How to reduce your chances of being a terror victim
February 26, 2004 9:57 AM   Subscribe

Make out a will and letter of instruction in case you die. Get fingerprinted, get your blood samples and obtain dental X-rays so your body can be identified in case you fall victim to attack.

-- Just one of 26 tips how to reduce your chances of being a terror victim. [via bifurcated rivets]
posted by cmicali (22 comments total)
sounds more like tips to increase your chances of being an *identifiable* terror victim.
posted by quonsar at 10:01 AM on February 26, 2004

sorry about the tag problem.. but yeah, this sounds to me a lot more like propaganda than a helpful article. of course it depends who you ask, but the chances of actually being a victim of "terrorism" is probably quite small
posted by cmicali at 10:05 AM on February 26, 2004

18. Never take the first taxicab in line; hail a moving cab instead.

is this suppossed to protect you from being on time?
posted by trbrts at 10:09 AM on February 26, 2004

someone paying an usual amount of attention to a prominent landmark

But I always pay oosual amounts of attention to prominent landmarks.
posted by jon_kill at 10:14 AM on February 26, 2004

familiarize yourself with typical airline hijackings.

Watch Executive Decision for meaning before every trip.
posted by biffa at 10:23 AM on February 26, 2004

Seems they've forgotten a few:

27) Obtain a large store of automatic weapons.

28) Move to Idaho

29) Keep a tinfoil hat handy
posted by cmdnc0 at 10:24 AM on February 26, 2004

26. Do not live or work in a highly urban area that most likely would be a terrorist's target, such as New York City, Washington, D.C., or San Francisco.

Guess I'm fucked.
posted by MrMoonPie at 10:27 AM on February 26, 2004

You've always been more likely to die in a car crash -- even in 2001. You are at greater risk from the flu. You'd be better off keeping your eyes peeled for people who sneeze.
posted by Slagman at 10:29 AM on February 26, 2004

haha i did not even realize, its a NEWS article on but it's really an advertisement for a book being sold on amazon. in other news fox reaches new journalistic low
posted by cmicali at 10:29 AM on February 26, 2004

12. When in a foreign country, don't advertise that you're American by speaking loudly...
Man, oh man, this is comedy gold..
posted by Pink Fuzzy Bunny at 10:35 AM on February 26, 2004

i know there's no real need to pile-on, but this article is quite stupid. as q intimates, how does making a will and instructions for your burial help prevent you from being killed? dumb, dumb, dumb. this article is an embarrassment for Fox News.

btw, you're at much greater risk of dying from food poisoning, not to mention the most obvious risk, car accidents. stop buying cars, stop driving cars.
posted by mrgrimm at 10:40 AM on February 26, 2004

I've seen so much of these sort of things since 9/11. Maybe they should start calling it "paranoiaism." How else would you account for wars to prevent the threat of weapons that don't exist and the wiretapping of the UN secretary general?
posted by VulcanMike at 10:45 AM on February 26, 2004

Should really be called "How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Embrace my Fear-Based Life".

8. When flying, wear comfortable clothing and shoes in case you need to quickly evacuate.

In case you need to evacuate what? Your colon??

11. When traveling overseas, stay in an American chain hotel; security is usually more stringent.

Good advice... Terrorists hardly ever go after American owned businesses abroad.
posted by psmealey at 10:51 AM on February 26, 2004

30. Travel back to the future and prevent your parents from having sex.
31. Teach the bastards a lesson with a pre-emptive suicide.
posted by substrate at 10:56 AM on February 26, 2004

be afraid. be very afraid.
posted by tiamat at 11:04 AM on February 26, 2004

familiarize yourself with typical airline hijackings.

excuse me, mr. faux news, mz. junior journalist, and miss dumbass republican, i realize you are all quite busy chasing the american nightmare, but i beg to inform you that the "typical" airline hijackings featured hostages. held in the jet, on the ground, with a series of demands to be negotiated. since it was supposedly worldwide policy not to negotiate with hijackers, these "typical" airline hijackings often ended with the jet being stormed by commandos, the hijackers killed on sight and as few civilians killed as possible. now, the paradigm is shifted.

this bullshit, the book, the book promo thinly disguised as faux news, the whole mindset that buys into this "it's a terrible new world" malarky is fear-corrupted and reality-deluded. just the way our government wants them.
posted by quonsar at 11:11 AM on February 26, 2004

12. When in a foreign country, don't advertise that you're American by speaking loudly.

Sod terrorism! This has been good advice to Americans abroad (especially in London, where people shouting in the streets and waving their arms around is actually pretty commonplace) ever since (at least) WW2... The Yanks are coming. We could hear them coming...and we are glad they did (eventually).
posted by terrymiles at 11:29 AM on February 26, 2004

I can speak from the personal experience of being an unintended victim of an unsuccessful terrorist bombing. The bomber targeted an IRS office next door with home made howitzer-style weapons made from oil drums. I was sitting at a computer for a half-hour facing a window on the 7th floor overlooking the IRS building before they evacuated an eight-block area. The bombs never went off, but it took the bomb squad all morning to disarm them. If they had gone off, they were aimed wrong, and the payload would've gone over the roof of the IRS and right in my face.

So, Rule #1 for avoiding terrorist bombing: DON'T GO TO WORK EARLY. My co-workers, arriving after me, were turned away at the parking structure before anybody went upstairs to empty the building. (And some say if the 9-11 terrorists had hit the buildings an hour later, the death toll would have been 10 times what it was...)

It's nice to know that ONE of my WendellAnecdotes has a moral to the story...
posted by wendell at 11:36 AM on February 26, 2004

I don't go to work early because I'm a lazy fucker. But now I actually have a great excuse for it! Thanks, wendell!
posted by psmealey at 11:39 AM on February 26, 2004

I can hear it now: "I'm not late boss, I'm just exercising some good anti-terrorist behavior. Of course, you don't support terrorism, do you? I didn't think so. Now, it's time for my freedom nap!"
posted by tommasz at 11:53 AM on February 26, 2004

I like this one:

7. Spend as little time at the airport as possible; avoid heavily glassed areas.

Has the author of this sentence been in an airport in the last 3 years? How about we make the TSA and security line design efficient enough that we don't need to spend a lot of time at the airport?
posted by ilsa at 12:48 PM on February 26, 2004

Never take the first taxicab in line; hail a moving cab instead.

The author snuck this one in to help him avoid long cab stand lines.

Clever boy.
posted by sic at 2:14 PM on February 26, 2004

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