Bzzt.

December 2, 2004 6:45 PM

These are the toy tanks and they shock the people.
posted by hughbot (47 comments total)

this is just wrong
posted by kamylyon at 6:51 PM on December 2, 2004

these tanks, they shock people?
posted by joelf at 6:51 PM on December 2, 2004

"our game shows don't reward knowledge... they punish ignorance!"
posted by Krrrlson at 7:06 PM on December 2, 2004

well. that's a good way to torment the pets, isn't it little billy?
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 7:11 PM on December 2, 2004

weretable and the undead chairs has the best handle ever.

Oh, and these tanks scare me.
posted by Sticherbeast at 7:13 PM on December 2, 2004

What new toys will they ban this year? In the 60's there was something called the Mattel Agent Zero M Sonic Blaster 5530!

It was a bazooka that shot compressed air. Kids were pointing it at each other's ears and blasting away their hearing. It was pulled from shelves pretty fast.

There's a new one on the market called the Airzooka. it's the same thing (in a wussy lime green or pink case) I have a feeling it might be pulled soon...

Have you seen anything DanGerOus??
posted by joelf at 7:15 PM on December 2, 2004

So, you guys didn't actually read the article before posting, huh?

The tanks don't shock anything. The controllers do. If your opponent takes out your tank, you get a shock. Maybe not the sanest game in the world, but hard to torture small animals with.
posted by Simon! at 7:17 PM on December 2, 2004

What's this article about?
posted by joelf at 7:18 PM on December 2, 2004

I like this line:

"That said, it probably shouldn't be played with in the bath tub."

No!
posted by Monday at 7:23 PM on December 2, 2004

Krrrlson wrote: "our game shows don't reward knowledge... they punish ignorance!"

Maybe you didn't get the pop culture reference, Simon!, but Krrrlson nailed it.

Made me think of Never Say Never Again, and that damned hologram-shock game of World Domination.
posted by cosmonik at 7:23 PM on December 2, 2004

So, you guys didn't actually read the article before posting, huh?

I think he was referring to the remark about the pet more, but in weretable's defense, you could still shock your dog of cat if you hit the tank that they were controlling.
posted by joelf at 7:29 PM on December 2, 2004

The site says; Not suitable for persons under the age of 14.
How did they come up with 14 as the cutoff age? Did they run some tests?
posted by Rashomon at 7:30 PM on December 2, 2004

conductivity tests.
posted by joelf at 7:32 PM on December 2, 2004

I especially like the Demo Video.
posted by hughbot at 7:33 PM on December 2, 2004

Simple to win. I just wear my metal mesh butchering glove.
posted by rough ashlar at 7:41 PM on December 2, 2004

WOW..I mean :

1. you PAY to
2. get shocked by yourself
3. and pay more for batteries
4. and feel good about that
5. and hook up another player in the same cycle

I mean DUDE, that's a marketer wet dream
posted by elpapacito at 7:41 PM on December 2, 2004

This is perfect for all the epileptic bathers on my list.
posted by AlexReynolds at 7:42 PM on December 2, 2004

Not exactly on topic, but the airzooka is not at all like the banned sonic blaster. Unless the one I saw being used was broken, they're actually fairly quiet.
posted by Nothing at 7:46 PM on December 2, 2004

This is what's known as aversion therapy. When someone hurts you emotionally, you will hurt them physically, and gradually you will learn not to hurt each other at all! And won't that be wonderful Homer?
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 7:47 PM on December 2, 2004

I think electric shocks are the future! Now that rumbling is standard for all video game controllers, they should start working on console controllers that shock you! And why stop there? Imagine being shocked in a movie theater! I smell a remake!
posted by buriednexttoyou at 8:01 PM on December 2, 2004

oh, yes. i read the link before i posted that. otoh, somehow i missed the part about shooting. i was thinking you would get shocked for ramming the pet, thus making it the perfect pet torture. you get punished so there is no need to feel guilty. apparently this does not work though, so no pet torturing!
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 8:02 PM on December 2, 2004

Save yourself a lot of money and just buy a few packs of 9V batteries. Tell the kiddies the ends taste like chocolate and sit back to enjoy the fun! Guaranteed to provide hours of fun for the whole family!
posted by LunaticFringe at 8:04 PM on December 2, 2004

5. and hook up another player in the same cycle

The trick is, you have to find another shockaholic... or, of course, create one.
posted by soyjoy at 8:07 PM on December 2, 2004

I am sure we'll see this on Road Rules soon.
posted by SisterHavana at 8:07 PM on December 2, 2004

joelf, your second comment really cracked me up.

