March 22, 2005 10:32 AM   Subscribe

RollerCycle! Just $450 with a signed insurance waiver. [via]
posted by grateful (39 comments total)
warning: obnoxious sound
posted by ae4rv at 10:42 AM on March 22, 2005

"Hey Bubba, watch this."
posted by BoringPostcards at 10:45 AM on March 22, 2005

I'd order one, but I don't have a machine that will push the "buy now" button for me.
posted by scratch at 10:59 AM on March 22, 2005

A forty-something friend of mine just sprained his wrist on his son's skateboard. I hope he appreciates the link I just sent him...
posted by Doohickie at 11:01 AM on March 22, 2005

wow that looks incredibly lame. but then again I don't know much about extreme! sports.
posted by cell divide at 11:03 AM on March 22, 2005

I've done over 25 mph on my rollerblades without a motor (on a level grade), and can average almost 20 on a good day. I see people out on the bike paths in our town with little motors on their bicycles and always wondered what good it was actually doing them. I think whoever makes these things can hit the same niche market.
posted by almostcool at 11:13 AM on March 22, 2005

Wow, so I can lie to myself that I'm exercising when I'm really just being pushed around by a motor? Its so very American.
posted by fenriq at 11:16 AM on March 22, 2005

Oh yeah, and it looks like a roto-tiller turned around. Like a retro-farmer-chic-wankermobile.
posted by fenriq at 11:17 AM on March 22, 2005

"See things such as The Tow Rope, Roller Cycle on the Half Pipe..."

Uh... no. Wait, what? *watches video* That's just fuckin' lame, yo. You have got to be shitting me like some kind of frothy-assed, sour-stomached shit-yak. That is exactly what I need to make my life complete. 2-stroke powered fruity booters charging the bottom half of the minipipe like my homeboy's behelmeted, drooling little bro in his Bigfoot Powerwheels. It's just like jumping over a shark while riding a shark on water skiis, except that the first shark is actually in a pool. A pool that's on water skiis and being towed across an ocean full of sharks wearing water skiis.

Damn your cursed hides, you meat-necked dog lickers! The whole point to having a half pipe or good vert park is that you don't need a god-damn power source other than gravity to ride all day without ever having to stop or take your feet off the board to kick.

I can see the usefullness possible in these things, but the only people that are going to buy these are the same spoiled poser brats that have those totally obnoxious 2 cycle scooters, or those even more annoying pocket motorcycles that make you look like a total knuckledragging tool who just ripped off a circus clown dwarf.

Although, electric bikes or quiet two stroke engines for bikes are very useful commuting tools, but the whole oil burning 2-cycle engine thing sucks, a lot. And they're only rarely quiet.
posted by loquacious at 11:30 AM on March 22, 2005

Having recently dislocated a shoulder downhill skiing I think I will avoid this. I'm holding out for JATO powered sky diving, it's a more manly sport.
posted by substrate at 11:30 AM on March 22, 2005

fenriq Wow, so I can lie to myself that I'm exercising when I'm really just being pushed around by a motor? Its so very American.

Uh, yeah, lazy. You forgot stupid and fat. Don't get me started on other countries. The French? Arrogant! Mexicans? Dirty!

Somebody stop me.
posted by grateful at 11:32 AM on March 22, 2005

i was rendered temporarily unable to think because of the buzzing of the flies of hell--or was that the sound from the video?
posted by beelzbubba at 11:33 AM on March 22, 2005

Grateful: Please stop. Really.
posted by Doohickie at 11:40 AM on March 22, 2005

It's just like jumping over a shark while riding a shark on water skiis, except that the first shark is actually in a pool. A pool that's on water skiis and being towed across an ocean full of sharks wearing water skiis.

posted by ba at 11:44 AM on March 22, 2005

I think we can console ourselves with the fact that at least it looks really, really dorky, which hopefully means it will never become a fad.
posted by fungible at 11:50 AM on March 22, 2005

Yes! Please bring more noisy, smokey, 2-cycle engines in to our lives!
posted by 4midori at 11:56 AM on March 22, 2005

i was just waiting -- WAITING -- for him to hit a crack in the sidewalk.
posted by Jonasio at 11:57 AM on March 22, 2005

grateful, seems like you were capable of stopping yourself.

