Making New Fake News
August 31, 2005 5:46 PM Subscribe
How the Onion Got a Facelift, and in the process offered their full news archives from 1996 to the present available online for free. The Onion A.V. Club also finds a new home.
It seems like it's just designed to expose you to more ads.
posted by VanRoosta at 5:52 PM on August 31, 2005
posted by VanRoosta at 5:52 PM on August 31, 2005
I'm thrilled to see the Smoove B archives are back up. My productivity is now plummeting.
posted by mullingitover at 5:52 PM on August 31, 2005
posted by mullingitover at 5:52 PM on August 31, 2005
Why are the section headings all implemented as flash objects?
posted by mr_roboto at 5:53 PM on August 31, 2005
posted by mr_roboto at 5:53 PM on August 31, 2005
It's about time they reopened their archives. I remember many wasted hours reading those in high school. Back when they were always funny.
posted by kyleg at 6:00 PM on August 31, 2005
posted by kyleg at 6:00 PM on August 31, 2005
I enjoyed the announcement email:
A Message from The Onion Board of Editors
Dear Reader,
Since 1931, it has been Onion, Inc.'s corporate policy to avoid written or verbal contact with the common reader. Our bylaws clearly state that exposure to the masses undermines our journalistic impartiality.
It is with great repugnance, therefore, that we communicate this necessary information directly to you this Monday, August 29, 2005.
As of today, all Onion Premium accounts have been terminated, and the service itself has been deleted from the Internet.
As of Wednesday morning, a new ad-enriched web site will debut, delighting readers like yourself with its winning combination of hard-hitting news and cutting-edge corporate sponsorship.
Sincerely,
The Onion Board Of Editors
P.S. Our undersecretaries have informed us that some of you have written confused and windy "e-mails" requesting "refunds" on the "remaining portions" of your Premium subscriptions. While we voted unanimously in favor of taking this matter to the highest courts in the land, our legal department is advising that we settle your account in the coming weeks.
posted by leapingsheep at 6:03 PM on August 31, 2005
A Message from The Onion Board of Editors
Dear Reader,
Since 1931, it has been Onion, Inc.'s corporate policy to avoid written or verbal contact with the common reader. Our bylaws clearly state that exposure to the masses undermines our journalistic impartiality.
It is with great repugnance, therefore, that we communicate this necessary information directly to you this Monday, August 29, 2005.
As of today, all Onion Premium accounts have been terminated, and the service itself has been deleted from the Internet.
As of Wednesday morning, a new ad-enriched web site will debut, delighting readers like yourself with its winning combination of hard-hitting news and cutting-edge corporate sponsorship.
Sincerely,
The Onion Board Of Editors
P.S. Our undersecretaries have informed us that some of you have written confused and windy "e-mails" requesting "refunds" on the "remaining portions" of your Premium subscriptions. While we voted unanimously in favor of taking this matter to the highest courts in the land, our legal department is advising that we settle your account in the coming weeks.
posted by leapingsheep at 6:03 PM on August 31, 2005
My all-time favorite is Roof on Fire Claims Lives of 43 Party People. (Their search isn't very good; this article wasn't in the first 60 results for "roof fire party people.")
posted by kirkaracha at 6:23 PM on August 31, 2005
posted by kirkaracha at 6:23 PM on August 31, 2005
Why are the section headings all implemented as flash objects?
They're using Scalable Inman Flash Replacement (sIFR) to replace HTML headings with Flash. It's so they can use the typeface they want for their design without having to produce graphics.
posted by kirkaracha at 6:31 PM on August 31, 2005
The site is annoyingly ugly with the little 'adblock' tabs (from the Firefox extension adblock) coming off of every Flash element.
It almost makes me wish tables were still the standard for web design.
Almost.
posted by anarcation at 6:32 PM on August 31, 2005
It almost makes me wish tables were still the standard for web design.
Almost.
posted by anarcation at 6:32 PM on August 31, 2005
My favorite: Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades
I almost bought a subscription just for this article.
posted by cmicali at 6:32 PM on August 31, 2005
I almost bought a subscription just for this article.
posted by cmicali at 6:32 PM on August 31, 2005
Yeah, I like the Five Blades one, too. I've wanted to find this one for the longest time. It reminds me of my best friend.
