My god, it burns! It burns!

January 18, 2005 3:23 PM

THE HASSELHOFFIAN RECURSION is just about the best thing I've seen in a while. (warning: haunting image ahead)
posted by mathowie (82 comments total)

Oh my god, that was NOT funny, until it really got going. Now I'm just mesmerized and have a slight desire to fluff my meager chest hair.

Dig the tags too!
posted by fenriq at 3:28 PM on January 18, 2005

Dude, I know you're the owner and everything, but damn. Decaf triple grande non-fats in your immediate future are called for. I am now suffering from Hasselhoff envy.
posted by DeepFriedTwinkies at 3:29 PM on January 18, 2005

Thanks. I'm on a conference call with some clients and just screamed and dropped my phone :/.
posted by crunchywelch at 3:29 PM on January 18, 2005

Yeah, an NSFW might have been a good idea. My boss now things I'm gay.
posted by fenriq at 3:30 PM on January 18, 2005

QUALTY. LOL!!!!! METAFILTER ROX!!!!!
posted by seanyboy at 3:31 PM on January 18, 2005

My god, that is probably the most disturbing thing. I feel like I've seen him naked.
posted by gesamtkunstwerk at 3:31 PM on January 18, 2005

finally someone gets the political analysis right.

this elegantly sums up how i feel about the world.

i hope to die in complete abandonment to that terrible and sublime artwork, its less than 24 frames electrostatically inscribed in a final, ecstatic farewell from my brain to this largely nonhasselhofian, and thus tragically flawed, world.
posted by gorgor_balabala at 3:33 PM on January 18, 2005

I have now seen the real face of evil, and this from someone who has run afoul of goatse more than once. Thanks a lot, Matt.
posted by jokeefe at 3:33 PM on January 18, 2005

I'd add 'Hasselhoff' to the tag list.
posted by horsewithnoname at 3:35 PM on January 18, 2005

it's Escher meets Schoenbrunn's Hall of Mirrors
posted by matteo at 3:36 PM on January 18, 2005

I kinda looks like his weiner is hanging out when the image is at it's smallest. I imagine that's intentional.

More later. gotta go die inside for a bit.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 3:37 PM on January 18, 2005

Gah: "its smallest". I blame soul death.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 3:37 PM on January 18, 2005

Wow.



Just, wow.


I'm off to scrub my eyes with bleach.
posted by Sheppagus at 3:38 PM on January 18, 2005

It's like tubgirl with hair plugs.
posted by jeffmshaw at 3:39 PM on January 18, 2005

I, uh, er. Wow.
posted by mote at 3:39 PM on January 18, 2005

Wow. That was on Fark two days ago.
posted by jsavimbi at 3:40 PM on January 18, 2005

Now I need a new eyeglass prescription. Thanks.
posted by c13 at 3:41 PM on January 18, 2005

This post needs a HASSELHOFF tag.
posted by rajbot at 3:41 PM on January 18, 2005

*hooked on a feeling*
posted by felix betachat at 3:42 PM on January 18, 2005

Scariest part? MiniHasselhof kinda does look like a penis. He's like, Fractalman.
posted by contessa at 3:43 PM on January 18, 2005

That photo got put on discussion board I read regularly awhile ago and was pretty damned freaky. Just the photo. This whole animated thing is so far beyond freaky that I'm actually a bit freaked.
posted by jacquilynne at 3:43 PM on January 18, 2005

Oh... god!
posted by Specklet at 3:45 PM on January 18, 2005

I have now seen the real face of evil

Personally, I was finding it rather hard to keep my eyes on his face.
posted by towerbrave at 3:46 PM on January 18, 2005

You're a dead man, Haughey.
posted by mcwetboy at 3:48 PM on January 18, 2005

What's "Fark?"
posted by eyeballkid at 3:48 PM on January 18, 2005

Wow. I so wish I'd posted that. Just. Wow.

I saw Tom Jones perform at the House of Blues once, and wouldn't you know David Hasselhoff was there, standing next to me on the stairs, singing along. Well... suddenly Tom Jones looked up and recognized David singing along offstage. He took the mike off of the stand and walked towards him... and meanwhile, David saw Tom and began singing louder and dancing in that groovy way only David Hasselhoff could think is cool... and then they pointed at eachother, both dancing and singing the refrain of "It's Not Unusual." RIGHT. NEXT. TO. ME. Swear. True story. I was not a foot away from gyrating Hasselhoff.

