The "Best" Pickup Lines
August 20, 2003 3:47 PM Subscribe
Here are the "winners" (and miserable failures) in the Nerve.com Pickup Lines Contest, and an experiment to see just how effective they really are. (97% SFW, despite coming from Nerve.com.)
"So . . . when you gonna let me up in them guts?"
Now that, my friends, is a thing of beauty.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 3:55 PM on August 20, 2003
Now that, my friends, is a thing of beauty.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 3:55 PM on August 20, 2003
A favorite of mine has long been: "So I may not be the cutest guy in the bar, but I'm the only one talking to you." Of course, it's really meant as a joke between friends and I. Once, however, I had baked some cookies and was wandering around the bar saying: "I may not be the cutest guy in the bar, but I'm the only one with cookies!" Which, actually, worked.
posted by elwoodwiles at 4:00 PM on August 20, 2003
posted by elwoodwiles at 4:00 PM on August 20, 2003
God i LOVE nerve.com.
Anyone has read their book called 'The big bang' yet? I'm curious.
Em and Lo used to write a weekly column for The Guardian that was funny as hell.
posted by Sijeka at 4:02 PM on August 20, 2003
Anyone has read their book called 'The big bang' yet? I'm curious.
Em and Lo used to write a weekly column for The Guardian that was funny as hell.
posted by Sijeka at 4:02 PM on August 20, 2003
Instead of going to some dive bar at 2:30 a.m. — where I could try the lines out on someone who was so drunk that she wouldn't remember anything the next morning anyway — it was decided that I would go to a Ford model party. That's right.
Yeah, just last weekend I was thinking to myself, "Instead of the usual Ford Model Party at the Playboy Mansion I go to, I think I'll just chill at at the bowling alley tonight."
Fucker.
posted by Stan Chin at 4:03 PM on August 20, 2003
Yeah, just last weekend I was thinking to myself, "Instead of the usual Ford Model Party at the Playboy Mansion I go to, I think I'll just chill at at the bowling alley tonight."
Fucker.
posted by Stan Chin at 4:03 PM on August 20, 2003
Great beer, dude. Awesome weed, too! Wanna trade bj's?
[/homosexual superiority]
posted by WolfDaddy at 4:09 PM on August 20, 2003
[/homosexual superiority]
posted by WolfDaddy at 4:09 PM on August 20, 2003
Fucker.
No, he went home alone and drunk. Man what a loser, couldn't even pick up his old roomate.
posted by thomcatspike at 4:12 PM on August 20, 2003
No, he went home alone and drunk. Man what a loser, couldn't even pick up his old roomate.
posted by thomcatspike at 4:12 PM on August 20, 2003
WolfDaddy, I simply must protest your continued aversion to the "plo chops" meme.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 4:13 PM on August 20, 2003
posted by mr_crash_davis at 4:13 PM on August 20, 2003
Seriously, my most effective pick up lines revolve around "I have more beer at my place." unfortunately this rarely leads to actual sex, being that my female friend and I usually pass out in bed before anything could happen. Waking up with a strange woman, however, has been a good enough ice breaker and lays some fundamental groundwork for future meetings.
posted by elwoodwiles at 4:36 PM on August 20, 2003
posted by elwoodwiles at 4:36 PM on August 20, 2003
Crash, I have five pc's at home. Why would I want to trade more with you??
posted by WolfDaddy at 4:39 PM on August 20, 2003
posted by WolfDaddy at 4:39 PM on August 20, 2003
Crash, I have five pc's at home.
I...don't think that line's going to work.
posted by thanotopsis at 5:18 PM on August 20, 2003
I...don't think that line's going to work.
posted by thanotopsis at 5:18 PM on August 20, 2003
My name is George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents.
posted by poopy at 5:37 PM on August 20, 2003
posted by poopy at 5:37 PM on August 20, 2003
the variation on "there's a party in my pants" sounds like something from achewood. just sayin'.
posted by pxe2000 at 5:51 PM on August 20, 2003
posted by pxe2000 at 5:51 PM on August 20, 2003
"Because I'd like to backlash your booty like you were Susan Faludi."