These things look great. I love games that REALLY punish losing. Sort of like the ESP tests in the beginning of Ghostbusters.
posted by deafmute at 8:09 PM on December 2, 2004

May interfere with electrical devices such as pacemakers

shocking gift for grandpa.
posted by puke & cry at 8:10 PM on December 2, 2004

Actually I DID read it, and I still think it's just wrong.
posted by kamylyon at 8:11 PM on December 2, 2004

joelf, your second comment really cracked me up.

Thank you, I live to please.
posted by joelf at 8:18 PM on December 2, 2004

I'm working on a shocking version of lazer tag.

I'm going to call it TAZERTAG!
posted by joelf at 8:23 PM on December 2, 2004

Have you seen anything DanGerOus??
posted by joelf at 9:15 PM CST on December 2


just my tattoo
posted by kamylyon at 8:36 PM on December 2, 2004

Don't you love disclaimers? Sheesh... we make a potentially dangerious product, but don't blame us if you or someone else gets hurt by it... and NO it's not a toy "This is a novelty gift and is not intended to be used as a toy", just something you play with "...ending the game. How twisted and fun does this sound?"... Someone got paid a lot to write that copy. Wonder if it would hold up to a legal challange?
posted by edgeways at 8:38 PM on December 2, 2004

Pretty soon BB guns and bottle rockets will be illegal. We are on the edge of a great loss, people.
posted by Keyser Soze at 8:42 PM on December 2, 2004

Boy, I had the object of that post all wrong.
If these shocks are anywhere near the strength of the Uncle Fester machine in the arcades, they wouldn't prompt the girly screams emitted by the brave men in the berets in the demo video.

Give me tanks which shock people, not people who shock themselves.
posted by Busithoth at 8:48 PM on December 2, 2004

Bad ass!
posted by Bag Man at 9:11 PM on December 2, 2004

Consumer News:
5 Most Dangerous Toys List Released
If you have any of these, return them at once to place of purchase.
1. So You Want to Be a Sword Swallower (Choking hazard)
2. My First Taser (Instruction booklet confusing)
3. Little Miss Makeover Kit (Prosthetic breasts prone to leak)
4. Mr. Electric Chair (Shock danger)
5. Fun With Euthanasia (Antidote not included)

From this week's Ironic Times.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 10:30 PM on December 2, 2004

If I caught my kid playing with one of these tanks,
he would be SO grounded!

(that said, if my old Operation game had possessed the
same capability, I might be better with tweezers today.)
posted by Darkman at 11:08 PM on December 2, 2004

Sort of like the ESP tests in the beginning of Ghostbusters.

"What are you testing, anyway? I want my five dollars back, man!"
posted by kaibutsu at 11:08 PM on December 2, 2004

I've played the "Lightning Reaction" game they sell there -- It's painful, horrible and yet really addictive too.

These look fun.
posted by sycophant at 11:11 PM on December 2, 2004

Also: If we make shocking tanks illegal, then the only people who
will have shocking tanks are criminals, or people who have
non-shocking tanks who are good with wires and batteries
and stuff.
posted by Darkman at 11:12 PM on December 2, 2004

Hilarious, Darkman.
posted by rustcellar at 2:12 AM on December 3, 2004

They'll have to pry my shock tank controller from my cold dead twitching electrified fingers.
posted by chrid at 2:13 AM on December 3, 2004

How long before someone figures it would be far more fun connected to the main fuse box instead of a couple of AA batteries? I know a few politicians I'd like to play with who are far too stupid to spot my rubber gloves.
posted by Cancergiggles at 4:58 AM on December 3, 2004

If I caught my kid playing with one of these tanks,
he would be SO grounded!

Darkman wins teh thread!
posted by davelog at 6:15 AM on December 3, 2004

I remember when I was a kid and dropped the controller to my remote-control car, and it broke. It cost as much to replace the controller as it did to buy a new car. Now, if I got shocked by something I was holding (such as a tank controller), my natural reaction would be to drop it - and therein lies the marketing genius behind this product. You get shocked, you drop your controller, it breaks. However, you want the opportunity to shock the person who shocked you, so now you need to buy another controller in order to be able to even the score.

Sheer brilliance.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 6:34 AM on December 3, 2004

These toy "tanks" might be just as shocking, and equally a threat to your pets.
posted by JBennett at 8:07 AM on December 3, 2004

i think the controllers have a strap you put around your wrist... you can see in the video that they do indeed drop them but are saved from smashing to the ground by the strap.
posted by xmattxfx at 8:54 AM on December 3, 2004

Also: If we make shocking tanks illegal, then the only people who
will have shocking tanks are criminals, or people who have
non-shocking tanks who are good with wires and batteries
and stuff.

Good point. Come to think of it, I was pondering taking up a life of crime using armies of miniature toys to do my bidding. I guess these tanks came along at just the right time!
posted by Bag Man at 10:34 AM on December 5, 2004