Douchebag Anatomy
September 28, 2005 3:27 PM   Subscribe

Douchebag.
posted by brownpau (64 comments total)

This post was deleted for the following reason: where to start? "OH NO WHAT HAVE I DONE PLEASE FORGIVE ME"



 
...
posted by loquacious at 3:32 PM on September 28, 2005


Enlightening.
posted by my sock puppet account at 3:33 PM on September 28, 2005


they go on and on and on about how pink is the gayest color that ever was, but the background is bright pink?

That aside, I hereby solemnly swear to punch Oliver in the face if I ever see him.
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 3:33 PM on September 28, 2005


Well then.
posted by odinsdream at 3:33 PM on September 28, 2005


As I type I'm in the airport ripping off my black t-shirt.
posted by Xurando at 3:34 PM on September 28, 2005


I think the douchebag is the guy that wrote that. No, scratch that, I know the author is the douchebag.
posted by teece at 3:36 PM on September 28, 2005


This is incredibly lame. What were you thinking?
posted by Malor at 3:36 PM on September 28, 2005


I don't get the douchebag=gay thing. Don't douchebags go in vaginas?
posted by mr_roboto at 3:38 PM on September 28, 2005


flagged and moving on
posted by edgeways at 3:38 PM on September 28, 2005


He forgot to add FINDS THIS PAGE FUNNY as a distinguishing trait.
posted by xmutex at 3:38 PM on September 28, 2005



posted by Armitage Shanks at 3:40 PM on September 28, 2005


#FF00FF!!!
posted by Mach5 at 3:40 PM on September 28, 2005


what's with the string of single-link, no-explanation FPPs?
posted by Parannoyed at 3:42 PM on September 28, 2005


Offensive homophobic crap, but other than that, a worthless post anyway. Flagged.
posted by cleardawn at 3:43 PM on September 28, 2005


Now's that's some reasoned discourse right there.
posted by Johnny Assay at 3:44 PM on September 28, 2005


Enough with the Tom Delay posts already.
posted by Saucy Intruder at 3:44 PM on September 28, 2005


And this is a dupe, or at least a one-step-removed dupe, too. What's next? The moshpit girl?
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 3:45 PM on September 28, 2005


Dudes. You can't flag something just because you don't like it.
posted by xmutex at 3:45 PM on September 28, 2005


What's the mosh pit girl? I wanna see the mosh pit girl.
posted by xmutex at 3:45 PM on September 28, 2005


The only insults that "author" used involved calling the guy gay or comparing him to objects that women use or body parts that are characteristic of women. Is he in middle school?

On preview, I hope to god it's fake, and regret wasting the small amount of bandwidth I did on it.
posted by muddgirl at 3:46 PM on September 28, 2005


what's with the string of single-link, no-explanation FPPs?
Seriously. Would a few extra words about the artist, possibly a link to a wikipedia entry and some personal reflections on the subject matter be too much to ask for an FPP post?
posted by Wolfdog at 3:46 PM on September 28, 2005


Offensive homophobic crap...

Agreed. Flagged. Moving on.
posted by johnj at 3:47 PM on September 28, 2005


I picked up a light pink sweater and bitches wont leave me alone when ive got it on.
posted by Tryptophan-5ht at 3:47 PM on September 28, 2005


I don't give a shit what any of these fashion faggots say, pink is not the new blue.

Great post, brownpau.
posted by rafter at 3:47 PM on September 28, 2005


Dudes. You can't flag something just because you don't like it.

I CAN FLAG WHATEVER I WANT
posted by Plutor at 3:48 PM on September 28, 2005


just for the record.
posted by Tryptophan-5ht at 3:48 PM on September 28, 2005


So wait, is Oliver a douchebag or gay? Or is this guy saying they are one and the same thing?