First off (well first, great post), I don't know who the fuck is going to the Science Museum to pick up chicks (I suppose if you actually did meet someone there, they'd be interesting), but ripping off Paul Barman as a pick up line isn't going to work. I've done some very unscientific polling and it turns out that 0% of women like Paul Barman lyrics with a +/- of 0.
posted by yerfatma at 6:08 PM on August 20, 2003
First off (well first, great post), I don't know who the fuck is going to the Science Museum to pick up chicks (I suppose if you actually did meet someone there, they'd be interesting), but ripping off Paul Barman as a pick up line isn't going to work. I've done some very unscientific polling and it turns out that 0% of women like Paul Barman lyrics with a +/- of 0.
posted by yerfatma at 6:08 PM on August 20, 2003
When I read that article, I got the impression that the authors had no idea the Susan Faludi line was from a Barman song. I figured that without that context, the line was precisely the sort of charmingly low-high-brow crap Nerve loves...
posted by rxrfrx at 6:18 PM on August 20, 2003
posted by rxrfrx at 6:18 PM on August 20, 2003
"It's been a while since I've come across a smile as nice as yours. What do you say?"
posted by dobbs at 6:35 PM on August 20, 2003
posted by dobbs at 6:35 PM on August 20, 2003
Upon being introduced to an attractive guy in a bar one night when I was sort of down, I said, in my best forlorn-wallflower voice: "Can you kiss me on the cheek so I can say a cute guy kissed me tonight?" Needless to say, more than just a kiss on the cheek ensued, and friends have since employed this method with 100% success.
I know I'm probably gonna get spanked for saying this, but since when do women need a line more advanced than, "Hey, I'm in the mood, how about you" to get a guy?
posted by RylandDotNet at 9:24 PM on August 20, 2003
I know I'm probably gonna get spanked for saying this, but since when do women need a line more advanced than, "Hey, I'm in the mood, how about you" to get a guy?
posted by RylandDotNet at 9:24 PM on August 20, 2003
"Just so you know... this pickup attempt may be recorded for quality assurance purposes."
posted by MonkeyMeat at 9:30 PM on August 20, 2003
posted by MonkeyMeat at 9:30 PM on August 20, 2003
"...since when do women need a line more advanced than, "Hey, I'm in the mood, how about you" to get a guy?"
Even that is wordy. Grab his hand, place it on any part of your body. Prepare for takeoff.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 9:59 PM on August 20, 2003
Even that is wordy. Grab his hand, place it on any part of your body. Prepare for takeoff.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 9:59 PM on August 20, 2003
I know I'm probably gonna get spanked for saying this, but ...
And there's the best pickup line yet.
posted by lasm at 10:21 PM on August 20, 2003
And there's the best pickup line yet.
posted by lasm at 10:21 PM on August 20, 2003
I've done some very unscientific polling and it turns out that 0% of women like Paul Barman lyrics with a +/- of 0.
If someone came up to me and quoted "Cock Mobster" as a pick-up line, I'd be impressed.
I wouldn't go anywhere with them, but I would be impressed.
posted by Katemonkey at 2:45 AM on August 21, 2003
If someone came up to me and quoted "Cock Mobster" as a pick-up line, I'd be impressed.
I wouldn't go anywhere with them, but I would be impressed.
posted by Katemonkey at 2:45 AM on August 21, 2003
Reading stuff like this makes me really glad to have just celebrated my 14th anniversary. Geez! Is it really so desperate and artless out there? I was particularly struck by the number of lines that involved unwanted pregnancy... always a turn-on...
posted by jpburns at 4:43 AM on August 21, 2003
posted by jpburns at 4:43 AM on August 21, 2003
I've done some very unscientific polling and it turns out that 0% of women like Paul Barman lyrics with a +/- of 0
What, even "just for the hell of it, let's not be celibate"?
Actually using a pick-up line beliving that some girl will be won over with your disarming wit strikes me as kind of sweet in a pathetic/nostalgic sort of way, like that stuff Richie used to do on Happy Days, like drinking olive oil to line your stomach so you don't get drunk at parties.
Sadly, I think most people mad enough to actually verbalise some of this stuff do it thinking that they're being waggish or ironic, which just makes me want to puke beer and olive oil all over them.
posted by backOfYourMind at 5:20 AM on August 21, 2003
What, even "just for the hell of it, let's not be celibate"?