This is a very American invention. Why exercise when you can buy a machine to push you around? Why do people with postage stamp sized lawns buy sit on mowers? Why do people love drive-thru's? Americans are, by and large, lazy and convenience driven consumers.

If you'd like to refute that then perhaps you should offer an argument instead of a snark, eh?
posted by fenriq at 12:01 PM on March 22, 2005

fenriq- Don't you know any vegans/vegetarians? Anybody who uses a reel mower, or lives a low-impact lifestyle? I think its unfair and incorrect to characterize an entire nation of people based on the activities of many.
posted by grateful at 12:11 PM on March 22, 2005

grateful -

those people are the exceptions, to a very, very fair generalization.

Americans, as proven by our massive lazy consumer market, are driven by convenience

Also: this thing is lame. I can't wait for the broken bones.
posted by das_2099 at 12:27 PM on March 22, 2005

unfair and incorrect to characterize an entire nation of people based on the activities of many

Yeah, how dare I make generalizations based on the actions of the majority. I should have noted that not everyone is a fat, stupid, moron. But I was sort of under the impression that it was pretty well understood that I wasn't categorizing all Americans, just the majority.

Attention everybody, not all Americans are fat, stupid, lazy assholes who eat fried chicken and pork rinds. Some actually care about themselves, their environment and their neighbors. My apologies for not noting that my blanket statement above does not apply to all Americans.

Thank you, you may return to your pork rinds and wrestling.
posted by fenriq at 12:29 PM on March 22, 2005

Other American Inventions (with no connotations of sloth)
posted by grateful at 12:32 PM on March 22, 2005

Awe, the off-road quest where cars & dirt bikes are not allowed but weed wacker are. So "the size of your toys" is no more?

People like riding roller-coasters over and over for similar reasons as the guy being videoed or finding a larger hill to ride a bicycle down. Except for the profit & weeee!…oh shit a rock! [see the guy almost stumble near the end]
posted by thomcatspike at 12:58 PM on March 22, 2005

Americans are, by and large, lazy and convenience driven consumers.

If you'd like to refute that then perhaps you should offer an argument instead of a snark, eh?

This is patently false -- as an American, I am neither lazy nor driven by convenience. However, it would take too much work for me to research the necessary facts to support my argument, so you'll just have to accept my declaration of rhetorical fiat. Consider this a more convenient but still perfectly valid form of debate.

If you dare to disagree with me, I'm going to add call you ungrateful for all that America has done for the world, and garnish my statement with many capital letters and exclamation points. You have been warned.
posted by DaShiv at 1:09 PM on March 22, 2005

This is patently false

and the poster agrees

My apologies for not noting that my blanket statement above does not apply to all Americans.
posted by thomcatspike at 1:37 PM on March 22, 2005

DaShiv and grateful, here's the thing. You're focusing on a single individual in a nation of a few hundred million. Of course there are exceptions to any statement.

But I will stand by my statement that Americans are, on average, lazy, overweight and more than happy to watch someone else do something rather than do it themselves. This is a nation of 8 hours a day tv watchers and more. This is a nation that can't be bothered to get out of their cars to get their double quarter pounders with cheese, bacon and mayonaise and 64 ounce high fructose corn syrup coma inducing Cokes and "Biggie" Fries.

Any generality can fail when applied to the individual. DaShiv, I do disagree with you. You are the exception to the statement, for the record so am I and so is grateful most likely, but the statement stands in spite of the evidence to the contrary from this tiny pool.
posted by fenriq at 2:03 PM on March 22, 2005

Fuck fat people! They're evil.
posted by mosch at 2:13 PM on March 22, 2005

My God there are better ways than that to look like a hip idiot. If we could just eat better and walk everywhere we wanted to go there would be no need for ridiculous exercise methods that claim to fix your problem in 2 weeks. Thank you I will take my horse.

Mosch, are you fat, the psychology tells me you are.
posted by Viomeda at 2:53 PM on March 22, 2005

Well i guess i will be the first to say that this product seems real entertaining. Sure it is loud, obnoxious but the video of the dude swooping through grass was real impressive. I think the multi-terrain capability adds to its appeal.

