Building character through nude punishment
June 16, 2005 6:32 PM   Subscribe

Do it NOW! Drop and give me twenty! My Ohio gym teacher/master included nude swats from his wooden "paddle" on naked wet behinds as punishment for trivial transgressions.
posted by longsleeves (32 comments total)

This post was deleted for the following reason: as fascinating as nude push-ups are, this needs more than one link to amazon

Why is this on metafilter?
posted by LittleMissCranky at 6:38 PM on June 16, 2005

I like how the title of the book, Sam's Fight for Justice: School's Shocking Secret Naked Push-Ups for Punishement includes a pretty ridiculous misspelling, but other than that I'm not sure why this is here. Am I missing something?
posted by dersins at 6:40 PM on June 16, 2005

*makes everyone do naked push-ups for complaining*
posted by jonmc at 6:43 PM on June 16, 2005

Spank me baby one more time.
posted by caddis at 6:43 PM on June 16, 2005

Want a spanking, jonmc?
posted by LittleMissCranky at 6:50 PM on June 16, 2005

Want a spanking, jonmc?

Will you put on a Wonder Woman costume?
posted by jonmc at 6:56 PM on June 16, 2005

dersins, it's not misspelled. Punishement is like punishment, but more olde-schoole (hence the smacking naked buttocks). The victims should just be glad that they didn't receive punishemente, or, Lord help them, Ye Olde Punnishemente Uponne Ye Buttockes Most Nude.

jonmc: will a Wilma Deering costume do?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:07 PM on June 16, 2005

This post is building character through bad post punishment...or something.
posted by OmieWise at 7:07 PM on June 16, 2005

jonmc: will a Wilma Deering costume do?

An Uhura outfit, maybe?
posted by jonmc at 7:10 PM on June 16, 2005

Hmmm. . . self-published misspelled drivel on Amazon with several lengthy comments taking it terribly seriously . . . can you say self-promotion, anyone?
posted by Peach at 7:11 PM on June 16, 2005

Will you put on a Wonder Woman costume?

An Uhura outfit, maybe?

I've just gazed far deeper into jonmc's soul than I would ever care to. Way. Way. Way too much information.

*scrubs out brain*
posted by loquacious at 7:25 PM on June 16, 2005

hey, loquacious, just about every straight man of my age bracket had his libido awakened by Lynda Carter in that outfit, or Daisy Duke. It's how we realized that we were heterosexuals. So don't be playa hatin'.
posted by jonmc at 7:28 PM on June 16, 2005

You really need to explain this post better, longsleeves; I'm sure I'm not the only one waiting. Are you aware of the particulars of the case in question? Because this looks sketchy as hell:

In a small, unnamed town in Indiana, Sam and his family found the kind of intolerant and physically abusive treatment that most of us associate with totalitarian countries. Sam teased another boy into thinking that Sam might snap a towel at the boy after a shower in P.E. class. The boy yelled. The P.E. teacher came running and upon his arrival ordered Sam to do 20 push-ups naked over a drain while the other boys taunted him as some kind of "pervert."

[...] I hope that reporters will read this book, and retell the story . . . including naming the names that Ms. Herron did not in her book (to avoid a possible libel suit). If any reporter wants to contact me, I'll be glad to send my copy for free to her or him.

C'mon, longsleeves. Give us some context. Surely this has been reported somewhere. And if the only thing you have to offer is this page, you should probably rethink your idea of a MeFi front page post.
posted by mediareport at 7:30 PM on June 16, 2005

Hey jonmc - forced group showers in gym class were how every gay man of my age bracket had his libido awakened. We looked to Lynda Carter for our cultural identity.
posted by Nelson at 7:33 PM on June 16, 2005

Ha! A gay cubemate of mine told me the same thing just the other day. This could be the Rosetta Stone that finally brings gay and straight together, dude. Either that or softball.
posted by jonmc at 7:35 PM on June 16, 2005

Lynda carter, I mean, not the forced showers thing.
posted by jonmc at 7:36 PM on June 16, 2005

An Uhura outfit, maybe?

Well, I've got gogo boots. Will that do?

You really liked Uhura better than Janice Rand, or whoever Teri Garr played? More than the Orion Slave Girl, for Kirk's sake? Huh. Uhura was always so... businesslike. And everyone knows T'Pau was the Ultimate Star Trek Hottie... she really knew what she was doing
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:45 PM on June 16, 2005

Well, I've got gogo boots. Will that do?

Jeez, I didn't know I was such a popular spanking target with the ladies. Will you sing "These Boots Are Made For Walking?"

whoever Teri Garr played?

mmm, Terri Garr, one of the original MILFs. But Uhura was a hottie, yes.
posted by jonmc at 7:47 PM on June 16, 2005

It's your vigorous campaigning for hairy underarms.