Actually using a pick-up line beliving that some girl will be won over with your disarming wit strikes me as kind of sweet in a pathetic/nostalgic sort of way, like that stuff Richie used to do on Happy Days, like drinking olive oil to line your stomach so you don't get drunk at parties.
Sadly, I think most people mad enough to actually verbalise some of this stuff do it thinking that they're being waggish or ironic, which just makes me want to puke beer and olive oil all over them.
posted by backOfYourMind at 5:20 AM on August 21, 2003
Whoa, don't get me wrong. I like Paul Barman. My experience is that girls don't. One friend's wife threatened to throw the disc I lent out the car window. I'm always the one that gets blamed for turning people onto stuff like that. Which reduces the number of weddings I get invited to by about 50%. So I keep digging for more stuff to share.
posted by yerfatma at 5:57 AM on August 21, 2003
posted by yerfatma at 5:57 AM on August 21, 2003
I like Paul Barman. My experience is that girls don't.
Shit, guess I shouldn't've put "Cock Mobster" on my MeFiMix then, huh?
(In other words, me + Paul Barman = ♥)
posted by Katemonkey at 6:02 AM on August 21, 2003
Shit, guess I shouldn't've put "Cock Mobster" on my MeFiMix then, huh?
(In other words, me + Paul Barman = ♥)
posted by Katemonkey at 6:02 AM on August 21, 2003
I have never, ever, seen a pickup line work. That didn't keep me (or anyone I knew) from trying.
Luckily, my wife and I were setup by mutual friends. I'd be interested in the success rates of "arranged" meetings like that.
posted by tommasz at 6:18 AM on August 21, 2003
Luckily, my wife and I were setup by mutual friends. I'd be interested in the success rates of "arranged" meetings like that.
posted by tommasz at 6:18 AM on August 21, 2003
My findings validate Yerfatma's assertion that women are generally adverse to Paul Barman. 0% of women polled in my study were impressed by my offer to "smooch on your pooper hole/All through the Superbowl." Naturally, the one woman in the study had heard me say it about 30 times previous. I also once heard a female friend remark "Paul Barman is frigging disgusting."
Katemonkey, I applaud your stance, but keep in mind that it's bound to be controversial!
posted by Mayor Curley at 6:33 AM on August 21, 2003
Katemonkey, I applaud your stance, but keep in mind that it's bound to be controversial!
posted by Mayor Curley at 6:33 AM on August 21, 2003
It all just means more Barman-lovin' for me, baby. Aw yeaaaaah...
posted by Katemonkey at 6:39 AM on August 21, 2003
posted by Katemonkey at 6:39 AM on August 21, 2003
Luckily, my wife and I were setup by mutual friends. I'd be interested in the success rates of "arranged" meetings like that.
The goal of a "have mutual friends" date is a bit different from a pickup-line scenario. Consider this hypothetical exchange:
friend's wife: Did you have a good time on your date with Debbie?
you: Good time? I'll say! I totally banged her!
friend's wife: Uhh, that's good, I guess. Are you going to call her again?
you: Hell, no!
posted by Mayor Curley at 6:43 AM on August 21, 2003
The goal of a "have mutual friends" date is a bit different from a pickup-line scenario. Consider this hypothetical exchange:
friend's wife: Did you have a good time on your date with Debbie?
you: Good time? I'll say! I totally banged her!
friend's wife: Uhh, that's good, I guess. Are you going to call her again?
you: Hell, no!
posted by Mayor Curley at 6:43 AM on August 21, 2003
Um, it didn't quite go like that. But the after-date questioning session sure happened. I think that's unavoidable, given the circumstances.
posted by tommasz at 6:54 AM on August 21, 2003
posted by tommasz at 6:54 AM on August 21, 2003
Reading stuff like this makes me really glad to have just celebrated my 14th anniversary. Geez! Is it really so desperate and artless out there? I was particularly struck by the number of lines that involved unwanted pregnancy... always a turn-on...
yo that. except I'm single. But I quit IE and shut down my computer last night after reading that page, because it was so depressingly pathetic it made me tired. They weren't even funny. And the stories at the bottom where people seemed so proud either of success with pickups, or that last one of superiority over another woman for having been immune, were sad too.
