Bush's suit bulge revisited:
December 27, 2004 11:45 AM   Subscribe

Bush's suit bulge revisited: Originally it was thought to be a hidden radio prompter (that Bush laughed off in an interview). Others speculated it was a bullet proof vest, and maybe troutfishing almost got it right. So now, the latest theory is a portable defibrillator.
Is the president as healthy as they'd want us to believe?
(more inside)
via cryptome
posted by forforf (39 comments total)
ARRGGGGHHH!!! He's the walking dead!!
posted by RockCorpse at 11:47 AM on December 27, 2004

I have a penchant for conspiracy theories that seem to fit the known facts in an elegant fashion, and this one seems to do that. From the shape and size of the bulge, the behaviorisms (is that a word?) of President Bush. The lame "bad tailored suit" excuse. This theory seems to have a bit more going for it than previous ones ....

Now whether its actually true or not ... well, that's the beauty of conspiracy theories :-), they're best when they might be true.
posted by forforf at 11:49 AM on December 27, 2004

I blame Bush!
posted by Balisong at 11:52 AM on December 27, 2004

Maybe he just has a really big package.

And a strange, boxy growth on his back.
posted by borkingchikapa at 11:59 AM on December 27, 2004

has anyone made a gag about The Dark Backward yet?
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 12:01 PM on December 27, 2004

If he's wearing a defibrillator then it's not very good one.
posted by euphorb at 12:02 PM on December 27, 2004

Um...hello? Clearly, he's a Cyborg.
posted by unsupervised at 12:03 PM on December 27, 2004

forforf, are you really that desperate to make your first FPP that you needed to rehash this?
posted by Steve_at_Linnwood at 12:06 PM on December 27, 2004

posted by nathanrudy at 12:07 PM on December 27, 2004

Maybe it is his tinfoil hat.
posted by LarryC at 12:12 PM on December 27, 2004

forforf, are you really that desperate to make your first FPP that you needed to rehash this?

Hey, Steve_at_Linnwood, not to rehash anything unnecessarily, but didya know that Dick Cheney has one of those lowrider difibrulators?
posted by 327.ca at 12:14 PM on December 27, 2004

Bah...I'd believe it for Cheney, but not Bush. It was a prompter. Or a badly tailored suit. Or a symbiotic life form.
posted by QuestionableSwami at 12:21 PM on December 27, 2004

the symbionts don't seek romance and try to adhere to a "higher plane," feeling it a nuisance and a weakness of the young

posted by puke & cry at 12:29 PM on December 27, 2004

Does this mean that, if someone were to corner both Bush and Cheney in a dark room, and then jump out of nowhere, yelling, "BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA!" really loud, that the shock would scare the Holy Bejeebus out of both of them and they'd expire on the spot?

It's worth a try, right?
I've got my ninja suit - who's with me?
posted by Dr. Wu at 12:32 PM on December 27, 2004

yeah, but then we get, what, President Hastert? Jesus Christ, no.
posted by 40 Watt at 12:49 PM on December 27, 2004

forforf , while some may see this as a rehash, I appreciate the post. A fascinating new twist - and one about which I had not yet heard. It'll be interesting to see if this "story" will "gain legs" and spread to mainstream media outlets.
posted by ericb at 12:51 PM on December 27, 2004

Thanks forforf. I believe there was something under the suit and that US citizens who want to know should be given a reasonable explanation of what it was. If a defib - then even moreso since the health of the President is public business. Obviously, some people have an agenda to call this rehash, sort of like, umm, the Swift Boat rehash? Whitewater rehash?

Suck it up Republicans. After all, you won, right?
posted by Rumple at 12:57 PM on December 27, 2004

there's obviously something there and the white house is lying about it. they've said it was a badly tailored suit AND a bulletproof vest.

come on, now.
posted by ignu at 12:57 PM on December 27, 2004

At least we now know Flight 93 was shot down over Pennsylvania.
posted by orange clock at 1:02 PM on December 27, 2004

I saw that very device suggested months ago (not here, I think, but in comments on a political -- well, more political -- weblog). It certainly looks plausible.
I have a question, though, for any medical types that might browse this thread: it's well known that bush is into some pretty serious "cardio" activities, like running and mountain biking. Would a doctor recommend such strenuous activity for someone who needs a defribrillator? (I could see it either way: on the one hand, it's good for your heart; on the other hand, surely there are less strenuous ways to exercise an unstable organ. And the reason I ask is, if strenuous activity were counterindicated for such a condition, that would argue against the defibrillator theory...unless Bush takes medical advice the way he takes advice from his generals...)
posted by uosuaq at 1:13 PM on December 27, 2004

If I'd done as much coke as that man has, I'd wire a car battery directly to my sternum - just in case.

