Quickly children! Feast upon his blood!
October 23, 2003 10:53 AM   Subscribe

Vampire babies.
posted by cinderful (26 comments total)
This is exactly why I don't trust babies. Well, okay, not exactly, but close enough.

Seriously, I know that babies bite, but what could prompt a dozen-baby strong frenzy like this? It's not like they've pack behavior or anything, and I'd think they wouldn't be old enough to have any reason to imitate each other in violent biting...
posted by truex at 11:11 AM on October 23, 2003

That so-called "baby" is obviously the Antichrist, 666, Beelzebub, the Dark One, the Lizard King, and those other kids tried to Save Us All the only way they knew how. Maybe if we can canonize Mother Theresa fast enough, she can intervene.
posted by digaman at 11:13 AM on October 23, 2003

weird--these must have been toddlers...

How close is Croatia to Transylvania anyway? ; >
posted by amberglow at 11:17 AM on October 23, 2003

I think some more information is called for here... what period of time elapsed before the nanny returned to the room? How on earth could the bites be attributed to all 12 of the babies if nobody was in the room, unless forensic samples have been made for saliva dna or teeth imprints?
posted by taz at 11:19 AM on October 23, 2003


the farkification continues.
posted by gottabefunky at 11:33 AM on October 23, 2003

I don't believe it for a second, but the absolute freaking scariest scenario is this:

The babies were malnourished and were resorting to cannablism.

Like I said, I don't believe it, but

posted by Shane at 11:33 AM on October 23, 2003

This is what they get for cancelling Buffy.
posted by divrsional at 11:35 AM on October 23, 2003

How close is Croatia to Transylvania anyway?

Right Next Door.

(well, sort of - it looks like Slavonia is in between, but it's close anyway)

[evil laugh]
posted by milovoo at 11:52 AM on October 23, 2003

the absolute freaking scariest scenario is this

Actually I was thinking he might have eaten something tasty, barely digested it, and then made a diaper deposit. Scarier?
posted by scarabic at 11:57 AM on October 23, 2003

Reminds me of The Parliament of Rooks. There are some baby secrets best kept that way.
posted by ZachsMind at 12:04 PM on October 23, 2003

posted by monju_bosatsu at 12:14 PM on October 23, 2003

Exactly what I was thinking, ZachsMind. Maybe they just didn't like his story. Or maybe he had one of these and the other kids were just jealous. *meep*

Joking aside, I can't imagine what would make a bunch of kids do this. It would seem more likely, as taz suggests, that there were only a few kids involved.
posted by widdershins at 12:19 PM on October 23, 2003

the farkification continues.

What is this fark thing everybody keeps talking about? Is it scat porn or something, because a few people here seem obsessed with it.
posted by insomnyuk at 1:14 PM on October 23, 2003

Is it scat porn or something

only on thursdays, I think. It depends on the day.
posted by milovoo at 1:18 PM on October 23, 2003


Quite possibly, but it requires too much contemplation of both ideas to come to a conclusion...
posted by Shane at 1:19 PM on October 23, 2003

Is it scat porn...

posted by widdershins at 1:23 PM on October 23, 2003

When babies...nevermind.
posted by me3dia at 1:31 PM on October 23, 2003

scat porn

Ella Fitzgerald did porn?
posted by scody at 2:04 PM on October 23, 2003

Ella Fitzgerald did porn?

No, Cab Calloway did.
posted by sharpener at 2:48 PM on October 23, 2003

isn't there some law of thermo-dynamics that states that all sites will eventually devolve into FARK? The heat death of the internet. Entropy, or something?
posted by pejamo at 3:31 PM on October 23, 2003

Doesn't Rupert Murdoch own Sky? Not that he has a monopoly on expolitation-type media stories. Will those wacky baby hijniks never stop?

Did anybody else see this link further down the page? Or the Minneli husband beating allegation?
posted by infowar at 3:38 PM on October 23, 2003

What the hell was she doing leaving a bunch of babies unattended in the first place?
posted by dg at 11:51 PM on October 23, 2003

There was a similar incident in a daycare centre in Malmö, Sweden, a few weeks ago, in which a 17-month-old boy was bitten more than twenty times on the arm by 'one or more' of his nurserymates: Swedish link here.
posted by misteraitch at 4:03 AM on October 24, 2003

To be honest, misteraitch, I can see something like this happening; I cannot possibly imagine a mob attack, however.

Very young children sometimes exhibit strange compulsive behaviours, such as obsessive hair-pulling (their own and others) and biting, and what have you. I am completely skeptical, however, that a whole group of children happened to all exhibit this unusual behavior at exactly the same time, with one particular "target".

I have a feeling that the true story in the "vampire babies" case can be much more easily comprehended. If the nanny was gone for an extended period of time, then one aggressive child with a "biting problem" could have inflicted a lot of damage, and even possibly inspired one or two others to "try their chops". I would have to see a lot more compelling facts about this situation in order to believe the scenario as presented, however.
posted by taz at 4:56 AM on October 24, 2003

dg, I know it's a big article, but Flesch-Kincaid give it a 9.6 grade level. ;-)

He was attacked after the class nanny stepped out of the room to change another baby's nappy.

Hey, shit happens.
posted by shepd at 12:52 PM on October 25, 2003

Well, actually, I can read so did see that line, shepd. Thanks for pointing it out, though. Perhaps the rules are different than here - there are no circumstances where child care workers in Australia are allowed to leave even one child unattended for a single second and at least two staff members must be supervising any group of children at any one time. Shit still happens, of course and children still get bitten, but it would not be possible for this to happen had the children been properly supervised.
posted by dg at 2:54 PM on October 26, 2003

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