If there's a party at her house get really drunk and pass out in her bed

July 7, 2005 3:59 PM

The Rules of Hipster Dating insites into "The Real World, and other dispatches from The Jesus of Failure.
posted by dial-tone (68 comments total)

insights
posted by dial-tone at 3:59 PM on July 7, 2005

Are you fucking kidding me?
posted by ghastlyfop at 4:11 PM on July 7, 2005

Jeezus, that writing is nearly as insipid as Jason Kottke's.
posted by keswick at 4:16 PM on July 7, 2005

Wow, you know I was just saying to myself that what MeFi needs is someone to really breakdown MTV's The Real World so that cool but busy people like me can stay on top of the latest and lamest action.

Why did you post this? Because I'm smelling a self-link here but haven't been able to verify it yet. I can't see any other reason because its not funny or even very well written.
posted by fenriq at 4:20 PM on July 7, 2005

It's not a self-link. I thought it was interesting and worth attention, but apparently that's just me.
posted by dial-tone at 4:24 PM on July 7, 2005

I get shit on by those type of fuckers every single day, whether I'm aware of it or not. My ultra negative view of hipsters is based in all of this. I hate them because they hate me. I'll never be good enough for them until I loose a hundred pounds. Fuck them....

Right. I love nothing more than reading puerile, bitter rants about the state of modern relationships written by some guy who just can't get laid and who just can't contain his rage over those who are, like, getting some action. Not interesting, not worth attention. Better luck next post.
posted by jokeefe at 4:33 PM on July 7, 2005

Who am I supposed to hate again? My eyes glazed over about three sentences into that stupid shit.

So. What's a hipster? Seems like that dude was pretty determined seem "hip".

I'm 42 so this may be after my vernacular formed and solidified in my neocortex.

Are they like the antipathy of jocks... or...wait, are they like the people that just THINK their hip when dudes like that super-sincere blogger actually KNOW what's "Street".
posted by tkchrist at 4:39 PM on July 7, 2005

Aww. You found your first bitter blog lashing out at "hipsters."
I can't fucking wait until there's another word for 'em. That's what bothers me....
posted by klangklangston at 4:41 PM on July 7, 2005

Sorry dial-tone, it's just you. That was awful.
posted by nixerman at 4:49 PM on July 7, 2005

But then something hit me, something important. Said attractive female friend prolly has never FACED the full forced brunt of evil hipster-dom. Why is this?

Brunts are not measured by fractions of force-dom.

On the bright side, he did use the word "dipfucker". I will use that word at the SF meetup tonight, if I can make it. Dipfuckers unite!
posted by metaculpa at 4:54 PM on July 7, 2005

klangklangston: There is another word. Trendnik.
posted by Captaintripps at 4:55 PM on July 7, 2005

I recall being that age (early 20's I guess)
It's because young people - if they are smart - need the self sabotage to delay the big committments. Is all part of that stage. Its called being in the right/wrong place at the right/wrong time, that's all.
Who knows, but makes me want to Bring Back the Dandy Warhols
posted by celerystick at 4:55 PM on July 7, 2005

when dudes like that super-sincere blogger actually KNOW what's "Street".

Well, Sesame Street, maybe.
posted by jonmc at 4:55 PM on July 7, 2005

Would the last person out of "blogosphere" please turn out the lights? kthxbai
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 5:01 PM on July 7, 2005

Err, trendnik.
posted by Captaintripps at 5:02 PM on July 7, 2005

ONLY RARELY IN USE?!
(I was more hoping for the mainstream media to latch upon something else... but you take what you can get, I guess).
posted by klangklangston at 5:19 PM on July 7, 2005

I thought the first article was pretty bad and for some reason unknown to me went to the main page.

It's not a self-link, but this guy's pulling for the attention of all the MeFites and I feel dirty.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 5:23 PM on July 7, 2005

The phone was ringing. I picked it up and all got was the fucking dial-tone.

As was said, better luck next time.
posted by snsranch at 5:37 PM on July 7, 2005

that was sorta crap, but he made some salient points IMHO. also "douche-scrote" is my new favorite term of endearment insult.
posted by gnutron at 5:56 PM on July 7, 2005

the hipster backlash backlash is peaking. soon the hipster backlash backlash backlash will begin. i can't wait!
posted by mrgrimm at 6:03 PM on July 7, 2005

*lashes own back just to be safe*
posted by jonmc at 6:17 PM on July 7, 2005

You'll be first up against the wall when the backlash backlashing begins, motherfucker.
posted by interrobang at 6:44 PM on July 7, 2005

can we please call it by its proper name, the hipster lashback?
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 6:49 PM on July 7, 2005

Wasn't most of what he said covered in the Tao of Steve?
posted by Pollomacho at 7:01 PM on July 7, 2005

You'll be first up against the wall when the backlash backlashing begins, motherfucker.

