Survivors of the spiritual hurricane unite
March 17, 2005 11:50 AM   Subscribe

Inside the mind of a paranoid schizophrenic. Memorize the keywords with which the lizards of the stage world will attempt to distort your reality. Can you accept your own vampirism? Are you familiar with the most common reality fishing techniques and horse movements? This is the painstaking record of a man for whom delusions have completely overtaken reality. Spend some time with it - the detail is mind-numbing and the reality he has created is utterly insane... and occasionally convincing. Mirror in case Geocities croaks.
posted by BlackLeotardFront (45 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Mirror in case Geocities croaks.

It croaks
posted by poppo at 11:54 AM on March 17, 2005

i think that website is too strong for my brain
posted by gnutron at 11:57 AM on March 17, 2005

In case? When has a Geocities link ever survived being posted to any public blog?
posted by pixelgeek at 11:57 AM on March 17, 2005

This actually looks quite interesting despite the garish presentation of it. I will have to take a look at it in more detail when I get out of work. Thanks BlackLeotardFront
posted by jackdirt at 12:00 PM on March 17, 2005

Sorry if it does die - I don't think this guy is the kind to have private webhosting. I know it's ugly and may be slow but I think its incredibly fascinating. Give it a little time and you'll be sucked into it like I was.
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 12:05 PM on March 17, 2005

The KUNDALINI has been a topic of discussion here previously.
posted by Mayor Curley at 12:09 PM on March 17, 2005

YOU KNOWS IT (also here)
posted by kcds at 12:20 PM on March 17, 2005

Imagine sitting next to this guy in the theater during The Matrix or The Truman Show:

"See? See? I Told You! I TOLD YOU ALL!"

"Sssh! Sir, could you please be less insane? We're trying to watch the movie."
posted by Fuzzy Monster at 12:25 PM on March 17, 2005

I have a buddy who got paranoid about aliens "twiddle-fucking" his mind. He had a lot of great descriptions of his delusions. I suggested he write it down for a science fiction short story. It was pretty good material.
posted by VP_Admin at 12:26 PM on March 17, 2005

the guy's got a point
posted by sswiller at 12:27 PM on March 17, 2005

Inventing little stories about yourself :
Here you not only create a fog around you : you also deliberately introduce some invented elements in the descriptions of reality that you choose to give them about your life. Just like they do to you all the time.

Let's say you live alone, and that your beloved one is present in your routine wearing a kundalinic shell and guaranteeing you this shell is going to date you in the Stage World. Your parents live in the same city along with your sister, who has a flute.

So you call your parent's house and you ask your mother if your sister would mind lending you her flute because you're going to give a party to your friends at your house and her flute would be welcome. The party is invented, and your friends - that they don't know - are invented too.

You didn't ask your sister directly because you wanted your mother to know that you have friends - perhaps a girlfriend (boyfriend) - and that you have a social life as well, in spite of the fact that they (your parents) don't know anything about it.

So you're reinforcing for your brain the notion that you owe the characters of your parents no explanations about your life, and that you're the only owner and master of your own destiny.

Riiiiight. *makes little swirling motions with index finger beside ear*
posted by Specklet at 12:28 PM on March 17, 2005


Damn you quonsar! I want to be a character too!
posted by orthogonality at 12:40 PM on March 17, 2005

I am far from being a positivist, but reading this babble makes spending time with Dr. Gene Ray seem wonderfully productive.

/adjusts tinfoil helmet and goes back to controlling Brian Williams's facial gestures through osmosis
posted by beelzbubba at 12:41 PM on March 17, 2005

Speaking of paranoid schizophrenics, MCF is right up there with Matrix-Truman-Show-guy, especially the testimony of victim "Vera". However, the Internet does not yet contain the works of the schizophrenic (and schizophrenic apologist) Ed Mood -- and what a name! -- of Schizophrenics International. Shame, because they are truly jewels of the genre. I have the classic pamphlet "Psychology of Purity and Chastity", and somewhere in my old audio tapes back in the States a cassette tape of a sermon entitled "Make Ye a New Heart" or something similar.

I think I'd better scan in the pamphlet at some point.
posted by sninky-chan at 12:54 PM on March 17, 2005

who knew a paranoid schitza was so complicated?
posted by drunk7daysaweek at 1:00 PM on March 17, 2005

It's funny when you look for 1 minute, but really there is so much on this site that you could read for days nonstop. I've been trying to find a good archival utility to save the whole thing as it is for posterity.

Just keep scrolling and clicking - there has to be at least 100 pages of material there, probably a lot more. I haven't explored it all. The question is whether all schizophrenics have a worldview this elaborate and externalized, or whether this guy is an exception. From what I've seen, I think it's more like the former - many of these people's delusions are extremely complex, but they lack the ability to record them on a systematic level like this guy.
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 1:03 PM on March 17, 2005

Makes me miss Wesley Wilis.