Also, avoiding the whole americans are lazy argument(which i agree in general but still take offense to for some reason) i do not think this machine is a product of laziness. First, as stated in the link.

The Roller Cycle will take you easily over any terrain. Make no mistake this is a workout. Roller Cycle's unique full-body cardiovascular workout will invigorate you. The force generated by RollerCycle travels from your rear through your torso to your feet. This action now only works out your arms as you hold the Roller Cycle, but the force traveling through your body works out your abdominal and leg muscle groups

Finally, I can not picture any person falling into the lazy category participating in what this product offers anyway.
posted by ReggieNoble2 at 2:59 PM on March 22, 2005

No no fenriq, I really am lazy, and that's why I love being American. The whole damn country is set up for people like me. I'd never survive in, say, Japan.
posted by DaShiv at 2:59 PM on March 22, 2005

Clearly the fact that the United States has the highest productivity per worker in the world is a direct result of our immense laziness. Right. When you work your ass off, you tend to slack off a bit in your off-time. And so what?

Now give me my damn rollercycle.
posted by BrandonAbell at 3:05 PM on March 22, 2005

This is a nation that can't be bothered to get out of their cars to get their double quarter pounders with cheese, bacon and mayonaise and 64 ounce high fructose corn syrup coma inducing Cokes and "Biggie" Fries

Seems the play ground at this place makes it profitable.
posted by thomcatspike at 3:18 PM on March 22, 2005

Americans are so funny. We do funny things and enjoy looking funny *cute chuckle*. The rest of the world has so much to learn about real humor.
posted by Viomeda at 3:18 PM on March 22, 2005

I'm a fat American who is pathetically, pathologically lazy and eats cheeseburgers from drive-throughs - even though I don't have a car. I smoke like a fuming, smoldering Bandini Mountain.

But I also skateboard vert ramps and parks, dance and twitch all night to techno/house, hike across deserts, climb mountains, walk across metropolitan cities large enough to be European nation-states, and bike like a demon possessed.

And I bet you I can run, walk or bike faster and farther than you, fenriq. I once did a 5:50 mile when I was at my fattest - about 245 pounds. I probably can still leg press 800-1000 pounds in repetitive sets. My thighs and maybe even my calves are probably bigger around than your waist, but I'm not a body builder and don't go work out in a weight room or anything.

Fuck your generalizations. You'd take one look at me and decide I'm an inactive lardbutt. And then I'd crush you at nearly any solo athletic activity you'd care to choose.

My girlfriend is fat, too. She likes both fried chicken and pork rinds. But she works her fucking tail off like nobody I've ever seen before. She's not lazy at all.

My direct familial ancestors pushed all of their belongings in freaking hand carts three-quarters of the way across a wild North American continent, on foot, over prairies, the Rockies, across deserts - long before a railway existed to the Pacific. Then they got stuck in a mountain pass in the dead of winter and ate frozen dead people. The survivors helped build and populate both Northern and Southern California.

Lazy? Please shut the fuck up. Please. (This is one's for DaShiv - sans exclamation points.) Your quick, lame generalizations piss all over a known history of ball-busting, body-crushing hard work that built this country and gave you practically everything you know and love today. And that history is still being written even as we chatter meaninglessly here in the present. Do you wash your clothes on a rock in the river? Who built your shelter? How about that computer you're using? Where'd that come from? How about the software? What about the enormously dense TelCo networks in California? How about the water from your tap? The power grid? The roads and interstates? What lazy country could build all this?

Anyways - being pushed by that rickety scooter thing is probably a pretty good workout. If you've ever been towed by a dog on in-line skates or on a skateboard, you'd know what I'm talking about. It takes a metric fuckton of effort just to stay balanced on skates or a skateboard, not to mention you have to actively pull against the leash, or in the case of this lame little push-scooter, you'd have to actively push back against it and keep your body rigid and dynamically sprung for it to even work, otherwise it would just fold you like a napkin and run over you.

The scooter isn't stupid because it's lazy - because it's really not - it's stupid because it's lame, funny looking and badly designed.
posted by loquacious at 4:56 PM on March 22, 2005

Holy crap! If a non-flash/non-video website is this loud, you better put a notice on the link before people click on it. It's so damn loud! URGH.
posted by chime at 5:39 PM on March 22, 2005

Through it all, loq makes a pretty good point. At the end of the day, exercise just doesn't burn that many calories. If you actually care to lose weight -- you've gotta eat less.