I was thinking more Barbarella. I'm old-school, beeeyotch.
posted by LittleMissCranky at 7:52 PM on June 16, 2005

How about Ellie Mae from The beverly Hillbillies. That's as old school as it gets. Or maybe Mary Tyler Moore in those sexy capris?
posted by jonmc at 7:57 PM on June 16, 2005

I was thinking that what is described in the book amounts to state sanctioned child abuse, and the reaction to the uppity newbies by the chigger-state town mice was very....I don't know. Human, I guess.
posted by longsleeves at 8:18 PM on June 16, 2005

We could work something out. I look killer in a pageboy.
posted by LittleMissCranky at 8:23 PM on June 16, 2005

This is pretty funny. I guess the author isn't aware that a couple of generations ago group swims in school were nude. When will all the prudes get shriveled is what I want to know?
posted by filchyboy at 8:24 PM on June 16, 2005

Longsleeves a bunch of pushups for breaking the rules does not equate with state sanctioned child abuse. Seriously, get over it.
posted by filchyboy at 8:25 PM on June 16, 2005

Heh. Sorry. Complete derail.

Air traffic control school. IFR. I was in simulation with Jason (long-haired drummer dude who looked like the bus driver from the Simpson's). So we're practicing, pretty early on, to guage distances and speeds, and I'm giving orders while he's inputting commands (very rudimentary simulation. far more advanced once we get further into complicated scenarios). Well, he has a brain fart and when I order an aircraft up to a certain altitude -- with no room for errror, as another would cross paths with it soon -- he's like "But --" and I snap back "DO IT NOW!"

Not exactly proper phraseology, but it got the plane moving.

yes, I've been drinking. what of it?
posted by dreamsign at 8:31 PM on June 16, 2005


Makes more sense than this link.
posted by maryh at 9:25 PM on June 16, 2005

My favorite quote from the reviews:

Wow!!! To say that Sam's Fight for Justice had an impact on me would be like saying cartoons are kinda fun. I think you get the point!!!

Wow, indeed.
posted by mr_roboto at 10:04 PM on June 16, 2005

A powerfully story of one family's struggle against nudity! A must read for young adults and their parents! Little Muslim children causing trouble! Naked football drills!

Sam's mom published a book about his shame. Ha ha ha.
posted by thirteenkiller at 10:30 PM on June 16, 2005

mr_roboto, thank you very much for extracting something of comedic value from this otherwise very poor post.
posted by greasepig at 10:53 PM on June 16, 2005

Homo-erotic, much? This would be perfect Kids in the Hall sketch, staring of course, Scott Thompson (he's the gay one, LOL)

Tongue placed firmly in cheek.
posted by Livewire Confusion at 1:31 AM on June 17, 2005

Not exactly proper phraseology, but it got the plane moving.

You could have yelled, "Expedite, motherfucker!!"

Hmm. Samuel L. Jackson, Air Traffic Controller.

"What part of "immediate" are we having trouble with, United? Get off my motherfucking Alpha Bridge, taxi your fat ass to 27L, and get the fuck off my airport!"

(Continues throwing switch, shows hiball to train, sending thread to who knows where?)

Apparently, the big word at ORD ATCT is "Beautiful." UA 737 is #1 for 22L, the line stretches to the L concourse. The UA bird gets a position and hold, and says "Uhh, can't comply, we've got a fault." "Beautiful."

(mental shuffle occurs)

"UA Something Else, can you get to the runway?"
"Yeah, if you move about three planes."
"Gimme a sec."

Rapid string of orders follows, an Eagle RJ scoots across the pad and cuts into line onto 27L, an AA757 moves up, and then the tower asks "UA XXXX, can you make the runway now?"

"Yeah, if I can cut across the pad"

"Can you take an immediate?"

"Yeah!" (pause, remembers protocol) "United XXX"

"Okay, get on the gas and hold on.." Another spate of orders, hands off the Eagle to the controller running 27L, tells the broken UA plane to not move, and waits. An RJ lands on 22L, and

"United XXX, taxi direct 22L expedite, expect immediate departure, company traffic 3 miles out. UAL XX, clear to land 22L, winds 180 at three, one departure for your arrival. (the UA bird makes it to the runway", UA XXX, left turn to heading 090, stay on my frequency for one more turn, clear to takeoff, immediate!)

UA XXX, having already scooted onto the runway with some alacrity, quickly gets off the runway. Very shortly thereafter, the UA inbound lands. "UA XXX, left turn to 120, contact O'Hare Departure on 127.25, Beautiful job." "O'Hare, left to 120, 27.25, nicely done, good night.

(Realizes that he's on Metafilter, thrown downtrack switch to try and rerail thread.)

So, Jonmc, would you settle for a shower full of naked Lynda Carters doing pushups while they spank you?

(Oops. Wrong switch.)

(Glossary: "ATCT: Air Traffic Control Tower, ORD: Chicago O'Hare: Expedite: "Please move quickly." Immediate: "Move, motherfucker!" Company Foo: Same airline as you. 22L, 27L -- runways at O'Hare. Pad: a place to park planes when they can't go anywhere. Jonmc: dreaming of the lasso of truth. eriko: needs to work on these long info dumps, and possibly consider new meds. Douglas Hofstader: this defintion no verb. Derail: What this glossary just did.)
posted by eriko at 5:10 AM on June 17, 2005

I'm naked.
posted by thirteenkiller at 5:30 AM on June 17, 2005

« Older Kerry Skarbakka falls   |   Animating Wikipedia Histories Newer »

This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments