Things you wish your computer had...

September 30, 2004 2:54 PM

Things you wish your computer had... any other suggestions?
posted by feelinglistless (33 comments total)

I'm sure I'll get chewed out for this, but there's nothing there that I didn't receive (in one form or another) by email in 1997. And 98. And 99. For that matter...
posted by twine42 at 3:03 PM on September 30, 2004

functioning knownspace?
something between brazil/the matrix set up (as i like to think matt is ensconced behind)?
a nutrient tube and electrode stimulators for my atrophic muscles?
pony?
was promised a horse at 8, was told we were moving to kentucky, ended up in jersey, that's just wrong
posted by ethylene at 3:05 PM on September 30, 2004

posted by specialk420 at 3:07 PM on September 30, 2004

an ashtray
posted by pieoverdone at 3:17 PM on September 30, 2004

I want some sharks with frickin' lasers on their heads!
posted by fenriq at 3:18 PM on September 30, 2004

twine42: Maybe, but I thought it distilled it all down to the perfect essense. Like whiskey.
posted by feelinglistless at 3:26 PM on September 30, 2004

..and cigarette lighter. Push-in, like a car.
posted by marvin at 3:32 PM on September 30, 2004

mmm, i know some old arcade games from truck stops for sale, smoker customized
*ashes on keyboard again, crap-- where's my apple care number?*

i want the option to run it on a treadmill/bike generator when i know i need to move

anyone else notice how fast they go through mice and keyboards?
(besides coffee/detrius incident)
a cs prof and i figured part of it was being smokers, and then type/frequency of use


posted by ethylene at 3:44 PM on September 30, 2004

marvin: your wish is my command.
posted by milnak at 3:46 PM on September 30, 2004

posted by neckro23 at 3:52 PM on September 30, 2004

Ha! neckro23, that's hilarious. I have to stare at that very thing fairly often (and it frequently dies while trying to shut down).
posted by mathowie at 3:56 PM on September 30, 2004

I LOL-ed. L-edOL?
posted by Shane at 6:42 PM on September 30, 2004

I wish my computer had a vagina.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:01 PM on September 30, 2004

Computers really, really need a way to see where you're looking. Many's the time I've hit Command-W to close the window I was looking at and been surprised that it closed the window in front instead.
posted by kindall at 7:34 PM on September 30, 2004

Comic title: "Never Been Easier," courtesy of Spamusement
posted by ikkyu2 at 7:45 PM on September 30, 2004

All of the stuff from my Master's degree that went bye bye during a hard disk crash when I was too poor to buy a tape backup unit. I think at that time there were perhaps 10 CD-R burners on campus at the time, and for most of those the procedure was "start the burn, and don't move, don't touch the table, don't even think for the next 30 minutes." Ahh yes, living on the bleeding edge.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 8:03 PM on September 30, 2004

How about an ill-tempered sea bass, Fenriq?
posted by Dick Paris at 8:14 PM on September 30, 2004

kirk: don't get me started
crash: *
the how: that explains so much
posted by ethylene at 8:24 PM on September 30, 2004

A neural interface.
posted by Soliloquy at 8:24 PM on September 30, 2004

Hey, Dick, your sea bass would be ill-tempered, too, after all that time in Quonsar's pants.

(Incidentally, they nicked that last joke, the Office Clippy suicide note gag, from the lovely and talented Mr. Paul "Ftrain" Ford. Bastards.)
posted by arto at 8:53 PM on September 30, 2004

I may be a smoker, but I never smoke in front of a computer, ever. Maybe while using a laptop outside, but that's it. The tar clings to the parts and the smell can stay with it for the rest of its useful life.

When I went to a clients house to repair their computer, they smoked in such a way that the smoke from the lit cigarette went straight into the intake fan. I had to replace the hard drive, and when I took the old one home for backup, everyone could smell it in the room.


What would I want in a computer?

A three dimensional operating system, where the windows would be in a world that I could move to different parts of the OS universe varying on their use.
posted by Keyser Soze at 10:21 PM on September 30, 2004

a friend found the extreme gunk of commercial cleaning fluid in screens disturbing in his repair work complaints
(but then he got to smoke out with some notables on the up side)

should i be sheltering my intake fan better? i was wondering because it's closer by a window now
(there is no way to dust sterilize
i have an eternal war with dust)
posted by ethylene at 10:34 PM on September 30, 2004

Are you trying to write a haiku ethylene? Because i'm not drunk and your passage still made no sense.
posted by Keyser Soze at 12:04 AM on October 1, 2004

I'd go for a cupholder right about now.

(ethylene, if you have an "exhaust" fan on the computer, you will minimize dust. ask a bell technician)
posted by shepd at 12:54 AM on October 1, 2004

oops
saw intake fan, typed intake fan, judge me as a person on it

wait
stop
reverse

no
stop
don't

-gene wilder

it's an imac g4, not worried about the dust so much as how susssseptible it is to weather fluxuations

posted by ethylene at 1:11 AM on October 1, 2004

posted by ed\26h at 1:28 AM on October 1, 2004

Heh.
posted by holloway at 2:25 AM on October 1, 2004

I wonder if there exists or could possibly exist a subject matter that is so far removed from American politics that specialk420 would be unable to use it as a means of further reaffirming the fact that he doesn’t like the Bush administration.
posted by ed\26h at 5:43 AM on October 1, 2004

mr_crash_davis, you asked for it:

meet teledildonics (second link might not be sfw).
posted by Pollomacho at 8:18 AM on October 1, 2004

ed\26h: That's a bit harsh ... I might have held it against you if you weren't using Firefox ...
posted by feelinglistless at 11:29 AM on October 1, 2004

Keyser, you need Project Looking Glass.
posted by Gamecat at 7:48 PM on October 1, 2004

Or Sphere XP.
posted by ed\26h at 7:45 AM on October 2, 2004

feelinglistless: Sorry. Today’s my cynical day.
posted by ed\26h at 6:57 PM on October 2, 2004