Down where your nuts hang
August 3, 2004 10:30 AM   Subscribe

"...the crotch, down where your nuts hang - is always a little too tight..."

Things really are bigger in Texas, hmmm?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 10:36 AM on August 3, 2004

posted by matteo at 10:38 AM on August 3, 2004

(via Political Wire)

(Also via metafilter... including, yes, a shoutout for that "down where your nuts hang" line)

posted by soyjoy at 10:43 AM on August 3, 2004

behold the beauty of the intarweb
posted by ajr at 10:43 AM on August 3, 2004

briefly discussed here
posted by fatbaq at 10:44 AM on August 3, 2004

great parody
posted by ZippityBuddha at 10:45 AM on August 3, 2004

heard this on npr a while back. always good to hear the president talking about how his nuts hang.
posted by bob sarabia at 10:50 AM on August 3, 2004

One leg at a time, people. One leg at a time.

You know, heck, I'm totally sold. I'ma get me some deep-pocketed, extra nut-roomed back to the bunghole, powder-blue-like-a-lady's-face slacks, from Haggar(tm)!
posted by chicobangs at 10:56 AM on August 3, 2004

Classic, thanks!
posted by carter at 11:01 AM on August 3, 2004

posted by brownpau at 11:10 AM on August 3, 2004

I recall an article about Johnson in as much as it discussed Johnsons "personalization" of everything presidential. In the article an official was commenting on Ho Chi Mihns' successes to date. In reply, Johnson said:

"Yeah, but does Ho have (president un-zips his fly) anything like this"
posted by clavdivs at 11:10 AM on August 3, 2004

Metafilter: down where your nuts hang
posted by jpoulos at 11:47 AM on August 3, 2004

Metafilter: it's just like riding a wire fence.
posted by Ogre Lawless at 12:37 PM on August 3, 2004

Things really are bigger in Texas, hmmm?

Well, if you're Lyndon Johnson, that is.

What impresses me about this is how candid he is about his anatomy.
posted by amauck at 12:57 PM on August 3, 2004

LBJ's crotch-fixation is discussed at length in Robert Caro's biography:

Nervous and restless, he couldn't seem in public to stop moving, and among the movements was an inordinate amount of scratching: of his chest, of his stomach -- and of areas not generally scratched in public. He was constantly pulling his trousers lower, either in front or back, while complaining about his tailor's failure to provide him with sufficient 'ball room', and he was continually, openly and at length, scratching his rear end -- quite deeply into his rear end, sometimes. He would plunge a hand into a side pocket of his trousers and scratch his groin. 'Crude', says Rep. Richard Bolling of Missouri. 'Crude. Barnyard. Always scratching his crotch and picking his nose in mixed company. I'll never forget -- one time he had some injury -- hernia or something -- and even with the girls present in the office he pulled his pants down to show it. And he'd sit at his desk, and it wouldn't matter if there was a woman there -- he'd pull up his scrotum while talking. We men used to be a bit embarrassed.'

I didn't understand what was meant by 'pull up his scrotum' until I read matteo's link; thanks matteo!
posted by verstegan at 12:58 PM on August 3, 2004 [1 favorite]

Vaguely related question- is it called a "johnson" because of LBJ?
posted by mkultra at 2:13 PM on August 3, 2004 [1 favorite]

When people talked about LBJ having huge balls, I always thought they were speaking figuratively. I guess not.
posted by psmealey at 2:21 PM on August 3, 2004

I swear I thought this was a humor piece until I listened to the audio.
posted by Inkslinger at 2:33 PM on August 3, 2004

Am I reading this correctly? Joe's Haggar's brother, Sammy, tailored jackets before joining Van Halen? Dude, Sewin' with the Devil!
posted by sixpack at 2:37 PM on August 3, 2004

Johnson was the original Bubba president. From driving reporters around in his milk truck on his ranch in Texas (hmmm...) drunk off his ass to picking up Him and Her (his beagles) by their ears to stealing everything off of Air Force One when he left office (right down to the custom made chair in the airborne Oval Office).
posted by m@ at 4:59 PM on August 3, 2004

They sure know how to make presidents in Texas.
posted by Nelson at 5:07 PM on August 3, 2004

Naw, sixpack, you're getting them mixed up.

Sammy Haggar (Joe's brother, not Mr. I-Can't-Drive-55) wasn't allowed anywhere near needle & thread on account of his complete ineptitude as a tailor.

Which was why he was known as Haggar the Horrible.
posted by chicobangs at 5:17 PM on August 3, 2004

Wow, the audioclip really is compelling.
See if you can't leave me an inch from where the zipper (burps) ends, round, under my, back to my bunghole
I had no idea that (burps) was the most crass part of this dialog.

Then again, I do admire his forthrightness. He needed some room down there, so he asked for it. I respect that.
posted by Nelson at 5:20 PM on August 3, 2004

Johnson was the original Bubba president

No way, dude! Andrew Jackson was totally a bubba. He had a public Inauguration party at the White House that turned into a drunken riot!
posted by Zed_Lopez at 6:42 PM on August 3, 2004

Now that we know that Johnson was fixated on his dick, anyone care to speculate where Jackson's nickname of "Old Hickory" came from?
posted by Pseudoephedrine at 7:03 PM on August 3, 2004

"Neither did I know that Lyndon Johnson had scrotum skin that hung "halfway to his knees." I did know that LBJ had a big dong, Texas style, that he fucked his playthings on the floor of the White House, if not in the Oval Office, and that his creatures used to brief him in the morning while he was sitting (if you like) on the toilet -- assuming he got that far. Johnson was known to conduct the high business of state in bed, lying on his side while one of his nontyping secretaries gave him an enema.......

Point of departure: There are Buddhists who believe that at the end of this particular cycle of time another Buddha will appear, Maitreya, who will preside over the final establishment of an enlightened society. Hindus, on the other hand, believe in more than one doomsday. Each cycle of Hindu time has four ages, called kalpa. We're in the fourth age of the current one, the kali yuga. One Hindu scholar translates this as "the lousy age." As the great American journalist Dorothy Thompson observed before her death in 1961, "The age of darkness is not something distant. It is upon us. We are in it."

Yeah, yeah, the Kali Yuga. What else is new. Let's all wring our hands in unison, and let out a deep and piteous sigh.

This shit has been repeating for at least several cycles now, I suspect.

Somebody just keeps re-running the experiment, eyes wide at the apparent and invariably destructive pattern - but still incredulous about the results.

"OK, let's let it run for another cycle. Just to make sure."

(assistant) "Yeah, boss. Give it a rest. It's always basically the same : metallurgy, chariots, gunpowder, printing presses, physics, atomic weapons, computers, nanotech.....the end is always ugly. Why keep wasting your time ?"
posted by troutfishing at 9:04 PM on August 3, 2004

I'm afraid to listen to the audio after reading the transcript. I think I can live forever without hearing LBJ saying anything about his bunghole. (He is Cornholio, he needs TP.) But note that all of the Google ads are for pistachios and heart healthy nuts. Oh boy.
posted by Dreama at 9:32 PM on August 3, 2004

It reads like the Last Words Of Dutch Schultz.
posted by Dagobert at 11:33 PM on August 3, 2004

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