Hello wall, (Hello, hello.)
How'd things go for you today?
posted by jonmc at 7:07 PM on July 7, 2005

Your paranoia is showing, jon.
posted by interrobang at 7:15 PM on July 7, 2005

interrobang, all in all, you're just another brick in the wall...
posted by jonmc at 7:19 PM on July 7, 2005

How can you have any pudding when you don't eat your own meat?
posted by interrobang at 7:21 PM on July 7, 2005

I'm 22, and I hate hipsters a whole ton.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 7:22 PM on July 7, 2005

How can you have any pudding when you don't eat your own meat?

The snak-paks make it so convenient.
posted by jonmc at 7:24 PM on July 7, 2005

So does the self-satisfaction.
posted by interrobang at 7:25 PM on July 7, 2005

I'm 22, and I hate hipsters a whole ton.

You're on the right track, lad. Now you need to start hanging out in Old Man bars and buying them drinks to hear their stories. After awhile of that, your contempt for hipsters will be complete.
posted by jonmc at 7:25 PM on July 7, 2005

So does the self-satisfaction.

Actually, self-staisfaction is precisely what I dislike about hipsters. It's the lack of same that leads me to look elsewhere for interesting things.
posted by jonmc at 7:27 PM on July 7, 2005

Man, this blog about jocks was great.
posted by hototogisu at 7:32 PM on July 7, 2005

Actually, self-staisfaction is precisely what I dislike about hipsters. It's the lack of same that leads me to look elsewhere for interesting things.

My problem is that all the hipsters have all the hot chicks and the rest of us are left with only self-satisfaction.
posted by Pollomacho at 7:42 PM on July 7, 2005

I always read self-satisfaction as masturbation, you mean it has another definition?

You what I hate? Hate. I hate hate. And in hating hate, I create more hate to hate and in so doing hate myself which makes me hate all the more until the hate locks up my jaw and then the rest of my body until I am a rigid body of hate.
posted by fenriq at 7:45 PM on July 7, 2005

I tried Hipster Dating, but it didn't work too well. When I got this one girl's phone number in the park, I flipped to my "fresh" cards and undid the clip and a breeze came by and blew all of the cards I had for all of the other girls' contact information away as well as my "Next Actions" and I looked like a real jerk chasing my cards around the park. I switched to a little black book like all the normal people have and have been successfully dating ever since.
posted by I EAT TAPAS at 7:59 PM on July 7, 2005

i eat tapas wins.
posted by keswick at 8:03 PM on July 7, 2005

lots of snippy replies

man, this post is just like a petri dish, you know?
posted by Satapher at 8:15 PM on July 7, 2005

tapas is SO over.
posted by spicynuts at 8:16 PM on July 7, 2005

is a hipster the same thing as an indiemo?

i dont even know who to hate anymore
posted by Satapher at 8:20 PM on July 7, 2005

Hate them all, Satapher, hate them all.
posted by fenriq at 9:03 PM on July 7, 2005

I don't know what a hipster is, but I guess now I would hate one if I saw one.

I mean, that is, um, if I knew what one looked like.
posted by Absit Invidia at 9:11 PM on July 7, 2005

Why hate the hipsters?

I've seen the end of hipsters, and it's not pretty. They end up suburban dads driving SUVs just like everyone else, secretly voting Republican out of fear of yet more property tax hikes, guts straining the buttons of their old cord jackets because they just don't have the time to get back to the vintage shops in W-burg to buy one that fits...

And hipster girls, forget about it. When they trade in their last "filmmaker" for their first lawyer, my heart fills with pity, although I suppose I should really be glad for them, seeing how much more filling it is to brunch on 3rd Ave. in the east 70s than it is munch bagels on the "L" train.
posted by MattD at 9:15 PM on July 7, 2005

the bums lost Lebowski
posted by Satapher at 9:35 PM on July 7, 2005

nobody messes with the Jesus.

ah, sorry. automatic response.
posted by dreamsign at 9:41 PM on July 7, 2005

I stopped paying attention to that blog as soon as I noticed that he wrote "prolly."
Although there was, of course, so much else to sigh at.
posted by Jon-o at 9:41 PM on July 7, 2005

Are "hipsters" the Beatniks' mutant grandchildren? Are "hipsters" the ones with tattoos and piercings all over, or is that something else? Is there a minumum and maximum age for "hipster"? And whatever happened to "preppies"?

The Wikipedia article is not very informative.

By the way, the main even at the real Lebowskifest is sold out. I might never meet a real live hipster now.
posted by davy at 9:44 PM on July 7, 2005

I recall being that age (early 20's I guess)
It's because young people - if they are smart - need the self sabotage to delay the big committments.