I have to say, I don't even get that line - "your skin's so creamy you've probably never had a zit on your ass"? What's the joke? Am I missing some reference via creamy or something? My response to that would be along the lines of, well, I don't think you'll have a chance to review the data...
posted by mdn at 6:58 AM on August 21, 2003
yo that. except I'm single. But I quit IE and shut down my computer last night after reading that page, because it was so depressingly pathetic it made me tired. They weren't even funny. And the stories at the bottom where people seemed so proud either of success with pickups, or that last one of superiority over another woman for having been immune, were sad too.
I have to say, I don't even get that line - "your skin's so creamy you've probably never had a zit on your ass"? What's the joke? Am I missing some reference via creamy or something? My response to that would be along the lines of, well, I don't think you'll have a chance to review the data...
posted by mdn at 6:58 AM on August 21, 2003
I still don' t think there's anything that can beat, "Hey, nice shoes. Wanna just be friends?"
posted by thecaddy at 6:59 AM on August 21, 2003
posted by thecaddy at 6:59 AM on August 21, 2003
I have never, ever, seen a pickup line work
I think pickup lines are a bit like modern-day rhyming slang.
Noone actually talks like that, but we can all have a chuckle at the joke behind it and imagine what it would be like if someone actually did.
posted by backOfYourMind at 7:10 AM on August 21, 2003
I think pickup lines are a bit like modern-day rhyming slang.
Noone actually talks like that, but we can all have a chuckle at the joke behind it and imagine what it would be like if someone actually did.
posted by backOfYourMind at 7:10 AM on August 21, 2003
The problem is that those pickup lines where jokes.
If you go here and scroll down, you can read some pickup lines provided to Nerve that were allegedly successful.
There is one pickup line that doesn't sound weird and actually has a good shot of working, however.
posted by deanc at 7:28 AM on August 21, 2003
If you go here and scroll down, you can read some pickup lines provided to Nerve that were allegedly successful.
There is one pickup line that doesn't sound weird and actually has a good shot of working, however.
posted by deanc at 7:28 AM on August 21, 2003
thecaddy and deanc both touch on an intriguing approach - shows you're observant, fashion conscious, not (only) staring at her ass, etc - but what if she's not wearing cool shoes? you can't bullshit something like that.
posted by gottabefunky at 8:02 AM on August 21, 2003
posted by gottabefunky at 8:02 AM on August 21, 2003
Some lines I've heard used:
* I know you, I knew you, but I think I can't remember your name. (amusing, but struck out on the target)
* Excuse me, but I've been admiring your forehead from across the room for quite some time. (I laughed, but he just ended up my friend)
And the all-time greatest...
* Sit on my face and I'll guess your weight. (yeah. really. he wouldn't have succeeded even if he hadn't promptly passed out and slid to the floor.)
posted by verso at 9:10 AM on August 21, 2003
* I know you, I knew you, but I think I can't remember your name. (amusing, but struck out on the target)
* Excuse me, but I've been admiring your forehead from across the room for quite some time. (I laughed, but he just ended up my friend)
And the all-time greatest...
* Sit on my face and I'll guess your weight. (yeah. really. he wouldn't have succeeded even if he hadn't promptly passed out and slid to the floor.)
posted by verso at 9:10 AM on August 21, 2003
"Hey, nice shoes. Wanna just be friends?"
Great. Emo pickup lines. How 'bout: "Nice self-esteem issue. It'd look great crumpled up on the floor of some predatory guy's apartment."
posted by yerfatma at 12:06 PM on August 21, 2003
Great. Emo pickup lines. How 'bout: "Nice self-esteem issue. It'd look great crumpled up on the floor of some predatory guy's apartment."
posted by yerfatma at 12:06 PM on August 21, 2003
One time I was sitting in a subway car, knitting. A guy near me asked me all kinds of questions about what I was making. When he left the car at his stop, he tucked into my hand a matchbox printed with the name and address of a restaurant where he was a chef, and requested that I give him a call as he wanted me to "teach him how to knit".
posted by orange swan at 6:09 PM on August 21, 2003
posted by orange swan at 6:09 PM on August 21, 2003
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