Viva Buchanan!
April 1, 2005 5:29 AM   Subscribe

WMU to Buchanan: Come to K-zoo, get dressed! Pat Buchanan gets hosed with Caesar dressing. Beautiful, beautiful video here.
posted by Baby_Balrog (91 comments total)
 
As a bronco myself, I must say that I am exceedingly pleased by this. Pat Buchanan decided to promote his replacement for Cesar Chavez day (freedom day, or some such nonsense). Protesters showed up along with several members of the community. Notice the damage control all over the news stories-
The suspect is not a WMU student.
Heh. Horse shit. Mikey isn't a full time WMU student, and he probably won't be a student at all after this, but I think it's wonderful how quickly the administration gets busy with WOOD TV.
My little sister, who is much more active in campus affairs, says that this may prevent other famous speakers from visiting our campus. The College Republicans, who sponsored Mr. Buchanan's visit (why?) are livid. One of the little neocons immediately removed his shirt and tried to give it to Mr. Buchanan. Heh. I hope they don't plan on retaliating when the College Dems bring Cheech Marin.
WMU students know how to get with the protest.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 5:31 AM on April 1, 2005


What, no croutons?
posted by ColdChef at 5:34 AM on April 1, 2005


The guy's girlfriend rushed up to the stage and took pictures. I think the video is hers, and she gave it to WOOD. I emailed her asking for the video, and I emailed WOOD to tell them what I think of their implementation. :) Video should be back up in 2 to 3 hours. Sorrys.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 5:44 AM on April 1, 2005


What a waste of perfectly good salad dressing. Won't somebody think of the anchovies?
posted by Faint of Butt at 5:45 AM on April 1, 2005


I got the video to play just fine using this more direct link. It takes a bit to load, but it works. They keep showing it in slo-mo, which makes it even better...
posted by PantsOfSCIENCE at 6:01 AM on April 1, 2005


Baby_Balrog writes " The College Republicans, who sponsored Mr. Buchanan's visit (why?) are livid."

Why? I dunno, because Pat Buchanan's exercise freedom of speech shouldn't be met with violent assault? Because that sort of thing lowers the bar and threatens everybody who prefers peaceful dialogue to ideological street fights?

What would Mefi be like if what you said here might get salad dressing -- or worse -- thrown in your face? Would you be as willing to state your truly held but unpopular beliefs? would you even chose to come here? Or would this community break down? If we don't respect the free speech in this country, we will soon enough find our conflicts settled not with speech but with violence.

I don't much like Pat Buchanan, but that doesn't much matter. The First Amendment does not end with a small print disclaimer "applies only to what orthogonal likes" or even with "applies only to popular opinions"; it applies, thank the Founders, to all.

There's a name -- and a shirt -- for the kind of people who think that their opponents' exercise of free speech should be met with violence.

If you're going to watch this video and chortle, go whole hog and follow it up with a video of Bull Conner siccing dogs on Civil Rights Marchers exercising their free-speech rights, or Chicago cops thrashing hippies and Yippies at the 1968 Democratic Convention, or a video of Nazi thugs giving Communists a beatdown. And wear a brown shirt for the occasion. Because it's all of a piece.

When Pat Buchanan is assaulted for exercising his First Amendment rights, all Americans are assaulted.
posted by orthogonality at 6:08 AM on April 1, 2005


I think Pat Buchanan is a xenophobic racist asshole, but I agree 100% with orthoganality here.
posted by psmealey at 6:10 AM on April 1, 2005


I think Pat Buchanan is a xenophobic, loudmouthed, racist asshole, but I only agree 90% with orthagonality here.

The guy needs to shut the hell up. No, I don't want to see him getting thrown in jail, or his books being burned by government edict... but I'd say that this sort of thing goes under "fair comeuppance."
posted by rxrfrx at 6:13 AM on April 1, 2005


Yaaaay! Orthogonality wins!
Wow, psmealey, rxrfrx. I think...maybe...you might have missed something there...kinda subtle...
posted by Baby_Balrog at 6:15 AM on April 1, 2005


Throwing dressing, throwing shoes, "Fuck Off Bush", naked body formations, playing with puppets, waving swastikas...


Shocking that the government doesn't take protesters more seriously. The acting-like-misbehaving-kids-whose-parents-are-on-vacation act isn't really helping the rest of us, though I'm sure it gets you laid. O vanity.
posted by dhoyt at 6:19 AM on April 1, 2005


they should have let Buchanan speak, of course. having said that, when celebrities get pies/salad dressing on their faces it is indeed very funny. it's one of the oldest comedic tricks in the bag, from Titus Maccius Plautus on, and it still works
posted by matteo at 6:21 AM on April 1, 2005


Subtle as a gallon of salad dressing in Pat Buchanan's face, or the grade-school cleverness of using caesar salad dressing to protest Buchanan's comments on Cesar Chavez?

Either way it's a slippery slope (and not just because of the olive oil, anchovies and coddled eggs) from there to an overtly violent act.
posted by psmealey at 6:21 AM on April 1, 2005


he's probably going to get at least a free latte at rocket star cafe for this ... yawn

you know you live in a dull college town when the biggest story of the year is tossed salad on a fruitcake
posted by pyramid termite at 6:22 AM on April 1, 2005


dhoyt: Yeah. Stupid protestors and their stupid protesting. What do they think they're going to accomplish, anyway? Vainglorious idiots.

On preview: Pyramid, are you bashing on Kzoo?
posted by Baby_Balrog at 6:24 AM on April 1, 2005


dhoyt writes "Shocking that the government doesn't take protesters more seriously. The acting-like-misbehaving-kids-whose-parents-are-on-vacation act isn't really helping the rest of us, though I'm sure it gets you laid. O vanity."

Yes, did you hear that to protest King George's taxes, some of those colonists actually dressed as Indian Savages and proceeded to vandalize a ship full of tea? They even called it a "Tea Party" -- the "Boston Tea Party". How foolish!

Well, I'm sure we needn't take those misbehaving kids seriously, Lord Cornwallis!

(The government's supposed to take protesters seriously because the protesters are voters, dhoyt, and this country is a democracy. And it's not as if we have an intelligence test for voting. If there were, there'd be no Bush to protest.)
posted by orthogonality at 6:35 AM on April 1, 2005


um... salad dressing?
posted by crunchland at 6:40 AM on April 1, 2005


It lacks the panache of a full cream pie to the face, but was probably easier to smuggle in.
posted by caddis at 6:47 AM on April 1, 2005


It's not comparable to the Boston Tea Party. These folks were trampling all over Pat's First Amendment right to speak his mind. And I've heard again and again, and from a couple of highly liberal persons (one an African-American attorney involved in civil rights) that Pat's a warm and friendly person when . . . well, you're not talking politics with him. But even then, you might be surprised to find yourself occasionally agreeing with him. It happens.
posted by raysmj at 6:50 AM on April 1, 2005


What do they think they're going to accomplish, anyway?