"I'm a fat American who is pathetically, pathologically lazy..."
"Lazy? Please shut the fuck up. Please."

Er, OK?
posted by effugas at 6:00 PM on March 22, 2005

Another gadget to waste our dwindling fossil fuels on. Wait! They're gonna drill for more oil in Alaska! Gosh, that George Bush really makes American dreams such as the RollerCycle come true.
posted by [hifidigitalboy] at 6:23 PM on March 22, 2005

loquacious, that you are yet another anamoly to the generalization does sweet fanny fuck-all to discredit the generalization. Three counter examples to a pretty clear trend in America.

The fact that you aren't (or are since you directly contradicted yourself) a lazy overweight guy is good. More exceptions to the rule are fine by me.
posted by fenriq at 11:42 PM on March 22, 2005

I got a bit worked up. I think I'm tired of of the sort of pervasive collective guilt complex and maybe some kind of pervasive national shame about what I'm not entirely sure.

I'm certainly not saying "love it or leave it" and getting all jingoizzy with it, and there are certainly plenty of national failings and outright crimes to atone for, but perhaps it's like the overwhelming helplessness and guilt of not being able to stop pointless killing and war and other national crimes has bled over on everything else.

It's tiresome. Sometimes "forgive and forget" applies to more than just those that have wronged you, and it stands to reason to me that a collective psychology of overwhelming guilt and remorse - even if only in a select segment of society, say, in a progressive segment - can be as equally harmful and hindering to growth and progress as it would be to an individual person with similar excess guilt and remorse.

And I would argue that such a complex of collective guilt - one that primarily afflicted those that are progressively minded would hinder those that would normally effect the changes that needs to be made and carry the torches that need to be carried is even more harmful and detrimental to maintaining or advancing an egalitarian society. A healthy society.

And like the overweight, remorseful individual needs to get over it and accept it and move on if they want to change it, so it stands to my reasoning that society would also need to.

If one is overweight and wants to change that about themselves, "getting over it" helps deal with those that would humiliate them for even trying.

Which makes me feel bad about the negativity I dumped on this guy's scooter toy invention; And perhaps contradictorily explains my defensiveness about the invention. He's trying something new. It might be goofy, but does that matter? Did he enjoy doing it?

My harsh judgement primarily stems from a now accepted fashion, style or genre: Skateboarding. It's also philosophical, because skateboarding derives from surfing, which has mystical and near-religious belief systems somewhat connected to nature and stating that there's a specific way of doing things. See the debate about being towed into large waves with personal watercraft, or the mild furor over the impurity of self-propelled surfboards.

Skateboarding also has it's own mysticism and aesthetic, one that employs athleticism and grace to overcome gravity and make it work against itself. A powered device is anathema to this aesthetic. Yet if someone came up with a useable, truly skateble and aesthetically pleasing powered skateboard that had good controls for riding and propelling in both regular and switch modes, skateboarding could probably advance it's aesthetics by leaps and bounds and push even more boundaries.

People should try all kinds of things. And all I mention above and some of what others have said is indicative to me of a pervasive cultural negativity that doesn't feel like it's normal or healthy.

I almost wish for some kind of truly large scale challenge to remind us what humanity is capable of in the face of adversity. Say, dealing with a predicted asteroid strike. Building a space elevator; Exploring, colonizing and tapping the resources of the Solar System and beyond. Rebuilding a Super Dimensional Fortress that crash-landed on our planet unpiloted and fending of the Zentradi hordes that came to reclaim it. Something. Something grand and difficult and useful and Steinbeckian like the fantastic things our grandfathers did, building things like the Golden Gate Bridge, Hoover Dam, but modern and relevant.

We're so much more than this scrabbling, fretful, pupaescent hive of consumers and manufacturers of goods and groceries. When we choose to be.

I had an experience recently that made me proud of California and a lot of the things that it has accomplished, so I'm probably still a bit high from that.
posted by loquacious at 2:21 AM on March 23, 2005

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