Good News
April 6, 2004 1:18 PM   Subscribe

Frequent sexual intercourse and masturbation protects men against prostate cancer. From the article: "The good news is it is not related to an increased risk…"
posted by mcgraw (31 comments total)

Also here, if there be a problem with that printer-friendly link.
posted by mcgraw at 1:21 PM on April 6, 2004

Previously posted here.

Let the wank-fest begin.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 1:23 PM on April 6, 2004

Different report, as my link was published today.

"If there be" was a mistake, but I'm gonna stick with it.
posted by mcgraw at 1:25 PM on April 6, 2004

Definitely not a double post, and even if it was, some things bear repeating. . .
posted by Danf at 1:29 PM on April 6, 2004

Sometimes two or three times a day.
posted by Cyrano at 1:32 PM on April 6, 2004

I am proud to have been a leading advocate of this health care measure since 1982.
posted by Ynoxas at 8:19 AM PST on July 17

On preview: disappearing posts, jeepers!
posted by Ynoxas at 1:32 PM on April 6, 2004

The results back the findings of a smaller Australian study revealed by New Scientist in July 2003 that asserted that masturbation was good for men.

Yes, it does look like a double post. But it's not.
posted by soyjoy at 1:34 PM on April 6, 2004

I apologize for my premature ejaculation.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 1:37 PM on April 6, 2004

This is the greatest discovery of all time. I gotta go now. Back in five.
posted by mokujin at 1:39 PM on April 6, 2004

Thanks, soyjoy. Still... I hope noone minds that it's such a similar study.

Like Danf said -- consider it a healthy reminder.
posted by mcgraw at 1:40 PM on April 6, 2004

"...and it feels good!"

Where do they get these guys?

Are you, Alice, menstruating?
posted by ewkpates at 1:41 PM on April 6, 2004

Back off man, they're scientists.
posted by Robot Johnny at 1:45 PM on April 6, 2004

This is the greatest discovery of all time.

I think they also discovered that drinking is good for you again last week.
posted by badstone at 1:46 PM on April 6, 2004

Kinda sorta double posting happens to boys all the time. Don't feel embarrassed.
posted by chicobangs at 1:48 PM on April 6, 2004

Yep, they did.

Heart disease A study of 14,000 male doctors treated for hypertension found that those who consumed one or two drinks a day reduced their risk of developing heart disease by 44 percent, compared to nondrinkers.

Lung disease Resveratrol, found in the skins of red fruits such as grapes reduced lung infl ammation in patients with chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, the cause of at least 3 million deaths per year.

Type 2 (adult onset) diabetes In a study of 22,000 twins, moderate drinkers were less likely to develop type 2 diabetes than nondrinkers, particularly among those who were not overweight. Heavy and binge drinking may increase the risk of type 2 diabetes in women.

Osteoporosis People with diets high in silicon, a mineral found in dark beer, had higher bone densities and therefore a lower chance of developing osteoporosis. The bone-benefi ts in the 2,800-person study appeared most clearly in premenopausal women.

Dementia Those who consumed one to three drinks per day reduced their risk of getting dementia by 42 percent compared to nondrinkers. There was no difference in the source of alcohol the 5,400 test subjects drank.

Obesity The extra calories in a glass of wine or beer with dinner don't end up on people's hips, but instead, in this preliminary study, appear to help the body get rid of excess weight.

So, "Why don't we get drunk and screw?" is in fact a health advocacy song and should be added to every high school health course immediately.
posted by badstone at 1:51 PM on April 6, 2004

we've [whappa] seen [whappa whappa] this before [whappa whappa whappa].
posted by quonsar at 2:07 PM on April 6, 2004

"I'll be in my bunk."
posted by mojohand at 2:28 PM on April 6, 2004

"we've [whappa] "

I think the sound effect you're looking for is "fap"

(link definitely NSFW)
posted by pixeldiva at 2:30 PM on April 6, 2004

If my memory serves Doonesbury made a strip about that that was "refused" by a number of newspapers.
posted by elpapacito at 2:39 PM on April 6, 2004

do not spill your seed upon the ground! it makes a wonderful anti-oxident too.
posted by Postroad at 2:48 PM on April 6, 2004

posted by moonbird at 2:58 PM on April 6, 2004

Also discourages Mormons...
posted by kaemaril at 3:24 PM on April 6, 2004

Hey, why did everyone overlook the 'sexual intercourse' part? Oh, never mind.
posted by ikalliom at 3:46 PM on April 6, 2004

I can double-post, but I need a little nap in between.
posted by squirrel at 3:49 PM on April 6, 2004

Some deep knee bends, a little ginkgo in the Horlick's, and I'm up for another round!

Not to brag or nothing.

(You know, I hear Sting can post the same link for days at a time. After a while, that's gotta get boring.)
posted by chicobangs at 4:13 PM on April 6, 2004

My gifted predecessor has warned you against the "social evil--adultery." In his able paper he exhausted that subject; he left absolutely nothing more to be said on it. But I will continue his good work in the cause of morality by cautioning you against that species of recreation called self-abuse to which I perceive you are much addicted. All great writers on health and morals, both ancient and modern, have struggled with this stately subject; this shows its dignity and importance. Some of these writers have taken one side, some the other.