The types of protesters who throw salad dressing and wave puppets in this day & age? I'd wager they'll accomplish the nothing but scorn from moderate adults. Maybe their creative acts of 'civil disobedience' can alienate an even larger chunk of voters by 2008 and they can help elect Jeb Bush by a 75% margin.

However romantic it might sound, this guy is not exactly a colonist trying to forge an independent nation, ortho.

The government's supposed to take protesters seriously because the protesters are voters, dhoyt, and this country is a democracy.


And this particular voter's informed political position was articulated by....throwing salad dressing. Brilliant.
posted by dhoyt at 6:50 AM on April 1, 2005


baby_balrog ... as college towns go, kazoo's pretty dull ... maybe i don't know the right people
posted by pyramid termite at 6:50 AM on April 1, 2005


These words were written by Pat Buchanan last year...

This is the war we are losing. And to win this struggle, the United States needs to do three things that may go against the political interests of both parties: Stand up for justice for the Palestinians. Remove our imperial presence. Cease to intervene in their internal affairs.

We Americans once stood for all that. And if we go only where we are invited, we would be invited more often to come and help.



..and they didn't require throwing something in someone's face to get their point across. It summarizes some feelings from his book, Death of the West.


Think mohawk-boy has ever read it?
posted by dhoyt at 6:55 AM on April 1, 2005


The types of protesters who throw salad dressing and wave puppets in this day & age? I'd wager they'll accomplish the nothing but scorn from moderate adults. Maybe their creative acts of 'civil disobedience' can alienate an even larger chunk of voters by 2008 and they can help elect Jeb Bush by a 75% margin.

You are adorable!
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 7:02 AM on April 1, 2005


These folks were trampling all over Pat's First Amendment right to speak his mind.

Actually, no. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

The First Amendment applies to actions by governmental authorities. What this guy did can be filed under battery. Throw him in jail.
posted by bshort at 7:03 AM on April 1, 2005


And yet I can't help but wonder if there could be a downside to this.
posted by petebest at 7:06 AM on April 1, 2005


Umm, most of you have missed the point.

Salad dressing is teh funny.

Sulfuric acid, not so much.

/on preview: Chill the fuck out.
posted by bardic at 7:08 AM on April 1, 2005


And yet I can't help but wonder if there could be a downside to this.

Imagine the smell of ranch dressing and Buchanan.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 7:09 AM on April 1, 2005


Imagine the smell of ranch dressing and Buchanan.

I just ordered one of those at Quiznos.
posted by bardic at 7:13 AM on April 1, 2005


Imagine the smell of ranch dressing and Buchanan.
I always pictured him as more of a blue cheese kind of fellow.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 7:14 AM on April 1, 2005


orthogonality: sorry dude, but covering a person with salad dressing isn't in the same league of unleashing attack dogs against people or thugs beating. Not at all, never.

My guess is that we still would have communism and/or nazism all over the place if their "violence" was that of covering me with salad dressing ; I suggest you get yourself a less abstract more realistic sense of proportions.

Also, given that we're workign on abstractions.. I could argue that he choosed to stop talking, he could have kept on talking as certainly he wasn't going to "drown" in salad dressing. Additionally some argue that there is no right to be heard, only right to speak so.....
posted by elpapacito at 7:19 AM on April 1, 2005


Pat Buchanan was one of the strongest conservative voices against the invasion of Iraq, you'll all recall, I'm sure. His pieces against the invasion were pretty useful in arguing with conservatives. And while I'll agree with elpapacito that this was as close to nonviolent as a surprise physical attack can get, it's still about as uncreative a "protest" as it's possible to imagine.

I hope they don't plan on retaliating when the College Dems bring Cheech Marin.

Yeah, right. You'd like nothing more than an escalation; your glee at this Noble Act of Justice is truly hilarious. It'll fade with time, of course, and you'll be left with the not-so-gleeful result: a poisoned campus atmosphere where the usual shouting and name-calling isn't enough anymore.

Bravo. Well-done.

*golf clap*
posted by mediareport at 7:27 AM on April 1, 2005


Lame. Buchanan is at best a marginal figure in American politics. It'd be like dousing Alan Keyes: sure, it's satisfying, but nobody's listening to him anyway.
posted by sonofsamiam at 7:31 AM on April 1, 2005


..and they didn't require throwing something in someone's face to get their point across. It summarizes some feelings from his book, Death of the West.


Think mohawk-boy has ever read it?



Maybe mohawk-boy also read some of these far less flattering quotes.
posted by Kellydamnit at 7:31 AM on April 1, 2005


I went to Western. It's good to know the wheels of subversion are still turning. Of course, in my day, the biggest name we could get to visit WMU was Carrot Top (and the obligatory Tim Allen).
posted by Hankins at 7:33 AM on April 1, 2005


People, you are missing the point here.
It was CAESAR dressing. For Caesar Salad day. Or wait...wasn't there some kind of Mexican holiday or something going on? I thought I saw some Mexicans with some flags or something when Buke showed up in his limo.

Termite: Kalamazoo is a fun place to live. Bell's has Winter White on sale right - You can get the big glass for a buck fifty. Doesn't get any better. See you at the bar. *hic*

On preview: God damnit, people! (Makes a powerpoint presentation with flowcharts and diagrams). Ortho. was. being. sarcastic.

Heh. Dhoyt. Mohawk-boy is a pretty well-read guy. I know you can't tell that by obsessing over his fucking hairstyle, but I'd bet his thought process went something like this: "I'm certain to be arrested, but there is no greater cause than throwing salad dressing on Buke. This will be my statement of protest." Pat would have won, had he just nonchalantly continued answering questions.

You'd like nothing more than an escalation; your glee at this Noble Act of Justice is truly hilarious.
wtf? Okay.
the not-so-gleeful result: a poisoned campus atmosphere where the usual shouting and name-calling isn't enough anymore.
You're right! Drag the fuckers out into the streets! Execute 'em in front of their kids! Generational revolution, that's the ticket! Mya, mya!
The College Republicans at WMU are the laughingstock of the campus community, and it isn't because we're all a bunch of knee-jerk liberals. If a young neo-con in a fancy-pants suit had pied Kerry, I'd put it up here too. I'm not making fun of Buke because he's Buke, I'm making fun of famous people who get pied on campus.

I can't even understand why the College Republicans wanted Buchanan here in the first place. He's not exactly a friend of the Republican party.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 7:34 AM on April 1, 2005


Maybe mohawk-boy also read some of these far less flattering quotes.

Mohawk-boy is a pretty well-read guy.



If he's as well read as he thinks he is, he should know to take the good with the bad:


Feb 2005:
A conservative knows not whether to laugh or weep, for Mr. Bush has just asserted a right to interfere in the internal affairs of every nation on earth. Why? Because the “survival of liberty in our land increasingly depends on the success of liberty in other lands.” But this is utterly ahistorical. The world has always been afflicted with despots. Yet America has always been free. And we have remained free by following the counsel of Washington, Jefferson, and Adams and staying out of foreign quarrels and foreign wars.