I blame all of my bad posts on the severe mental and emotional damage this experience did to me. It damaged me, I tell you. I was SCARRED for LIFE.
posted by miss lynnster at 3:51 PM on January 18, 2005 [1 favorite]

We... have become... ONE.

/Dr. Weird
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:51 PM on January 18, 2005

Matt, thanks for making my 2000th comment memorable.
posted by fenriq at 3:52 PM on January 18, 2005

That's what I get for looking at his hasselhoff.
posted by coelecanth at 3:55 PM on January 18, 2005

Dear god, of course now I have to share this mental scaring with everyone on my buddy list. I'm not a good person. :p
posted by MrBobaFett at 3:58 PM on January 18, 2005

Mathowie killed my thread and then inflicted this crap on me. Sigh.
posted by alumshubby at 4:01 PM on January 18, 2005

Oh that's ghey
posted by elpapacito at 4:03 PM on January 18, 2005

Hasssselllllhoooofffffffff!!!!!
posted by miss lynnster at 4:05 PM on January 18, 2005

Holy crap am I ever glad I'm a lesbian. That'll haunt my dreams tonight in a very bad way.
posted by pookzilla at 4:07 PM on January 18, 2005

I don't feel right. Dizzy. Make it stop. Please.


*tears out eyes and wanders the countryside*


Maybe mathowie's account got hijacked? Could happen. :)
posted by exlotuseater at 4:07 PM on January 18, 2005

Doesn't work in Firefox.
posted by rushmc at 4:12 PM on January 18, 2005

Doesn't work in Firefox.

Totally worked for me in Firefox. unfortunately.
posted by contessa at 4:18 PM on January 18, 2005

Firefox worked here.....aaaaaaugh.
posted by casarkos at 4:19 PM on January 18, 2005

I think your posts are wonderful Miss Lynnster. Thank the Hasselhoff and his fluffy hairs for all.

Plus that Tom Jones is a hottie! Woot!! If I was gay, he'd be the one, I swear.
posted by DeepFriedTwinkies at 4:19 PM on January 18, 2005

Firefox works for me on that page, and worked for me on the page where I saw it last week...
posted by m0nm0n at 4:19 PM on January 18, 2005

I lament that I cannot unsee that which has been seen;
nor unknow that which has been learn't.
posted by cosmonik at 4:21 PM on January 18, 2005

.gif files don't work in FireFox?
posted by eyeballkid at 4:26 PM on January 18, 2005

Is this what Nietzsche meant by The Eternal Recurrence?
posted by Eideteker at 4:27 PM on January 18, 2005

Nietzsche himself called the idea "horrifying and paralyzing"

Yes, I'd say that's about right.
posted by Wolfdog at 4:29 PM on January 18, 2005

Oh. The. Humanity.
posted by Doohickie at 4:30 PM on January 18, 2005

My god...it's full of stars.
posted by gimonca at 4:31 PM on January 18, 2005

this has been circulating for close to a month now. where have you guys been.
posted by meowchow at 4:34 PM on January 18, 2005

At least it's not recursive goatse.cx
posted by substrate at 4:42 PM on January 18, 2005

One of my Austrian coworkers made a poster of the image in this animation and hung it up on the whiteboard behind my desk after I gave him and a few others a hard time about German-speakers' unnatural fascination with David Hasselhof.

Slightly related, the dirtiest apartment my brother has ever visited in Vienna has a full-on shrine to David Hassehof, complete with posters, burning candles, and numerous unidentifiable trinkets.
posted by syzygy at 4:44 PM on January 18, 2005

Holy crap, I can't believe you even posted this. Thanks for the all-caps on the front page, all for a link to a shitty weblog post. Since when does one animated GIF deserve a FPP. The recursion isn't even done well, it's just zooming in on the same image. Did you even read the posting guidelines? "Best of the web," anyone? Seriously, I've had it up to here with crap posts by all you newb—

Oh, wait, this was posted by mathowie! In that case, it's the funniest thing I've seen in ages! Milk is literally spewing out of my nose right now. I'm going to send this to BoingBoing.
posted by rafter at 4:47 PM on January 18, 2005

So Drew what's with the blue background? Some kind of Metafilter parody?
posted by arse_hat at 4:51 PM on January 18, 2005

metafilter.de
posted by cortex at 4:52 PM on January 18, 2005

Huh... tags...

AND SCARS ON TEH BRAINSES!@!!

