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August 26, 2004 5:22 PM   Subscribe

"[M]y intention is to offer some advice to all of you men out there who crave a decent bout of testicular pain, but have no-one to administer it to you." Advice on injuring one's own testicles. A dozen delicious methods, ranging from the old apple in the sock trick everyone tries to a tennis ball machine. It'd be better as a half-hour infomercial.
posted by yerfatma (22 comments total)

"It'd be better as a half-hour infomercial"

Hasn't that been done?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 5:48 PM on August 26, 2004

everyone tries

Do they?
posted by bonaldi at 5:51 PM on August 26, 2004

I'm still cringing over something I read in Warren Ellis's livejournal the other day, so I'm not even going to follow this link.

posted by Sidhedevil at 6:05 PM on August 26, 2004

Ow! Ow! Ow! I don't even have them and it hurt me to read that. Stop doing that!
posted by onlyconnect at 6:06 PM on August 26, 2004

Via Warren Ellis' always disturbing die puny humans

I read it on MonkeyFilter, also disturbing.
posted by lagado at 6:21 PM on August 26, 2004

There's some great stuff in there! Thanks!
posted by eastlakestandard at 6:30 PM on August 26, 2004

Hey, some great tips! I know what I'm doing this weekend!
posted by crank at 6:54 PM on August 26, 2004

"And testicular electrocution would be administered to everyone who gets into monkeyshines."
posted by Mayor Curley at 7:10 PM on August 26, 2004

aw. This makes me miss my ex.
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 7:22 PM on August 26, 2004 [1 favorite]

I read it on MonkeyFilter, also disturbing.

The filthy monkey, it plans...
posted by homunculus at 7:31 PM on August 26, 2004

Wow, America's Funniest Home Videos must be like porn to that guy.
posted by BigPicnic at 7:48 PM on August 26, 2004

Is this some kind of reverse advice, like that World's Worst Web Site?
posted by soyjoy at 7:58 PM on August 26, 2004

we be jammin'
posted by quonsar at 8:22 PM on August 26, 2004

I thought about dominant women crushing my testicles all day long

I consider myself a woman of the world, and I'm pretty much rendered speechless. Ow. Ow. Ow.
posted by jokeefe at 8:39 PM on August 26, 2004

Aw, look at the helpful little google ads for tennis ball machines off toward the right! Sweet, dutiful google.
posted by onlyconnect at 8:44 PM on August 26, 2004

Is there really much of a market for this information?!?
posted by clevershark at 11:28 PM on August 26, 2004

god designed them to move about in the scrotum and escape injury quite well. THERE IS AN ANSWER!

Thank God im not the only one!!!1
posted by Keyser Soze at 12:28 AM on August 27, 2004

Of course, if a ballbusting female happens to be reading this...most of these methods work just as well with the buster administering them to the bustee. So watch out guys, your girl might just try out some new ideas on you soon!

Some boys really are stupid. Even I'd throw rocks at these guys.
posted by SpaceCadet at 2:48 AM on August 27, 2004

*punches everyone in the junk*
posted by loquacious at 3:18 AM on August 27, 2004

Oh c'mon yerfatma, don't you think this would've been a far better link to post when it came to do things to your johnson? (nsfw)
posted by madman at 6:44 AM on August 27, 2004

I'm going to wait until I get home to give whatever that is the attention it deserves. Because it sounds creepy in the fashion of the Rochester Jacks club I discovered in a newsgroup while at college in Rochester. It was a group that met to masturbate together. That's all I know. Well, that and I signed up a suitemate I couldn't stand for their mailing at his home address knowing he'd be at school all summer doing post-grad work. Here's hoping his mom was open-minded enough to accept his new hobby.
posted by yerfatma at 7:50 AM on August 27, 2004

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