The world needs more giant schizo musicians...

Rock on London...Rock on Chicago...
posted by schyler523 at 1:14 PM on March 17, 2005

This reads like an opening to a decent "d20 Modern" RPG guide.
posted by andreaazure at 1:19 PM on March 17, 2005

BlackLeotardFront how on earth did you come across this extraordinary journal? Do you know anything about them?

It is mindblowing. It seems the author did it all in 18 months or so. But there was lots more planned: 'pending' entries towards the bottom of the main page - so it was not altogether a spur of the moment reaction - a well thought out document of convoluted psuedological lunacy.

It reminds me of a bloke I knew of (thru a psych hospital) in UK in late 80's. He was perfectly ordinary....wife/family/reasonably responsible job. Held a good conversation - general run of the mill alright guy.
Except when you asked him about his holidays. He would snap into his delusional world and begin talking about a building in the city which was actually an alien transporter which would be taking him to another galaxy.
Some sort of encapsulating syndrome as I recall - needed a trigger - in his case, 'holiday'. It had begun to cross over into the 'normal' reality around him - hence we got notification.
posted by peacay at 1:21 PM on March 17, 2005

there's nothing that says a schizophrenic has to be stupid, is there? why shouldn't their worldview be as complex and nuanced as yours? ok, there's something fucked up in what he's perceiving, but apart from that i see me in that writing. we all try and understand our environment. thankfully, for most of us, what we experience is consistent with what everyone else experiences. it must be desperately lonely when that's not the case. when your universe just doesn't fit with the what everyone else is reports.
posted by andrew cooke at 1:23 PM on March 17, 2005

At the end, he does have a point:


So thanks MetaFilter, for being too strong for my brain.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 1:23 PM on March 17, 2005

Peacay, I honestly don't remember where I got this page - it's been buried in the "Misc" folder of my bookmarks for like 3 or 4 years. I'm surprised no one has linked to it before... It shows up on a few collections of weird pages but I can't remember where I first encountered it.

It hasn't been updated in years so my guess is this guy has either committed himself or gone rogue. I showed it to a Psychiatry professor of mine and he said it was a textbook case. Since there are no names or identifying features mentioned (hometown, other people, etc) I think it's going to have to remain anonymous...

I personally have a friend who had schizophrenic break a few years back, but he addressed it quickly, got meds and therapy, and I ran into him a month or so ago and he was perfectly normal. Fatter, and he seemed kinda lonely, but I think that's to be expected.
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 1:39 PM on March 17, 2005

andrew cooke...
"...four cases were all men aged, between 32 to 43, who had suffered severe persecutory delusions for periods ranging from 6 months to 10 years. All were confirmed (by psychometric tests) to be of normal intelligence with intact cognitive functioning, and without any other formal psychiatric diagnosis. It is important to emphasise that the mental functioning, personality, conversation and social demeanour of these men was entirely normal, except in relation to the subject matter of the delusion."

Anecdotally I reckon that you generally find a more intelligent cross section of the population in psychiatric establishments than in a bar or a train or a crowd etc.

Good (but disturbing) post BLF.
posted by peacay at 1:49 PM on March 17, 2005

Somebody should introduce him to Francis Dec. the seem to have a lot in common.
posted by doctor_negative at 2:06 PM on March 17, 2005

Hey - what's with sending us to the scientology website, BlackLeotardFront?
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:14 PM on March 17, 2005

LOVE IS THE CURE FOR THEIR DISEASE. Do you think LOVE is a disease, a cancer or a virus, that must be exterminated like a plague ? That's just the opposite : THEIR characters' circus is a disease, THEIR brainwashing is a disease, a cancer or a virus that must be exterminated from your head (i.e. deconstructed) like a plague.

LOVE IS UNMEASURABLE. Do you think LOVE can be quantified in a PRICE, like an object or a SHARE in the Stock Exchange ? Perhaps by a BID in the auction house ? Of course not. LOVE has no price, no quotation and no bid. LOVE cannot be measured in value, quotation, bid, or any other measures like weight, height, depth, volume, pressure or temperature.

LOVE IS INVISIBLE. Do you think you can see "love" in the window of a shop, amongst other fancy goods ? LOVE cannot be perceived with your wordly senses, so how could you PAY to feel ? LOVE cannot be photographed or filmed. The existence of LOVE cannot be proved.

LOVE has no certificates of warranty or insurance policies. It cannot be refunded or returned to the purchaser. So how could you buy it ? You have to TRUST the voice of your beloved one inside your heart, because this voice is telling you the truth, THEY are not.

