A group of nearby spaceships are not all oriented exacly like each other, in an upwards position.

February 5, 2004 11:34 AM

Things We Will Never See On Star Trek
posted by Orange Goblin (39 comments total)

I am also nostalgic for the unfunny geek internet humor of 95/96 vintage.

Sorry dude, that was mean.
posted by Divine_Wino at 11:58 AM on February 5, 2004

"Someone gets drunk and pees all over himself in 10 Forward. "

if i remember right, the replicator's drinks use synthehol, instead of alcohol..
posted by lotsofno at 11:59 AM on February 5, 2004

Oh, man. I'm gonna cut and paste that into an email to everyone in my address book.

Then I'll just nip down the corridor and hang myself.
posted by dmd at 12:08 PM on February 5, 2004

"The crew of the Enterprise discovers a totally new lifeform, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old life-form wearing a funny hat."

Best one of the bunch...but then they are ALL good -- and true.

Heh...Tasha Yar's relatives...
posted by davidmsc at 12:20 PM on February 5, 2004

I always thought it was funny that on TNG, they always showed Earth as pristine and idyllic. You'll never see earth as the burned out ball of crap that it will inevitably become. There was a bit of a nod to this in Alien Resurrection: "Earth? What a shithole!" Now that, is more like it.
posted by psmealey at 12:23 PM on February 5, 2004

Hello World
posted by DaRiLo at 12:28 PM on February 5, 2004

whoah, barking spider! I haven't read this thing in almost a decade... serious flashbacks occurring right now, wow.
posted by krunk at 12:29 PM on February 5, 2004

Stupid.
posted by thrakintosh at 12:36 PM on February 5, 2004

Barking Spider: Good Clean Fun Since Last Updated 1994
posted by quonsar at 12:42 PM on February 5, 2004

Doh.
posted by Orange Goblin at 12:55 PM on February 5, 2004

dorkiest. post. evar.
posted by gnutron at 1:09 PM on February 5, 2004

*cough*
posted by Satapher at 1:15 PM on February 5, 2004

Come on now, this site can't be that bad.

I mean, it is part of the Winner's Circle, after all.
posted by ice_cream_motor at 1:15 PM on February 5, 2004

Hee hee hee. Don't mind us, Orange Goblin. We're nice people, really.
posted by adamgreenfield at 1:16 PM on February 5, 2004

Snarking about 1995-vintage culture is so-o-o 2003...
posted by wendell at 1:23 PM on February 5, 2004

Somebody remind me about the clarion call of some that Metafilter is dedicated to "The Best of the Net..."
posted by Perigee at 1:25 PM on February 5, 2004

See? I said the other half of the 'net was thanks to Star Trek.
posted by WolfDaddy at 1:30 PM on February 5, 2004

Things we will never see on metafilter ...

Nope. I'm stumped.
posted by Blue Stone at 1:39 PM on February 5, 2004

Does anyone have a link to the "rules of bedroom golf"? It would make a great follow-up FPP.
posted by milnak at 1:41 PM on February 5, 2004

Would dancing hamsters be a double post?
posted by Nelson at 2:03 PM on February 5, 2004

In my defence, it doesn't appear to have been posted on MeFi before. However, I gather this is because it predates 1999...sorry everyone. Hopefully I'm not the ONLY one who hasn't seen it...
posted by Orange Goblin at 2:21 PM on February 5, 2004

13. The crew of the Enterprise disperse, Sulu gets his own ship, and nobody suffers major emotional trauma.

I'm positive that Sulu is featured as having his own ship in Voyager, during some sort of space/time continuum problem-related something or other whatever episode.

Snarking about 1995-vintage culture is so-o-o 2003... - wendell

wendell made me laugh.

Goblin, either I haven't seen it before or it was such a long time ago that I did see that I might as well not have seen it.
posted by ashbury at 2:24 PM on February 5, 2004

if you liked barking spider, don't miss the twinkies project, featuring microwaves, food and fun!
posted by quonsar at 2:34 PM on February 5, 2004

Is this really on the front page?
posted by McBain at 2:59 PM on February 5, 2004

I liked it!
posted by mcsweetie at 3:12 PM on February 5, 2004

such a long time ago that I did see that I might as well not have seen it

Much like most Star Trek episodes themselves. ;-P
posted by mischief at 3:24 PM on February 5, 2004

I hadn't seen it, thought it was pretty good, and thanks OG for trying. You are all horrid bastards!
posted by Hildago at 3:43 PM on February 5, 2004

Somebody says, "You know, the Enterprise-D looks really stupid! What is it, a `Close Encounters' reject???"

I'd ask if you had to watch Star Trek to find this funny, but I know the answer because I've watched ST and this isn't funny.
posted by eyeballkid at 5:07 PM on February 5, 2004

As a trek fan, one thing I've never seen on Star Trek is an actor who looked dorky enough to be one of my fellow Star Trek fans. Was that on the list?
posted by Joey Michaels at 5:15 PM on February 5, 2004

if you liked barking spider, don't miss the twinkies project, featuring microwaves, food and fun!

This was one of the first non-academic things I remember seeing on the web ever. It does make me nostalgic.
posted by weston at 5:16 PM on February 5, 2004

Sulu did have his own ship, after the Enterprise crew disbanded. (ref: Star Trek VI)

Troi is seen bathing when she is turned into a reptilian species. (ref: Genesis)

I know too much about Star Trek. (ref: Above two entries)
posted by benjh at 7:36 PM on February 5, 2004

I thought it was a nice funny. I have probably seen it before, but it had been so long that my brain reset, and it was funny again.
posted by UKnowForKids at 7:39 PM on February 5, 2004

What a bunch of humourless bastards! OK, so it was old, everyone has seen it before (except, apparently, Orange Goblin, Hildago and me) and it was only marginally funny in a fairly predicable sort of way, but maybe this is the best of the web (if you discount everything that has already been linked on MeFi, anyway). Have you ever considered that? Huh? Have you?
posted by dg at 8:40 PM on February 5, 2004

It's Comedy Aluminum and yummy in its awful badness.
posted by y2karl at 10:15 PM on February 5, 2004

Yes, but is it transparent Aluminum worth trading future secrets for? (you know, for the whales, and the future, and all that?)
posted by Wulfgar! at 10:41 PM on February 5, 2004

Its funny enough, and I can laugh at myself for wanting to also take it seriously because I love sci-fi. And I never saw it before either. So there.
posted by Goofyy at 12:31 AM on February 6, 2004

Sulu did have his own ship, after the Enterprise crew disbanded. (ref: Star Trek VI)

Troi is seen bathing when she is turned into a reptilian species. (ref: Genesis)

And there's the episode where Worf pisses himself (ref: prostate in paradise)
posted by biffa at 1:33 AM on February 6, 2004

Heh, that was like reading Gilligan's Planet. *sideblogs it*
posted by j.edwards at 4:37 AM on February 6, 2004

Never apply a Star Trek solution to a Babylon 5 problem.

That's not on the list, but it should be.
posted by WolfDaddy at 10:33 AM on February 6, 2004