Somehow I've continued that stage into my late 20's.

Some of these do seem to ring true but the "Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen" philosophy is hardly limited by sex or archetype.
posted by jcking77 at 9:54 PM on July 7, 2005

Real hipsters wouldn't be caught dead watching the Real World, even ironicaly.

Real World viewers are properly termed "morons".

This guy dosn't know what he's talking about.
posted by delmoi at 10:05 PM on July 7, 2005

And consider this: hipster bashing is very hip. So where does that leave you?
posted by delmoi at 10:27 PM on July 7, 2005

For those of you who don't know what a hipster is check out neighborhoodies for a good example of annoying self indulgent over ironic hipsters.

Anyway hipster girls aren't hot, as can be seen by all the butt ugly neighborhoodie models that i am forced to look at on the mainpage, so I don't know what this guy is pissed about.
posted by afu at 10:41 PM on July 7, 2005 [1 favorite]

Can we agree never again to use that word? If I ever have to hear some self-satisfied dink call another self-satisfied dink a "hipster" again, I am just going to SHIT.
If you're getting all up in arms because you think some dude with a fashion mullet and a clever t-shirt seems to be getting all of your ladies, you probably need to take a close look at your own life. There are most likely PROBLEMS there.
posted by 235w103 at 11:10 PM on July 7, 2005

Hipsters also say things like *ewwww yup* and *ewwww nope* and giggle hysterically and act like it means something. If you don't giggle, you're not hip. I'm not hip.
posted by ackeber at 11:22 PM on July 7, 2005

I hate haters. Which means I hate myself. Fuck!
posted by mullingitover at 11:40 PM on July 7, 2005

Mose Allison is indeed hip, as Wikipedia states, regardless of the definition of "hipster" today. Just listening to him yesterday. And I can listen to Mose while eating a self-cooked brunch at home, and yet live something closer to the good life ideal than either one of MattD's archetypes. I'm sure of it.
posted by raysmj at 11:54 PM on July 7, 2005

If I ever have to hear some self-satisfied dink call another self-satisfied dink a "hipster" again, I am just going to SHIT.

I hate to say it, but the only people I hear referring to other people as "hipsters" are people who want to think of themselves as hip, and so have to put down the guy who's actually pulling it off (if completely artificially).

on preview (or closer read), what delmoi said.
posted by dreamsign at 12:18 AM on July 8, 2005

I'll never be good enough for them until I loose a hundred pounds.

Oh my god! He's about to set loose a hundred pounds upon us! We'll be crushed!

Idiot.
posted by nlindstrom at 1:58 AM on July 8, 2005

MattD writes "And hipster girls, forget about it. When they trade in their last 'filmmaker' for their first lawyer, my heart fills with pity, although I suppose I should really be glad for them, seeing how much more filling it is to brunch on 3rd Ave. in the east 70s than it is munch bagels on the 'L' train."

heh heh.
posted by OmieWise at 4:37 AM on July 8, 2005

Just plain sad.
posted by ZenMasterThis at 5:35 AM on July 8, 2005

what is a hipster?
posted by mcsweetie at 7:39 AM on July 8, 2005

also, do you guys hate jocks as well?
posted by mcsweetie at 7:49 AM on July 8, 2005

If I ever have to hear some self-satisfied dink call another self-satisfied dink a "hipster" again, I am just going to SHIT.

that's what all the hipsters say.
posted by 3.2.3 at 7:56 AM on July 8, 2005

Jon-o has it.
posted by gramschmidt at 9:01 AM on July 8, 2005

Since I kept the filmmaker does this cancel out the minivan? Can I still be hated?
posted by metoo at 9:40 AM on July 8, 2005

Bad writing.
posted by ludwig_van at 9:49 AM on July 8, 2005

Regarding The Real World: While this article was not very insightful or articulate, I do find it disheartening how formulaic the show has become. I know I should not expect anything more from the whore that is MTV, but at the risk of sounding sentimental, I think that the first few seasons of The Real World were a valuable resource for the vapid young kids of today. For me at least, growing up in the suburbs, I believe I actually learned something from watching the first season and observing the interaction of people from such diverse backgrounds. The Real World was kind of a useful tool in promoting acceptance, appreciation, and diversity among people who otherwise may not experience it in their everyday lives. But now the cast is made up one person times 7--the blonde, skanky college coed. This is particularly detrimental given the ghastly influence that MTV (and other youth-focused media) has on our society. Their other shows have approximately the same message of homogeneity as well.
posted by crapulent at 10:46 AM on July 8, 2005

Amen, 235w103.

Also, what's a hipster?
posted by desuetude at 6:47 PM on July 8, 2005