Dante's Inferno Test
August 29, 2003 10:55 AM   Subscribe

Dante's Inferno Test. On which level of hell will you burn? (via Memepool)
posted by pooligan (43 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
This is so old.
posted by password at 11:03 AM on August 29, 2003

I have come to a place mute of all light, where the wind bellows as the sea does in a tempest. This is the office on a Friday afternoon before a long weekend. Here, worker drones are blown around endlessly by the unforgiving winds of unquenchable desire as punishment for their transgressions, and furtively read MetaFilter to pass the time. I have squandered my vacation and sick time at the behest of my appetite for pleasure, and so here I am doomed to remain for another three hours or so. Mathowie and Coldchef of Austin are two that apparently share in my fate.
posted by yhbc at 11:12 AM on August 29, 2003

Level 2 lustful. Yum!
posted by nofundy at 11:21 AM on August 29, 2003

7th level... ouch...

apparently, there's supposed to be a bunch of centaurs there with bows and arrows, and some kind of poison tree...
posted by lotsofno at 11:28 AM on August 29, 2003

I only got to level 6, dang.
posted by mathowie at 11:29 AM on August 29, 2003

I'm in Purgatory...screw all y'all! (D'oh...did I just lose a level because of that?)
posted by byort at 11:32 AM on August 29, 2003

7th level. But I'm nice! Really I am!
posted by biscotti at 11:32 AM on August 29, 2003

Look, I can deal with the bellowing wind, and the unquenchable desire, and all that junk. But you mean to tell me that I'll be sharing the same level with nofundy for all eternity? Now that's hell! (just kidding, nofundy. It'll be great ... I'm sure we'll get to hang out with Clinton and JFK!)
posted by pardonyou? at 11:34 AM on August 29, 2003

I'm on level Five and I'm already sick of that Sean Paul song they keep playing over and over. Exactly how long is eternity again?
posted by Atom12 at 11:36 AM on August 29, 2003

I keep ending up in Limbo. How can I work myself into Satan's mouth?
posted by tyro urge at 11:43 AM on August 29, 2003

Betray someone very close to you.
posted by starvingartist at 11:47 AM on August 29, 2003

Woohoo! Level Five. If you can't say anything nice, sit next to me.
posted by lobakgo at 11:48 AM on August 29, 2003

Alright! Level 6! It's nice living in the city - the suburbs are just so boring :-)

Although I could just as easily be on 7. Maybe I can get a day pass or something.
posted by starvingartist at 11:59 AM on August 29, 2003

7th! i rule baby!
posted by poopy at 11:59 AM on August 29, 2003

Another resident of the City of Dis (level 6) here. Apparently I'm extremely heretical.
posted by Johnny Assay at 12:05 PM on August 29, 2003

Yeah level six.

Only question I had trouble answering was 'Would you sooner go without sex than go without good-tasting food?".... tough tough call :)
posted by zeoslap at 12:09 PM on August 29, 2003

Level six here.

I hate all you heretics.
posted by Tin Man at 12:20 PM on August 29, 2003

I'm a virtuous pagan. Quelle boring.
posted by plep at 12:21 PM on August 29, 2003

You people are a bunch of amateurs; I just scored my way into level 8.
posted by elwoodwiles at 12:26 PM on August 29, 2003

Level 9. I assume it was the wanking that did it.
posted by vbfg at 12:44 PM on August 29, 2003

Level Seven here too. I always assumed I was harmless.
posted by jonmc at 12:45 PM on August 29, 2003

I'll be spending eternity living the sweet life with the lustful on Level Two.

Of course, I wish I'd be spending it on Level Four. That's where all the hotties are.
posted by mathis23 at 1:00 PM on August 29, 2003

I got level 8. Fraudulent, occasionally. Malicious, sometimes. Panderer? Stumped on that one.
posted by macadamiaranch at 1:11 PM on August 29, 2003

You think you're all being funny. Just wait til the broken glass, bone shards, hot tar and saltwater taffy.
posted by WolfDaddy at 1:29 PM on August 29, 2003

You are in Limbo, a place of sorrow without torment. You encounter a seven-walled castle, and within those walls you find rolling fresh meadows illuminated by the light of reason, whereabout many shades dwell. These are the virtuous pagans, the great philosophers and authors, unbaptised children, and others unfit to enter the kingdom of heaven. You share company with Caesar, Homer, Virgil, Socrates, and Aristotle. There is no punishment here, and the atmosphere is peaceful, yet sad.

