Brighten your day

July 13, 2005 4:08 PM

An*l Bleaching Cream... courtesy of the Village Voice. (no photos, but one would have to say, NSFW)
posted by R. Mutt (55 comments total)

Anil doesn't need bleaching!
posted by Nelson at 4:12 PM on July 13, 2005

Remember this basic rule: Bleaching + Brazils = Bodacious Bootay!
posted by DeepFriedTwinkies at 4:15 PM on July 13, 2005

I'm gonna file this under strange things rich white people do. If your a woman and your man spends so mucbh time considering your anus perhaps there are some other things we need to discuss.
posted by Rubbstone at 4:15 PM on July 13, 2005

I'm still not sure whether this started out as an urban legend or not.
posted by Armitage Shanks at 4:16 PM on July 13, 2005

I was working out the other day, and there was a show on E! network called Dr. 90210 had a whole section about a porn star going to a place called (I'm not kidding) Pink Cheeks to get her an*s bleached! You can imagine that that particular section of treadmills and stationary bikes turned oddly quiet during those 5 or 10 minutes. Here's a write-up on it from (ahem - nsfw) CQ.
posted by jasper411 at 4:22 PM on July 13, 2005

Well, I think if people would just wipe thoroughly this wouldn't be a problem.

Sorry.
posted by Decani at 4:22 PM on July 13, 2005

A writer who uses so many puns inevitably ends up making an ass of himself.
posted by clevershark at 4:22 PM on July 13, 2005

Um, jasper411: read the article linked in the FPP. It's all about Pink Cheeks.
posted by arielmeadow at 4:32 PM on July 13, 2005

I would worry about the chemicals. Think about what happens when you shoot alcohol up your ass. Oops!
posted by mrgrimm at 4:52 PM on July 13, 2005

The `parking in rear' on the Pink Cheeks sign made me smile.
posted by NewBornHippy at 5:08 PM on July 13, 2005

Courtney Cox's Asshole (discovered at Armitage Shanks' link).
posted by ericb at 5:09 PM on July 13, 2005

Come on now, who doesn't like a pretty pucker?
posted by fenriq at 5:12 PM on July 13, 2005

mrgrimm writes "Think about what happens when you shoot alcohol up your ass."

Think about it indeed!
posted by clevershark at 5:13 PM on July 13, 2005

"We've gotten a lot of orders from Texas," she says.
posted by R. Mutt at 5:16 PM on July 13, 2005

This keeps popping up in articles here and there, but I've still seen no proof whatsoever that it wasn't just made up.
posted by nightchrome at 5:24 PM on July 13, 2005

If you're displaying your butthole to enough people that you think a grooming regimen is in order...well, maybe a quiet night at home might not be a bad idea.
posted by jonmc at 5:34 PM on July 13, 2005

Clevershark: A writer who uses so many puns inevitably ends up making an ass of himself.

That would be: (Tristan Taormino) uses so many puns, she inevitably makes an ass of herself.
posted by R. Mutt at 5:36 PM on July 13, 2005

er, Tristan is (usually) a man's name, isn't it? I know two of them...
posted by clevershark at 5:43 PM on July 13, 2005

I bet this is marketed with personal ass mirrors, isn't it..
posted by Balisong at 5:49 PM on July 13, 2005

Personally, I like 'em dark. With a big ol' purple-black aureole.
posted by mischief at 6:17 PM on July 13, 2005

Balisong writes "I bet this is marketed with personal ass mirrors"

How else would you know if it worked?
posted by clevershark at 6:19 PM on July 13, 2005

This Tristan is a woman, as anyone who has read her books or seen her videos knows.
posted by matildaben at 6:54 PM on July 13, 2005

I can't say that I'm a frequent reader of the "Anal Advisor" column, so I'll take your word for it.
posted by clevershark at 6:56 PM on July 13, 2005

Yes, she is. And I'm a big fan of the butthole, but I still think that bleaching it is insane, for the same reason I don'tcare for Brazillian waxes. It's a butthole, it should look like a butthole, not an aesthetic triumph.
posted by jonmc at 6:57 PM on July 13, 2005

First I hear how Bobby Brown buys Preparation H for his tired partyin' all night EYES. Now this. I'm more and more convinced that this world is turning upside down.
posted by hal9k at 6:58 PM on July 13, 2005

Isn't anal bleaching mainly popular among laxative abusers? The laxative is what causes the anus to blacken.

I'm not sure I would want to even casually know, let alone sleep with, any man who expected his woman to bleach her anus or get a Brazilian. If he wants a plastic thing to have sex at, let him buy a Realdoll.
posted by watsondog at 7:01 PM on July 13, 2005

My ass is too damn clean!

Where can I get some of that anal browning gel?
posted by dreamsign at 7:02 PM on July 13, 2005

If you hate the thought of bunghole excema, here's an alternative idea: Paste on some fake eyelashes. Just at that magical Cialis moment, bring knees to your shoulders and squeeze a glass eye part way out. Make it rotate left and right while shouting: "WHAT'RE YOU LOOKING AT?"

Works every time!
posted by hal9k at 7:10 PM on July 13, 2005 [1 favorite]

I second Rubbstone. If you are a lady and your partner is pushing you to bleach your bottom, please visit me. We'll have good times--I don't care how pink your anus is!
posted by Anonymous at 7:29 PM on July 13, 2005

Paste on some fake eyelashes. Just at that magical Cialis moment, bring knees to your shoulders and squeeze a glass eye part way out. Make it rotate left and right while shouting: "WHAT'RE YOU LOOKING AT?"

Works every time!
posted by hal9k at 7:10 PM PST on July 13 [!]


