Ain't got time to bleed
September 11, 2004 11:01 PM   Subscribe

Anyone up for a little paintball? I'll bring my own gun.
posted by TungstenChef (23 comments total)

Cancel my order for a rooftop-mounted tennis ball launcher for my car, something I've always believed would be more effective (and, BY HECK, lots more fun) than honking a horn. This paintball gun will do nicely.
posted by emelenjr at 11:15 PM on September 11, 2004

1.3 Meg .WMV file of this (or a similar) axe having its way with a television.
posted by Kwantsar at 11:57 PM on September 11, 2004

Wait, why does a paintball gun make the TV burst into flames? Was it plugged in or something?

Also, I'd liken actually using this in a paintball match to hacking in video games: if you make it too easy for yourself to dominate, then it eventually becomes fun for no one.

hell if it ain't nifty, tho.
posted by Hackworth at 12:15 AM on September 12, 2004

The Paintball Assault Weapon Ban is now expired.
posted by Dukebloo at 12:43 AM on September 12, 2004

See also.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 1:38 AM on September 12, 2004

posted by Smart Dalek at 3:40 AM on September 12, 2004

I'd love to see some dude with a dinky paintball pistol lay one right between the eyes of whoever uses that.
posted by sciurus at 3:49 AM on September 12, 2004

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posted by lee at 4:07 AM on September 12, 2004

I played paintball for the first time yesterday. Today I am covered in cherry sized welts.

Looking at that pic, all I have to say is - ow.
posted by backOfYourMind at 6:38 AM on September 12, 2004

Hackworth, the fire was most likely caused from the CRT being breached by paintballs.
posted by thebabelfish at 6:58 AM on September 12, 2004

Read the updates on boingboing dumbasses!

It's an airsoft gun. It shoots lots of little 6mm BBs. There is an air tank and batteries in the backpack and a large hopper in the gun.
posted by blasdelf at 7:17 AM on September 12, 2004

You DO realise that paint rounds are also available in 6mm, don'cha?
posted by Smart Dalek at 7:32 AM on September 12, 2004

Smart Dalek... heh heh..... yeah. :)
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 7:41 AM on September 12, 2004

Question: What would happen if I walked into a bank with this? Would I even have to say 'please' ?

BTW, could you have posted some other links with this posting? I saw this on Gizmodo a couple of days ago, least you could have posted paintball gun locations or manufactures ; or the NRA site.
See what you have done - I am now one of the whiny lamos that bitches about bad FPPs. Time to meditate...
posted by fluffycreature at 7:47 AM on September 12, 2004

Question: What would happen if I walked into a bank with this?

I'm not a gambling man, but I'd wager the guards with real guns would probably scatter your brains across the free checking promotional display.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 8:28 AM on September 12, 2004

I used to play a fair amount of paintball, and what I recall is that there was always this one guy who kicked everyone else's ass. Not the same guy, but the same archetype, if you know what I mean. He was always the biggest dude out there, usually 6-foot-something and over 300 pounds. In his late forties or early fifties, and generally dressed in some kind of brightly colored coverall. He was also always armed with an ancient single shot pump action paint rifle. The rest of us typically had semi-auto markers, with the occasional full-auto Angel or what have you.

So play would start, and the bear would lumber up to about 1/4 of the way to the other team's flag, and then just sort of stand up in the middle of the field and wait. And as the other team started creeping in, he'd just pick them off one by one. One shot, one hit. Given the notorious inaccuracy of paintball guns (they're firing round projectiles, after all) it was always amazing to watch. This guy could manage maybe one shot per three seconds or so, and yet his kill ratio would always be way above anyone else's. If the other team was lucky, they'd get three or four guys within range at once, and manage to take him out before he got all of them. Going anywhere near him alone was suicide. And he never attempted to hide or cover in any way. Just stood there, like a great big damn billboard, and inflicted damage.

It was always an interesting lesson in the value of skill against the value of technology.
posted by rusty at 8:44 AM on September 12, 2004

It was always an interesting lesson in the value of skill against the value of technology.

and training.
posted by fluffycreature at 8:56 AM on September 12, 2004

I'd wager the guards with real guns would probably scatter your brains

When was the last time you saw guards in a bank? Around here, homeless people rob banks by telling the tellers to empty their cash drawers, "or else." A woman with a mysterious buldge in her pocket and a baseball cap that obscured her face robbed more than half a dozen banks by standing in line, asking for money and leaving.
posted by croutonsupafreak at 10:13 AM on September 12, 2004

Holy Toledo, Seville and Barcelona! I would have loved one of those when I lived at my old house. Hell, install four of those babies on the underside of my roof at all four corners and nobody'd mess with me! lol

This made my whole weekend (especially since I've been at home sick the whole time! oy!)
posted by jasonbondshow at 10:23 AM on September 12, 2004

Nice. And with the designer color exterior latex paintballs you can give your house a fresh coat of paint.
posted by groundhog at 4:35 PM on September 12, 2004

fluffycreature....heh. Believe it or not, sometimes those guys "play" with paintball guns too.

That kind of mindset, if not the actual training, can be very helpful in paintball, wherein the rules of engagement typically allow you not only to shoot opposing team members but tag them if within arms reach. I lurked chin-deep in a very muddy creek alongside which ran a trail that no smart paintballer should've been using and "baptized" two of the other team's guys before they realized there was something hiding in the brush overhanging the water. I might've bagged a couple more that way, but one of the "dead" guys broke a rule and gave away my position...the bastard!

Also, my soon-to-be-ex-wife made the mistake of allowing herself to be talked into trying paintball at one of our company-sponsored events. I belly-crawled nearly twenty yards, under fire the whole way, to a bunker being defended by two people; I leapt up, shot one and rather vigorously tagged another on the face mask with a downward slap. The taggee turned out to be the erstwhile Mrs. Alums, whose nose I very nearly broke and who had two black eyes for weeks afterward. She screamed vile abuse at me as everyone around us who realized what had happened convulsed in laughter. While I protested that I'd merely be playing within the rules of engagement, one of her teammates painfully hosed me in the back with at least fifteen rounds from one of those full-auto Gatling-gun paintball weapons.
posted by alumshubby at 8:16 PM on September 12, 2004

OBTW, playing paintball at night is a tremendous rush, too.

"Sleeves On Leaves" -- out in the Carolina woods at ten o'clock on an October night, in pitch blackness punctuated only by the field marshals' red-lensed flashlights, the blue cyalume sticks marking the trail, and the faint greenish gleam of glow-in-the-dark paintballs' pigment on tree trunks, there's the soft swishing noise of ripstop cotton against sapling branches, a loud snapping of a fired paintball round finding its mark, and muttered profanity, followed by a voice quietly singing, "Somebody's gonna hurt someone....before the night is through...."
posted by alumshubby at 8:24 PM on September 12, 2004

On a Failed Paintball Mission with William Shatner. [reg req'd]
posted by dhartung at 9:19 PM on September 12, 2004

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