Malt liquors are often sold in 40-ounce bottles
March 18, 2005 11:35 AM   Subscribe

 
What a scoop!

WTF?

Try again.
posted by The Card Cheat at 11:37 AM on March 18, 2005


Is this straight from the pages of "Duh!" magazine?
posted by emptybowl at 11:43 AM on March 18, 2005


"Gazziza Dilznoofus it's Bill McNeal saying get with the crezappy taste of Rocketfuel Malt Liquor... Rocketfuel's got tha upstate prison flavor that keeps you ugly all night long. So when you wanna get sick remember, nothing makes yo' feet stank like Rocketfuel Malt Liquor... DAMN! It's crezappy!!!"
posted by qDot at 11:43 AM on March 18, 2005


Might be an ok post if there was more content and some indication of what the post is suppose to be about. tisk
posted by edgeways at 11:43 AM on March 18, 2005


THIS is news?!?! Oh how insightful.
posted by agregoli at 11:43 AM on March 18, 2005


Hey, didn't some ska band put an album called "40 Ounces to Freedom"? Maybe he was talking about malt liquor?

/sarcasm.

Nicely summed up, emptybowl.
posted by fenriq at 11:45 AM on March 18, 2005


qDot, you just made me spit water all over my screen. When I get home, I'm totally gonna get that episode out and watch it.
posted by emptybowl at 11:48 AM on March 18, 2005


Rhonda Jones-Webb, an expert in alcohol consumption

finally, a job I exceed the qualifications for.
posted by kcm at 11:54 AM on March 18, 2005




Hee hee. "Tipples."
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 11:56 AM on March 18, 2005


>> Rhonda Jones-Webb, an expert in alcohol consumption

> finally, a job I exceed the qualifications for.

Hilarious, kcm!
posted by davy at 11:57 AM on March 18, 2005


If nothing else, the link is an excellent example of intellectualism as a gloss on the blatently obvious.
posted by junkbox at 12:06 PM on March 18, 2005


In other news, cheap cigars are often emptied of their regular contents and replaced with controlled substances and renamed "blunts." When oxidized and inhaled while driving, a common practice, a kind of music featuring a higher than usual WPM rate and a little-understood internal rhyme construction as well as a repetitive, loud, and usually unmodulated bass line ("rap") is often played. For some unknown reasons, this herbal intoxication often results in the use of an expensive and useless mechanism called "hydraulics" to rapidly raise and lower the vehicle at prominent intersections.
posted by kozad at 12:06 PM on March 18, 2005


So... the point of posting this on Mefi is that MSNBC ran a no-brainer headline a few days ago? Maybe it's just the malt liquor talkin', but that seems a wee bit thin to me.
posted by soyjoy at 12:08 PM on March 18, 2005


Public Enemy: 1991

Reuters: 2005

Awesome, they were ahead of their time!
posted by rkent at 12:11 PM on March 18, 2005


Tomorrow on MSNBC -- there seems to be an inverse correlation between the economic well-being of a given area and its likelihood of street gang activity. Film at 11. Our scoop for Sunday: Palestinians don't like the State of Israel (w/ shocking interview!).
posted by clevershark at 12:11 PM on March 18, 2005


Thank you, Mr. Obvious.
posted by badger_flammable at 12:15 PM on March 18, 2005


pour some of this on the curb.
posted by Fuzzy Monster at 12:16 PM on March 18, 2005


This reminds me of one of my favorite onion headlines, "Teen Sex Linked To Drugs And Alcohol, Reports Center For Figuring Out Really Obvious Things "
posted by afroblanca at 12:17 PM on March 18, 2005


That Center For Figuring Out Really Obvious Things is great. I follow their work closely.

This Just In: CFFOROT has just released new findings: Sunbeds linked to skin cancer.

Duh Magazine will be running a full report in next month's issue.
posted by salad spork at 12:25 PM on March 18, 2005


My brother's old girlfriend used to guzzle the Olde English. If she didn't drink it every day, she got the "itches".
posted by brheavy at 12:29 PM on March 18, 2005


I picture the target audiance of this article as a middle aged Drew Cary-esque white man with the defence department hair cut and the belt on his slacks (he calls them slacks, still uses brillcream, teaches remedial math or shop) over his navel going in to the local 'teen hang out' trying to keep the kids on the square by saying "I know you kids think your 'hep' with your 40 ouncers of courage..."
A two fisted kind of guy, ready for anything, and willing to take a risk to straighten those damn kids out, who then gets shot in the legs with a TEC-9 and left for the pit bulls.
And all because he though MSNBC had schooled him enough.