And a big thumbs up to the makeover. Even after they moved to New York and went big time (and sold out! *ducks*), the site design has always been quite lame. This is quite an improvement, especially the A.V. Club.
posted by zardoz at 6:45 PM on August 31, 2005
And a big thumbs up to the makeover. Even after they moved to New York and went big time (and sold out! *ducks*), the site design has always been quite lame. This is quite an improvement, especially the A.V. Club.
posted by zardoz at 6:45 PM on August 31, 2005
Aha, it's intentionally sucky. I wondered why people were linking to this fancy new design.
posted by smackfu at 6:49 PM on August 31, 2005
posted by smackfu at 6:49 PM on August 31, 2005
Luckily, you can kill the sIFR with Firefox's Adblock extension. Just block this URL: http://www.theonion.com/content/themes/onion/scripts/sifr.js
After doing that and reloading, everything moved around a pixel or so, but more importantly the suck of sIFR and the Adblock tabs all disappeared.
posted by jepler at 6:57 PM on August 31, 2005
After doing that and reloading, everything moved around a pixel or so, but more importantly the suck of sIFR and the Adblock tabs all disappeared.
posted by jepler at 6:57 PM on August 31, 2005
Whoa -- Midstate Office Supply! This was linked to off their Herbert Kornfeld page. Bad ass!
Full refund within 60 days o' purchase. Box it up like you got it originally so it ain't all fucked up when it come back 2 us. Only we ain't gonna be 2 pleased y'all wasted our time with this pussy returnin' shit. Tha H-Dog gonna remember that.
posted by rolypolyman at 7:01 PM on August 31, 2005
Full refund within 60 days o' purchase. Box it up like you got it originally so it ain't all fucked up when it come back 2 us. Only we ain't gonna be 2 pleased y'all wasted our time with this pussy returnin' shit. Tha H-Dog gonna remember that.
posted by rolypolyman at 7:01 PM on August 31, 2005
Here's a previous discussion on the pros and cons.
That brought back some wonderful memories. Hey zeek, this horse ain't dead yet!
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 7:10 PM on August 31, 2005
That brought back some wonderful memories. Hey zeek, this horse ain't dead yet!
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 7:10 PM on August 31, 2005
jepler:
Luckily, you can kill the sIFR with Firefox's Adblock extension. Just block this URL: http://www.theonion.com/content/themes/onion/scripts/sifr.js
Going a little further, you can block sIFR stupidity across the entire interweb by adding this URL to AdBlock:
*/sifr.js
And that's the end of that, thank goodness.
posted by reklaw at 7:15 PM on August 31, 2005
Luckily, you can kill the sIFR with Firefox's Adblock extension. Just block this URL: http://www.theonion.com/content/themes/onion/scripts/sifr.js
Going a little further, you can block sIFR stupidity across the entire interweb by adding this URL to AdBlock:
*/sifr.js
And that's the end of that, thank goodness.
posted by reklaw at 7:15 PM on August 31, 2005
As long as I can once again read "Our Long National Nightmare of Peace and Prosperity is Finally Over" - for free, no less - they can use whatever interface they want.
posted by yhbc at 7:23 PM on August 31, 2005
posted by yhbc at 7:23 PM on August 31, 2005
Fantastic. Now the whole world will know:
You must have my seed!
posted by Gamblor at 7:33 PM on August 31, 2005
You must have my seed!
posted by Gamblor at 7:33 PM on August 31, 2005
I hope AV Club is still in the print version. That's the best part. The rest, well, it's only good for one or two chuckles a week, max. And that's on a good week.
posted by fungible at 7:34 PM on August 31, 2005
posted by fungible at 7:34 PM on August 31, 2005
Free archives: good. Now you can read the stories from back when they were actualy funny. Like 1999.
The new design is very ugly.
posted by delmoi at 7:47 PM on August 31, 2005
The new design is very ugly.
posted by delmoi at 7:47 PM on August 31, 2005
The onion sucks, but I check in every week without fail.
