Still a dick, only now there's two of them

April 26, 2005 8:13 AM

How about a little deus ex machina to lighten up your Tuesday? By now, we all know that Superman is a dick. Did you also know that he was a crypto fascist who was not above a little water supply tampering?
Apparently, even for superman, being super smart does not make you super wise [via]
posted by Capn (21 comments total)

Wait. [from "being super smart..." link] If Superman (Blue or otherwise) goes to New Krypton and his powers go away, wouldn't Lois Lane be crushed from the gravity? And what's with the dog in the cape?

Also, Pepsi Blue comment in 5... 4... 3..
posted by dammitjim at 8:45 AM on April 26, 2005

Duh! Superman does not-not have powers on Krypton because everything is harder on Krypton, he get's his powers from EARTH'S YELLOW SUN!

Also, Pepsi Blue comment in 5... 4... 3..
You have uncovered my elaborate scheme to sell more Superman comics from the 60's.
posted by Capn at 8:48 AM on April 26, 2005

Nothing like a trip down memory lane to remind you just how desperate/silly comics got at times.
posted by mystyk at 8:48 AM on April 26, 2005

Also, Pepsi Blue comment in 5... 4... 3..
Sorry...I didn't see it on preview...

Comics of Superman Blue and Cans of Pepsi Blue...two things you were likely to find in clearance bins within a week of release.
posted by mystyk at 8:52 AM on April 26, 2005

didn't the Fantastic Four get involved in a very complicated (and frankly silly) parallel-universe scenario, too?
posted by matteo at 8:56 AM on April 26, 2005

didn't the Fantastic Four get involved in a very complicated (and frankly silly) parallel-universe scenario, too?
posted by matteo at 10:56 AM CST on April 26 [!]

Parallel-universes are bread and butter to the FF, but they usually make for decent stories. You might be thinking of the "Heroes Reborn" fiasco, though, where the FF were kicked into some "pocket universe" so that they could be made over into kewl new Image Comics-style heroes.
posted by COBRA! at 9:02 AM on April 26, 2005

Oh, and check out the bottom panel here, where Supergirl is releasing G. Gordon Liddy from the Phantom Zone.
posted by COBRA! at 9:05 AM on April 26, 2005

And what's with the dog in the cape?

If you think the dog is silly, wait until you hear about the horse, the cat and the monkey.
posted by Goblindegook at 9:15 AM on April 26, 2005

This is eating up way too much of my morning...oops, afternoon, too...guess I'm really pulling a boner!
posted by 1016 at 9:15 AM on April 26, 2005

My ultimate goal in my life is to have the opportunity to say out of nowhere, "No problem, my robots will take care of all the catastrophes!"
posted by Stan Chin at 9:26 AM on April 26, 2005

Krypto the Superdog: Weekdays at 9 AM and 4:30 PM, only on Cartoon Network!
posted by designbot at 9:41 AM on April 26, 2005

Superman could fly to Bangkok on his lunch break, so that's kind of cool.
posted by Slagman at 10:24 AM on April 26, 2005

The comic book cover I thought I'd completely made up until the web came about.
posted by ontic at 11:25 AM on April 26, 2005

Let's not forget the incredibly awesome Supermobile!
posted by Smart Dalek at 11:29 AM on April 26, 2005

"Now listen, you queer, you stop calling me a crypto-Nazi or I'll sock you in the goddamn face and you'll stay plastered."
posted by crunchland at 11:33 AM on April 26, 2005

Superman was never infallible - in fact, in many major comics he is a kind of joke. In The Dark Knight Returns, he is a government tool with no sense of right or wrong, and Batman has to take him on. That comic, by the way, is incredibly badass.

p.s. Apache just came on... now the bongo solo
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 11:42 AM on April 26, 2005

ontic: that is a great cover. I love the version of Superman w/a Wonder Woman lasso.
posted by bove at 12:02 PM on April 26, 2005

This is a >choke< em>great post!!!
posted by keswick at 12:06 PM on April 26, 2005

Capn, I regret to inform you that superman's power of flight is not derived from the yellow sun, but from the fact that Krypton has a much higher gravity than earth. From Superman #1

"Superman came to Earth from the planet Krypton, whose inhabitants had evolved, after millions of years, to physical perfection. The smaller size of our planet, with its slighter gravity pull, assists Super-man s tremendous muscles in the performances of miraculous feats of strength."

This is why, initially, Superman was able to only leap tall buildings in a single bound (specifically, leap 1/8th of a mile or jump a 20 story building - action comics), but eventually he could bathe in the sun and throw planets like baseballs. The exact levels get retconned every once in a while for the hell of it.

The upshot of all this is, generally speaking, Kryptonian gravity would crush Lois Lane like a little bug, unless she was wearing anti-gravity boots, as she has done on occasion. I an only assume in the picture the anti-grav FM boots of yore have been replaced by the more stylish strapless heels pictured.
posted by Sparx at 2:24 PM on April 26, 2005

I thought Superman's power of flight came from him just being able to will himself to fly, or something silly like that?
posted by Orange Goblin at 3:31 PM on April 26, 2005

Yes, because that makes sense ;-)
posted by Sparx at 4:07 PM on April 26, 2005