Who is feeding the president this interventionist nonsense?



Nov 2004:
The Dow is falling, the dollar is sinking, our dependency on imported oil is growing, our country goes billions deeper into debt every day, and U.S. forces are stretched to the limit containing a medium-sized insurgency in a medium-sized Arab country.

An American empire? Who are we kidding?



But why fuss over nuance when you can throw food in someone's face to get attention? It's not the spirit of the Boston Tea Party. It's pure vanity.
posted by dhoyt at 7:41 AM on April 1, 2005


Just once, I'd like to the see the "victim" manage to grab hold of a pie/dressing/whatever-thrower and beat the shit out of him on stage.
posted by Armitage Shanks at 7:41 AM on April 1, 2005


orthogonality -- I think the question was "why would College Republicans invite a dinosaur like Buchanan"...

The whole attack was pretty damn silly, although so was the Boston Tea Party, as someone has already mentioned. Much better to let the guy make his point, and then cream-pie him on the way out, really.
posted by clevershark at 7:42 AM on April 1, 2005


Now if they can do this to Wonkette at the Press Club next week, I think the celebration will be unanimous.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 7:48 AM on April 1, 2005


Just once, I'd like to the see the "victim" manage to grab hold of a pie/dressing/whatever-thrower and beat the shit out of him on stage.

Not quite the same, but here's Buzz Aldrin (72) punching a conspiracy theorist(37) who was calling him a "coward and a liar" for not admitting that the moon landings were faked. Awesome.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 8:02 AM on April 1, 2005


elpapacito writes " orthogonality: sorry dude, but covering a person with salad dressing isn't in the same league of unleashing attack dogs against people or thugs beating. Not at all, never."

Of course it's in the same league: it is assault with the intent of preventing the speaker from speaking.

Sure, you can argue the soaked Buchanan could keep speaking, but you can equally well argue that a Civil Rights marcher spat upon by a redneck can keep marching.

Do you laugh at footage of Freedom Riders being spat upon by white racists? Of course not.

Pat Buchanan, as much as John Lewis, as much as Emma Goldman, has a right to address an audience without fear of physical attack. Whether that attack is to cause harm or -- like throwing salad dressing or spitting -- is just to mock is immaterial.

Would it be ok if the target had been John Kerry giving his acceptance speech at the 2004 Democratic Convention?

Suppressing opponents' speech is -- or should be -- among the most un-American of acts. It should impel our disgust whether it happens to an anonymous anti-war protester or an anonymous American Nazi marching through Skokie, whether to Pat Buchanan or Mohandas Gandhi.

Lefty singer Steve Earle likes to quote Senator Patrick Leahy: "Well, Attorney General Ashcroft has the same First Amendment rights as the rest of us".

When you gleefully laugh at Pat Buchanan's First Amendment rights being abrogated by violent attack, you're laughing not only at Pat Buchanan, you're laughing at the very ideal of free speech. You are laughing at the ideals that made America. You are laughing at every anti-war protester getting cracked over the head by a Freeper, at every Civil Rights marcher spat upon by a racist redneck, at every Union man sandbagged by a Pinkerton agent.

And Hitler's brown-shirted shade, and the shades of King George the Third and Mitchell Palmer and Joseph Stalin are all laughing along with you.
posted by orthogonality at 8:04 AM on April 1, 2005


Baby_Balrog writes " On preview: God damnit, people! (Makes a powerpoint presentation with flowcharts and diagrams). Ortho. was. being. sarcastic."

Er. I often am being sarcastic. Not this time.

Sorry, I realize this can be confusing, but generally, when I invoke moral indignation, I'm being serious -- and moral indignant. I'm a free-speech absolutist, a secularist who reveres the Constitution of the United States.

I'll try to remember to, as I've done in the past, indicate sarcastic posts by including a "STFU" in them.
posted by orthogonality at 8:08 AM on April 1, 2005


Not quite the same, but here's Buzz Aldrin (72) punching a conspiracy theorist(37)

Damn. Much as I am in theory opposed to anyone responding to words with physical violence, that's really satisfying.
posted by Armitage Shanks at 8:08 AM on April 1, 2005


Now if they can do this to Wonkette at the Press Club next week, I think the celebration will be unanimous.

If it's ranch dressing, she'd probably just let it happen if only to capitalize on the sex jokes related to her being covered in a thick white liquid...
posted by clevershark at 8:10 AM on April 1, 2005


I woulda been happier if they'd Ceasared Tony Blankley.
posted by manicroom at 8:12 AM on April 1, 2005


Oh look! A mohawk... also timely and clever!
posted by basicchannel at 8:13 AM on April 1, 2005


And Hitler's brown-shirted shade, and the shades of King George the Third and Mitchell Palmer and Joseph Stalin are all laughing along with you.

And here I thought I'd get through this week without hearing the most overblown, hyperbolic statement of all time.

Thanks ortho!
posted by bardic at 8:13 AM on April 1, 2005


ah, yes ... microbrewed beer, salad dressing tossing, fun and pretentious yuppieism ... who could possibly ask for more?

i could
posted by pyramid termite at 8:15 AM on April 1, 2005


I often am being sarcastic. Not this time.

Ah, the dangers of "often being sarcastic." Perhaps a lesson, orthogonality?
posted by mediareport at 8:18 AM on April 1, 2005


Ortho, I actually got halfway through your first comment and thought, "Hey, this guy is dissing ortho."
posted by dougunderscorenelso at 8:19 AM on April 1, 2005


The College Republicans at WMU are the laughingstock of the campus community

Which justifies shutting down one of their speakers, who offers both intelligent and disgusting views, how exactly?
posted by mediareport at 8:20 AM on April 1, 2005


Buchanan got his salad tossed?

Eww.
posted by bardic at 8:24 AM on April 1, 2005


mediareport writes "Ah, the dangers of 'often being sarcastic.' Perhaps a lesson, orthogonality?"

As dhoyt observed, sometimes dissent takes seemingly silly or frivolous forms, in the hopes of provoking more thought that a dry and "safe" petition for redress of grievances would.

I'd rather be "wrong" for sarcastically denouncing injustice than be "right" by safely doing nothing.
posted by orthogonality at 8:25 AM on April 1, 2005


Oh my, ortho. *Apologizes profusely* I feel like a complete ass. I wasn't trying to mock your comments in any way. I thought you were being obscenely hyperbolic in order to stem off the predictable flow of conservative vein-popping.

I think you're reaching a bit...Pat is a pretty famous guy, and famous people can handle a bit of dressing in the face. I think throwing food on normal people because you don't like their political opinions is lame, but I'm afraid I don't make the connection between regular political protesting joe-on-the-streets and a person like Pat Buchanan. I know it's unfair that he isn't afforded the same dressing-evasion rights as us plebes, but frankly famous people get pied (and payed) alot.