The AV Club rules, but they are constantly Forcing me to watch reviewed movies that my better judgement advises me against; Garden State, Broken Flowers, etc. etc. I did like The Life Aquatic, but I guess I was the only one. Oh, well.
Savage Love rules too. It's down-right nasty at times (a good thing) and VERY informative.
posted by snsranch at 7:52 PM on August 31, 2005
The AV Club rules, but they are constantly Forcing me to watch reviewed movies that my better judgement advises me against; Garden State, Broken Flowers, etc. etc. I did like The Life Aquatic, but I guess I was the only one. Oh, well.
Savage Love rules too. It's down-right nasty at times (a good thing) and VERY informative.
posted by snsranch at 7:52 PM on August 31, 2005
Ok, I rescind my praise. You've all convinced me: Change is bad, and everything used to be better back in the good old days.
Does anyone in here ever have anything to say that isn't bitchy? Are your arms being twisted to read a free publication?
posted by Gamblor at 7:55 PM on August 31, 2005
Does anyone in here ever have anything to say that isn't bitchy? Are your arms being twisted to read a free publication?
posted by Gamblor at 7:55 PM on August 31, 2005
I did like The Life Aquatic, but I guess I was the only one. Oh, well.
That movie ruled! Garden State Seemed like scientolgest propaganda to me.
posted by delmoi at 7:56 PM on August 31, 2005
That movie ruled! Garden State Seemed like scientolgest propaganda to me.
posted by delmoi at 7:56 PM on August 31, 2005
Hmm. They seem to have somehow mixed a lot of their later Iraq war stories into the edition that should have been the first one after 9/11, so the two events now appear to be somehow connected in the readers' minds.
Coincidence? Or conspiracy????
posted by yhbc at 7:57 PM on August 31, 2005
Coincidence? Or conspiracy????
posted by yhbc at 7:57 PM on August 31, 2005
See? There's the article I was searching for - the "God Angrily Clarifies 'Do Not Kill' Rule" one - and it says it is from issue 37-34. The link to issue 37-34, however, takes you to the Iraq page I linked to above.
* goes for tinfoil *
posted by yhbc at 8:00 PM on August 31, 2005
* goes for tinfoil *
posted by yhbc at 8:00 PM on August 31, 2005
Why on earth is anyone annoyed by the flash headline fonts? They are so seamless that I didn't know what you guys were complaining about -- they look so much like images. I think they look great, though the slight refresh-display reminds you they are there.
posted by mathowie at 8:04 PM on August 31, 2005
posted by mathowie at 8:04 PM on August 31, 2005
When I try to access the A.V. Club, I get a "Forbidden: You don't have permission to access / on this server" message.
posted by Roach at 8:08 PM on August 31, 2005
posted by Roach at 8:08 PM on August 31, 2005
Here's the one that's had me on the edge of registering for Premium.
posted by rafter at 8:11 PM on August 31, 2005
posted by rafter at 8:11 PM on August 31, 2005
* patiently folds tinfoil, waits for the techie-type people to tell me it's just a database issue *
but - what if the techie-types are in on it!?!
posted by yhbc at 8:15 PM on August 31, 2005
but - what if the techie-types are in on it!?!
posted by yhbc at 8:15 PM on August 31, 2005
I don't like that they renamed "What do you think?" to "American Voices." Weak.
posted by rafter at 8:17 PM on August 31, 2005
posted by rafter at 8:17 PM on August 31, 2005
I just stayed up too late reading the Jean Teasdale homepage. Jean is my favourite thing about the Onion. She's so deeply sad and pathetic that she makes me feel better about me. So I loved her site. Her online resume and fan fiction are just a few of the highlights.
posted by orange swan at 8:55 PM on August 31, 2005
posted by orange swan at 8:55 PM on August 31, 2005
Yeah -- I'm... not thrilled with the redesign of either, really. I don't like how the AVClub looks like a completely different site, and I can't stand that they split the interviews/features up across fifty billion pages (though they do have a print link, so, you know, guess what I'll be clicking every week...). And the front page is so _busy_ now. Blegh. My reaction to it was "Oh, so they're trying to get people to subscribe to the paper version!"