Just crazy? Or striving for an ineffable ideal? This guy may have some better personal qualities than some allegedly sane people I know.
posted by gimonca at 2:26 PM on March 17, 2005

Sorry UbuRoivas, I thought you guys would appreciate L.Ron's wisdom! Only $10,000 to hear more!

I feel he is lashing out against what he feels (rightly) to be an unjust, unfeeling, and alien world. His fight resonates with each of our own, though his is decidedly stranger. Just because his is a battle with lizards, alligators, vampirism, and worldwide conspiracy doesn't mean his insights into his conflict are irrelevant. When he tells you that PREGNANT is code for a survivor whose crystal has been activated, you know he is talking crazy. But when he says "LOVE has no price, no quotation, and no bid," that's something I can see etched in stone somewhere, minus the all caps.
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 2:45 PM on March 17, 2005

I take that back, somewhat. This page gave me a bit of a creepy vibe.
posted by gimonca at 2:48 PM on March 17, 2005

Still a fascinating site. There are nuggets in there I'd like to see filmed.
posted by gimonca at 2:49 PM on March 17, 2005

For example, let's say your cousine is going to get married in a ski resort 80 miles away from your city. The wedding is on a Friday night, and all the guests will have to spend the night in a hostel, as it would be too late to return after the ceremony. So some of your relatives are willing to combine to go together to the wedding in the same car with you.

In order to be independent, you have basically two strategic options here : either you don't go to the wedding or you go in your own car. If you go with them, they will be able to determine whether they want to stay there a few more hours on the Saturday or not. They could even decide to spend the whole weekend on the area, and definitely returning on Sunday was not in your plans. After all, they could brainwash you for three days, creating a variety of unpredictable situations...

I think we've all been there....
posted by gimonca at 3:03 PM on March 17, 2005

See, the more you read, the more it creeps on you. Its complicated, but it is insidiously consistent and somehow familiar.
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 3:07 PM on March 17, 2005


just wow.
posted by kou5oku at 3:36 PM on March 17, 2005

Fantastic post. I'm sleeping with a light on tonight.

Tomorrow, I will post to MeTa in an attempt to separate the vampire stage people from the survivors of the spiritual hurricane. This means war.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 3:57 PM on March 17, 2005

I showed it to a Psychiatry professor of mine and he said it was a textbook case.

Interesting. A project that I have had on the backburner for a few years now is to read more first-hand accounts of this sort of thing, and to take a look through the academic literature on the subject.

Specifically, I am fascinated by the question of why it might be that so many paranoid / schizophrenic / delusional / psychotic etc states end up sounding so very similar, in that they tend to revolve around themes that would best be described as metaphysical or perhaps "spiritual".

Often - as in this case - a whole grab-bag of esoteric and religious literature is selectively invoked, and I am assuming that there must be some kind of *reason* why that kind of thing appeals in particular. The question might come down to one like: "is this some form of divine revelation, or were the authors of holy texts themselves crazy?" (or is there a third or fourth or hundredth alternative explanation that is closer to the truth?)
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:17 PM on March 17, 2005

BLF wrote: I've been trying to find a good archival utility to save the whole thing as it is for posterity.

I suggest: WinHtTrack
posted by dejah420 at 4:30 PM on March 17, 2005

If you are interested in this kind of thing, try to pick up a copy of Operators and Things, a book written, supposedly, by a 'recovered' schizophrenic, describing the world they experienced. I picked it up after a mention on AskMe, and it is an interesting and bizarre read.
posted by extrabox at 7:54 PM on March 17, 2005

But what if he's right?
posted by sour cream at 9:28 PM on March 17, 2005

The most accurate representation of schizophrenia I have seen on film is the German movie The White Sound (2001) starring Daniel Bruhl.
posted by dydecker at 9:44 PM on March 17, 2005

I am sure he is suspicious of this

The web site you are trying to access has exceeded its allocated data transfer. Visit our help area for more information.
posted by RubberHen at 11:50 PM on March 17, 2005

It's back! no more conspiracies about exceeded data transfers. You unbelievers.
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 1:53 AM on March 18, 2005

"You never change the existing reality by fighting it. Instead, create a new model that makes the old one obsolete."
- Buckminster Fuller
posted by peacay at 4:07 AM on March 18, 2005

well ... he's got the percentage about right ...
posted by pyramid termite at 9:53 AM on March 18, 2005

I find it all very sad. Their reality is very scary for them, with little chance of getting out of it. Quite the disabling mental disorder.
posted by five fresh fish at 10:42 AM on March 18, 2005

Hell, my reality is very scary for me, with little chance of getting out of it. (Have you read a newspaper lately?) And I'm perfectly sane. I think.
posted by webmutant at 12:14 PM on March 18, 2005

What do you mean "if" he's right? Stupid neutrals.
posted by Slagman at 9:11 PM on March 18, 2005

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