Cue Jimmy Cliff: Sitting in limbo, limbo limbo limbo limbo.

'Course I lied on some of the questions.
posted by jokeefe at 1:38 PM on August 29, 2003

5th level of hell. seems about right to me.
posted by t r a c y at 1:49 PM on August 29, 2003

No lying for lying is bad.

Purgatory for me and I'm not even Christian. Yay. Got two bases covered now..
posted by Mossy at 1:50 PM on August 29, 2003

Hey, I'm in Limbo! There are worse things than spending eternity hanging out with legendary Greek philosophers...
posted by thomas j wise at 1:55 PM on August 29, 2003

Seems like there are some loaded questions...

Rich men and women deserve every penny and should spend or save their wealth as they wish.
Well, it depends on how they got rich! Enron bastards deserve to burn, as opposed to someone else who worked their asses off to get where they are.

Are you overweight?
Well, ya a little. 5 - 10 pounds. I could lose it if I got off my ass and stopped surfing blogs all the time.

Do you repent for your sins?
How can I repent for sins I do not believe in?

I seem to have landed in : Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis
posted by Nauip at 1:58 PM on August 29, 2003

vbfg, I think the wanking only gets you to level 2 (Lust.)
Gotta do some much worse things. I though disbelieving in God and saying some people just deserve to die would dip me lower. Hmmm. Maybe Dante is more forgiving than I thought.
posted by aacheson at 1:59 PM on August 29, 2003

Hey...is the Lust Level going to be the party place or what? I'll be there too. I'll bring chips. :)
posted by dejah420 at 2:00 PM on August 29, 2003

Seems like there are some loaded questions...
Well the bible is a pretty loaded book, innit?

Sorry to get all religious on your arse, you know it's not my style.
posted by Jimbob at 3:52 PM on August 29, 2003

Indeed, justice divine doth smite them with its hammer.

I'm so using that line at my next D&D game. Level 8, representin' yo.
posted by starscream at 4:02 PM on August 29, 2003

Purgatory here too, Mossy. But I thought Muslims deserved the fifth level of Hell and below?
posted by laz-e-boy at 4:22 PM on August 29, 2003

Maybe they've gotten rid of it by now (I somehow doubt it though), but I'm pretty sure that last time I played around there, I got hit by a veritable ton of spyware. So if you've taken the test, you may want to double check to see if you've been assimilated or whatnot.
posted by syrcharles at 5:32 PM on August 29, 2003

Cigars are evil, you won't miss them,
  We'll find ways to simulate that smell,
  What a sorry fella, rolled up and smoked like a panatela
  Here on level 1 of robot hell

posted by benjh at 6:29 PM on August 29, 2003

Purgatory, eh?

Metafilter: Have the laws of the pit been o'erthrown?
posted by crunchburger at 6:43 PM on August 29, 2003

Level 8. Some wallow in human excrement. Serpents writhe and wrap around men, sometimes fusing into each other. Bodies are torn apart. When you arrive, you will want to put your hands over your ears because of the lamentations of the sinners here, who are afflicted with scabs like leprosy, and lay sick on the ground, furiously scratching their skin off with their nails. Indeed, justice divine doth smite them with its hammer.

ok ok I repent, I will mend my sinful ways!
posted by Tarrama at 8:50 PM on August 29, 2003

I got High on Purgatory and Level 8. Fuck the centrists. Apparantly I'm a morally violent man. Or a violently moral man. Either way, I look more like Flash Gordon every day.
posted by Ufez Jones at 9:00 PM on August 29, 2003

lustful i can believe, but Level 7? violent? me?? pffttt.
posted by deborah at 11:10 PM on August 29, 2003

Level 2. Sounds like a fair description of puberty, at least to me. Anyone else feel that way?
posted by Goofyy at 11:43 PM on August 29, 2003

My Inferno goes to XI
posted by trondant at 1:39 AM on August 30, 2003

Yay, I'm a heretic! I've always wanted to live in the city, but I didn't expect it to be Dis. Did you know that Henry VIII called the poet John Skelton (c. 1460-1529), his 'vicar in Hell', because he was rector of Diss, in Norfolk? Let's paint this town red!

The three infernal Furies stained with blood, with limbs of women and hair of serpents, dwell in this circle of Hell.

But do they do girl-girl smoochies, like Madonna and Britney?
posted by Slithy_Tove at 5:52 AM on August 30, 2003

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