Hmm...Laughing at the very ideal of free speech. I see your point, and it is a good one. Laughing at the ideals that made America? I think that's a bit of a stretch. We're laughing specifically at Pat Buchanan. This isn't a, "Ha ha, this (insert political activist) put food on (insert political activist), that's what they get for being on the wrong side of the line!" This is more of a "Famous Rich Guy gets nailed by punker with a salad-shooter" kind of thing. There is a difference, I think.

On preview:
Pyramid Termite: Pretentious yuppieism? Please. Have you visited Portage in the last 30 years? Kzoo is not loaded with yups, at least not like Ann Arbor or G-Rap. (Oh yeah, I went there.) Our microbreweries are cool, and we have the mall downtown. And more festivals per year than any other Michigan city. Have you been to Lan of Oz yet? Way freakin' cool. interested in a meetup? I know there's only five of us...it might be kind of awkward..but..you know...

mediareport, that was not my point at all. You've taken my comment out of context. I was trying to point out that the College Reps here don't represent the conservative viewpoint, and that the only reason they brought Buke here was because it is was Cesar Chavez day and they wanted to stir the muck and get some scene points. Lame.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 8:26 AM on April 1, 2005


I am with orthogonality. Jokes about the appropriate weapon aside, assaulting a speaker to inhibit his speech and possibly to intimidate future speakers goes against the principles of free speech. Fight speech with more speech. It works better than salad dressing anyway.
posted by caddis at 8:27 AM on April 1, 2005


the only reason they brought Buke here was because it is was Cesar Chavez day and they wanted to stir the muck and get some scene points. Lame.

Which justifies shutting down one of their speakers, who offers both intelligent and disgusting views, how exactly?

orthogonality: I'd rather be "wrong" for sarcastically denouncing injustice than be "right" by safely doing nothing.

Good lord, what? It's been pointed out more than once here that you're not particularly good at sarcasm. I was just pointing out the latest example of your lack of clarity in the attempt resulting in confusion in a thread.
posted by mediareport at 8:33 AM on April 1, 2005


mediareport writes "It's been pointed out more than once here that you're not particularly good at sarcasm."

And some have called it clever. I suppose it's a matter of opinion, a matter of taste. And a matter of whose ox is being gored.

But it's disingenuous (and arrogant) of you to pronounce your opinion ex cathedra from the See of St. Peter your navel, that I'm "not good" (whatever that means) at sarcasm, as a settled fact. Neither you nor I (fortunately) speak for all Mefites.
posted by orthogonality at 8:42 AM on April 1, 2005


I am with orthogonality

Either way it's a slippery slope (and not just because of the olive oil, anchovies and coddled eggs) from there to an overtly violent act.


Yes, this is really just ignorant, doing nothing but increasing the perceived need for improved physical 'security' everywhere and all the negatives coming from that.
posted by scheptech at 8:44 AM on April 1, 2005


Just once, I'd like to the see the "victim" manage to grab hold of a pie/dressing/whatever-thrower and beat the shit out of him on stage.

Armitage, are you familiar with the incident when the British Deputy Prime Minister got hit with an egg thrown from very close range and whose first reaction was to chin the guy? Video clip here.
posted by biffa at 8:45 AM on April 1, 2005


Jesus, orthogonality, watch you don't break anything getting down from that horse of yours.

There's a world of difference between throwing salad dressing at Pat Buchanan and intimidating civil rights protestors (not least because Buchanan's never been in a oppressed minority in his life, unless rich, white & ferociously right wing counts as a minority these days), and laughing at a pompous, poisonous oaf like Buchanan is by no means laughing at the idea of free speech itself; it's laughing at someone's ego being deflated.

(There's another argument here about people feeling that the only way they can make an impact or get their voice – however confused, ill-thought out or wrongly-intentioned that voice may be – heard is to throw half a pint of salad dressing over someone in power, because they feel all other rational channels have failed them, but that's maybe for another time.)
posted by Len at 9:01 AM on April 1, 2005


biffa, that was awesome.
posted by caddis at 9:06 AM on April 1, 2005


PinkStainlessTail: ...here's Buzz Aldrin (72) punching a conspiracy theorist(37) who was calling him a "coward and a liar" for not admitting that the moon landings were faked.

Dude! Don't you know that Buzz Aldrin never actually punched that guy? The whole "fight" was filmed on a Hollywood sound stage with money put up by Howard Hughes.
posted by Fuzzy Monster at 9:21 AM on April 1, 2005


When I see incidents like this, it never changes my opinion of the victim or cause. I just think of the pie/dressing/egg tosser "what a fucknozzle." and feel sort of sorry for the victim (except for maybe Bill Gates).
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 9:45 AM on April 1, 2005


*Punches Fuzzy Monster, flies to moon*
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 9:51 AM on April 1, 2005


I've lived in the area for a couple years now and Pfizer owns Kalamazoo which puts a conservative tone on the city and Southwest Michigan is and has been a safe conservative sure vote for Republicans quite some time. This will only add more fodder to the never ending discussion of how good Bush is, how screwed up the country is and how he is making it better. While the poster has seen this as a major victory for the non-Right as the other TV stations pick this up the vast majority of the local population will likely see it as some dipshit kid proving that if we don't get "our values" legislated then all is lost.
posted by mss at 9:54 AM on April 1, 2005


Hey - wha? I never said I saw this as a major victory for the non-right! This wasn't a major victory for anybody! It's just funny! That is all.

Jeez.

Torn apart by members of my own tribe. If everybody hates kzoo so much, why are we here? Lets just move to Portage like all the white folk!
And fuck the "vast majority" of the population. Anyway, 40,000 of the 90,000 residents in kalamazoo are college students. I'm pretty sure they aren't ALL conservative assholes.
you people need to get out more.
clamzoo has plenty of liberal blood left in it. Go see the slam at Kraftbrau or the art hop.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 10:06 AM on April 1, 2005


orthogonality An unknown member of the public assaulting a powerful politician with food is not by any stretch of the imagination equivalent to state repression of dissent. After all, an act like this is done precisely because, politically, he is strong and the protester is weak - it is done purely and simply because it brings Mr. Buchanan down to a human level by making him look a fool ("Ha ha. Look at him he's got salad dressing on his face?! omg, Mr. Buchanan with food on his face - arf!")

If the protestor got up on the stage and battered Mr. Buchanan unconscious with an axe handle, there is no unmasking of power's limitations, no sense of the ridiculous pretensions of authority - it would just be an old man being beaten senseless by a young brute.

I take your point, that freedom of speech is priceless and furthermore, I suggest that truly open, public debate is the best means of ensuring progress on any issue but this assault is not affecting that ideal one iota; if anything, Buchanan's controversial views will gain additional airing as a result of this 'assault on his freedom of speech'.
There's a nice paradox for you.