I laughed.
posted by socratic at 5:15 PM on January 18, 2005

Doesn't work in Firefox.

Totally worked for me in Firefox. unfortunately.

Y'know, if someone submitted this fact to the Mozilla team, perhaps it could be arranged not to work in future versions.
posted by 327.ca at 5:43 PM on January 18, 2005

Some of us don't want to be exposed to Hasselhoffianpenis.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 5:52 PM on January 18, 2005

.
posted by The God Complex at 5:53 PM on January 18, 2005

Just sent to middle-aged women I love...I think....incredibly funny...
posted by 1016 at 5:53 PM on January 18, 2005

I don't see how this qualifies as an FPP. I'd say that whoever's in charge here raise the banhammer; but only as a threatening gesture, as this particular n00b did a particularly good job on the tags.

If you watch the animation for a hunred cycles, you'll see a pony galloping in the background. Seriously.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 5:55 PM on January 18, 2005

I'm just glad I didn't see that last week. I had one whole week without that in my psyche. The rest of my life, however....
posted by mmahaffie at 5:55 PM on January 18, 2005

That just turned me gay. Thanks.
posted by Zebulun at 6:05 PM on January 18, 2005

What would SpongeBob say?
posted by humannature at 6:38 PM on January 18, 2005

Ouch. Thanks. Which is worse? This post or goatse? My nightmares tonight will let me know.
posted by snsranch at 6:45 PM on January 18, 2005

At least goatse doesn't move.
*shudder*
posted by arse_hat at 6:52 PM on January 18, 2005

What would SpongeBob say?

"I'm not ready."
posted by davejay at 7:10 PM on January 18, 2005

matt, you owe me a new keyboard ... i just barfed all over it
posted by pyramid termite at 7:23 PM on January 18, 2005

Ah, yes, the Hasselhoffian Recursion, part of the generalized branch of self-containing recursions known as "crotch recursions."

Generally not mentioned in polite company.
posted by namespan at 7:31 PM on January 18, 2005

Totally worked for me in Firefox. unfortunately.

Hmm...odd. I had to c&p the URL into IE before the animation worked. In Firefox all I see is a static pic.
posted by rushmc at 7:36 PM on January 18, 2005

Excuse me, does anyone have an extra spork?
posted by deborah at 7:36 PM on January 18, 2005

Damn .001K'ers, screwing up the place.
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 7:53 PM on January 18, 2005

If only it had the hypnotoad noise, then it would be perfectly, exquisitely intolerable.
posted by steef at 8:07 PM on January 18, 2005

WHAT.
THE.
FUCK.
MATT?
posted by breath at 1:21 AM on January 19, 2005 [1 favorite]

When this loaded I was listening to ‘Ping Island/Lighting Strike Rescue Op’ from the Life Aquatic soundtrack and it works perfect with the animation.
posted by Tenuki at 1:25 AM on January 19, 2005

I was put into a catatonic trance for some time. The Hoff is extra dangerous because he is not ironically challenged. According to PopBitch he really, really likes to eat Elk. Now that is macho.
posted by The Salaryman at 3:25 AM on January 19, 2005

Steef: Excellent call.
And the winner is: THE HYPNOTOAD
posted by dougunderscorenelso at 7:18 AM on January 19, 2005

Simple, yet chillingly effective at whatever ends it was designed for.
posted by orange swan at 7:59 AM on January 19, 2005

That just turned me gay. Thanks.

Huh. It just turned me straight.
posted by stonerose at 8:14 AM on January 19, 2005

If I look at it once, close the window, and then go back to look at it again... does that mean there's something wrong with me?
posted by Miss Bitchy Pants at 8:17 AM on January 19, 2005

Like Hot Shot City, this is particularly good.
posted by Pericles at 8:58 AM on January 19, 2005

People complaining of Firefox troubles -- Have you set image.animation_mode to none in about:config? I had, and it didn't work for me... until I restored it to normal and reloaded the page. My eyes! My eyes!
posted by Zed_Lopez at 12:38 PM on January 19, 2005

Have you set image.animation_mode to none in about:config?

No, but I set image.child_frighten in avoid:hasslehoff to 100 and the image still loaded.
posted by davehat at 2:07 PM on January 19, 2005

I *heart* this post.
posted by BrodieShadeTree at 3:45 PM on January 19, 2005

That just turned me gay. Thanks

That just turned me stomach.
posted by bachelor#3 at 1:00 PM on January 24, 2005