Hey, hey LBJ! How many containers did you ship today?
May 21, 2004 5:26 AM   Subscribe

Cargo cultists versus Christians. Two religions enter, one religion leaves! Differences have led to murder on an island near Oceania. Many of us learned about cargo cults from Jared Diamond's Guns, Germs, and Steel. However, it seems that there's more to the story, including a Lyndon Johnson connection.
posted by Mayor Curley (15 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Curley - I think that middle link was the real prize :

"In the native view, the Christians worshipped the god Anus. He created Adam and Eve and gave them cargo of canned meat, steel tools, rice in bags and matches. He took it all away when they discovered sex and he sent a flood to destroy them, but he gave Noah a big wooden steamboat and made him the captain so he would survive. When Ham disobeyed his father his cargo was taken away and he was sent to New Guinea. Now his descendants were being given a chance to reform and regain their cargo. All through the twenties the natives patiently worked hard, sang hymns and prayed to Anus. But by the thirties it became clear that the missionaries were lying; they had been good Christians and worked hard, but it was the foreign bosses who did no work that got all the cargo.

They were not yet ready to abandon Christianity, however. Instead they formed a new theory in the interwar period: Jesus Christ had been kidnapped by a combination of the European missionaries and a conspiracy of Jews, whom the natives knew from Bible stories. He was trying His best to help out His people in New Guinea, but the power of the Jews was keeping the cargo under wraps."

Some of this was sort of accurate, anyway, like the part about the cargo-hording Christians who worshp an asshole -

That sounds about right. Plus, the Christian god hates sex.

That sounds accurate too.
posted by troutfishing at 5:47 AM on May 21, 2004

Just to clarify - I think the asshole is that old guy on the throne, in the sky, who's always shitting on his subjects by ordering them to go into land of ____ and kill every man, woman, and child there.

But the younger guy what suffered so much, he's OK by me. He warn't no asshole.
posted by troutfishing at 6:45 AM on May 21, 2004

Would you say the sun shines out of it?
posted by GrahamVM at 6:54 AM on May 21, 2004

See also...
posted by togdon at 7:33 AM on May 21, 2004

It's like a real life Populous mod.
posted by asok at 7:38 AM on May 21, 2004

GrahamVM - No, but Jung launched a career on that.
posted by troutfishing at 7:45 AM on May 21, 2004

Here an old FPP with some John Frum info.
posted by jbrjake at 7:48 AM on May 21, 2004

In the native view, the Christians worshipped the god Anus.

I thought that said planet anus at first. nsfw
posted by angry modem at 8:04 AM on May 21, 2004

Geography correction. Tanna is not "an island near Oceania." It's part of Oceania. Oceania is a term used to describe the lands of the central and South Pacific, including Melanesia. Tanna is a Melanesian island, part of Vanuatu, about 1000 miles east of Australia.
posted by profwhat at 8:28 AM on May 21, 2004

Footnote to correction :

We are at war with Oceania. We always have been at war with Oceania. We always will be at war with Oceania....
posted by troutfishing at 9:25 AM on May 21, 2004

I can't see that this is any sillier than any of the other religions I have encountered.
posted by spazzm at 10:05 AM on May 21, 2004

This is as good a case as any for getting away from the keyboard and outside, where mountain breezes cool your face and the beaming anus of Judge Schreber warms your skin.
posted by trondant at 10:17 AM on May 21, 2004

John Frum emerged as the name of their Messiah, although there are no records of an American soldier with that name.

I wonder. Could this be the result of an American soldier introducing himself, "Hi, I'm John from America." (or John from California, or the like)
posted by Bonzai at 11:42 AM on May 21, 2004

posted by piskycritter at 2:13 PM on May 21, 2004

Bonzai - well, we heard it here first.

I'm biting.
posted by troutfishing at 8:48 PM on May 22, 2004

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