I hate to rationalize the behavior of this guy - I hate it cos, I can't help but see him as an ignorant buffoon picking on the bete-noir of his group of self-righteous undergraduate idealists - but to be honest I must. What the redhead did represents not a terrible attack on all that liberal democracies hold sacred but the opposite. It is evidence that America still remains a remarkably tolerant political system in which a wide variety of political opinions are tolerated and aired. The interruption of a minor speech by one of America's leading commentators and political leaders in no way contravenes that statement. It is simply the most extreme form of political protest tolerated - and Buchanan's refusal to press charges evidences this tolerance - in your political system. Think about the alternate extremes - political assassination, paramilitary warfare, etc - and you really don't have to worry so much. Rather, you should be proud that even the most powerful people in your country can suffer food thrown in their face without any long-term harm.
posted by pots at 10:32 AM on April 1, 2005


I like seeing famous people covered with foodstuffs...makes me laugh. This would even have been funny if it happened to Kerry, Bush, and especially Cheney.

I think that you should worry more about the creation of "Free Speech Zones" if you are worried about erosions of free speech. If this does not worry you, then you are already wearing the brown shirt my friend...

*goes back to daydreaming about pieing Jerry Falwell.
posted by schyler523 at 10:42 AM on April 1, 2005


dhoyt says: Shocking that the government doesn't take protesters more seriously.

Don't worry, Bush is on top of things. I'd say Buchanan got off lightly.
posted by AlexReynolds at 11:00 AM on April 1, 2005


schyler523 writes " I think that you should worry more about the creation of 'Free Speech Zones' if you are worried about erosions of free speech"

Worries and disgusts me. America -- all of it -- is a free speech zone, or should be. And yes, I was as disgusted by the "free speech zone" outside the 2004 Democratic Convention as by Bush's exclusion of dissenters from his speeches.
posted by orthogonality at 11:03 AM on April 1, 2005


i don't think cesar chavez would have approved of this or been amused by it.

i really don't see how anything positive for the "protestor's" cause can result from it. pat buchanan, while far, far, far, far from being a saint, is far more decent than just anybody in the bush cabal. fight the real enemy, with tactics that work, not bullshit like this.

this "protestor" reminds me of school on christmas day....
posted by lord_wolf at 11:14 AM on April 1, 2005


Fuzzy Monster...Dude! Don't you know that Buzz Aldrin never actually punched that guy? The whole "fight" was filmed on a Hollywood sound stage with money put up by Howard Hughes.

Man, everything that Buzz Aldrin guy does is faked!
posted by graventy at 11:18 AM on April 1, 2005


Fond recollections of another such incident.
posted by StickyCarpet at 11:32 AM on April 1, 2005


today i am a proud michigander.
posted by quonsar at 12:10 PM on April 1, 2005


Wait, now it's okay to intimidate and suppress the speech of those who opposed the war? Well played, young ones, well played indeed.
posted by haqspan at 12:19 PM on April 1, 2005


"The College Republicans, who sponsored Mr. Buchanan's visit (why?) are livid."

Orthagonality gives a good answer to the wrong question.

The original poster inserted "why" into the question not to ask why are the College Republicans livid, but why they hosted Buchanan in the first place. The guy is hardly a model Republican.

Buchanan shouldn't be confused with today's run of the mill Bush-ite Republicans. The guy is a straight talker with what is mostly a commonsensical world view. If you took his religious views away Buchanan could pass for any number of elder liberal talkers.

Another thing - people hang the racist label on Buchanan wayyy too often. The guy isn't anti-Semetic... he's simply against our unquestioning support of Israel based solely on a bone headed "Left Behind" interpretation of the world. He also recognizes that it's our support Israel (along with other heinous acts of our foreign policy) that got us attacked on 9-11.

Buchanan is also probably the only conservative "thinker" in America who has read Osama bin Laden's fatawa against us.

He's almost totally at odds with the Bush administration - granted for different reasons that your average liberal, but that's fine by me.

Read his book, Where the Right Went Wrong.
posted by wfrgms at 12:33 PM on April 1, 2005


Read his book, Where the Right Went Wrong.

No.
posted by Hat Maui at 2:09 PM on April 1, 2005


Kinda says it all, doesn't it?
posted by dhoyt at 2:27 PM on April 1, 2005


orotho and lord wolf are right.

I'd take Buchanan over Bush or Cheney or Rummy or Wolfie or Condie or... name your neo-con unprincipled trustfund punk here.

The fact that so many Lefties here are so unthinking and reactionary to support this salad dressing hurling brat does not bode well for the future of us "Liberals".

And Buchanan's book was only ok. But his analysis of Bush was spot on.
posted by tkchrist at 2:30 PM on April 1, 2005


Kinda says it all, doesn't it?

is that some kind of zinger?

if so, well, ouch, once again you've got me, karl.

will you please agree with me that nothing productive has come/will come of any of our interations, and that i'll leave you alone if you leave me alone?
posted by Hat Maui at 3:06 PM on April 1, 2005


This is Pat Buchanan we're talking about.

I think the issue rests on whether or not you think that Buchanan was being intimidated to keep silent. That's not how I see it. Yes, it still could be prosecuted as assault, but it's not an attack on Buchanan's civil rights. Just my2c.

I'm with schyler523. I thought it was funny. He slighted Cesar Chavez (or maybe he was guilty by association with the promotion of the event) -> mohawk guy slights him. Yes, it's a crime, but a petty one as far as real damage goes. I don't see it as a sign of brownshirtism on the rise. (I know that's what "they" said until they came for me!)
posted by mrgrimm at 3:07 PM on April 1, 2005


The types of protesters who throw salad dressing and wave puppets in this day & age? I'd wager they'll accomplish the nothing but scorn from moderate adults. Maybe their creative acts of 'civil disobedience' can alienate an even larger chunk of voters by 2008 and they can help elect Jeb Bush by a 75% margin.

because, as we all know, 24% of all American voters choose a candidate only to spite people who do funny pranks and get laid more than they do. perhaps you do decide who to vote for exactly that way, dhoyt, but it's likely than 24% of American voters are marginally less childish.

damn pie-in-your-face hippies will swing the '08 election!
*shakes condiment-stained fist in the air*

re Jebby: for once, I agree with you, I think he's going to be the next President (especially if the same side keeps counting the votes). and I can't wait, it's going to be interesting to watch from a safe distance.
posted by matteo at 3:44 PM on April 1, 2005


It's nice that Pat B is cool enough to know how to take this--if only more conservatives were as honest as he. Some of his advocates on the thread could learn from him.

