November 27, 2000
5:18 AM   Subscribe

The almost most rediculous item of the day.
Because, we will have a civil war over some 2 idiots that can't even lie to us right.
posted by tiaka (5 comments total)
I don't know about the rest of you,'m sort of too busy and lazy for a civil war right now. How about late spring?
posted by th3ph17 at 9:04 AM on November 27, 2000

ah, the triumph of apathy over priciple.

the story of america.
posted by will at 12:38 PM on November 27, 2000

The American Post Election Civil War Matchup Guide:

Arms Strength:

Republicans: Millions of civilians, militia, NRA members with guns and ammo. Preferred party of the Uniformed Armed Forces. Endorsed by Generals Colin Powell and others.

Democrats: Al Gore's Laser Eye.

Advantage: Republicans.

War Supply and Sustaining Resources:

Republicans: Funded by big tobacco, big beer, big oil, big insurance, big pharmaceutical companies.

Democrats: Funded by big Hollywood. Ted Kennedy drank all alcohol.

Advantage: While the Democratic army will be well entertained and theoretically have higher morale, the Republican army is well supplied by resources that actually matter - big oil, big beer, big tobacco, big medicine companies. In a short war, Democrats have the advantage, anything lasting longer than six months will be won by the Republicans. (Unless the Dems can secretly infiltrate the Republican alcohol supply and let Ted Kennedy loose.)


Republicans: Besides the significant number of recent Generals who are Republicans, the party also has the advantage of having Senators Strom Thurmond and Jesse Helms, veterans of the last American Civil War.

Democrats: Mostly draft dodgers.

Advantage: Republicans. Thurmond was named "Storm" when he rode with General Lee. He is like a Republican Yoda.

Leader's Skills:

Republicans: George Bush (both of them) can fly fighters and jump off of air planes in parachutes.

Democrats: Al Gore can take photo of war zone (as he did in Vietnam).

Advantage: Republicans. (President Bill Pullman in the movie Independence Day flew a F/A-18 Hornet. It is just more presidential to know how to fly a fighter.)

Analysis: It seems the Republicans will overwhelmingly win any civil war. Gore might as well pack up and go home.

posted by tamim at 12:55 PM on November 27, 2000

posted by tiaka at 1:12 PM on November 27, 2000

good start tamim...but you left out us "spoilers" who voted for Nader. We will take to the hills. Ever watch Red Dawn?
posted by th3ph17 at 5:03 PM on November 27, 2000

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