favor of a new and truer one...the Descent of Man from the Higher Animals. And, on war: Statesmen will invent cheap lies, putting blame upon the nation that is attacked, and every man will be glad of those conscience-soothing falsities, and will diligently study them, and refuse to examine any refutations of them; and thus he will by and by convince himself that the war is just, and will thank God for the better sleep he enjoys after this process of grotesque self-deception. Alphabetized Mark Twain quotes.
posted by Ignatius J. Reilly (16 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
<cartman> BEEFCAKE! </cartman>
posted by arco at 6:02 PM on July 24, 2003

(cool link; thanks IJR!)
posted by arco at 6:02 PM on July 24, 2003

This is great. Thanks.
posted by interrobang at 6:08 PM on July 24, 2003

So much blood has been shed by the Church because of an omission from the Gospel: "Ye shall be indifferent as to what your neighbor's religion is."
posted by interrobang at 6:09 PM on July 24, 2003

Bierce has written some admirable things--fugitive pieces--but none of them are 'Nuggets.' There is humor in Dod Grile, but for every laugh that is in his book there are five blushes, ten shudders & a vomit. The laugh is too expensive.

Now I'm a little upset.
posted by interrobang at 6:18 PM on July 24, 2003

MetaFilter: for every laugh there are five blushes, ten shudders & a vomit.
posted by turbodog at 6:37 PM on July 24, 2003

Mark Twain on War and Imperialism, previously discussed here.
posted by homunculus at 7:06 PM on July 24, 2003

I'd like to say that your comment made me laugh out loud, turbodog, since it did, but I really hate it when people tell each other that their comments made them laugh out loud.
posted by interrobang at 7:16 PM on July 24, 2003

I really don't understand Mark Twains commentary on the letter "D".
posted by interrobang at 7:43 PM on July 24, 2003

Isn't it totally fucking obvious?
posted by rocketman at 7:58 PM on July 24, 2003

I... guess....

Yeah, I get it! That... guy's, like, totally Subgenius, right?
posted by interrobang at 8:04 PM on July 24, 2003

"Praise Bob."
- Mark Twain on the presidency
posted by rocketman at 8:10 PM on July 24, 2003

By the way, this is a most excellent post. Thanks IJR!
posted by rocketman at 8:11 PM on July 24, 2003

I have seen a lot of Heinlein posts on metafilter, did anyone else get interested in Mark Twain through Heinlein... It's amazing how much praise he gives him throughout his entire catalog, reading it makes me feel remiss for not having read more than The adventures of Huckleberry Finn, and that as a child.

On a side note, while spell checking this i realized that the metafilter spell check does not include metafilter...
posted by sourbrew at 10:37 PM on July 24, 2003

See also: Things Mark Twain never said.
posted by arto at 1:24 AM on July 25, 2003

Many thanks, IJR. I've been trying to remember this one for years (1st time I saw it was on the back of a tshirt sometime in the 80's):
Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime.
- Innocents Abroad

posted by yoga at 6:36 PM on July 27, 2003

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