Homer, in the second book of the Iliad says with fine enthusiasm, "Give me masturbation or give me death." Caesar, in his Commentaries, says, "To the lonely it is company; to the forsaken it is a friend; to the aged and to the impotent it is a benefactor. They that are penniless are yet rich, in that they still have this majestic diversion." In another place this experienced observer has said, "There are times when I prefer it to sodomy."

Robinson Crusoe says, "I cannot describe what I owe to this gentle art." Queen Elizabeth said, "It is the bulwark of virginity." Cetewayo, the Zulu hero, remarked, "A jerk in the hand is worth two in the bush." The immortal Franklin has said, "Masturbation is the best policy."

Michelangelo and all of the other old masters--"old masters," I will remark, is an abbreviation, a contraction--have used similar language. Michelangelo said to Pope Julius II, "Self- negation is noble, self-culture beneficent, self-possession is manly, but to the truly great and inspiring soul they are poor and tame compared with self-abuse." Mr. Brown, here, in one of his latest and most graceful poems, refers to it in an eloquent line which is destined to live to the end of time--"None knows it but to love it; none name it but to praise."

Such are the utterances of the most illustrious of the masters of this renowned science, and apologists for it. The name of those who decry it and oppose it is legion; they have made strong arguments and uttered bitter speeches against it--but there is not room to repeat them here in much detail. Brigham Young, an expert of incontestable authority, said, "As compared with the other thing, it is the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning." Solomon said, "There is nothing to recommend it but its cheapness." Galen said, "It is shameful to degrade to such bestial uses that grand limb, that formidable member, which we votaries of Science dub the Major Maxillary--when they dub it at all--which is seldom, It would be better to amputate the os frontis than to put it to such use."

The great statistician Smith, in his report to Parliament, says, "In my opinion, more children have been wasted in this way than any other." It cannot be denied that the high antiquity of this art entitles it to our respect; but at the same time, I think its harmfulness demands our condemnation. Mr. Darwin was grieved to feel obliged to give up his theory that the monkey was the connecting link between man and the lower animals. I think he was too hasty. The monkey is the only animal, except man, that practices this science; hence, he is our brother; there is a bond of sympathy and relationship between us. Give this ingenuous animal an audience of the proper kind and he will straightway put aside his other affairs and take a whet; and you will see by his contortions and his ecstatic expression that he takes an intelligent and human interest in his performance.

The signs of excessive indulgence in this destructive pastime are easily detectable. They are these: a disposition to eat, to drink, to smoke, to meet together convivially, to laugh, to joke and tell indelicate stories--and mainly, a yearning to paint pictures. The results of the habit are: loss of memory, loss of virility, loss of cheerfulness and loss of progeny.

Of all the various kinds of sexual intercourse, this has the least to recommend it. As an amusement, it is too fleeting; as an occupation, it is too wearing; as a public exhibition, there is no money in it. It is unsuited to the drawing room, and in the most cultured society it has long been banished from the social board. It has at last, in our day of progress and improvement, been degraded to brotherhood with flatulence. Among the best bred, these two arts are now indulged in only private--though by consent of the whole company, when only males are present, it is still permissible, in good society, to remove the embargo on the fundamental sigh.

My illustrious predecessor has taught you that all forms of the "social evil" are bad. I would teach you that some of these forms are more to be avoided than others. So, in concluding, I say, "If you must gamble your lives sexually, don't play a lone hand too much." When you feel a revolutionary uprising in your system, get your Vendome Column down some other way--don't jerk it down.

---Mark Twain, Some Thoughts on the Science of Onanism
posted by john at 4:57 PM on April 6, 2004

Duide, the fact that people have to talk about sex carefully means they also talk about it overly-technically, even when it's pretty inoffensive to say it outright. It's not just "sexual intercourse and masturbation," but ejaculation in general, if I'm reading right.
posted by abcde at 8:29 PM on April 6, 2004

Everyone aboard the masturbation wagon!
posted by Keyser Soze at 8:42 PM on April 6, 2004

"we've [whappa] "

I think the sound effect you're looking for is "fap"

no, pixeldiva, methinks you are deprived of certain critical data updates regarding this matter. fortunately, they are available at #.
posted by quonsar at 10:16 PM on April 6, 2004

"Frequent sexual intercourse and masturbation protects men against prostate cancer." - I wonder if the mechanism underlying this is similar to that which reduces breast cancer risk for nursing mothers :

In that case, it's simple "flushing" ; the fat soluble toxins which build up in women's breasts - Dioxin, PCB's, and PAH's - are flushed out of the breasts into the mouths of nursing babes (yum).
posted by troutfishing at 9:20 AM on April 7, 2004

So, my boyfriend wasn't lying when I found his secret stash of pr0n?!
posted by naxosaxur at 9:48 AM on April 7, 2004

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