When I was at a conference this fall, I heard a couple of yalies say this: "When is that video of dubya selling coke coming out? I thought your friend had finally duplicated it." It's too bad, really. That would have been a good use of bittorrent.
posted by metaculpa at 1:18 PM on December 27, 2004

Who really shot Lincoln?
posted by apocalypse miaow at 1:42 PM on December 27, 2004

Dick Cheney has one of those lowrider difibrulators.

Or a catheter.
posted by five fresh fish at 1:56 PM on December 27, 2004

The thought of this thing going off during a debate is hilarious:

Mediator: "What is the biggest problem facing America? President Bush, 2 minutes"

Bush: "Thank you for the the opportunity to address this impo important import agh......" Bush clutches chest *BUZZZZ* *ZAP*!!!
Bush convulses briefly *blink blink* "Ah, could you repeat the question? I seem to have lost my track of thought."
posted by Four Flavors at 2:06 PM on December 27, 2004

Jesus he's the president of the US. There's a damn good chance he's constantly wearing some form of cardiac monitor at the very least? Or some sort of vest? Or any other sort security/monitoring/safety device that the Secret Service uses? (and doesn't comment on by policy)

Not to mention I'm sure the man is never further than a few feet from a defib machine, and a couple of trained medics at any given moment.
posted by bitdamaged at 2:06 PM on December 27, 2004

The bulge is just where is on/off switch is.
posted by five fresh fish at 2:11 PM on December 27, 2004

Oh, yeah. Riiiiiiight. Can't you just see it? The President collapses on (inter)national television, his lifeless body jerks three or four times and then, hair smoking, he staggers to his feet to announce: "BRAAAAAAAIIIIIIINNNNNSSSSSS!!!"

Heh. :-D
posted by zarq at 2:14 PM on December 27, 2004

How about a dead-man's switch? The President goes down, and our nuclear arsenal goes off...
posted by truex at 3:27 PM on December 27, 2004

I wonder if this has anything to do with the incident when Bush passed out, fell, and injured himself, and it was all blamed on a pretzel.
posted by wadefranklin at 4:06 PM on December 27, 2004

I always liked the idea (not sure where I got it from, may have made it up myself) that it was a portable RC-bomb jammer - all the trendy dictators have one...
posted by runkelfinker at 4:12 PM on December 27, 2004

I always liked the idea (not sure where I got it from, may have made it up myself) that it was a portable RC-bomb jammer

Damn, I gotta git me one a them too. You never know when my secret plans might come to fruition, and then I'll have to defend my global domination.

(Who wants to be my Vice-Dictator? How 'bout you, Quonsar?)
posted by davy at 6:19 PM on December 27, 2004

Yeah, you need all that equipment see? 'Cause of the inbreeding n' such.
posted by Smedleyman at 6:54 PM on December 27, 2004

During that whole election mess, didn't Newsweek and MSNBC do a serialized story - or rather, two serialized stories - that gave a lot of inside dirt on each of the campaigns from reporters who'd hung with them? If I recall correctly, they released some of the material on the web but the remainder was only available in the print version of Newsweek. Anyway, in a blurb for some of the Newsweek-print-only material, I recall a line saying "turns out, it really was a bullet proof vest" or something to that effect. Am I sniffing glue?
posted by Clay201 at 7:37 PM on December 27, 2004

wadefranklin: RTFA.

I like this theory because it doesn't say much about the character of the president and hence can't be attributed so much to liberal hysteria.
posted by abcde at 7:39 PM on December 27, 2004

I doubt we'll ever know what his bulge was, but we do know that the WH was lying about it at least once.
posted by gesamtkunstwerk at 7:44 PM on December 27, 2004

Yeah, but it wasn't about sex, and it wasn't under oath, so who cares?

I'd be interested to find out why he feels compelled to lie about whatever it is he's wearing (unless that T-shirt he was wearing on August 9 was also made by his patsy tailor...)
posted by FormlessOne at 8:27 PM on December 27, 2004

Here's a video showing how the LifeVest works.
posted by Faze at 9:41 AM on December 28, 2004

I first saw this a few days ago. Although this theory explains a lot of things, there is one problem.

Why would doctors put this thing on him as opposed to an implantable defibrillator, like Cheney* wears? Since the photos suggest that Bush has been using this thing for a couple years, it isn't like this is a temporary solution, or something that will get better.

*And why do we let him get away with calling it a pacemaker plus?
posted by ilsa at 12:46 PM on December 28, 2004

Thanks for the post forforf. I needed a good laugh today. I realize that we'll never truly know what the mysterious bulge is, but I appreciate new theories just as much as you.
posted by scottj at 10:31 AM on December 29, 2004

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