Is it wrong of me to hope that the site's author had his reserve unit called up and he's in Iraq trading pictures of dead people for pictures of naked women? Would that be alright because I really hope this piece of shit doesn't ever mate.

xmutex, I'm pretty sure I can flag any post I want as well and no, I won't be seeking your permission to do so either.
posted by fenriq at 3:51 PM on September 28, 2005


Don't do it fenriq. Don't you flag that post. You walk away. Take a breath. You flag that post and you're entering a world of pain, fenriq. Seriously. Don't make me be the bad guy.
posted by xmutex at 3:52 PM on September 28, 2005


Bad post but, Oliver is a hundred times cooler than the idiot with the white cowboy hat and sunglasses behind him. If the page had been about him, I'd have forgiven the single word crap post.
posted by Keith Talent at 3:53 PM on September 28, 2005


This is better.
posted by IronLizard at 3:54 PM on September 28, 2005


Hahaha, I'm going to flag your comment and make you an accomplice to my crimes!

I used to love it when my mom would say "Don't make me be the bad guy" because she didn't want to say "Don't make me be the bad girl" as that would be, you know, kind of a turnon and then I'd get all weirded out about being turned on by my mom and we'd have a long and really uncomfortable silence.
posted by fenriq at 3:57 PM on September 28, 2005


Just for the record --

Douchebag:


Scumbag:


The subject of the post is merely a garden variety assclown.
posted by QuestionableSwami at 3:57 PM on September 28, 2005


totally missable.
posted by isol at 3:58 PM on September 28, 2005


I was totally sure this was going to be another DeLay post
posted by luriete at 3:58 PM on September 28, 2005


IronLizard, Maddox does, indeed, rule. My favorite, for a long time now, has been the exceedinly politically incorrect Christopher Reeve is an asshole.
posted by fenriq at 3:59 PM on September 28, 2005


"He is, in fact, the essence of douchebag. And a gay douchebag at that."

These seem like one and the same thing to this guy.
posted by OmieWise at 4:01 PM on September 28, 2005


clean up on aisle douche please.
posted by snsranch at 4:06 PM on September 28, 2005


douché!
posted by papercake at 4:09 PM on September 28, 2005


Hmmm so much to chose from...

As soon as you were old enough to realize what your name was, you should have killed yourself.

Well Ok, that sounds reasonable. Now if every Oliver in America would just do that little thing, the world would be a better place. I wonder how the writer feels about the name "Olivia"? Just to be safe, we should find out how he feels about every name. Maybe publish it in a Big Book and make it widely available so that every pregnant mommy can consult it.

Michigan. Or Michidan. Whichever you prefer. Worst and gayest state in the union.


Color me pink surprised. I had no idea. I would have guessed either New York or California, or possibly even Florida.

Anybody think this guy might actually be from Michigan, because I'm guessing only somebody born there could have this strong a feeling about it.

You know they say that there is something for everybody on the web, so I'm thinking this is the perfect web site for the gay-hating, Michigan-hating, pink-hating, wristband hater. So if you know anybody like that, be sure to give them this address.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 4:16 PM on September 28, 2005


The real douchebag is named Matt Rositano.
posted by item at 4:16 PM on September 28, 2005


Dude, they're drinking BUD LIGHT. How totally fucking lame are these guys? Dude.
posted by fungible at 4:20 PM on September 28, 2005


Don't want to show off that hickie you got last night from that dumb slut you slipped some rufies?

How does someone unconcious on "rufies" (roofies?) give a hickie?
posted by sourwookie at 4:21 PM on September 28, 2005


This is funnier than that. Hell, this is funnier than that.
posted by kosem at 4:28 PM on September 28, 2005


I thought this post would have been deleted an hour ago. Flagged for good reason.
posted by Hanover Phist at 4:29 PM on September 28, 2005


What a Deutsche Bank!
posted by jefbla at 4:35 PM on September 28, 2005


This post is why I came to metafilter.

flagged
posted by shmegegge at 4:37 PM on September 28, 2005


I'll be the water truck. You be the vinegar truck. [simulate collision] DOUCHE!!

That said...This may be the lamest FFP I've ever seen.
posted by applemeat at 4:42 PM on September 28, 2005


Pretty much a lame version of Maddox. Wow. Color me impressed.
posted by fet at 4:46 PM on September 28, 2005


Fenriq:

I used to love it when my mom would say "Don't make me be the bad guy" because she didn't want to say "Don't make me be the bad girl" as that would be, you know, kind of a turnon and then I'd get all weirded out about being turned on by my mom and we'd have a long and really uncomfortable silence.