Like it or not, this can be an effective means to get the television news machine (but not Fox) to cover marginalized political ideas, like labor rights. I would emphasize the limitations of that medium before criticizing anyone's tactics.

audacite!
posted by eustatic at 6:40 PM on April 1, 2005


Man, given the topic, I knew this post would attract dhoyt like a fly to shit. Or a dead horse, as the case may be...
posted by y2karl at 7:27 PM on April 1, 2005


Well, y2karl, at least he's offered some substance here today. And you?
posted by mediareport at 8:54 PM on April 1, 2005


Sorry if you think my comments weren't up to snuff, Karl. I just think it's dangerous to write off someone like Buchanan as a one-dimensional cartoon character when it's obvious he's neither crazy, nor beholden to the president, nor afraid to give outspoken opinions no matter which political body they might anger—the same could be said of Ted Rall or Noam Chomsky.

This is why it's disappointing, but not surprising, that when a balanced chap like wfrgms might suggest actually reading one of Buchanan's books to understand him better, there will still always be someone practicing enough willful ignorance to come along and say, "No", as though the book were Kryptonite. It's only a two-letter word, but it says a mouthful. And it's attitudes like that which alienate me from so many eager-to-shock, uninformed, mindlessly partisan student 'activists'. I realize mine is an unpopular position.
posted by dhoyt at 10:46 PM on April 1, 2005


Rest assured, dhoyt, there are plenty of folks on the left - at WMU and elsewhere - who share your "unpopular position" on this one.
posted by mediareport at 3:59 PM on April 2, 2005


I realize mine is an unpopular position.

To paraphrase Bob Dylan, watch waterfalls of self-pity flow..

Oh, you brave, brave man, standing up against the crowd once more--the vast left-wing conspiracy of silence is at it once more... Some loser splashes salad dressing on a cable TV blowhard and it's gonna elect Jeb Bush by a Mugabe landslide. Oh, yeah, right. No hyperbole there. Man, you have to make yourself right by making some lefty wrong wrong so hard that you pick up on some loser who get's his ass on TV and then paint it like this is what protest is in the double 00's. As if.

But you didn't vote for Bush. You voted for Kerry. Well, whoopty-do.

So, you tilt against windmills of your own device on a community weblog and bookmark nofundy comments, count troutfishing posts and Google Anton Riviera, taking notes on member after member, maintaining dossiers on us all. Oh, the outrage! Well, you showed us! Because of nofundy, Bush got re-elected!!!!

Man, you are pathetic. All you do is make personal attacks on fellow members in the sake of some cause which I can't figure out except for it being an excuse for you to attack people. By name. Over and over and over.

Why don't you get your own weblog? Say, MetaFilterWatch ? Then you could list every daily horror instead of beating the same dead horse into a pool of nacreous protoplasm here every chance you get in both the blue and the grey. Over and over and over. Jesus Christ, for a brief shining moment today, you were comment #1 in both kmtharakan's post and mediareport's MetaTalk post about it! Man, that is over-roadkill to the nth power. Put a sock in in it, Mr. Hair Up a Gnat's Ass Hall Monitor. You are Johnny One Note Bore Numero Uno with your generic self-righteous Outrage.
posted by y2karl at 8:16 PM on April 2, 2005


An empty appartment Window Slowly opens… a small Girl (dressed in jeans, a purple denim jacket and a red bandana tied to her leg left just above the knee) Picks up her golden retriever puppy and helps it through the window, pulls herself into the empty appartment. Picking up her puppy she sits on an empty chair in the middle of the room sets the puppy on the chair and reaches over to turn on a lamp next to the chair and sits down next to her puppy.

Punky: (talking to the puppy) Well Brandon, another day… another dollar!

Theres a knock on the apartment door, Punky rushes to it and opens it up slowly to see who it is, another girl slowly creeps inside with a small bag behind her back.

Cherie: Hi Punky!

Punky: Hi Cherie.

Outside the appartment in the hallway a Woman cries out.

Mrs. Johnson: Cherie! (She looks around) Cherie! (Getting closer to the empty appartment door she taps on it) Cherie? You in there fat butt? Cherie!

Henry: Mrs. Johnson stop yelling, (as he walks up the hallway) your not only waking the dead your making them glad their dead.

Mrs. Johnson: Henry, there might be someone in that appartment. I thought I heard a noise in there yesterday.

Henry: it’s vacant.

Mrs. Johnson: well somebody could of broken in you know. A tramp, Escaped convict… a sex maniac! Just waiting to grab a voluminous woman.

Henry looks her up and down.

Henry: You’re safe.

Back in the empty appartment

Both girls sit on the floor, Brandon lays on the chair.

Cherie: You know what Punky… You’re my idol.

Punky: I am?

Cherie: Yeah just think, you got your own appartment. You can stay up as long as you like, and you don’t have to go to school… you’re the youngest grown up I know.

Punky: Thanks Cherie. But, you’ve got something I don’t.

Cherie: What?

Punky: A family.

Cherie: Just my Grandma, and she snores like a buzz saw [she snorts]

Outside the appartment

Mrs. Johnson: And another thing, that dryer downstairs is still busted, do you know that I had to hang a clothesline from my window over to the telegraph pole… and the local hoodlums been spray painting my underwear.

Henry: They could spray paint a novel on your underwear.

Mrs. Johnson: Henry!

Henry: Alright, alright, I’ll get the dryer fixed.

Mrs. Johnson heads back up the stairs

Mrs. Johnson: Cherie!

Back in the appartment

Cherie and Punky are by the door listening, Cherie slaps Punky on the shoulder.

Cherie: shhh

Outside the appartment

Henry opens his appartment door and goes inside, Cherie sneaks out of the door and closes it quietly leaving quickly up the stairs. Henry spots her on her way up.

Back in the empty appartment, Punky’s singing and dancing

Punky: She’s a maniac, manic on the floor! And she’s dancing like shes never danced [Henry walks in on her, she spins around] before oh… uh oh!

Henry: Who are you?

Punky: Im Punky Brewster, and who are you?

Henry: Im the manager of this building, Henry Warnimont.

Punky: Nice to meet ya Hank!

Henry: Im not a Hank, Im a Henry, what are you doing here?

Punky: My husband and I are looking for an appartment.

Henry doesn’t look impressed; Punky knows he didn’t fall for it

Henry: Ok cut the charade…

Punky: Stop! Its only far to warn you, that this is an attack dog… you come near me he’ll chew you to pieces.

Brandon licks his lips

Henry: Gimme a break, that dog couldn’t chew soup! Now let’s get back to you. Did you run away from home?

Punky keeps tight lipped

Henry: Don’t clam up on me young lady, answer the question! [He points his finger at her]

Punky: You’ll never make me say anything I don’t want to [pointing her finger at Henry] even if you shove my head in a nutcracker and [wagging her finger at him] make me eat lime a beans! [She nods her head in satisfaction]

Henry: You hungry?

Punky: Depends.

Henry: On what?

Punky: Why asking?

Henry: Im just asking.

Punky: How come?

Henry: Im curious.

Punky: How come?

Henry: Because I am.

Punky: How come!

