Über die Reeling gehen!
July 20, 2005 9:30 AM   Subscribe

The world needs more pirates, bei meinem Haken! The world's pirate population is declining. As one could surmise from my previous post, this could be devestating for the environment (but possibly good for the ninja population). Either way, it's not too late to volunteer! (even if you're German)
posted by analogue (20 comments total)
I'm glad to see an FPP about a subject near and dear to my heart.

PS, my loyalty to pirates is not because pirates would win in a fight against ninjas (because they probably wouldn't), but because they are just plain cooler than ninjas.
posted by piratebowling at 9:43 AM on July 20, 2005

What are you some kind of eco-terrorist or something? Do you WANT the polar ice caps to melt just so you could have safe passage across Indonesian waters?? ARE YOU A NINJA IN DISGUISE?!
posted by analogue at 9:46 AM on July 20, 2005

Ninjas get to wear all black, use poison and stealth and are master hand to hand combatants. Pirates get to get drunk and brawl alot, shoot cannons and say "Arhhhh" all the time.

I don't know, I think its a wash. But then, the only pirate I see regularly now is Captain Feathersword on the Wiggles and that guy just bothers the holy hell out of me. Thank goodness for Tivo so I can zoom past him and not let my little boy's fragile mind be affected by him.
posted by fenriq at 9:47 AM on July 20, 2005

Did someone say "arhhhh"?
posted by brain_drain at 9:57 AM on July 20, 2005

*remains impartial throughout*
posted by NinjaPirate at 10:37 AM on July 20, 2005

Mr. Depp would be proud. But the Ninja's do have those star things...
posted by Psharden at 10:49 AM on July 20, 2005

Well, really a pirate is just a common criminal. I don't see why they would have any advantage against a Ninja at all.

In fact, Ninjas could easily be pirates!
posted by delmoi at 11:17 AM on July 20, 2005

Ninjas versus Pirates? Great care must be taken to ensure that this monumental conflict does not come to pass.

Ninjapirate, are you a pirate that has since been trained as a ninja, or, in the alternative, first a ninja that, after completing training, desired sea wenches and keelhauling?
posted by soda pop at 11:18 AM on July 20, 2005

I'm surprised you didn't save this post until Sept. 19th.
posted by alumshubby at 11:31 AM on July 20, 2005

soda pop - it was a double major
posted by NinjaPirate at 11:42 AM on July 20, 2005

ICC Commercial Crime Services - weekly piracy reports
posted by warbaby at 11:45 AM on July 20, 2005

There really needs to be some kind of UN taskforce formed to make sure that roving gangs of ninjas do not suddenly become pirates to fill this gaping hole in the ecosystem. Ninjas suddenly taking up piracy full-time? Can you imagine the consequences of this? Developing nations would suddenly be booty-less. Eyepatches would become fantastically expensive. Wild parrots would disappear from the face of the earth. Doubloons would overtake the dollar and the US would be relegated to the status of a third-world nation. Even with the one-eye thing making throwing a shuriken with any kind of accuracy that much more difficult, I think the superpowers of the world would still be hard-pressed to come up with any kind of ultra-elite fighting force tough enough to defeat these Ninja-Pirates.

Of course, there's really only one solution: GI-JOE / COWBOY hybrids. They'd give the Ninja-Pirates a run for their money, I am certain of it.
posted by luriete at 11:54 AM on July 20, 2005

Check out the maps. Pirates hunting for ships is on the rise.
posted by adamvasco at 11:59 AM on July 20, 2005

13.07.2005 at 0030 LT in position 01:13.18N - 103:34.12E, Singapore straits.
Six pirates armed and with long knives and wearing black facemasks boarded a tanker underway via a speedboat. They took hostage two duty crewmembers and tied them up. They entered accommodation and took captain, oiler and 2/E as hostages and tied them up with plastic strings. They kicked 3/O in his groin and destroyed communication equipment. They stole ship's cash, crew personal belongings and ship's property and escaped at 0045 LT. Master informed authorities.
posted by warbaby at 3:13 PM on July 20, 2005

I would become a pirate for one reason alone and that's so I could say "Plunder your booty" all the time.

Ninjas don't have cool accents or catchphrases. But they do get blowguns. Damn, I'm still torn. What dexterity do I have to have to dual-class?

warbaby, I don't know if those were real ninjapirates, it seems pretty low-tech to kick someone in the balls. Especially when they could have and should have done the Shaking Hand of Death.
posted by fenriq at 3:51 PM on July 20, 2005

By the way... what people think of as a "Pirate accent" is really just actor Robert Newton's attempt at a Cornish accent. Newton played Long John Silver in the 1950 Treasure Island and tried to talk with a Cornish accent since Cornwall was a notorious pirate's haven in the 17th century. All that "Arrrrr!" stuff we now associate with buccaneers is thanks to a single actor who wasn't so good at imitating an accent.

So on the next "Talk Like a Pirate Day" everyone raise a mug to Robert Newton. It's really "Talk Like An Actor's Bad Imitation of A Cornish Accent Day".

Thank you, try the veal.
posted by Justinian at 4:00 PM on July 20, 2005

Pirates? Ninjas? What, no Vikings?
posted by wendell at 4:00 PM on July 20, 2005

That is the best written FPP in a long, long time.
posted by zardoz at 5:05 PM on July 20, 2005

Man that's weird. I was just about to post this.
posted by Smedleyman at 10:48 AM on July 21, 2005

'Course mine was a bit more serious.
Probably wouldn't have been as entertaining.
posted by Smedleyman at 1:01 PM on July 21, 2005

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