...just a fantasy
posted by Smedleyman at 12:38 PM on March 18, 2005


"Renamed 'blunts'"? They're blunts BEFORE the wrappers get emptied, Phillies Blunts. Sheesh!
posted by mischief at 12:43 PM on March 18, 2005


This just in! Earth revolves around sun! Details at 11!
posted by Miko at 12:54 PM on March 18, 2005


"Rhonda Jones-Webb, an expert in alcohol consumption and behavior at the University of Minnesota..."

Was that an official major that my advisor neglected to tell me about?
posted by brheavy at 1:01 PM on March 18, 2005


This is a glaring example of the libational bias in the media.
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 1:14 PM on March 18, 2005


brheavy : "'Rhonda Jones-Webb, an expert in alcohol consumption and behavior at the University of Minnesota...'

"Was that an official major that my advisor neglected to tell me about?"


I believe all students at the U of M are automatically accredited experts in alcohol consumption and behavior.
posted by Bugbread at 1:18 PM on March 18, 2005


bugbread: Good, then having attended Wisconsin, I wonder if those state's reciprocity agreements make me eligible. Fuck it, I'm putting it on my resume anyways.
posted by brheavy at 1:25 PM on March 18, 2005


Ok so what was the point of the post then?

Evil corporations are profiting from selling alchoholic beverages specifically designed for and marketed to minority youth?

Grown up booze company execs with benefit of good educations and family connections are plotting to increase the manufacture and sale of products to those younger and less fortunate than themselves which are actually injurious to said less fortunates' heath and welfare?

Well sure, yes, indeed.
posted by scheptech at 1:38 PM on March 18, 2005


It would be interesting to see if the same patterns hold true in Canada - malt liquor is a bang-for-buck calculus maximum in the US.

Here, liquor prices are tightly controlled so a jug of grain-ethanol-passed as vodka is only a couple of bucks cheaper than a nice jug of Finlandia. Malt liquor's bang-for-buck isn't significantly better than 'cheap' hardbar.
posted by PurplePorpoise at 1:46 PM on March 18, 2005


PurplePorpoise: that would be a good question for an expert in alcohol consumption and behaviour with an emphasis on Canada. Seriously though, do they sell 40 oz'ers up there in convenience marts?
posted by brheavy at 2:04 PM on March 18, 2005


40s are common in Canada, and while liquor prices are regulated, and something like Finlandia is not much cheaper than gutterwash vodka, 40s are still dirt cheap. Only drinking sherry gives you more bang for your buck, and it remains the drink of choice among serious old time boozers. 40s are more popular among the young because they do have that gansta image. Popular among weathier kids too, especially if they have shit for brains and like acting tough. Personally, I'd say we should be thankful for the popularity of 40s, if just to keep the morons off the sherry. That stuff is gutrot of the highest caliber.
posted by [expletive deleted] at 2:17 PM on March 18, 2005


brheavy, that's a great petition. I spent a summer drinking OE. Our battle cry: Rack 'em up, people; get behind the EIGHT BALL!
posted by atchafalaya at 2:35 PM on March 18, 2005


This type of research is important. Imagine that your organization is trying to get funding to combat alcoholism in a neighborhood. Personally, as a white male I'd rather approach the problem from the standpoint of actual data than the standpoint of my socio-racial stereotypes.

Grant proposal without data: "Everybody knows that poor blacks and hispanics love malt beverages."

Grant proposal with data: "The 2005 study by Charles R. Drew University of Medicine and Science indicates that targeted advertising for malt beverages has a greater impact on neighborhoods with a large number of young blacks or hispanics."
posted by elderling at 2:38 PM on March 18, 2005


athcafalaya: For me, It was a summer of Mickey's. Our cruising soundtrack: House of Pain.

Pathetic.
posted by brheavy at 2:48 PM on March 18, 2005


I for one am a HUGE fan of King Cobra. It's cheap and it gets you drunk.
posted by Lusy P Hur at 3:43 PM on March 18, 2005


From a old Mefi post of mine -- the 40oz Archive.
posted by QuestionableSwami at 4:03 PM on March 18, 2005


Hell, I know it's forty ounces. Got me through high school.
posted by zardoz at 4:04 PM on March 18, 2005


fyi --In Texas, the label "malt liquor" allows these products to be sold more days and times in the beer & wine stores than where their true TABC category places them; the liquor store, closed on Sundays.