Henry goes to grab her

Punky: Sick him! [Brandon just looks]

Henry: Look, im going to fix myself some dinner. You can join me… if you want to. [He leaves but looks over his shoulder at Punky. She stands there thinking about it.

Henry walks into his appartment and hangs his keys on a nail by the door; Punky comes out of the empty appartment with Brandon on a rope for a leash. Henry heads into his kitchen, Punky peeps her head round the corner of Henry’s appartment door and so does Brandon. They both walk through the living room and stop before opening the kitchen door.

Punky: Well Brandon, we gotta trust somebody sometime.

They go into the kitchen under the swing door

Henry: Do you want milk or juice?

Punky: What kinda juice?

Henry: ive got green just and ive got brown juice.

Punky: Whats the difference?

Henry: 2 weeks.

Punky: I’ll have milk please.

Henry: Want me to fix you a meal.

Punky: You can cook?

Henry gets out 2 microwaveable dinners out of his freezer and hits them together

Henry: Im an expert.

Punky laughs

She heads out back into the living room and over to a desk where the telephone is, she pulls her finger across it then looks at the dust on her finger

Punky: Yuck!

She then walks over to all the photographs that are on Henrys wall. Henry comes out of the kitchen with a pipe in his mouth and looks over at Punky

Punky: Did you take these pictures?

Henry: That’s my job, im a photographer.

Punky: I like them… you know why?

Henry: Why?

Punky: You can look at the people and tell how they feel.

Henry: Like I said it’s my job.

Punky sits next to Henry on the couch

Punky: you must care a lot about people.

Henry: Nope.

Punky: That’s kinda sad.

Henry: What do you know, your just a child… you havent even learnt how to match your shoes yet.

Punky: I have two different feet… why shouldn’t I wear two different shoes.

Henry: Alright… wheres your family Punky?

Punky: My father walked out on us.

Henry: Wheres your mother?

Punky: I don’t know.

Henry: You don’t know?

Punky: A couple of weeks ago my mom said we were going on a trip, so we piled up in our car and drove here to Chicago. Mom parked the car at a shopping centre and went in.

Henry: Yes?

Punky: She never came back.

Henry: Oh [looking concerned]

Punky: Maybe my Mom just forgot about me, people forget things all the time right? But one day she’ll come back for me and we’ll live happily ever after in a big mansion… with bunk beds!

Henry: Have you been living in that empty appartment all this time?

Punky: Yeah, by the way the dryer downstairs is busted.

Henry looks at her as if to say he knows

Henry: Well im going to call the police, so they can track down your mother… we cant have a little girl living in an empty appartment and you certainly cannot stay here. So I’ll call a detective friend of mine and tell him that you’re [he looks at her] asleep… Why me.

Next day at Henrys studio

An old lady sits on a chair dressed up in front of a blue backdrop; Henry is stood behind his camera ready to take her picture

Henry: All set… smile Agnes [he takes the photo]

Agnes: Oh Henry! You’re an absolute hunk! Everytime I look at you I get… I get the sweats.

Henry: Agnes! Don’t say things like that.

Agnes: I know whats holding you back, Ive been married five times and all 5 of those bozos up and died on me. But I swear, they all went with smiles on their faces.

Henry: Thank you Agnes, It’ll be ready Thursday.

Agnes: Thursday… and when will you be ready?

Henry: Im sorry Agnes, but your much too much Woman for me.

Agnes: Ok, but it’s your loss. [She leaves]

The telephone rings, Henry picks it up

Henry: Hello? Gene bout time you called back, have you found Punky’s mother yet? No… you’re a lousy detective Gene, couldn’t find a moose in a phone booth. Try your computer search system; if you can’t locate the woman by the end of the day, then I’ll bring Punky to you… Thanks bye Gene [he hangs up and puts his glasses on then sits down at his desk] Hospitals, Hospitals.

The door opens and Mrs. Johnson bursts in scaring Henry

Mrs. Johnson: Hi Henry!!

Henry: What do you want?

Mrs. Johnson: I brought you two bonified customers… [She leans out of the door and yells up the street] Girls! And remember now were sophisticated ladies.

Mrs. Johnson walks into the shop with a flaunt, Punky follows and walks in with a posh flaunt too shes all dressed up with huge high heels on that look way too big for her feet. Cherie walks in twirling her feather boa in her hand but almost falls down the step into the shop.

Henry: I don’t have time for this, im running a business here!

Mrs. Johnson: I hate to tell you the news Henry, but aint nobody in here but us.

Henry: Im trying to track down Punky’s mother… now I want you all to vacate the premises!

Punky: Henry, were not after a freebie… were paying customers. Here is a quarter enough?

Henry: A quarter? No!

Punky: Ok I’ll give you my Mr. T whistle.

Henry: Im not gonna take your Mr. T whistle, however [he looks at the quarter and puts it in his pocket] I’ll just take one picture.

Photos pop up one by one of them all, first Cherie and Punky dressed up, Cherie and her Grandma, Punky and Mrs. Johnson. Cherie, Mrs. Johnson and Punky, then three of Punky by herself. One of Henrys grumpy face, and the last one with Punky on Henry’s shoulders as shes pulling his cheeks back to make him smile.

In Henry’s Kitchen

Punky’s doing the dishes, shes on her last one but can’t find anything to dry it with so she rubs it on her jeans. Placing it on the dish rack.

Punky: Ok the dishes are done, Hey Brandon hows the floor polishing coming along?

Brandon’s got sponges attached to his front paws with soap covered on them

Punky: You missed a few spots, but you did good. Considering you’re a dog, I know house cleanings hard work, but if were gonna stay with Henry till my mom comes back. Were gonna have to earn our keep [she pats him on the head] ok? [She pats him a second time] ok! Well lets see I think everything in heres clean… oops I forgot to wash that window [she points to the window above the sink runs over to it and turns on the tap spraying the window with the hose] ok that’s done.

Out in the appartment hallway, Henry walks up and Mrs. Johnson’s waiting for him on the stairs.

Mrs. Johnson: Hey Henry!

Henry: yes.

Mrs. Johnson: The dryer downstairs is still busted… and heres what happens when I have to dry my clothes outsides [she shows him one of her night dresses]

Henry: Julio eighty four… I see Julio knows your dress size.

Mrs., Johnson: Hey Henry.

Henry: Yes.

Mrs. Johnson: Did you find Punky’s Mother?

Henry: Not a trace, so im going to hand Punky over to the department for children and family services.

Mrs. Johnson: Well maybe they could fix it where Punky could live with you.

Henry: [laughs] that’s a good one, Punky living with me… are you serious? [Mrs. Johnson nods] but that’s impossible it would never work out. Punky’s so young, bubbly; full of life. Im old, tired and full of prunes.

Mrs. Johnson: Now look Henry, you’re all alone in this world and so is that little girl. Now it’s none of my business but I think you two would be good for each other.