Yeah, I know it's free, and yeah, I'll keep reading it every week, but still. The Onion/AVClub redesigns just keep getting worse and worse, IMHO. (What was wrong with the black-and-white AVClub site? I liked that. And the Onion used to be simple and easy to read. Gimcracks and geegaws don't automatically equal good web design.)
posted by Rev. Syung Myung Me at 8:55 PM on August 31, 2005
Yeah, I know it's free, and yeah, I'll keep reading it every week, but still. The Onion/AVClub redesigns just keep getting worse and worse, IMHO. (What was wrong with the black-and-white AVClub site? I liked that. And the Onion used to be simple and easy to read. Gimcracks and geegaws don't automatically equal good web design.)
posted by Rev. Syung Myung Me at 8:55 PM on August 31, 2005
Long-Lost Georgia O'Keeffe Watercolor Found (NSFW)
I remeber when I first read that article I was in a pizza place and two cops were sitting across from me reading the onion. They were like, "they can't put that in a free newspaper!"
posted by afu at 9:05 PM on August 31, 2005 [1 favorite]
I remeber when I first read that article I was in a pizza place and two cops were sitting across from me reading the onion. They were like, "they can't put that in a free newspaper!"
posted by afu at 9:05 PM on August 31, 2005 [1 favorite]
"Sorry!
It appears as if you’re using an unsupported Web browser. For best results, please try one of the following alternatives..."
Hmmmm... Can't use Opera (Mac). Now *that* is funny.
posted by sunexplodes at 9:16 PM on August 31, 2005
It appears as if you’re using an unsupported Web browser. For best results, please try one of the following alternatives..."
Hmmmm... Can't use Opera (Mac). Now *that* is funny.
posted by sunexplodes at 9:16 PM on August 31, 2005
My favourite, and apposite for the times:
Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 9:54 PM on August 31, 2005
Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 9:54 PM on August 31, 2005
can't find the point/counter-point "no all these horrible things will go wrong in Iraq if we invade/no they won't" one. I'm a bad archive searcher.
But all the ones y'all have pointed out have been hilarious.
posted by hackly_fracture at 10:49 PM on August 31, 2005
But all the ones y'all have pointed out have been hilarious.
posted by hackly_fracture at 10:49 PM on August 31, 2005
The August 30, message from the publisher had me laughing out loud.
I can't find my favorite story "Area bassist fellated." I searched "area," bassist" and "fellated" to no avail. As a bassist, I am offended. The search function does indeed appear to be weak, but I will reserve my final judgement, as the redesigners may still be working on it.
posted by wsg at 12:37 AM on September 1, 2005
I can't find my favorite story "Area bassist fellated." I searched "area," bassist" and "fellated" to no avail. As a bassist, I am offended. The search function does indeed appear to be weak, but I will reserve my final judgement, as the redesigners may still be working on it.
posted by wsg at 12:37 AM on September 1, 2005
My favourite headline was along the lines of "Deteriorating Pope Blessing Everything in Sight". Unfortunately the archive search doesn't seem to be everything it could be.
I loved the idea of the Vatican having to build massive underground storage areas for all the 747s JP2 had inadvertently beatified.
Google helped me find a repost of it on another forum. The link from there to the original article doesn't work, however
posted by bouncebounce at 1:08 AM on September 1, 2005
I loved the idea of the Vatican having to build massive underground storage areas for all the 747s JP2 had inadvertently beatified.
Google helped me find a repost of it on another forum. The link from there to the original article doesn't work, however
posted by bouncebounce at 1:08 AM on September 1, 2005
Two of my favorites: Super Monkey Collider Loses Funding" and I Can't Stand My Filthy Hippie Owner
posted by mosk at 1:56 AM on September 1, 2005
posted by mosk at 1:56 AM on September 1, 2005
I quite like the site. Clean and newspaper-like.