Too funny, Fenriq! My cousins and I would become hysterical when we were rowdy and misbehaving and our grandma would ask whether we wanted "a lickin' in the puss". ....Eewww.
posted by applemeat at 4:48 PM on September 28, 2005


Fark called. They want their link back.

(Brief note: The author is from Ohio, where they surgically insert the douche nozzle in the mouths of babies, feeding them Summer's Breeze instead of formula. Toledo is still pissed that it has to share a state with those backwards asstards. Oh, and despite the deep fear this guy has of confronting his latent urges, "gay" is not an insult. Clearly had he not been distracted by thoughts of swordfights with the pictured youth, he would have remembered that.)
posted by klangklangston at 4:49 PM on September 28, 2005


So there are morons in Ohio with a copy of FrontPage? I'd have never guessed.
posted by jonzino at 4:58 PM on September 28, 2005


Linking the word "douchebag" to that page is a little too meta for this crowd.
posted by smackfu at 5:12 PM on September 28, 2005


I'm waiting to see what Rothko says.
posted by davy at 5:19 PM on September 28, 2005


This post is so gay. It's really homo gay douche stupid.
posted by maxsparber at 5:26 PM on September 28, 2005


Heathens! The man is obviously a poet, with linguistic abilities to be envied.

As you've probably noticed, I use the term "douchebag,"
along with some variations (douche-rocket, douche-cracker, douche-nozzle, etc) a lot in describing people.


Mourn for this world, that such fecundity remains precious and rare.
posted by malocchio at 5:28 PM on September 28, 2005


The wristband worn up near the elbow. That's even more of a bag of douche than the upturned collar. What the blistering fuck is that about?
posted by Decani at 5:39 PM on September 28, 2005


What's the point of the flag feature if, whenever someone flags somethings, they need to make a comment about having flagged it?

p.s. FLAGGED

On second thought, if you say "flagged" enough, it starts to sound kind of like "flogged", in which case it kind of makes sense. You have been publicly flagged!
posted by Stauf at 5:39 PM on September 28, 2005


Of course, the tedious prigs who only posted to let you know OMG your post is so bad and by the way I'VE FLAGGED IT SO THERE OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT DELETED YET IT SUCKS SO BAAAD are waaaaay bigger douchebags than this pink-shirted wee-wee head could ever be.
posted by Decani at 5:41 PM on September 28, 2005


What's the point of the flag feature if, whenever someone flags somethings, they need to make a comment about having flagged it?

because metfilter self-polices, as well. No one but mathowie (and jessamyn, right?) can delete a post, but the rest of us can discourage bad posts.

so there.

flagged
posted by shmegegge at 5:51 PM on September 28, 2005


I rather suspect Oliver did the Wild Thing with Jessica. (Note the triumphant posture, commonly associated with post coital states in late adolescence.)

The web page creator is simply suffering from 'did she really have sex with him' angst.

"Oh no! She chose *him* over me! Perhaps she'll change her mind if I can convince her that he's gay? I'd best whip up a web page to attest to that fact immediately..."
posted by PeterMcDermott at 5:58 PM on September 28, 2005


Gay anus homo pink bad. Funny.

Flagged.
posted by Rictic at 6:00 PM on September 28, 2005


This is seriously the second or third worst post in history.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 6:02 PM on September 28, 2005


Is this fucking LiveJournal? I could of sworn it was the self righteous haven for radical liberal thought known as MetaFilter...? Damn.


I can't wait for the poster to give us great LOL's like the kid's blog that no one picks for the soccer team...we can all go and leave anonomous comments!!!111 Yeah, we'll run when the bullets start flying, but, fuck, it will be funny! Spring break!!!111
posted by mrblondemang at 6:06 PM on September 28, 2005


Hello. I would like to collar you and engage in unspeakably unchristian sex acts, hopefully involving farm animals and/or corpses.

Yours truly in unending doucheness,

-Flagged
posted by loquacious at 6:08 PM on September 28, 2005


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