Bad Poetry
August 3, 2005 8:42 AM   Subscribe

It's not enough that Bad Poetry exists. The internet is full of some of the Worst Verse you'll ever read. There are even sites dedicated to reviewing Really Bad poetry. Enjoy.
posted by seanyboy (29 comments total)
 
Everybody knows that the worst poetry is written by Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings. Who, of course has perished along with her writings.
posted by uncle harold at 8:50 AM on August 3, 2005


======== HAIKU TIME ========
posted by Mephistopheles at 8:53 AM on August 3, 2005


There was once a young man from Nantucket...
posted by Dipsomaniac at 8:55 AM on August 3, 2005


Oh freddled gruntbuggly
Thy micturations are to me
As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.
Groop I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes
And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles,
Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon,
See if I don't!
posted by modernerd at 8:57 AM on August 3, 2005


Bad poems
are like horses
that have eaten too many apples,
arching their bloated bodies throughout
the green, green grass of the orchard.
Then the poet has to go outside
in the middle of the night
in his stupid nightgown,
and jump on their
bellies.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 8:57 AM on August 3, 2005


Discernably not haikus. You are resisting the temptation of Mephistopheles.
posted by Mephistopheles at 9:05 AM on August 3, 2005


The only thing worse than the poems in the “Really Bad Poetry” link is the reviews.
“Yeah, what’s up with sky? He thinks he’s totally the shit but he’s not. The sky was coming down the block, and he’s all like ‘check me out, ho’ and I’m like ‘step off, scrub’ and he’s all ‘you know you want me’ and I’m all ‘as if! What is it about you that’s supposed to be so appealing?”
posted by signal at 9:05 AM on August 3, 2005


For some reason I thought the "really bad poetry" link was going to someone's personal (and earnest) LiveJournal :-p
posted by clevershark at 9:13 AM on August 3, 2005


EVERYBODY in the galaxy knows that the Vogons write the worst poetry . . .

I . . . I'm sorry. I won't do that again.
posted by secret about box at 9:16 AM on August 3, 2005


You jumped the gun by two weeks -- August 18 is Bad Poetry Day.
posted by beagle at 9:28 AM on August 3, 2005


I enjoy Professor Roy's page, but sheesh! Talk about easy targets. These Old Poems tackles bad poetry from better-known authors, and is somewhat more vicious... but all that much more entertaining.
posted by Wolfdog at 9:34 AM on August 3, 2005


Isn't ALL poetry, by its very nature, bad?
Sure, people should write poetry, but then they should have the good sense to hide all their writings under their beds and never ever be tempted to share them with anyone.
posted by cccorlew at 9:42 AM on August 3, 2005


Um, this is the worst poem I ever read.
posted by nathanos at 9:47 AM on August 3, 2005


ccorlew, your comments about the poetic arts make me
Weary, weary.

Like poison tipped barbs that enter my eyeballs making them
Teary, teary.

Like a hungry dog, you are cruel and so very very very very
Sneery, sneery.

I must console myself with wine and other beverages that are
Beery, beery.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 9:49 AM on August 3, 2005


This shit is way unhealthy.
posted by The Jesse Helms at 9:50 AM on August 3, 2005


And 'twill never make you wealthy.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 10:03 AM on August 3, 2005


The dead swans lay in the stagnant pool.
They lay. They rotted. They turned
Around occassionally.
Bits of flesh dropped off them from
Time to time.
And sank into the pool's mire.
They also smelt a great deal.

-- Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:04 AM on August 3, 2005


Any index of bad poetry omitting Maya Angelou is not quite complete.
posted by jenleigh at 10:29 AM on August 3, 2005


>Any index of bad poetry omitting Maya Angelou is not quite complete.
At this point in a TOP essay I usually diacritically mark the poem in question for such things as clichés, bad line breaks, predictable tropes. This poem- all 60 lines- is so atrocious that why should I bother? There is absolutely nothing here that is good, so I will save a little ink.
posted by Wolfdog at 10:43 AM on August 3, 2005


That's ok Mikey-San, you just me to the punch.
posted by JeffK at 10:50 AM on August 3, 2005


Beat me to the punch, that is.
posted by JeffK at 10:52 AM on August 3, 2005


The probelm with poetry is that it appears deceptively simple to write, so everyone takes a crack at it. What's even sadder is the number of "poets" who don't actually, y'know, read poetry.
posted by theinsectsarewaiting at 10:57 AM on August 3, 2005


Via bbc.co.uk, a Vogon Poetry Generator.
posted by alumshubby at 11:03 AM on August 3, 2005


Dang, modernerd! I wanted to be the first to quote a Vogon. Was that from "Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found Under My Armpit One Mid-Summer's Morning"?
posted by ObscureReferenceMan at 11:34 AM on August 3, 2005


the "really bad poetry" guy's first listed interest is "aimee mann". . . Miss "He said shut up! He said shut up!" from back in the day. (God, i'm ancient.)
posted by gorgor_balabala at 1:05 PM on August 3, 2005


This link from the LiveJournal link is horrid: a neverending flow of putrid stuff, written even as you breathe. The horror, the horror!
posted by ancientgower at 1:24 PM on August 3, 2005


I've got a friend who regularly sends me his (really very bad) poetry, but damn, the quidnunc kid, I think I'm bleeding from that one.
posted by Zack_Replica at 4:10 PM on August 3, 2005


This is so fun!
posted by Toecutter at 8:33 PM on August 3, 2005


nathanos- I don't if I should thank you for the link to the Poets for the War site, but you're right. That really was dreadful.
posted by mdbell79 at 10:19 PM on August 3, 2005


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