*reads the archives*
posted by flippant at 2:38 AM on September 1, 2005
*reads the archives*
posted by flippant at 2:38 AM on September 1, 2005
As a long time reader of The Economist, I was always got a chuckle out of the point-counterpoint one about the guy who had read something in The Economist, but I can't find that article right now and am too busy reading The Economist.
posted by Meatbomb at 3:24 AM on September 1, 2005
posted by Meatbomb at 3:24 AM on September 1, 2005
I really don't see the point of the flash stuff. It's just a complicated way of doing something very simple in html and css. Could someone enlighten me as to why exactly this site needs the sIFR?
the design doesn't really do anything for me, it seems too busy and cluttered.
On the plus side, I just love the Onion. I first came accross it in rural Tanzania where a Wisconsin Peace Corps Volunteer had it posted out to him. Lovely evenings over a hurricane lamp and a mosquito coil, reading bits out to each other.
posted by quarsan at 3:39 AM on September 1, 2005
the design doesn't really do anything for me, it seems too busy and cluttered.
On the plus side, I just love the Onion. I first came accross it in rural Tanzania where a Wisconsin Peace Corps Volunteer had it posted out to him. Lovely evenings over a hurricane lamp and a mosquito coil, reading bits out to each other.
posted by quarsan at 3:39 AM on September 1, 2005
Excellent. Now I can go back to analyzing the collected works of T. Herman Zweibel.
posted by Citizen Premier at 4:10 AM on September 1, 2005
posted by Citizen Premier at 4:10 AM on September 1, 2005
What fonts is sIFR used for on the Onion site? They seem to be using common ones. I disabled flash and javascript and the fonts looked exactly the same.
posted by funambulist at 5:01 AM on September 1, 2005
posted by funambulist at 5:01 AM on September 1, 2005
”Google Announces Plan To Destroy All Information It Can't Index. A year ago, Google offered to scan every book on the planet for its Google Print project. Now, they are promising to burn the rest.” Ha!
posted by Termite at 5:23 AM on September 1, 2005
posted by Termite at 5:23 AM on September 1, 2005
I'm trying to find my favorite article, "Babies are Stupid", and failing miserably.
I'm also tried to find more of Amber Richardson's articles by looking up the name of her daughter, Rywanda, and it didn't find anything (even articles where I know it was mentioned).
Sigh.
posted by gnomeloaf at 6:04 AM on September 1, 2005
I'm also tried to find more of Amber Richardson's articles by looking up the name of her daughter, Rywanda, and it didn't find anything (even articles where I know it was mentioned).
Sigh.
posted by gnomeloaf at 6:04 AM on September 1, 2005
Yeah, the search function seems to be severely crappy.
posted by Robot Johnny at 6:13 AM on September 1, 2005
posted by Robot Johnny at 6:13 AM on September 1, 2005
I'm happy to see they added their own RSS feeds. I was getting sick of the News is Free feed which was incomplete and filled with ads.
posted by clgregor at 9:24 AM on September 1, 2005
posted by clgregor at 9:24 AM on September 1, 2005
Aha! Found it, yay! Now back to reading all the fascinating articles in The Economist.
posted by Meatbomb at 10:34 AM on September 1, 2005
posted by Meatbomb at 10:34 AM on September 1, 2005
I really dislike the new design. It's way too pale, and bland. They should have left well-enough alone.
AVclub has always been my favorite part. I was surprised to read in the 'subtraction' article that it is often overlooked.
posted by Radio7 at 3:34 PM on September 1, 2005
AVclub has always been my favorite part. I was surprised to read in the 'subtraction' article that it is often overlooked.
posted by Radio7 at 3:34 PM on September 1, 2005
Yeah? I think the new design is great. So fuck you all.
posted by ghastlyfop at 9:49 PM on September 1, 2005
posted by ghastlyfop at 9:49 PM on September 1, 2005
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This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
I remember back in 98 or so, I would regularly get list mail or mail from relatives that "fell" for an onion joke, thinking it was a real newspaper site. I suspect that might happen once again with some regularity and I have come to love the new straight-faced design.
I guess I was expecting it to look slick and designy, like the AV Club site, but it works really well as a news site parody.
posted by mathowie at 5:49 PM on August 31, 2005