In Henry’s appartment

Punky’s singing and dancing

Punky: Shes a maniac, maniac on the floor [she shakes the duster in front of Brandon whos sat on the chair, he grabs it and tugs with her] and shes dancing like shes never danced before… shes a maniac, maniac on the floor [Henry walks inside in amazement] and shes dusting like shes… Hi Henry!

Henry looks around to see the whole appartment cleaned up

Henry: what in the world possesed you to clean up my appartment?!

Punky: Whats wrong with it?

Henry: Whats wrong with it? I’ll tell you whats wrong with it, its neat, orderly, organized.

Punky: Henry theres a moldy half eaten pizza under the couch… sick!

Henry notices his pipes on the coffee table, he picks one up. Tips it upside down and detergent comes out of it

Punky: Uh oh.

Henry: You washed my pipes!

Punky: They were filthy inside!

Henry: Their supposed to be filthy inside… their pipes! Now their ruined.

Punky: The vain on your forehead is throbbing.

Henry takes off his hat and walks over to the closet

Punky: There were a few things lying around so I put most of it…

Henry opens the closet door and it all spills out

Punky: In there.

Henry: Sit down Punky.

She jumps over the arm of the couch and sits down.

The telephone rings, Henry answers it

Henry: hello! No Agnes I do not wish to go break dancing tonight! I’ll see you Thursday. Goodnight. [He hangs up]

Henry heads towards the kitchen but notices a poster stuck on the kitchen door of Michael Jackson. He looks at Punky and she nods in approval

Henry: Now look here Punky, hold it! Whats that doing there?

Punky: I found it back behind a closet, it’s a great picture.

Henry grabs it as he sits down and clutches it to his chest

Henry: Nobody sees this picture, understand? Nobody!

Punky: Who is it?

Henry: It’s my wife Claudia; she died a year after we were married.

Punky: Shes beautiful, you must miss her a lot. My Mom used to say it’s good to be reminded of the people you love.

Henry: It hurts to look at her picture.

Punky: Can I ask you something?

Henry: What!

Punky: If you ever let yourself feel sad, how do you ever feel happy?

Henry: Nevermind the subjects closed, we were talking about you anyway, and it’s obvious you want to stick around for a while, but why here with me?

Punky: I like you.

Henry: You Do?

Punky: I Know. I must be nuts! But… I think underneath your grumpy ness is… more grumpy ness. But underneath the bottom grumpy ness… is a good guy, well sorta.

Henry: Im too old and set in my ways to have a child around, im sorry you can’t stay.

Punky gets off the couch

Punky: Ok [she takes hold of Brandon’s leash] Bye.

Henry: Hold it, you’ll stay here then tomorrow morning I’ll take you down to the department for children and family services.

Punky: what’ll happen to me there?

Henry: They’ll find you a foster home.

Punky: But I don’t even know the fosters.

Henry: Punky.

Punky: Im leaving [she opens the door]

Henry: Hold it!

Punky: You know, I must be a terrible person. First my father leaves, then my Mother ditches me. Now you’re trying to get rid of me, nobody wants me around. [She hangs her head down] Well that’s ok cause I don’t need anybody I can take care of myself. [She closes the door and leaves with Brandon]

Henry: Punky! Come back here... Punky! [He rushes out the door to find her]

Sometime passes and it starts to rain, Henry walks up the hallway sopping wet, he walks back into his appartment and takes the picture of him and Punky out of the paper bag he looks at it. Then sets it down on the desk by the phone, he then looks at the picture of his wife and sets it next to the picture of him and Punky. He heads of to bed when the kitchen door swings open

Punky: Hi Henry!

Henry turns around and looks angry at her

Henry: Punky!

Punky: I thought it out, im gonna give you one more chance.

Henry: I was out for three and a half hours looking for you, where have you been?

Punky: Right here! It was raining outside… im surprised you went out looking for me. You said you didn’t care about people.

Henry: Go to bed! [Pointing to the couch]

Punky: Ok [she bounces on the couch, lies down and Henry covers her with a blanket]

Punky: Henry… do I have to leave tomorrow, are you taking me down to the department for children?

Henry: I have to… but I’ll try and arrange it so you can stay here till we find your Mother.

Punky: Thanks Henry… Night!

Henry: Goodnight… Sweet dreams.

Henry turns off the light and heads off to bed

Punky shoots upright on the couch

Punky: YIPPEE!

Henry: QUIET!

Punky: [whispering] yippee! [She lays back down… then gets up to say a prayer] uh god… its me Punky… Brewster! Could you please! Please help me find my Mom and really quick, and in the meantime thanks for sending me Henry. When he takes me down to the service department for children, will you give me a sign that everythings gonna be alright?

[Theres a loud crash of thunder and light outside]

Punky looks confused

Punky: Is that a yes or a no?

TO BE CONTINUED…
posted by dhoyt at 12:06 AM on April 3, 2005


dhoyt writes "Punky: The vain on your forehead is throbbing."

dhoyt, is Punky describing your forehead and "you're vain" (sic)?
posted by orthogonality at 10:24 AM on April 3, 2005


a balanced chap like wfrgms might suggest actually reading one of Buchanan's books to understand him better, there will still always be someone practicing enough willful ignorance to come along and say, "No", as though the book were Kryptonite

so i take it my appeal to leave me alone has gone unfulfilled.

your supercilious idiocies are difficult to ignore, believe me, but i've tried. no longer.

since when do i have to take reading recommendations from wfgrms? since when does anyone have to take suggestions (or in this case, commands) from anyone?

to you, douchebag, merely refusing to read the fevered ramblings of a swine like buchanan is "willful ignorance," which, come to think of it, would be a great title for any pat buchanan or karl potente ejaculations.

btw, if that book is "kryptonite," wouldn't that make me superman? i'm flattered, asshole.

dhoyt, you're an idiot, and a shrill, annoying one at that. i'm quite sure you're aware of this, especially if you comport yourself in real life in the same fashion as you do here. i've asked you to leave me alone; you can't or won't.

so it seems you'd like yet another nasty and antagonistic relationship with someone of the demonic left.

well, m'friend, you've got one. fuckhead.
posted by Hat Maui at 1:09 PM on April 3, 2005


Wow.

I mean...all those warm feelings after reading the entire first episode of Punky Brewster, and then...jeez.

Heh.

taking notes on member after member, maintaining dossiers on us all.

Holy SHIT.

I had toyed around with switching my username to something with a little more gravity, namely, my last name. But if Buchanan has toadies in this place keeping dossiers on us, I'll stick with my Tolkien reference. Besides, it's not like I'm really hiding anything, anyway.

Hat, we haven't always agreed on everything in the past, and I've been far from civil with you. But I agree whole heartedly. I fucking hate it when some pompous ass attempts to justify their faulty logic by accusing others of not having read sufficient material. "Have you read the Bible? I have. Six times. By my fifth birthday. So don't try and talk about the Pope." Blah.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 3:49 PM on April 3, 2005


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