My favorite is Mamba though 22.3 Fl. ozs; printed on the bottle is 1 pint & 6.3 fl. oz.
posted by thomcatspike at 4:08 PM on March 18, 2005


In a related study, CFFOROT researchers have determined that not all wine consumers seek out the carefully cultivated pinot noirs lionized in the recent film Sideways.

"The varietal wines of the Santa Ynez Valley appeal to a white, professional audience with relatively large amounts of disposable income," said researcher Ron Obvious, who led the study. "Whereas wines such as Night Train Express are the preferred tipples of the homeless and the unemployed."

Consumers in the latter category are much more likely to go blind as a result of their liquor consumption, he added.

Obvious and his team hoped to complete a similar study on the consumption habits of Zima drinkers, but they were unable to find a large enough group of people who would admit to drinking the transparent malt beverage - marketed as "the original malternative" - to conduct a statistically valid study.
posted by gompa at 4:26 PM on March 18, 2005


There are *lots* of regulations on the sale of alcohol. More than I can imagine. Why shouldn't this information be worthwhile? I'm with elderling. Just because you intuitively
"know" something doesn't make proving it worthless.

I would have no problem limiting the size of individual beer bottles. The percentage of alcohol is already obviously restricted.
posted by mrgrimm at 4:30 PM on March 18, 2005


This just in! Earth revolves around sun! Details at 11!

The Earth revolves around its axis. It orbits the sun.
posted by George_Spiggott at 4:37 PM on March 18, 2005


The Earth revolves around its axis. It orbits the sun.
Courage.
posted by mischief at 5:51 PM on March 18, 2005


Actually, both uses of "revolve" (to orbit or to rotate) are correct.

DAMN!
posted by dirigibleman at 6:18 PM on March 18, 2005


I would have no problem limiting the size of individual beer bottles.
I would. The less I have to get up and grab another beer, the better.
posted by Lusy P Hur at 6:18 PM on March 18, 2005


To persist in a total derail -- I was actually having a bit of fun with Miko's late chime-in about the obviousness of the post which stated a thing which is not entirely obvious -- the Earth can't be said to revolve around the Sun in the same sense that, say, the Moon revolves around the Earth. Ignoring for the purpose of this discussion other motion of the larger systems of which they're a part, the moon's rotation is locked to its orbit around the Earth and always presents the same face to it, so it categorically does revolve around the Earth: one rotation == one orbit. Whereas the Earth's rotation and the orientation of its axis of rotation are both independent of its orbit of the Sun. So you need a pretty loose definition of "revolve" to say that the Earth revolves around the Sun.
posted by George_Spiggott at 6:36 PM on March 18, 2005


And 40-ouncers revolve around the homeless and unemployed.

Or is it the other way around?
posted by wendell at 7:55 PM on March 18, 2005


George, to persist in a total derail, I've always heard people say that the earth rotates on its axis, while it revolves around the sun. Of course, those people were always doing 40s at the time...
posted by soyjoy at 10:39 PM on March 18, 2005


I think that, technically, the Earth rotates around its axis but revolves around the sun. Hence 24 hours per rotation and 365 days per revolution.

Damn, soyjoy second before hours after the thread.
posted by ontic at 10:44 PM on March 18, 2005


hey, after a six pack of mickey's EVERYTHING revolves around ME ... you know, i have to find some big mouth bottles for old times' sake ...
posted by pyramid termite at 10:56 PM on March 18, 2005


More CFFOROT news:

Reports say Global Warming is here for real
posted by soyjoy at 11:17 PM on March 18, 2005


reminds me of the Onion headline, "Teen Sex Linked To Drugs And Alcohol, Reports Center For Figuring Out Really Obvious Things."...
posted by forallmankind at 11:20 PM on March 18, 2005


forallmankind : "reminds me of the Onion headline, 'Teen Sex Linked To Drugs And Alcohol, Reports Center For Figuring Out Really Obvious Things.'..."

Which reminds me of this post.
posted by Bugbread at 4:04 AM on March 19, 2005


*Taking notes*
posted by drezdn at 8:53 AM on March 19, 2005


I recall an old SNL sketch about "Cold Cock, the quicker malt liquor!". 20 oz Schlitz Malt liquor in 8-packs was a favorite tipple of mine back in my prehistoric college days.
posted by wpbinder at 12:19 PM on March 19, 2005


forallmankind, I will forgive you, because you doth have two twenty-threes in your user number.
posted by soyjoy at 9:16 PM on March 19, 2005


Malt Liquor Review - From "The Wave"
We asked a widely published wine critic and Napa Valley regular to closely examine some of the finest malt liquors a $1.19 can buy.
posted by Dunvegan at 10:15 AM on March 21, 2005


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