Maybe Buddhism not for everybody. That's OK.
August 2, 2003 2:10 PM   Subscribe

Dalai Llama Misses Sex, Shoots Guns This is the finest tabloid newspaper headline evar. Remember Peter Falk, in Tom Wolfe's Bonfire of the Vanities, admiring the rhythmic and sadistic anticlimax of the headline: 'Scalp Grandma, then rob her' ? This is better. Should I have worked on the school paper instead of playing bass? I could have been a contender.via fark.
posted by crunchburger (16 comments total)
Peter Fallow. I was just testing you.
posted by crunchburger at 2:13 PM on August 2, 2003

crunchburger played bass,
mamma sang tenor,
me and little brother would join right in there,
on mefi lord, on mefi...

posted by quonsar at 2:15 PM on August 2, 2003

When the rubber hits the road, you've got to keep your eye on the ball.
posted by crunchburger at 3:15 PM on August 2, 2003

For connoisseurs of great tab heds, there's a whole book, Dwarf Rapes Nun, Flees in UFO, a send up of the National Enquirer, that's basically a long shaggy dog story leading up to a plausible reason for that headline.
posted by CunningLinguist at 6:51 PM on August 2, 2003

Let's make fun
Of the homeless
They're living in a box
Cause they don't have any money
Ha ha they're homeless
Ha ha they are Amish
posted by crunchburger at 9:41 PM on August 2, 2003

but how does he feel about homosexuality?
posted by mcsweetie at 9:50 PM on August 2, 2003

mcsweetie: the Dalia Lama is anything but progressive, he's the ex-leader of a theocratic slave state that put the pomp and circumstance of the Vatican to shame while keeping its people in poverty and defacto slavery. Excerpt:
Tibetan peasants and herders had little personal freedom. Without the permission of the priests, or lamas, they could not do anything. They were considered appendages to the monastery. The peasantry lived in dire poverty while enormous wealth accumulated in the monasteries and in the Dalai Lama's palace in Lhasa.

In 1956 the Dalai Lama, fearing that the Chinese government would soon move on Lhasa, issued an appeal for gold and jewels to construct another throne for himself. This, he argued, would help rid Tibet of ``bad omens''. One hundred and twenty tons were collected. When the Dalai Lama fled to India in 1959, he was preceded by more than 60 tons of treasure.

Romantic notions about the ``peaceful'' and ``harmonious'' nature of Tibetan Buddhist monastic life should be tested against reality. The Lithang Monastery in eastern Tibet was where a major rebellion against Chinese rule erupted in 1956. Beijing tried to levy taxes on its trade and wealth. The monastery housed 5000 monks and operated 113 ``satellite'' monasteries, all supported by the labour of the peasants.

Chris Mullin, writing in the Far Eastern Economic Review in 1975, described Lithang's monks as ``not monks in the Western sense ... many were involved in private trade; some carried guns and spent much of their time violently feuding with rival monasteries. One former citizen describes Lithang as `like the Wild West'.''
Here's a google search on "dalai lama slavery theocracy" for those interested.
posted by skallas at 10:00 PM on August 2, 2003

Dalai lama? Oh, sorry, I thought that story was the confessions of Dolly the Sheep. (Reads even funnier that way)
posted by wendell at 10:47 PM on August 2, 2003

At least he is not shooting kittens.
posted by stbalbach at 6:35 AM on August 3, 2003

I had a look at some of the links on "Dalai lama slavery theocracy."

The one that said, "And during Chinese President Jiang Zemin's visit to the U.S.... he called Tibet a former "theocracy" that China had freed from slavery practiced under the Dalai Lama," I thought was pretty interesting, and puts your quote, skallas, in an interesting context.

As for peaceful and harmonious monks... I'd like to know where even the Buddhist scriptures say that was the case! The sutra of Hui-Neng, for instance has him fleeing for his life from disgruntled monks.

I like the story of the Dalai Lama talking to some journalist about sexual frustration and being a monk, and what to do about it. He apparently reached under his robes and made an exaggerated wanking motion, and said, "well, there's always this!"
posted by Blue Stone at 7:10 AM on August 3, 2003

wow, I was just kidding, I didn't know he really was a bit of a bastard. thanks, skallas.
posted by mcsweetie at 7:44 AM on August 3, 2003

I'm willing to believe, skallas, but I'm always leery of information that can't be corroborated by any source I've ever heard of. In page 1 of those Google results we have one article published by a small Australian left-wing magazine, one website hosted on geocities, another on tripod, one discussion thread posted to from a hotmail address, and one article on (aka "Canada").

I'd love to see something more substantial as this is a really interesting topic. Can we surface anything else, here?
posted by scarabic at 11:23 AM on August 3, 2003

Sadly, everything about Tibet has been either co-opted by the "Free Tibet" nationalists or the Chinese Maoist POV. Needless to say its a controversial issue and if you want a really informative piece you'll probably have to get a decent history book or cultural study from the library.

What gets my goat is that few people know the details of theocratic life and the "Free Tibet" people are enlightened westerners who are apologists for theocracy. As the AU green mentioned the word "democracy" didnt come into play until after the exile and I think that's appealing to young idealists, but the facts of life under Dalai rule should not be thrown out the same way China's handling of Tibet should not be thrown out.

Personally, I think some westerners have no problem leaving the enlightenment and democracy, human rights, etc out of the life of third world people who somehow are in need of their "traditional lifestyle" no matter how harsh it was. Its the tourist mentality and its sickening.

Some search terms that help bring up more varied sources and vaired opinions include the term Maoist also like this one.
posted by skallas at 4:13 AM on August 4, 2003

Also, "slavery" is a bit hard on the rhetoric. I think serfdom better describes the situation, though the difference is almost trivial in practice.
posted by skallas at 4:15 AM on August 4, 2003

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