If you have this skill, and aren't already employing it, YOU're the sucker.
posted by Balisong at 8:20 PM on July 13, 2005

Well, *aaaaahhhhhhhh* I feel so much fresher now that I've had my anus bleached and waxed. . .
Ready to take on the world, asshole first ! ! !
Yes world, tremble in fear at the sheered virginal brilliant whiteness and purity of my asshole!!!
Yeeeaaarrrrrgggghhhhhhh ! ! !
posted by mk1gti at 8:46 PM on July 13, 2005

Latest craze? Popbitch was talking about this at least one, if not two years ago. Apparently it just made its way into the Voice's social circle, though.
posted by VulcanMike at 9:26 PM on July 13, 2005

from the article:
The pinkest, happiest buttholes I've ever seen are those that have been stroked, licked, and fucked till they couldn't help but blush with contentment

I agree. Bleaching is rediculous.

Butt, Hal9k wins!

Anyone who insists on a bleached ass, doesn't appreciate ass, so deserves NO ass.
posted by Goofyy at 9:37 PM on July 13, 2005

I defy you all not to lol at this. Yeah, i thought so.
posted by theperfectcrime at 9:51 PM on July 13, 2005

Yea, I saw that E! Dr. 90210 episode on Saturday night. Tabitha Stevens was the name of the porn star who was getting it done, and the lady running the place says they got a lot of requests for the anal bleaching product. Quite interesting...
posted by SirOmega at 10:23 PM on July 13, 2005

I've got nothing against bleached holes, nor unbleached ones either, but this is a symptom of all that has gone wrong with pr0n in the 90's/00's - the producers think that people want to fark Barbie.

/that and ugly-arsed platform heels
posted by PurplePorpoise at 10:25 PM on July 13, 2005

Wait -- I thought you were talking about this.

Thanks for nothing.
posted by dreamsign at 10:25 PM on July 13, 2005

Could the words an*l retentive apply to this thread?
posted by bjgeiger at 10:33 PM on July 13, 2005

So long as you don't drop the eye, yes.
posted by vbfg at 11:44 PM on July 13, 2005

> If you are a lady and your partner is pushing you to
> bleach your bottom, please visit me.

My guess is that women don't bleach their assholes because some man wants them to. Just like with clothes, make-up, hair styles and cosmetic surgery, they do it firstly for themselves, and secondly, to impress other women.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 12:25 AM on July 14, 2005

Yes, PeterMcDermott, I see the secret's finally out: That's what we've been doing in the ladies' room all along, and why the really classy places have lounges with adjustable mirrors and padded chairs.
posted by melissa may at 12:47 AM on July 14, 2005

If this is about impressing other women, I'd love to be privy to THAT conversation...

Looks like I'd have to move to Texas
posted by Lectrick at 4:40 AM on July 14, 2005

Could the words an*l retentive apply to this thread?

Doesn't the phrase "anal-retentive" have a hyphen?
posted by marxchivist at 4:53 AM on July 14, 2005 [1 favorite]

Sherman Oaks is the porn capital of the world, so I would guess the salon the author visited caters to a very specific client base, despite the author's efforts to make anal bleaching sound like the next LiveStrong bracelet.

It's not like your corner salon is going to start providing this service...unless you live in Texas.
posted by Optamystic at 5:08 AM on July 14, 2005

Has anybody asked what Sir Mixalot thinks about all of this?
"I like bleached butts and I can't deny..."
posted by ssmith at 6:02 AM on July 14, 2005

Where can I get some of that anal browning gel?

It's easy to make yourself right at home! You can find more info here!


[Probably nsfw]
posted by Pollomacho at 6:22 AM on July 14, 2005

Pffft. Anal bleaching is sooo five minutes ago. If you hung out with us girls in the good bathrooms you would know that lately all we can talk about is botoxing our asses. Yeah all those wrinkly bits-- ewwwwh. I'm 47 years old and I have the rosebud of a 22 year old.

Anal bleaching is just one of a wide variety of new non-invasive procedures that assist in creating Total Colo-Rectal Beauty. All TCRB components help not only appearance and hygiene, but assist in restoring the lost youthful innocence, elasticity, and confidence that age and improper food choices often erase.

TCRB is not just a catchword – it’s a beautiful and natural lifestyle.

Oh poor Elvis-- he died too soon. I bet he would have been first in line to order up that new TCRB jewelry.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 7:52 AM on July 14, 2005

TCRB in a Flash
posted by Pollomacho at 8:06 AM on July 14, 2005

random observations: courtney cox's asshole

re: hyphenate an*l retentive? Without looking up the "rule," my practice would be to hyphenate it when it is used as an adjective modyfiying a noun, such as in "an*l-retentive d*ckhead" but not when used as a noun-phrase as in "any one who would sweat over wheter to hyphenate an*l-retentive is an *nal retentive."
posted by beelzbubba at 9:35 AM on July 14, 2005

Thanks for posting this. Now I don't have to use up my allotted Ask MetaFilter question.
posted by terrapin at 9:40 AM on July 14, 2005

Natalie Dee.
posted by Specklet at 12:56 PM on July 14, 2005

Isn't it your basic an*l COMPULSIVE that's going for the magic cream?

I think your average an*l retentive is in his/her natural brown state because NO ONE is ever going there.
posted by joedharma at 4:27 PM on July 14, 2005

Dude, Gawker was all over this back in 2003.
posted by deanc at 8:02 PM on July 14, 2005

Dude, you actually read gawker?
posted by R. Mutt at 11:26 AM on July 15, 2005

If this is about impressing other women, I'd love to be privy to THAT conversation...

If this is about impressing other women, I'd love to be at that party.

I didn't say that.
posted by Decani at 11:42 AM on July 15, 2005